☆Just another☆ ☆Finan Fan-girl☆

For a moment, you simply watched him. 

This place had nearly broken him once. Even if he didn’t speak much about his past, the small glimpses he had let you witness, made your skin crawl. You knew–returning here must have cost him more than he would ever willingly admit. 

Carefully, you approached.

“Sihtric?”

He turned his head. He didn’t tell you to go away, so you took it as permission and settled beside him. 

Without any warning Sihtric's hand slid behind your back, and next you were in his lap, straddling him.

Your surprised gasp crashed into his lips.

The kiss was desperate, fervent, all teeth and tongue, lips trembling like gasping for air after a lifetime of drowning. 

You kissed him back. He let out a broken, shaky sound and pulled back just as suddenly. 

“I’m sorry…,” he stammered, looking away. 

You reached for his face, cupping his jaw. His cheeks were wet.

"Sihtric,”  you brushed away a tear with your thumb. “You should be proud of yourself for coming back here.” 

His eyes met yours and for a short moment you saw again the frightened boy he had once been. Then he was gone.

"I am," Sihtric said quietly. His palm went up and cradled your cheek. "I'm proud of who I am." 

The words seemed to surprise him as much as they did you.

Hearing the glass smashing to the floor and the cries of despair, Finan nearly teleported down the stairs, he ran so fast. Fresh from the shower, he had nearly finished getting ready for his day, when the glass broke against the tile floor in the kitchen. The glass wasn't his concern, it was the shriek and cry that accompanied it.

Rounding the corner, he stood surveying the scene for a split second before jumping into action, grabbing a broom and a tea towel. Barefoot, in the middle of a broken mug and hot coffee pooling along the floor stood his Ada. Fair hair pulled away from her face, big brown eyes teary, she stood shaking as she looked at the mess around her.

“Hey sweetpea, no need to cry. It's just some coffee.” His smooth Irish accent filled the room that lingered with chaos.

“It was my last cup from the stuff Thyra bought me in New Zealand.” Ada sobbed and wiped her coffee soaked hand across her nose. “I've made such a mess.”

“No, ya didn't. It happens. I'll clean it, just don't step anywhere yet.” Finan instructed, sweeping the wet shards of mug into a pile, the tea towel on the floor to soak up the dark liquid that pooled around the corner of the island bench. “I'm sorry it was the last bit.”

“It's fine, I'll survive.” Reaching for the broom, she attempted to take it from him. “I can clean this.”

“You're barefoot, no.” Shaking his head, Finan managed to get the shards into one pile. Placing the broom against the sink, he turned back to Ada. Cheeks tear stained and eyes red, she looked miserable. With a slight grin, Finan placed his hands on her hips, hoisting her onto the island to keep her safe from the ceramic bits. “There.” he kissed the tip of her nose and smiled.

Sniffling, her bottom lip trembled and she began to sob once more.

Oh how could this morning get worse? She had wondered when the coffee went soaring through the air, landing on the floor. Blinded by her upset over the coffee, Ada hadn't realised that Finan's appearance was different.

“What's wrong? Talk to me, sweetpea.”

“You shaved.” She began to wail once again.

“Oh, sweetpea. You...” Sighing and rubbing hand hand over his freshly shaven face, Finan groaned. Last night, before they had gone to bed, he told her about his plans to shave. The thick, dark beard that he often kept, was beginning to be a bit much and he had wanted to start fresh. Allowing his face a bit of time to breathe. “Ya knew.”

“I know, but I didn't think it would be this mor-ning.” hiccups caused her to whimper.

“Okay, we need to take a deep breath.” Placing his hands on her thighs, Finan's dark brown eyes softly scanned her face. Trying to think of anything to make her smile. “What about a biscuit? We have some of the double chocolate ones.”

Shaking her head, Ada sighed through her tears. “No we don't.” sniffling again. “You ate the last one before bed.”

Nodding, Finan felt like an ass.

When the biscuits had came in from the bakery, he had brought them for Ada. Recently finding out that her job had been terminated, due to being obsolete in the company, she'd been going through a rough patch. Finan had felt that some biscuits and a nice bottle of wine would cheer her up and they had – except he had unintentionally ate the last biscuit. It had been in a small container, the same one which he'd taken in his lunch the day prior. He'd brought it home, obviously Ada had ate the one from his lunch and replaced it with the last.

Coffee pooling on the floor, hopefully not staining the tile as it was the tea towel, Finan glanced around the kitchen attempting to find something, anything to make her smile.

“I am going to clean this mess, then we are going to head upstairs. I will run you a bath, bubbles and all, while you are in the bath I will make us some fresh coffee and ya can relax with a book in bed. How does that sound?”

A bath always made her feel better.

Nodding, nose runny and eyes still red, Ada took a sharp breath.

