#finan

credits:

the last kingdom

The first two days were a bit of chaos as was expected, the first night was a little less than a shit show, if anybody were to ask. Ollie had been good all day, until an hour before bedtime. Realising that he hadn't packed his favourite blanket had led to the younger son being a bit emotional. Offering every blanket they could find, none seemed good enough. At wits end, Finan was nearly in tears himself when Carys came to the rescue.

Bringing in a quilt that her grandmother had made her, as a little girl, she offered it to Ollie. Folding it up into a pillow size, she placed it beside his pillow and insisted that it was just as cosy and wonderful as his. Unsure about the flower print and the cute animals, Ollie gave in and decided to try it. Whatever worked. Snuggled into his bed, tears seeming to subside, he thanked Carys for the blanket and promised that he'd try to make it work.

Simon had been in bed before either adult could even say goodnight, no doubt wanting to be left alone, and away from his brother's drama.

Halfway through the third night, a soft knock sounded on the half open bedroom door. Finan woke, rubbing his eyes and turned on his lamp to find Ollie's face poke through the crack in the door.

“Can't sleep?” Ollie shook his head. “I can't sleep in new places, either.” Finan got out of bed, quietly checking to make sure he hadn't woke Carys. “Let's go watch tv and see if we can go back to sleep on the couch.”

Grasping Carys' quilt, Ollie followed Finan down stairs. Finan brushed his hand over Ollie's hair, sitting on the couch and getting him to join. Leaning against Finan with the blanket in his clutches, Ollie yawned.

“What should we watch?” Finan inquired turning on the tv, making sure the volume was low.

“Nothing scary.” Ollie mumbled.

“Good, I don't like scary movies either.” Finan smiled, slinging an arm around his son. “What about...” he scrolled through their options.

“I like Percy Jackson.” Ollie spoke up as Finan scrolled by the series. “Can we watch that?”

“Absolutely.” A low volume on the television, Finan turned on the subtitles, glancing at Ollie whose yawns were growing bigger. “When you were a babe, ya had a hard time sleeping.” Finan informed with a fond smile. “I would put you in the carrier and go for walks with ya.”

“Even at night?”

“Even at night.” Nodding, Finan placed the remote down on the end of the couch. “You would snuggle in and be asleep before I got half a mile, every time.”

Rubbing his eyes, Ollie's chuckle was low. “I don't think we could do that now.”

“We could try?” Teasing, Finan nudged Ollie in the side.

“Nah, I don't think ya could carry me for half a mile.” Ollie snickered, another yawn following.

In the dark room, the television played, Ollie leaning against Finan with the quilt semi pulled over him, softly snoring. Finan checked on him a couple of times, making sure he was comfortable. Despite being curled in a ball with his head on Finan's arm, Ollie seemed to be content. Leaning his head back against the couch, a move he would regret later, Finan closed his eyes and sighed.

A lot of years and memories had passed since he had been awake, in the middle of the night, with Ollie. Even more time since he had been awake with Simon. Eyes closed, Finan frowned, and sniffled. Memories of the boys as babies always left him feeling as though there was a hole in his chest that could never be mended. At least every second night, Finan would be awake, walking Ollie down the street. Back and forth, until he knew the babe was truly settled and asleep. If the weather was too wet or too cold, he would pace their kitchen for hours.

Lina was home, every day, with two young children. Needing her rest, Finan was always more than happy to take the night shifts. Whether it was feeding, changing, comforting, or illness. He was out of bed and rushing to the nursery.

During his affair, it was the one thing that didn't change at home. Finan would “work” longer hours, going in earlier and coming home late. Even telling a lie or two about picking up extra shifts on the weekends, one weekend he had lied about a conference – spending the entire weekend in bed with another woman. For the most part, when bedtime arrived, Finan was there to see the boys were bathed and in bed on time. If one of them woke during the night, he was in full dad mode.

Ollie had been so little when he'd left. At first Lina had allowed him visits on weekends, overnight at the small flat that he'd rented until he could sort things out. Eventually, the visits began to dwindle and Finan found a better paying job in England. Making the move had been the right choice, the pay was better, and he had the promise that he'd see the boys often.

Scoffing as he sat with his eyes closed, Finan swallowed the growing lump in his throat. In the past he had been an absolute arseling. No wonder his own kids hated him. Rubbing the back of his hand across his nose, attempting to hold in the tears, he sighed. The past was just that. It couldn't be changed, but they could work on the present and the future.

Carys had woke to find Finan missing. Rubbing her eyes, she smirked to find her reading glasses on the small stand beside the bed on Finan's side. An hour or so ahead, she'd gone to bed to do some reading. When she'd fell asleep with her book in hand, Finan had placed her book and glasses on his night stand. A partially open bedroom door, gave way to a quiet house.

Either the boys were in bed and Finan had gone for a run, or they'd killed one another while she'd slept. Stretching as she stepped out of bed, Carys reached for her robe and put her feet into her slippers. Quietly sneaking out of the bedroom, she glanced up and down the hall. Simon's bedroom door was shut, but Ollie's was open. Walking by, there was no sign of the youngest.

At the top of the stairs, Carys could hear a slight shuffling in the kitchen. The smell of coffee beginning to brew rising to meet her. Finan's unmistakable accent was quiet, as he carried on a conversation. Each step, she grew closer to the conversation, taking a moment to pause and listen as Finan spoke with Ollie. Their tones jovial, Ollie even giggled a bit.

Some how, Carys knew that Ollie would be the easier one to win over. He was young and impressionable. Not to mention, he hardly remembered the hurt that Finan had caused the family, when he'd made his choices. Sometimes younger children were more forgiving.

“A poison garden?” He enthusiastically asked his father. “Can we go?”

“When your brother wakes up, we'll discuss it.” Finan's answer came with a bit of a nervous laugh. “Simon will probably want to leave me in it.”

“Simon is cranky all the time. Mum says he's moody. Tom says he's a little dic-”

“Good morning!” Carys called out, the last thing she needed was for Ollie to upset his father first thing in the morning. Finan and Simon were working on their differences, but if Finan heard that another man was calling his son a dick, there would be a war before breakfast.

Passing by a scowling Finan, she pinched his chin and gave him a kiss. Licking her lips, she raised her brow and very slightly shook her head. “Don't.” she whispered. Turing to face Ollie, she turned on her warm and inviting smile. “How are you, Ollie?”

“I'm good.” Shrugging, Ollie smiled back at her. “We're going to the poison garden!”

