☆Just another☆ ☆Finan Fan-girl☆

We met in Wessex. She looked at me and smiled before quickly looking away, a blush warming her cheeks. To this day, I could not say why she chose to look twice.

I closed my eyes, feeling her skin on mine, and thanked God.

As I held her close, I found myself wondering the same question I had asked a hundred times before: Why?

Our home is on a small plot of land in Coccham. It didn't matter that we weren't married. It was our home together. Uhtred, Sihtric, and I had to clear a raiding party upriver. When I came home, she was sitting in the doorway, watching the river for our boat. Once we landed, I walked up the hill towards her. The moonlight danced across her face, and for a moment, I forgot every mile I'd traveled to get home to her. Everyone knew how beautiful she was. She had the eyes of an angel and a smile that could've started wars. More than once, I had to remind men that she was spoken for.

She stood up from her place and stepped towards me. Her hands cupped my cheeks, thumbs brushing the skin. "Are you alright?" she whispered.

"I'm fine," I smiled, kissing her forehead.

"You're covered in blood, Finan," she said as her hands held my sides and pulled me closer. "Come inside, get you cleaned up. I have stew cooking."

"Oh, you know I love your stew," I laughed, letting her lead me into the house.

As I rested my arm under my head, I dragged my fingers over her side gently. She hummed softly and pushed closer to me. I lifted the furs to cover her back, brushing her hair from her cheek. The question ran through my head again.

Did she not know she deserved better?

On long journeys, she would come with us, Uhtred, and the other warriors. Alfred did not like seeing her around camp, but I didn't like Alfred. It was a nice way to gloat and jest. She was in my tent, a warrior's tent, while the man who shunned her sat in his royal tent a few plots over.

We went to bargain with the Danes who had threatened war. We were gone for the better part of the day, and I was exhausted by the time we returned to camp. The conversation resulted in no change. When we rode our horses closer, we knew something had gone terribly wrong. Camp had been destroyed, raided, and burned by the Danes, whom we had just met with.

I was first off my horse, pulling my sword as I ran through the camp and towards my tent. I ran through the desecrated remains with a panic in my chest. I was screaming her name as I approached, and my heart sank when she did not speak back. I threw open the curtain and stepped inside, terrified of what I might see.

But there she was, sitting on our bed, sword in hand. Then, I saw the body on the floor. A big, ugly Dane covered in blood. Her sword was bloodied too. As I put the pieces together, she turned to me, tears in her eyes and paler than a ghost.

"Finan," she whispered, voice cracking and a sob breaking through. She stood, dropping the sword and moving towards me.

I threw my sword and grabbed her, pulling her into my chest as she sobbed. "You're alright, my love. You're alright." I kissed the top of her head, my arms holding her as she collapsed. "You're alright." I closed my eyes, letting myself breathe for the first time since we returned. She was there, and alive, and well. "You're alright," I whispered, more to myself. "Let's get you out of here."

Lying there beside her, I listened to her breathe. My fingers mindlessly drifted over her back. It was difficult to imagine life without her. Coccham would be boring and less beautiful. My bed would be cold. My heart would be joyless. I pushed the thought away as she shifted against me. Her leg slid between mine as she rotated, stomach to stomach, and her arm wrapped around me. I smiled down at her.

I began wondering, had she truly never wanted another?

When Alfred told her that he was expecting her to marry, she looked at me from across the Witan. I was beside Uhtred, hanging my head in grief at losing her. "There is an alderman in Alba whom I would like to align with," he said. I clenched my jaw, hating the idea of her being so far and with the Scots.

"No," I heard her say. I looked up at her, at how strong she stood. "Lord King, I do not wish to go to the Scots. My heart has already decided on a man…one loyal to you and England." I broke out in a sweat, and Uhtred turned to me with a smirk.

"This is your duty," Alfred said, sitting up straighter in his throne.

"I do not want that duty," she said. I was in awe as I watched her. No hesitation, no guilt, no remorse. "I renounce my claim to the crown."

"Jesus," I breathed.

"You what?" Lady Aelswith exclaimed.

"I renounce my claim to the crown, and in this court, along with my rights as a lady of Wessex." We were all bewildered. She looked at me, grinning from ear to ear. I had no idea she was planning this.