Since losing her job, she had been desperately seeking another. A month out of work and Ada had been growing more and more concerned each day. Finan made an okay salary, but it wasn't going to be enough to sustain them. Each day she was home, once he'd left for work, she had landed herself in a spiral. Worry and anxiety of what happened, should she not find a job?

No job was too lowly, she was willing to work wherever she could.

Not even the local coffee shops had called back about her resumes. A little despairing.

Each day that passed, Ada began to feel less and less useful. Each day, by the time Finan came home, she was at the bottom, doing her best to hold it all together and not let him see the fears she held. He went to work every day, smiling and talking about how fortunate he was to love his job. Truly, nobody loved being a Year 1 Teacher more than Finan.

Watching Finan sweep the shards into a dust pan, and then walking across the kitchen to dispose of them, Ada cleared her throat. Voice shaking as she spoke.

“I'm going to cancel the wedding.”

Nearly dropping the dust pan into the bin, Finan stiffened and his body felt numb. Brain reeling for answers as to why she'd say such a thing, he slowly stood taking a second to compose himself.

“Is it because I shaved?” He had to try and make this as light as possible.

Frowning, Ada shook her head. “ I don't think we can afford that right now.” shrugging, she watched Finan slightly relax. “We can still get married, but do we need one hundred and twenty people to do it? Do we need to do it at an award winning venue?”

“I am happy to do whatever we need, to pay this off.” Finan paused, grabbing the wet/dry mop. “Sweetpea, I want ya to have your wedding.”

“I know, but I think we should be smart. Invites aren't officially sent yet, nobody has to know. I've also been thinking about cancelling our trip.”

“Not Portugal.” Finan pouted. “I didn't learn how to say : Por favor, posso ter um pastel de nata for nothing.”

Ada huffed. “If I cancel it this week, I get half of it back. We could use that money. We have rent and bills to pay, besides I paid for most of the trip.”

“Ada, we are fine for money. Let me worry about that.” Finan passed the mop over the floor, soaking up the coffee. He would scrub it a little better, once he got Ada upstairs and into the bath. Another two hours before he had to leave for work, there was time to give the kitchen a freshening up.

“But Finan, you don't understand.” Ada rolled her eyes, grumbling at him. Tears surfacing once more. Wiping the inside of her tshirt against her eyes, her body shook with sobs as she hid her face. “I feel so useless.”

Pausing, Finan stood holding onto the mop handle. Forehead resting against his hand, he drew a deep breath, slowly letting it go.

This was never about the coffee.

Or the biscuit.

Or even their wedding or a trip to Portugal.

This was about Ada and he had missed every single sign.

In the last couple of weeks, her happiness had taken a hit. What kind of a partner was he to not notice?

Finan had been so delighted that she was now able to do things she wanted, for a while, to explore new and old hobbies. Taking time out from working tirelessly, which had been nice for the first few days. How had he failed to notice that while he went off to work every day, Ada was at home, anxious for what the future was going to hold.

“Ada.” His voice was calm and his eyes gentle.

“I don't need to hear it, you always say things will be fine.” Ada huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “They're not fine, I am not fine, Finan.”

“Ada.” Finan repeated her name, as calm and collected as the first time. “Thank you, for telling me. I'm sorry that I haven't taken notice or was oblivious to how you've been feeling.”

“I...I've been trying. I wasn't sure how.” Bottom lip trembling, she sat on the island watching Finan as he finished cleaning the mess. “I didn't want you to think that I was being silly. Or that I was crazy. I was starting to feel like I was. It's a job and I hated it, for the most part, but...”

“Sweetpea, ya aren't crazy. You're scared and I wish ya had told me.” Finan held the mop in one hand, reaching out to take her hand with the other. “The world can be a scary place. I get that, but when you're scared ya need to tell me.”

“Oh god, I feel like a child.”

“Don't. Please. I can't help if I don't know that you need it. We need to be honest and that includes all feelings.” Finan leaned in, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “So, time for that bath. Then a coffee, and then we work this out together.”

“You're going to be late for work, if we try to work through this today.” Ada reached up, patting his clean shaven cheek. Stubble already starting to show. “What if I take a bath, you make coffee, and we can discuss feelings when you get home?”

“Okay, but don't do anything rash while I am at work. No cancelling weddings or holidays and please, for the love of all that is holy,” Finan smirked, “do not do anything crazy like decide to become a fan of English football.”

“I will do my best.” Eyes a little drier, a small smile spread across Ada's face. “But only if you promise to bring me back some more of those biscuits after work?”

“If it makes ya happy, I will buy the entire inventory.” Finan chuckled, giving her another kiss on the cheek. “Come on,” assisting her down from her perch on the island, Finan wrapped his arm around her waist, “let's go get ya soaking with those bubbles.”

Roughly Translated" Por favor, posso ter um pastel de nata – please, can I have a pastel de nata (custard tart)