“I said we will see, we have to wait for Simon to wake up.” Finan reminded his youngest. “Ollie, why don't ya run up and change? Get yourself ready for the day and I'll make breakfast? How does french toast sound?”

“Okay.” Ollie slid off of his seat, disappearing into the other room to grab Carys' blanket before heading to get ready for the day.

Reminding Ollie not to run or make too much noise, Simon was still sleeping, Finan turned to Carys wide eyed and slightly annoyed. “He told me that Tom thinks...”

“I heard him. Babe, don't. It's not worth being mad at some man that you don't even know.” Carys coached, pouring a cup of coffee. “Simon and Ollie are here, right now. Let's focus on the good that is going to come from this.”

“You're right, my love.” Finan huffed, turning to get a bowl to make breakfast.

“Good. You were up early, did you go for a run?” Carys asked sipping her coffee.

“Ollie couldn't sleep.” Finan explained with a shrug. “We came down around three and he was back asleep by quarter after.”

“I would have came down.” Carys ran her hand over Finan's shoulder. Passing him a mug of coffee.

“Nah, you're working today, my love. I'm home. Besides, I'm his father, it's my duty.”

“I love you, so much.”

“I love you, my love.” Finan accepted the coffee, taking a sip and letting to wash over his soul.

“So, he really likes that quilt.” Carys commented with a smile.

“Seems to. You're a saint, thank you for letting him use that.”

“Finan, baby, I want him comfortable here. It was nothing.” Carys gave him a peck on the lips and sighed. “I need to get ready to leave. Will you lads be okay here?”

“Aye, we'll manage.” Finan nodded, although he didn't entirely feel as confident as he looked. “Your breakfast will be ready to go, when ya come down. Did ya want some french toast to take?”

“Ah,” Carys paused, it did sound rather lovely, “yes! Please. I can torment Erik, with the smell. You know how he hates cinnamon.”

“Okay, no tormenting the co-workers, we need them to cover for our wedding.” Finan laughed tossing a balled up napkin in her direction, as she blew him a kiss and wandered off to the stairs.

Breakfast underway, Finan stood in his sleep shorts and tshirt, watching the french toast to make sure it didn't burn. Behind him, he could hear footsteps, turning to see the tall figure from the corner of his eyes. Finan cleared his throat.

“Coffee is ready, if you drink it?” He hadn't really paid attention to Simon's morning habits, the first two mornings, nobody saw Simon until almost noon. Coming down while Finan and Ollie were taking advantage of the pool. “We have tea, juice, milk...”

“Coffee is fine.” Simon's reply came as a typical mumble.

“Above the dishwasher, right hand side.” Finan instructed on where to get a mug.

Simon nodded and moved around his father, who was flipping a second piece of french toast into a glass container for Carys. Taking another piece from the egg and milk mixture, Finan placed it in the pan. Standing for a few seconds watching Finan, Simon reached up to retrieve a mug. Not saying another word, he grabbed the coffee pot and poured a cup of coffee.

“Sugar is in the dish. Milk is in the fridge.” Finan informed with a slight smile.

Lifting the mug of black coffee, Simon took a sip and licked his lips. Finan chuckled. “I knew ya had good taste.”

“Sure.” Simon's reply was dry.

“Do ya like french toast?”

“It's okay.”

“If ya want something else, I can make it.”

“No, it's fine. Ollie likes it more than me, but I'll eat it.” Standing by the sink, Simon gazed out into the morning. A hint of sun peeked through the grey sky.

Day Three, so far he had managed to survive. How long he wanted to keep doing this, Simon wasn't certain. Carys was okay, but Finan was – Simon hadn't quite put his finger on it. Finan tried too hard. An appropriate way of summing it up.

After seven years, why had Finan even bothered to agree? Everyone, in Simon's opinion, would have been just fine if things had been left as is. Sure, he was facing boarding school with the possibility of no return, but it would have been better than this. Ollie was growing restless at home, understandable, Simon watched as his little brother became, unknowingly, more annoying each day. A kid trying to get attention, but didn't have a rebellious bone in his body, Ollie opted to grow clingy since their new sister had arrived.

Simon was a teenager, there shouldn't be an awkward tension between him and a baby, yet there was. Since his mother had told them that she was pregnant – a conversation that happened because one of her friends had asked about her pregnancy, while Simon was present – it felt as though anything and everything Ollie or Simon said or did had in some way become a burden to her.

Hating a baby was stupid. What kind of a moron hated a baby?

Yet, every time Simon looked at her or heard her screeching like a banshee, he seemed to hate her a little more.

If asked to rank his current hatred, Simon had Finan at the top and his mother and Tom a close second.

Sipping his coffee, he sighed and rubbed his left fist against his eye. At least, if this wasn't too generous, Finan was trying. Whether it was because he cared or because he wanted to look like the hero was what Simon was unsure of.

A stack of french toast on a plate, Finan hummed to himself as he made breakfast. All in all, he was annoying with his try-hard ultimate dad routine, but Simon was slightly happy that at least here they gave Ollie the attention that he was craving.

“Good morning, Simon.” Carys greeted him with a happy sing-song tone. “Did you sleep well?”

No words, only a shrug.

Accepting the interaction, Carys' smile was kind. “When I get home maybe we could -”

Racing into the kitchen, excitedly, Ollie cut her off – unintentionally – mid thought. Enthusiasm radiating from the boy. “Simon, we're going to a poison garden!”

Carys would swear that she heard a soft, “Cool”, coming from the older boy. Pouring coffee into her orange travel mug, she offered Simon what was left in the pot.

“I said we would see. If Simon doesn't want to go, then he doesn't have to. Or, maybe he has ideas of what he'd like to do?” Finan passed Ollie three plates to put on the table. Asking him to grab forks as well.

“Nah, a poison garden is okay.” Taking another sip of coffee, Simon swore it was soothing his soul.

“Yes! It's going to be lit!” Ollie cheered careful not to throw the last fork in his hand, as he threw his arms in the air.

Laughing at the excitement, Carys placed the lid on her mug and grabbed her bag. Moving around the kitchen to properly say goodbye to Finan, she pushed a blonde curl behind her ear and smiled at him.

“You have fun, I will be home around three-thirty, but don't feel that you need to be here for me.” Carys informed giving Finan a kiss, as he passed her the container for breakfast at work. “I love you. Remember, deep breaths.”

“I love you, more.” Finan challenged, asking her to make sure Brida got the extended file on one of his clients, who was soon to be discharged from full time physio care. Promising to get Brida the file first thing, Carys blew him a kiss and waved to the boys. “That's the three of us then.”