"Bastard," Uhtred laughed, nudging me with his elbow. "I wasn't aware someone could renounce everything for an arseling."

I caught Alfred's eye and thought better of saying anything. I had already disrupted his plans; best not to rub salt in the wound.

"I could have you both executed for treason," he said while he looked at me. I stood up a little straighter, trying to prepare in case I needed to fight my way out with her.

"You will not, Lord King. You will let us go amicably. I do not ask you for anything," she said. Alfred turned to Steapa and waved a hand. The huge man took a step back, and I allowed my shoulders to relax. "Thank you, Lord King."

Her palm pressed against my stomach, as if testing to see if I were still there beside her. I took a breath, taking in the scent of her. It wound around me, enrapturing me. She smelled like a winter's morning and was as sweet as the berries she had harvested. It was a smell I never wanted to lose.

Had God simply taken pity on an Irish fool?

Uhtred led a band of warriors to Lundene to protect the traders. Sihtric and I rode alongside him as we normally did, telling stories and jokes to pass the time. When we reached the crumbling city, Sihtric was immediately pulled into the alehouse by one of the Mercian whores. I laughed as I walked by, staying beside Uhtred.

"You should bring a gift home," he advised.

"I should what?" I asked, confused by the notion.

He laughed a hearty laugh. "If I do not bring Gisela a gift in the form of silver, jewels, or spices, she will not let me hump her for a week." I looked at him, hoping he said this in jest. "Find something to give to your woman, and thank me later."

I spent the rest of the day speaking with traders about their wares and what would be a good gift for a princess. They laughed, thinking I was lying through my arse, but suddenly stopped when they saw how serious I was. It all seemed hopeless as Uhtred began to tell the servants to ready the horses.

Then, I saw an old woman sitting beside a dying fire. She had a small, dark brown box placed on the log next to her. As I walked over, I hoped I wasn't disturbing her. "Excuse me," I said. She snapped up to look at me, clearly sleeping. "I'm sorry to disturb you. I was wondering what was in that box you're selling."

"Oh," she laughed, wrinkles creasing. "This old thing! I'll show you." She struggled to pry the box open. Inside, rows and rows of silver rings and armrings. "These have come from far away. I have traded with many traders for this collection. Some from the Mediterranean Sea, and some from the Silk Road."

"The Silk Road?" I said, shocked.

"Oh, aye. I met a man who sold me a ring he had traded with a man from a place called Asia. Another man traded me an armring he had bought from someone called a Moor." I stared at her, wondering if these were tall tales she was telling me. "Would you like to trade for one?" she asked.

"I would, aye, something fit for a princess," I nodded. I sat on the ground beside her. "I don't have much to trade for. I have some silver, some rings, and armrings of my own."

"Fit for a princess?" she laughed. "Are you a king?"

"No," I chuckled. "A warrior. Back home, they call me 'Finan the Agile' for how I dance with my blade."

"Well, Finan the Agile," she said as she looked through the box. "I will give you this ring for your princess for that dagger in your belt."

"Aye," I said, pulling my dagger out. I could get another.

"This ring…" She held it up between two fingers. I stared down at it, studying it. It was silver with knots and braids along it and a purple jewel in the center. "…came from Frankia. The story is that Charles the Bald had it forged for a woman he hoped to marry. She was promised to another. In his grief, he threw the ring into a crowd, and it has been traded ever since."

I looked at her, turning my head slightly. "How do you know this?" I asked.

"The gods speak to me about all of the objects I acquire," she said with a smile.

"Hmm," I said, doubting her ability to speak with the gods. It was a beautiful sight, whether the story was true or simply that. "And you want only a dagger for it?"

"Yes, lord," she nodded. I handed her the dagger, and she placed the ring in my palm. "Pleasure doing business with you."

"Thank you very much," I smiled, looking at the ring. "You've saved me a lot of grief."

As I walked back to the men, I slid the ring over my smallest finger. I could not wait to return to my little piece of heaven and see her.

The moon was bright in the sky, cascading shadows over the bed from the window. I did wish sleep would take me. There was too much on my mind for it to rest. But there she lay, perfectly content and dreaming, beside me.

