So... whatâs up with this blog?
Itâs probably been relatively obvious from the last two or three posts that I never really intended to put this on hiatus for over half a year. And yet, here we are, with a harrowing â7 months agoâ hovering under that blogpost about Car Bomb... and me, not quite knowing how to move forward with this.
But one thing Iâve definitely come around to thinking is: I donât really know how many people read this, originally and still but no matter if itâs a thousand, a hundred or just one, I surely owe an explanation of what is going on with this blog and what I want to do with it. And you know what? This time around, letâs make it a bit more detailed. At the least, it might be more interesting that way.
Because hereâs the thing: even apart from the usual âa lot of stuff going on in my lifeâ-thing that every single one of us has, and which is, thus, not very informative at all, just looking at my relationship with music and the writing about it, thereâs more than just a single reason for why this blog is in the state that it is in. So letâs look at them, one by one.
1. I listened to barely any Metal for probably half a year.
Somewhere around summer of 2016, maybe a bit later, Iâm not entirely sure, I discovered a specific genre of electronic music: Synthwave. Now, some of you might think ââDiscoveredâ? Whatâs the big discovery? Everyoneâs been raving about it for ages now.â Which is true. Ever since Perturbator became well known and it was discovered that a lot of the darker, more pumping strain of that style of music is actually pretty riff-based a lot of Metal-centric blogs have been writing about it quite regularly. So itâs not like I got aware of its existence in 2016. It was rather that I got struck by it in 2016, in a way. If youâve read this blog for a while, it probably wonât sound like news to you that Iâve always had an open heart for Pop and especially Synthpop. And not only revealed my initial digging into Synthwave quite a lot of 80s retro-Pop artitsts that made seriously fucking amazing Pop music; this reveal coincided with a phase in my life that probably had me longing for a bit of calm and harmony, be it a cheesy, plus a slight feeling of oversaturation from listening to Modern Metal primarily for quite a long time. So I dug into it deeper and ended up barely listening to anything else for probably more than half a year.
What probably gave that drive more momentum was a simple thrill that this gave me that I hadnât felt in quite a long time: a genuine feeling of discovery. Donât get me wrong, I still love Modern Metal and I donât really feel that Iâm jaded but when youâve had it as your main go-to type of music for 10+ years, it is hard to listen to a new song and not immediately recognize all the common patterns. It makes it hard to get genuinely excited about anything, as, even when what youâre hearing is good, thereâs just no surprise to be had anymore. But, at least for a certain while, Synthwave could give me those surprises. It was deeply refreshing, and to some extent still is. A bit like a little throwback to when I first plunged my head into Metal, back in my teens. Not just listening to it as a diversion, but truly exploring it. Commiting to it.
And that probably awoke a certain longing in me, that leads to point two...
2. I am currently trying to get back to a more intimate connection to music.
And this had been coming, for... hard to tell honestly... probably a decade. Over the course of all of those years of listening to music and writing about it I always had a weird on-and-off relationship with writing about music. I loved it for some time and then I got incredibly fed up with it, and then I got back into it. And for a very long time I thought that it might be an effect of analytical listening interfering with my purer listening pleasures; or me getting fed up with myself for falling into certain patterns in my writing; or me thinking about formulations for texts while listening interfering with the direct music listening experience. And while all of those things are factors, Iâve come to think that they are rather symptoms of a problem a bit more fundamental. Years of keeping up with releases, lsitening to them all, writing about them, analysing music for things that I can competently write about while listening to it, completely removed my intimacy with it. Really, the very simple ability to just carve out an hour of the day, start and album, lean back, close my eyes and just listen to it, note for note, detail for detail, accidental noise foe accidental noise. Letting it sink deeply into my mind, wandering the sonic space in my headphones, slowly and carefully watching what it evokes in me. A truly commited, meditative experience of music that I knew I once had but that I had distanced myself from for years and years.
Finally realizing this, what arose in me was, obviously, the wish to reexplore music in that way. Get back to albums that Iâd listened to far too litle, far to little intensely and really commit to it, for at least an hour a day.