Lost in his excitement of the poison garden, Ollie didn't seem to notice or care that Carys was gone or that Finan had placed their breakfast on the table. Instructing his younger brother to sit down and eat, Simon gave his head a subtle shake. Watching as he pointed to a chair and waited for Ollie to get settled, Finan furrowed his brow. When they weren't bickering, Simon really took care of his younger brother. Almost a second nature, the teenager would gently parent the younger sibling.

Finan felt his heart sink a tad bit, curious to know, but not willing to ask in the moment. How often and for how long had Simon been the parent? Lina had been adamant over the years that the boys were fine without their father – had they been?

Taking a seat at the table, Finan folded his hands and rested his elbows on the smooth surface, his gaze immediately landing on Simon. “Anything that you'd like to see or do? Any place that ya want to go?”

“Home?”

“Aye, well, unfortunately that's not an option today.” Reaching across to take a piece of french toast from the plate in the middle of the table, Finan shrugged.

Walking into work, Carys felt her tone shift and her body relax. Who would have thought that work would be relaxing? Placing her bag on her desk, she sighed and looked over a few notes that had been left on the computer screen via Eadith and Aldhelm. All tasks that were reasonable and doable by the end of the day. Coffee in place, Carys reached into her bag for breakfast. If she ate now, she'd have a few minutes to spare before the first client of the day.

Erik's client was the first in this morning, an older lady who had been coming back from hip surgery. A bit stern and rather cranky, the woman seemed to melt when he tall blond physiotherapist was present. Brida chalked it up to his charm and Carys would agree. Originally, the client had started with Finan, but for some reason kept complaining that he was too difficult to understand. After her third remark about the filthy Irish, Finan was happy to show her to Erik's door.

Carys took the cover off of the container, breakfast wasn't hot, nor was it too cold. Too lazy to walk around the corner to the microwave, Carys pulled out her chair and got settled. While eating, she had planned to do some paperwork.

With Finan at home, the office was some how quieter.

Mid way through her breakfast, Carys paused her eating and note taking, when Aldhelm's slender figure hovered over her desk. Working in his office, he hadn't wanted to bother her right away.

“Good morning, Alds. What's up?”

“Same shit, different sunrise.” Aldhelm rolled his eyes and forced a smile.

“Oh, it's only eight, rough day already?” Carys pushed aside breakfast for a moment.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Aldhelm shrugged. “Sort of. Aelfwynn had a melt down this morning, because Arthur touched her favourite doll.”

“I'm sorry. Sounds rough.” Carys gave him her best sympathetic look. “Aethelflaed mentioned that it's been a thing lately. I saw her yesterday at the shops, when I got off work.”

“She mentioned that.” Aldhelm smiled at the mention of his wife. She had been growing as exhausted as he was. “It seems like everything we do, Aelfwynn hates Arty more.”

“I'm in no position to give anybody advice on being a parent,” Carys chuckled and Aldhelm gave her a tired grin, “but maybe she's just needing some time? She was used to being the only child for five years, she had you guys all to herself for so long.”

“That's it,” Aldhelm's brow creased, “when she's with Aethelred, she doesn't do this and he has two other children. What are we doing wrong?”

“Well,” Carys sighed, “she doesn't see him often and to be fair, I wouldn't fight for his attention either.”

Rewarding the comment with a scoff, Aldhelm chuckled dryly. Aethelflaed's ex-husband was not Aldhelm's favourite person.

“Maybe she doesn't see him enough to care? Or maybe she is with you more and doesn't want to share?” Carys tried her best to offer any advice. “Whatever it is, I promise you, she probably won't do it forever. She's seven. At least she doesn't hate you and Aethelflaed too.”

Aldhelm nodded and hummed. “How are Simon and Ollie?”

“Ah well.” it was Carys' turn to scoff. “Ollie is sweet and very funny. Simon is...he's fourteen and was sent away to live with his estranged father.”

“Rough?”

“It's hard. I think for him and Finan. They're so much alike, they can't see it, but it's partially why they are always at odds.”

“It's only...day three? Or four?” Aldhelm questioned.

“Oh, uh...well it's not a week yet.” Carys laughed. “Although it feels like it's been a year. Honestly, I think they're good kids, but they need to find their place. I love Finan, that man means everything to me, however...” she paused and shrugged. “I feel that this is going to be a big learning curve for him. For me, too.”

Tapping his fingers against the side of Carys' desk, Aldhelm nodded and smiled wide. “If anybody can figure this out, it will be you and Finan. I mean hell, if Brida can parent...” Carys giggled. “In all seriousness, you have made me feel better. My kids hate each other, yours hate everything and everyone.”

“Happy to be of help.” Carys cheerfully replied, half in sarcasm.

“Speaking of help.” Aldhelm paused. “I am no expert, but I am happy to lend a hand in any way.”

“Finan and I appreciate that.” Carys' smile was endearing as she thanked Aldhelm.

“Okay then, carry on with your day.” Aldhelm half laughed, parting with his usual question about whether or not she had found his note. Happy with the response, he left Carys to her morning, returning to his office where a strong cup of coffee and a biscuit were waiting for him.

Retrieving her phone from her bag, Carys sent Finan a text to quickly check in. Adding that she loved and missed him, to have a great day – to try and keep it together with Simon, and to please be gentle with himself, if things didn't turn out the way he had planned in his mind.

Reading the text from Carys, promptly, Finan informed her that so far they were all alive. Reassuring that he would take her advice and be patient, he finished with a heart and tucked his phone back in his pocket.

Motivating two kids to get out the door, in a timely fashion, was more difficult than Finan had imagined. Sihtric had made it look effortless with his six. Uhtred had a tiny bit of a struggle, but that was mostly Stiorra. The girl was her father through and through, stubborn as the day was long.

“We need to get going, I've booked online, but we need to be here or we lose our spot.” Calling up stairs to the boys, who had been sent to get their jackets and come right back down. “Two minutes.”

Calling out the time warning, Finan heard a set of feet hit the floor, racing through the upper level and down the stairs. Appearing before him in the living room, Ollie stood with a jacket in hand and his Nintendo Switch in the other, for the car ride of course. Another time warning called out, Finan tapped his fingers against his thigh.

If Simon wanted to stay behind, Finan was more than happy to allow that. More than old enough to be in his own, Simon seemed responsible. Finan brushed his hand over Ollie's dark hair, flicking a small piece of lint from the top. Staring at the game device in his hand, Ollie didn't seem to notice.

“Simon, if you want to stay home...”