In my life, I would change nothing if I could do it all again. I'd be forced into chains and led to her. I'd lose everything in Ireland and have her renounce her riches for me. I'd swear an oath to Uhtred and be fortunate to be in the same city at the same time as her. As Uhtred says, it was fate that brought me to her, and her to me.

She was perfection. She was beautiful and clever. Kind, yet stronger than most men I knew. Fiercely loyal, endlessly understanding. What did she ever see in me?

When we rode back into Coccham, I jumped off my horse and barely tied him to the post. She must have heard the horses before she'd seen us. Before I knew it, I heard running footsteps. I turned and saw her, smiling widely and holding the bottom of her skirts as she ran.

"Finan!" she squealed, leaping into my arms. I laughed and caught her, stumbling back. She was kissing me, holding my cheeks, and not caring if I dropped her. "I missed you," she said, with a certain need in her voice.

"I've only been gone a day," I laughed.

"And I missed you through it," she smiled. I set her back on her feet. She pulled me back into another kiss, earning whistles from Sihtric.

"Let's go home. We don't need an audience," I chuckled as I glared at my greatest friend.

We walked, hand in hand, and she told me about her day. She went to church, then did the washing. She bathed in the secluded part of the river and froze when she got out. The fire in the hearth nearly burned the house down, she said.

When we went inside, I noticed how clean it looked. It appeared she spent most of the day cleaning. "It looks great in here," I said, taking my belt off.

"Do you want something to eat?" she asked. "I got ale, and bread and cheese today."

"I can get it," I smiled, pushing her to the table. "You just sit. You had a long day."

"Yes, but I didn't travel on horseback," she argued as I sat her down.

"Don't matter." I kissed the top of her head and went to get the pitcher of ale. "I got you something in Lundene."

"What?" she gasped, turning to face me.

"I saw it, and I thought of you," I said, only partially lying. "Close your eyes." She smirked wickedly, then closed her eyes. I set the pitcher down in front of her and grabbed her hand. I carefully placed the ring into her palm. "There."

She looked down at her hand, and her face softened. "Oh, Finan…" she whispered. "This is beautiful." She was speechless. Holding it between her fingers, she looked at it more closely. "Thank you."

"A beautiful ring for a beautiful woman," I smiled, leaning forward to kiss her gently. She slipped it over her finger and smiled down at it. "You're happy with it?" I asked as I sat down.

"You could have brought me a lump of coal, and I would've been happy with it," she said as she stood. She settled into my lap, wrapping her legs around my waist. My hands instinctively found her waist. "You thought of me while you were gone," she said, almost breathlessly. "That is gift enough."

We moved to the bed shortly after. Before long, she was asleep beside me, her head resting against my chest. She left me awake with my thoughts of her, wondering what she was doing with the likes of me.

"Go to sleep, Finan," she mumbled. She kissed my chest gently before setting her head down once more.

"I cannot," I whispered. I brushed her hair from her cheek and stroked my fingers over the soft skin.

"Are you thinking of the battle again?" she asked.

"Something like that," I huffed.

She rolled off of me and leaned on her elbows. Reaching up, she pushed her fingers into my hair, her thumb brushing against my forehead. "I would love to know what's going on in that head of yours," she whispered.

"You," I said softly. "It's always…you." She laughed, tucking her arm back around her. "Why do you love me?" I asked her blatantly.

"What isn't there to love?" she asked, unfazed by the question. She moved closer to me, kissing me gently. "You are kind, and funny, and strong, and you protect me. You love me. You make me so happy."

"You gave up everything for me," I said. "I can't give you a yard of land, or pieces of silver."

"That doesn't matter, Finan. If I wanted that…I would have gone to Alba," she said. She was sitting now, nakedness visible only to me. The back of her hand stroked my cheek, the rings cold on my skin. "I want you, Finan. So believe that." She laughed, smiling widely as she leaned forward to kiss me. My hand went instinctively to her back, pulling her closer.

"I'll never believe it," I whispered, lips still touching hers. "You…deserved a prince, and I'm far from it." I kissed her again, pulling her on top of me. "I'll keep on wondering why."