And Iâve been at this for months now and it has been a pretty amazing experience. Getting slowly back into a mindset of full concentration on a piece of music is refreshing in its own way. But it has its further effects, obviously. One of them being the question how I can organize my writing about music in a way that it doesnât decrease my ability to concentrate fully on a pice of music when I listen to it in the long run. And I donât think I have an answer to that yet.Â
And the second major one being me getting back into a genre of Metal that I had lost sight of for quite a long time.
3. Which has led me to get back into Extreme Metal.
I always listened to Death Metal and Black Metal and all that neat extreme stuff. But over the years, I lost a bit of sight of it and just listened to what was hot at the time on the side, far removed from my deep adoration of the Extreme sphere in my later teens. Interestingly, listening to music on my big pile of âI still have to give this a decent spinâ-candidates in a more meditation-minded way revealed to me something like an entire world I had just forgotten about. The gnarly, the skewed, the weird, the excessively harsh, the purposefully dissonant quickly turned out to be a space I so love to wander through that I struggle to remember what made me leave it in the preiphery of my vision for so long a time.
Anecdotaly, it is strangely similar to my feelings about the landscapes found in the swiss mountains. I regularly spent my summer holidays there with my grandmother when I was younger. But, getting into my earlier teenage years, I, of course, got fed up with it. Only now, almost two decades later, do I see those mountainscapes on televeision and think: âgod, I want to go there againâ, deep familarity and fascination with those forests and rock formations emerging again with a puzzling intensity. This odd combination of comfort, excitement and willingness to just lose yourself in something that you just want to wrap around yourself like a blanket.
Taking the time to walk back into the soundscapes of Extreme Metal felt a lot like that and ignited an intuitive love for the sphere that I had barely been able to remember. At least in this form. Â Â
4. Which means that Iâve basicallly barely been listening to Modern Metal for almost a year.Â
The likely effect of which is obvious. It made me get back into Extreme Metal hard. Which meant, after my long Synthwave exploration phase, another phase of barely listening to Modern Metal. Which is still ongoing, to be honest. Which leaves me in the uncomfortable and peculiar situation of having this long list of releases and bands that I truly, honestly, want to write about but that I have hardly any intuitive, immediate interest in listening to at the moment. Not ideal.
5. Combine that with a lingering wish to polish this blog up a bit.
But that is not all, as thereâs also the matter of the blog itself, coinciding with my own music-listening journey of recent time. For, again, quite some time now Iâve looked at this blog, occasionally checking back on older posts, thinking:Â âGood god, I really need to proofread thisâ. Putting it simple without going into all the small problems: If I go on with this, I want to have this blog in a state where I can be just plainly excited when it is linked by an artist, and not worried.
Which would include going through all of its posts and proofread, spellcheck, grammar-check, wording-check, link-check, overhaul, slightly expand and just polish up everything. And I feel this would be a worthy endeavour. But thereâs this lingering question of a suitable way of writing this without losing my intimate connection to the music Iâm writing about. And also something else that has been bugging me for a while.
6. Also, further combine that with thoughts about moving the blog to a more suited hosting service.
And that is: I donât really feel that tumblr is such a good platform for this style of blogging. Someone will probably read this and go: âWell, duhâ. But still being kind of a novice at blogging and also a complete autodidact in all matters digital, things like comments integration, statistics and view tracking, ease of use for long-text writing, etc. have slowly but more pressingly come into my view over time.
But this presents a new problem. If I want to overhaul and polish up this blog, it would be idiotic to do this now on tumblr, if Iâd want to migrate this blogs content to somewhere else anyway. But currently not quite knowing how deeply I am commited to the continuation of this blog, I also donât quite know if paying 5-10 bucks for a proper hoster for a blog on a wordpress-basis is actually feasible.
K. And you have a shitload of uncertainty.Â
Which leaves me... hanging, to be honest. What to do with this? I simply donât know. I want to continue but I donât know when and I donât know where. For the time being, Iâll keep this blog hanging in hiatus alongside my own uncertainties and try to figure something out.Â
I hope these explanations cleared the situation up a little bit and were at least a bit fun to read. Until next time.