“I'm coming.” Simon called back, lazy footsteps trudging through the hall and down the stairs. Resentfully standing before his father, staring at his phone, Simon didn't bother to say anything else.

“Okay, do we have everything?” Finan checked to make sure he had his keys and wallet. Phone was accounted for as was his umbrella and jacket, the slight cloud coverage was enough for him to take the threat of rain. Waving his hand in front of Ollie's face, he gave his youngest a pointed stare. “Are we ready to go?”

“Huh?” Looking up at his father, Ollie blinked hard. “Oh yeah.”

Herding cats would be far easier than managing children.

Despite his best efforts, Finan found the drive silent. Neither son wanting or caring to engage. Ollie played his game, while Simon spent time on his phone. No doubt, Simon as texting his friends to inform them of how lame and annoying Finan was. Getting in his own head, Finan sighed, flipping the indicator light to make a right hand turn, he debated trying to engage the boys in conversation.

Trapped with their father, in a car, for the next forty or so minutes, Finan had the perfect opportunity to speak with them one on one. Zero interruptions. The problem being, if their conversation went south, then it ruined the entire day. Ollie was looking forward to this and Finan didn't want to be the reason something else got screwed up, yet again.

Instead he went with the casual question. “Have ya spoken with your mum?”

“I sent her a text last night.” Simon actually answered without an eye roll or a grunt. “She was busy, but said that she could call us before the weekend.”

“Ah.” Finan lifted his chin in a half nod. A half glance at the teenager in the seat beside him, Finan pressed a teeny bit more. “So should ya call her later in the evening or earlier in the day?”

“It won't matter, she'll be busy.” Simon looked up from his phone screen, eyes matching Finan's looking as though he was the smallest bit disappointed.

“New babies keep ya busy. When you were a babe, I felt like we never had time to move, because as soon as we sat down ya needed us.” He added with a hint of a smile. The memories of the boys were often happy, at the same time Finan could feel his heart breaking. “I used to love cuddling ya, while I made dinner or read. Ya were so small, I could take a nap with ya on my chest.”

Simon shifted, gazing out the window. Whatever Finan was trying to gain with his stories or the “good old days” were not going in the way he imagined. In all honesty, Simon didn't care. What did it matter now, if at one point in time, Finan had attempted to be a hands on dad?

“We had a recliner, I would lie back in to watch football or rugby.” Finan continued, checking the GPS briefly. “I'd put ya on my chest and ya'd be out in minutes. We'd be there for hours, it was the greatest being a dad. I remember the day your mum told me that she was pre-”

Simon abruptly cut him off. “Ya obviously didn't love it or us that much.”

“Look, Simon.” Finan kept his attention on driving, not daring to look over at the hurt and anger that waited for him in the passenger's seat. “I wasn't fair and I have done terrible things, I know that.”

“Okay, then it's settled. We both think you're a piece of...”

“We do.” Nodding, Finan cleared his throat. “That we do, son.”

Stunned by the admission and Finan's lack of argument on the comment, Simon sat in slight disbelief. Was he...did he...Finan agreed? No argument. No rebuttal?

Knowing better, Simon only had one question. In fairness to Ollie, he should wait until they were home and not on their way to spend the day doing something exciting – despite his lack of outward enthusiasm, Simon as pretty eager to see this garden, he'd spent a bit of time looking it up this morning. Taking a quick glance to see Ollie wrapped in his game, his headphones still on, Simon drew a deep breath.

“Finan.” His voice stayed eerily steady. “Why? Why did ya do it? And why her?”

“I uh,” Finan shrugged, he had no real answer, “Connall wasn't good to her. I guess, somewhere in my mind, I could swoop in and be better than he was at something. It was stupid and immature. At the same time, I was scared to tell your mum that I wasn't in love with her anymore. I needed a way for her to leave me.”

“Ya could have just told mum.” Simon kept his composure. This was not the answer or the conversation that he had expected from Finan. “She would have been mad, but it wouldn't have ruined life for Ollie and I.”

“I know that now.” Finan nodded. “I take responsibility for what I did. It will never change, but I do hope at some point in your life, maybe we can work on building a relationship again?”

“You left us. I don't know if I can ever be okay with that. What about Carys? Are you going to grow bored of her and go fuck Connall's new wife?” Simon felt himself growing angrier, yet again.

“Language.” Finan tried his best to sound stern. Simon refusing to have a relationship with him hurt more than anything else could in the moment. Words bitter and Finan deserved them all. “I love Carys, very much. She loves me. Kind of you to think of her feelings. Your mum and I, we were never actually in love.”

“Does Carys know? Or were ya too coward to tell her?”

“She knows. I've told her about the affair, about your mum and I. She knows that we were never in love, hell I think your mum only stayed with me because of you and Ollie.” Finan took another glance a the GPS. “Simon, I do want to sit down and talk with ya, Ollie too. I want ya to be able to ask any question and I want to be open and honest.”

“Sure, because honesty is what ya do best.”

“I deserve that, I understand. Whenever ya want, name a day and we will sit down and talk as men.” Finan gestured to the small sign on the side of the road. “Right now, we need to bring your brother back to reality, we're almost there.”

During the tour, it was almost as if Ollie and Simon were having fun. Chattering eagerly with one another about the various poison plants and what they were learning. Simon would take his phone out, every so often, taking a picture or two. Ollie would eagerly point and try not to excitedly talk over the tour guide.

In the moment, they were two brothers, on an adventure.

How Finan envied and missed such days. When he and Connall were their ages, they loved nothing more than getting to go somewhere new and being allowed to explore. For hours they would torment and talk about what they had done or saw. Finan could remember how much fun he used to have with Connall, until they grew older and started finding different interests and friends. One day, Finan woke up, and decided that he'd had enough of Connall and his behaviour – that is when it all began to go to hell.

Somehow, Finan had even convinced them to take a photo by the gates of the garden. Smiles and all. Looking at the photo, one would never be able to tell that these were two brothers who were miserable.

After they had spent time exploring the castle grounds, where the garden resided, Finan had the idea that lunch was in order. Perhaps an ice cream? Who could say no to that? As predicted, both of his boys were happy to go along with the idea. Leave it to Finan, to know the best spot for a burger and the best ice cream. A little spot not too far from the castle, where they had the greasiest burgers. Carys wasn't so much a fan, but Finan had a feeling the boys would approve.

More than approve. Half of his burger falling apart as he took another bite, Ollie declared it the best thing that he had ever had. Simon wasn't as enthusiastic but it had certainly gained his approval. Although Finan would agree with Ollie, the real treat was the homemade ice cream that was served during the summer, from the small stand beside the burger shack.

“What if we asked some friends to come by this weekend?” Finan walked along, ice cream in one hand and Ollie's jacket in the other.

“Do they have kids?” Ollie immediately perked up.

“They do. My friend Uhtred has three and my friend Sihtric has six.” Informing the boys, Finan smiled.

“Six?” Simon wrinkled his nose, looking at his ice cream in disbelief. “Why?”

“Because he and his wife wanted a big family? It's not really your business. But they have a son around your age, Uhtred and his wife have a son around your age as well.” Finan replied taking a second to catch a bit of melting ice cream, before it reached his hand.

“What about me?” Ollie looked back taking a giant lick from his ice cream.

“Uhtred has a daughter your age. Sihtric has twins that are your age, a boy and a girl.” Finan smiled, passing his youngest a napkin to wipe his chin.

“Does it matter what we think? Or are you going to invite them anyway?” Simon huffed, dragging his feet along the stone pathway.

“It matters, yes.” Finan nodded, pushing his sunglasses to the top of his head. Pausing, he turned to face Simon, nearly the same height they were almost eye to eye. “Although, I would encourage you to be open, eventually you're going to meet them. Who knows, maybe you can make some friends?”

“Good and then I can stop hanging out with you, like a baby.”

“If that is what you want, sure. But first, ya need to meet people, to make those friends.” Finan countered. “Saturday for five, they're coming over. Please, try to be in a good mood.”

“Simon is never in a good mood.”

“Fuck off, Ollie.”

“Don't.” Shaking his head, his stare firm. “Don't tell him to fuck off. In fact, for the rest of the summer, while you live with me, no more use of that word. Period. Or any other word that falls into that category.”

“Mum gets mad when he says it. Tom says it makes him look like a cheap -”

“You're mother and Tom aren't here. I respect that they have their rules and thoughts, but while we're together, let's go by the rules that Carys and I have set?” Finan gave Ollie a look of warning.

“Whatever.” Simon chucked the last of his soggy ice cream cone in a bin as they passed.

Finan sighed and tried to hide his annoyance. “Look, boys,” he looked at the melting ice cream in his hand, “I don't want to be a jerk. I want us to have a good summer, I want you to have a good summer. Can we agree that we all need to work on being better to one another?”

“I guess.” Ollie shrugged, taking a large bite from his cone.

“Simon?”

Shaking his head, Simon frowned. “You want us to be better to one another, but you're the one who constantly leaves us and who keeps fucking up? We're kids, man. We didn't ask for any of this or for you. I want to go home.”

“For right now, this is your home.” voice firm, Finan took his stand. At least he attempted to.

“Yeah, mum doesn't even want you at home. She says that you're ruining -”

“Ollie.” Scolding his youngest, for the first time, Finan had raised his voice to either of his children. “Enough!”

Shoving his brother, Simon was fuming. “Fuck off.”

“Simon.” Scolding his oldest, Finan stared in disbelief.

“What?”

“Car. We're clearly done for today. We're going home and taking a time out. When we get there, we separate for an hour and nobody speaks.” Finan demanded, pulling the keys from his pocket. “Carys may be there, when we get back, I'm going to tell her we need space. All of us.”

Oh boy, the car ride home had felt like an eternity with nobody speaking. Finan, parked the car and refreshed the rules.

Orders were simple : Walk inside, straight to your room, and don't come out for the next hour. They could do whatever they pleased during that hour, so long as nobody spoke to one another.

Stomping up the stairs, Simon didn't bother to even make eye contact as he went. At the top of the stairs, the stomping of feet paused to make way for a door slamming. Gritting his teeth, Finan would let it go, for now. Ollie stood silently in the kitchen, staring at his father, a little unsure of why he was a part of this. Gesturing to the hall where the stairs were, Finan placed the car keys on the bench and tilted his head. Silently instructing the younger boy to follow suit.

Ollie huffed and drug his feet towards the stairs, Nintendo Switch in hand, he slowly took each step at the speed of a turtle. Reaching the top, he stuck his tongue out at the closed door across the hall and retreated to his room.

Scrubbing his hands over his face, Finan wanted to scream.

In so many ways, he had brought this on all by himself.

For a fleeting moment, he had thought maybe they were making a break through. Chatting with Simon on the way to the garden, Finan had been open and honest. The father and son had been calm and rational, allowing one another to voice their feelings. Hours that had followed seemed to be relaxed and almost enjoyable. Simon and Ollie had almost looked happy during their tour.

Suddenly, something had switched. Again.

Texting Carys that they were home, but currently taking a vow of silence, Finan took his turn to go upstairs. Each foot fall felt heavier and heavier, as they often did these days. Pushing open the bedroom door, he shut it behind him, walking to the bed and falling face first into the plush mattress and soft bedding. This is where he would remain, face down, until the hour was up.

Three nights in a row, Finan had woke in a cold sweat, startled and panicked about the arrival of Simon and Ollie. Trying not to wake Carys as he came around on the third night, he settled his breathing and got out of bed. Grunting, Carys sighed and rubbed her eyes. Finan hadn't slept in days and it was going to take a toll on him before long.

“Another nightmare?”

“Aye, nerves most likely. I'm going down downstairs, you go back to sleep.”

“Do you want to talk?”

“Nah, ya need to sleep. We have to get the boys at the airport this morning, can't have ya tired my love.” Finan smiled wearily in the dark, as he opened the bedroom door and slipped into the shadows.

Silence met him on the other side, as he stepped into the hall. Passing by one of the newly redone bedrooms, he sighed seeing the once pale pink walls now covered in a colour which had been dubbed British Racing Green. The freshly painted room would be the one where Ollie spent his summer. Across the hall was the fresh colour of Black Coral. Who named these things?

Finan wasn't opposed to the mini renovation, if it helped in any way, besides the pale pink and light lavender were beginning to grow boring. Numerous times he and Carys had mentioned wanting to switch things up for the guest rooms. Now was the perfect time.

Resting against the door frame of the green room, which it would be dubbed in the future, Finan drew a deep breath. In a little under six hours, he would be collecting his sons from the airport. Seeing them face to face for the first time in seven years.

How he had let it go that long was a mystery. What kind of father did that to their children? What kind of father did any of the things that Finan had?

As terrified as Finan was over the sudden decision, he was almost as equally excited. Getting to have his boys with him, being able to see them every day, it was what he had wanted for years. Aldhelm had agreed to ten days off, five at the beginning of the visit and five at the end. In between Carys had five days off, opting to let Finan have time with the boys on his own. They would need their space and she wasn't about to get in the way.

Almost 3:30am, turning on the hall light had the potential to wake Carys. If she had gone back to sleep. Finan felt his way, carefully, down the stairs. At the bottom, as his foot touched the floor, he turned along the wall and walked three steps to the light switch, illuminating the kitchen and part of the living room. Squinting against the bright light, he rubbed his eyes, and shook off the anxiety.

Coffee.

As long as he was awake, why not? They would have to leave in four and a half hours, if they wanted to be at the airport in time for the flight. Carys had an alarm set, leaving Finan free to worry about other things. Coffee brewing, he sat at the table in the kitchen watching the clock. Scrolling a few apps on his phone, reading emails about upcoming appointments, he yawned. Scratching his bare chest, he wondered if it was too early to reply to an email about a potential new client?

Until he returned, next week, Finan's clients had been divided between Brida and Erik. Erik was an alright guy, fairly kind and he would be patient enough with some of Finan's older clients. Brida would take on the children, although Finan did wonder how terrified she would leave them. The woman was a wonderful mother, however she wasn't always fond of other children.

Surely they could manage and not scare off his clients. Carys would be in the office to keep things under control at least.

Coffee ready, Finan stood to pour a mug. Sniffing the fresh brew, he felt a bit of anxiety wash away. By the time he sat back down with his coffee, it had reappeared.

Last night, he had called Lina to make sure the boys were ready. When they landed, Finan wanted it to be perfect. Welcoming them to Bamburgh was big for him.

Keeping the conversation short, Lina had given him the flight number for the tenth time, along with when it would arrive.

Simon had been protesting since he was told the news, while Ollie had remained a bit more upbeat. Excited for a new adventure. For a minute, Ollie had spoke on the phone with Finan and Carys, expressing that he had some concerns but those could wait. Simon refused to even believe it was going to happen. What a surprise he was in for when he was woke to leave for the airport.

Finan vaguely remembered being fourteen and angry with the world, mostly his parents and younger brother. Any chance he had, Finan would wander away from home, spending time with friends or worse in the abandoned tree house that had been on their property, untouched for years. At the time he would do whatever he could to be away from home and the arguments that his parents would have.

A chip on his shoulder, Finan was cast into the world. By the time he had finished university, he was a different person – almost. Happier and saw his family less. Things ended with his parents and brother, after he had the affair, they didn't want his shame to be cast upon the family any longer.

A tiny detail that he still had to tell Carys, the woman who he'd had the affair with, was his younger brother's new wife. Like Finan, Connall had been divorced shortly after and hadn't spoken with his older brother since. Finan didn't blame Connall for not speaking to him. However, he did blame him for being a prick to his new wife. Neither brother was in the running for sainthood. Finan an adulterer and Connall who was abusive.

The past was just that.

Sipping his coffee, Finan couldn't help himself, making his way to Lina's social media, they weren't friends but he could see bits and pieces that were public. A post from three months ago of Ollie holding a baby, his smile forced as he awkwardly held her. No where could Finan find a photo of Simon and his new sister.

In a few hours they would be together, Finan's heart sped up at the thought. Over the summer, he was going to do his best to reconcile with his sons. They didn't have to be best friends, but Finan at least wanted them to like him – a little.

All morning, Finan had been tip toeing on egg shells, while feeling as though he was carrying an elephant. Any second, the shells would give way from under him and the world around him would begin to spin out of control. Carys had insisted on driving to the airport, Finan was far too nervous and distracted to even navigate backing out of the drive. Tapping his fingers on his knee the entire way, Finan had tried to distract himself by looking out the window, singing along to the radio, and keeping conversation.

Watching the spiral, Carys reached for Finan's hand as they walked into the arrivals, lacing her fingers in his she smiled sweetly and kissed his cheek. Palms sweaty and chest shaky with each breath, as he scanned the arrivals board to find the flight number that was now burned into his memory.

“Are you okay?” leaning into Finan, Carys squeezed his hand. Finan drew a sharp breath and slowly nodded. “Good. I'm sure they're going to be tired, after the early morning.”

“Hm.” Finan hummed, eyes locked on the arrivals gate.

Any minute now, the passengers from the flight would be exiting those gates. Somewhere deep in his mind, Finan had expected two little boys to come rushing towards him. Curls and missing teeth, scrapes, and sun kissed noses. Exactly how he had left them that summer, seven years ago.

Across the gate, he had immediately spotted them in a small group of people. Simon in a blue tshirt and Ollie in a red jersey. Carys knew them without even trying, it wasn't difficult to spot Finan's boys. Two, near identical, younger versions of Finan – one with a slight curl to his dark hair and the other with stick straight. Perhaps the only difference from their father. Nearly as tall as Finan, a bored looking teenager who was clearly Simon. Beside him, the jovial and bouncy Ollie.

Carys had seen so many photos, but she hadn't realised how much each boy had grown into Finan. Had Lina's DNA even tried with these two?

“Ollie, Simon!” Carys greeted them with a little wave. Finan seemed glued to the floor, unable to make a sound. “Over here!”

Pointing to the blonde lady waving and calling their names, Ollie grabbed Simon's hand in an attempt to drag his older brother to the people waiting for them. Simon begrudgingly followed his younger brother, no matter how many times he tried to explain to Ollie – this was a punishment not a summer holiday, the younger boy didn't seem to catch on.

Ollie was excited to go somewhere new and to do something that didn't revolve around being scolded for making too much noise. Who knew babies slept that much during the day? Maybe that is why she didn't sleep at night? Rushing towards Finan and Carys, happy to be off of the plane, Ollie drug Simon along with him.

“Hey boys,” Carys greeted them with a warm and welcoming tone, “I'm Carys. How was your flight?”

Simon shrugged.

“It was okay, I played Sonic on my Nintendo Switch. It went pretty fast.” Ollie explained not seeming to care that he was still holding Simon's hand.

“Which bags are yours?” Finan questioned, watching the baggage roll along the conveyor line. “Point them out, when ya see them. I'll grab them.”

So he could speak? Carys gave him an astonished look. After seven years that was the first thing he chose to say? Giving her head a slight shake, she let go of Finan's hand as he walked with Ollie to retrieve the baggage.

“Simon, you look a bit tired.” Carys stood back with the annoyed teenager. “I trust your flight was good?”

“It was a flight. The lady across from us had shitty perfume.” He mumbled and kept his head down, checking his phone.

“Ah, the joy of planes.” Carys mused. “Should we help them with the bags or?”

“Ollie knows which one is mine.”

“Okay.”

At the carousel Finan stood beside Ollie, as the boy pointed out the first suitcase. Reaching over to grab the blue case, Finan stood it upright beside him. Watching as Ollie intently watched for their second bag. Please, please, Carys begged the universe to send the other bag out soon. Excitedly, Ollie pointed to a grey suitcase, which Finan retrieved as effortlessly as he had the first. Wheeling the bags back to Carys and Simon, Carys took note that Ollie had the same posture and stride as his father. As if she were watching a copy cat, the tiny giggle escaped before she could stop it. Looking at her as if she had suddenly grew a second head, Simon scoffed.

“All set?” Carys asked when they caught up.

“We are. We only had those.” Ollie informed with a firm nod.

“Welcome to England then?” Finan stood with two giant suit cases, one on either side of him. “What do ya say, we grab a bite to eat before heading home?” his smile was hopeful. “It's a bit of a drive.”

Without a word, Simon adjusted his back pack and walked toward the exit. If these people thought they were going to get to play happy family, they were seriously misinformed.

“Simon.” Finan called, to be ignored as his oldest walked by him. “Right. Well, at least wait up. Ya don't even know what our car looks like.”

Once they got outside, they could catch up. Subtly taking a suit case from Finan's grasp, Carys wheeled it along the corridor to the exit, where she had eyes on a slightly lost looking Simon. As if he suddenly realised that he had no clue where he was going.

“He's mad.” Ollie frowned walking along beside his father, adjusting his backpack.

“Why?”

“He says that he hates Tom, he hates mum, and the new baby is stupid. Most of all, he hates England and he hates you.”

“Right.”

“That is certainly a lot of things to hate.” Carys hummed and gave Finan a wide eyed glance. Turning her attention back to Ollie, she smiled. “What about you? How do you feel, Ollie?”

“I'm a bit upset. Mum doesn't want us at home and I don't really know yas. I guess we'll see how I feel a bit later on? If that's okay?”

“Perfectly natural and more than okay.” Carys added, giving him a wink before stepping through the automatic doors to join Simon on the other side.

The short walk to the car park was silent, except for the sound of suit case wheels scuffing across the lot. Carys wheeled the grey case with ease, proudly Ollie had told her that he'd packed it himself – okay so he had a tiny bit of help. Not much though.

Unlocking the car to make room for the luggage and the kids, Carys was pleasantly surprised when Finan kissed her on the cheek and took the bag from her. Happy to have the boys on the ground, he sighed and shut the back.

“It's still early.” Carys reminded him.

“I know.” Finan nodded, opening her door on his way around the car. “Can I have the keys?”

Handing him the keys, Carys got in the car and shut the door. Both boys were in the back, neither one bothering to make eye contact. Or any sort of contact. They seemed to be settling in, the best one could, in twenty minutes.

“We should call your mother.” Finan spoke. Now, he was okay to drive, giving him something to focus on other than how much Simon hated him.

“She won't care.” Simon spoke up, sitting behind Carys.

“We're calling her, anyway.” Finan added, pulling his seat belt and clicking it into place. Before moving the car, he asked the bluetooth to call Lina. Three short rings and she had answered with a rather snippy tone, demanding to know what he needed. “I have the boys.”

“Hi mum!” Ollie called out.

“Okay, well I'm busy they know that they can text me later, if they want to.” Without another word, the line went dead and Carys scowled from the passenger's seat. Keeping her opinion to herself, as a way to be polite with Simon and Ollie present.

Giving Finan a look, she huffed and moved a stray curl behind her ear. How could he have ever married such a woman? On the other hand, had Finan been that terrible of a husband and his children that awful that Lina didn't care about any of them? Was she that stressed out over being a new mother, again, she was unable to care about her older children?

From the back, Simon grunted. “Told ya.”

“She's probably busy with the baby.” the last thing Finan wanted to do was defend Lina and her dismissal of their sons, but he wasn't going to stoop and allow the boys to see his upset with their mother. In no way was that fair or beneficial to anybody.

Moving the car into drive, Finan sighed and slowly pulled out of the parking space, checking to make sure they were clear before merging into the traffic heading for the main roads. The first half an hour was rather silent. Finan focused on driving, while Carys caught up on a few emails, Simon watched the scenery go by, and Ollie played his video game.

When they had been told they were spending the summer with their father, Simon had immediately declined. Realising that he had no other option had sent him into a deep bout of anger. Ollie on the other hand had been a bit optimistic, anything was better than being home and not being allowed to do anything,

Quietly humming, Carys reached over, softly giving Finan's shoulder a squeeze. Smiling at him, she glanced at the boys in the back seat. How much they looked like Finan was crazy, it was as if she was sharing a house with three stages of the same man.

“Aldhelm say how things were going?” Finan asked checking to make sure their exit was the next one.

“Erik has everything under control, Eadith is happy for the extra hours. He said, if you need anything, call.” Carys informed him. “Gisela sent a text, she left a care package at our place.”

“Oh god.” Finan rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Lord knows what she's left.”

“It's a box of homemade muffins and pastries.” Carys laughed lightly.

From the back, Ollie's voice echoed through the car. Taking the broken silence as his cue to speak up and ask the burning questions that had been on his mind.

“How long until we get to your house? Do ya have any pets? What about kids? Do we have to share a room, Simon and I? Do ya get Netflix?”

“Ollie, shut up.” Simon hissed at him.

“Don't tell your brother to shut up.” Shaking his head, Finan glanced briefly in the review at his oldest.

“Don't tell me what to do.”

“Simon.” Ollie scolded.

“Okay, let's just take a breath.” Carys spoke up over the father and his sons. “Ollie, to answer your questions, we will be there in about an hour. We don't have any pets, currently. You're the only kids. You will each get a room, and yes. We have Netflix.”

A quiet “okay!” rose from Ollie in the back.

“Simon, do you have any questions?” turning to look at Simon, with a warm smile, Carys tried her best to engage him.

“Why the fuck did mum send us to live with this arse for the summer?”

“Si-”

“Finan.” Carys shook her head, calmly placing a hand on his arm. Blowing up every time his son tried to get under his skin would accomplish nothing. “Well, I think maybe, she thought you'd enjoy some freedom and not losing sleep because of a newborn?”

“Freedom? Yeah, right. He still thinks I'm seven. He sent me a Ninja Turtles card for my last birthday.” Simon grunted, folding his arms over his chest.

“I like Ninja Turtles.” Finan mumbled and shrugged.

“I'm sorry, Simon.” Carys sighed, giving him a sheepish grin. “I bought the card, because I had mixed up your ages. By the time we got ready to send it, there wasn't time to get another one. Your dad told me that you'd think it was lame, but I told him to send it.”

Glancing at Carys, Finan gave her a small smile of gratitude. One tiny lie. It wouldn't hurt. Carys had covered that so well.

“Whatever.” muttering, Simon laid his head back and glanced out the window.

“Anything else that you boys would like to ask? Or know?” Finan spoke up.

“Are ya gonna be our new mum?” Ollie was certainly not shy about voicing what was on his mind.

“Uh, well, we are getting married. Next spring. If ya want to come, we'd love to have you there.” Speaking up, Finan grinned at Carys.

Carys smiled at Ollie. “But I'm not going to replace your mom. What if we look at it as having a bonus mum?”

“A bonus mum? I like it.”

“Simon, your dad told me that you like to draw and paint? We could set up a space for -”

“Not interested.” Simon shook his head. “Uh, no thanks. I um, I left my stuff at home.”

A moment of softening, Carys nodded and turned back around. For now, she'd let Simon be. Giving him a few days to settle in and sort out his feelings. Although he may not come around to Finan as quickly, she had a feeling that before the end of the month – she and Simon could reach an understanding.

Turning the corner onto their street, Finan parked behind Carys' car, as he always did, looking to find Ollie almost asleep and Simon distracted by his phone. Clearing his throat, he forced a smile as he announced that they were home. Muttering about how this wasn't his home, Simon glared at Finan. Pretending to ignore the father and son, Carys softly reached back to tap Ollie on the knee. Rousing him, she giggled when he snorted and huffed – much like waking his father.

“Huh?” Sitting up Ollie looked around, blinking and rubbing his eyes.

“We're home, Ollie.” Carys informed him, picking up his Nintendo Switch that had bounced onto the floor as he'd slept. Handing the gaming device to him, her smile was genuine.

Suit cases out of the back, Finan stretched and waited for the boys to collect themselves in the back seat. Bag on her shoulder, Carys gave him a kiss on the cheek and reached for the handle to the blue suit case. Attempting to protest, Finan pouted when she shook her head and started up the walk to the house. Slowly Ollie drug his feet, attempting to wake up, as he walked alongside Finan.

Since arriving, the soon to be eleven year old, hadn't gone too far from his father's side. Carys had taken note immediately, but knew that in all of the worry, Finan hadn't even realised that his youngest had instantly became his shadow. They even had the same gait as they walked, amusing in many ways.

Behind them, Simon drug his feet for a different reason. Texting his friends back in Ireland, explaining how lame this trip already way, he grunted as Finan held the front door for him. Insisting, to his friends, that he would be back home in less than two weeks. Certain that his father was going to be a bigger pushover, who cared less than his mother.

“Welcome, it's not much, but it's comfortable.” Carys' tone was energetic and excited. “If you'd like we can give the grand tour?”

“We'll figure it out.” Simon's tone was bleak.

“I am certain that you will.” Carys replied, her smile never wavering. “If you want to settle in, we can get suitcases put away first?”

“Uh, I might need help with mine. It's kind of heavy.” Ollie rubbed his eyes, trying to hide a yawn.

“Upstairs, you have the green room.” Finan pointed at Ollie. “Yours is the dark grey, black? I'm not sure what it is.” he shrugged, taking Ollie's case and moving it to the stairs. “Come on, you, let's get this beast into your room. What did ya pack? Your entire bedroom?”

“No, mum made us bring a lot of clothes. Almost all of our clothes. Plus I brought a few of my favourite toys.” following his father, Ollie listed off the items in his luggage.

“Simon, do you need any help?” Carys asked watching him take hold of his suitcase.

“I'm not a baby.” He glared at her with the same brown eyes as his father.

Nodding, Carys left it at that, leaving him in the hall as she went to the kitchen. On the stairs she could hear Simon carrying his suit case, each stair in the older home creaked under the extra weight. Above her, she could hear Finan and Ollie's footsteps, as Finan showed them around the top level.

On the stairs, she could hear the familiar footfalls as Finan slowly jogged down the last six steps, as he always did. Pouring a glass of juice, Carys left the bottle on the bench with three extra glasses beside it. The boys would soon be getting hungry, if they weren't already parched and starving.

Once again joined by the father and sons, Carys took a sip of her juice and placed the glass down. “Did you want to eat? Shower? Sleep? We can go out for a bit?”

“I'm starving.” Ollie spoke up rocking back and forth on his heels.

“Me too, actually.” Carys wrinkled her nose. “Do you want to help me find something to eat? Maybe later, we can discuss what you guys like for meals? It will make it easier when we're working to make sure we have lunch and dinner ready.”

“Wait are you working the whole time we're here?” Suddenly Simon seemed a tiny bit more perked up.

“Uh, no.” Finan shook his head. “I have this week off, and in a couple of weeks Carys is off, then before you leave I am off again.”

“Oh.”

“We will plan some things to do on the weekends and while Carys and I are off.” Finan informed brushing his hand over his beard. “In the meantime, you are free to do what you want, within reason, while we work.”

“But no pool!” Carys firmly stressed. “Nobody is to even go near the pool, unless Finan or I are here. Then you tell us, please.”

“I have my junior lifeguard certification.” Simon scowled.

“Which is seriously impressive.” Carys smiled. “You're still not to go near the pool, without us here. As for the other house rules...”

“No fun. No laughing, and no smiling?”

“I didn't know that you were a comedian.” Carys nudged Simon in the side. “Please, be respectful. Treat it like you live here, because you do. Keep things tidy, do chores that you are asked, and please have fun.”

“Simon.” Finan spoke, his tone firm. Simon shrunk, as if his father was going to scold him for being a smart ass. Carys was more than capable handling Simon. “Curfew is nine-thirty. Ollie, curfew is seven-thirty.”

“Why would I ever be out that late?” Ollie asked head cocked to the side, trying to decide if he liked this new rule.

“If ya make friends and they want ya to go play? Ya need to be back to this house by seven-thirty.” Finan explained with a smile. “Bedtime is no later than eleven.”

“For both of us?” Wide eyed, Ollie looked at his father in disbelief.

“Yes. Unless, I find you're not handling it. Then you will be in bed earlier. If we have something to do the next day, I advise you to make a smart decision on bedtime.” Finan continued. Neither he nor Carys minded the boys staying up later, it was summer holidays, after being shipped to England it was the least they could do for the boys. “We're really happy that you're here.”

“Sure, if you say so.”

“A new rule.” Finan spoke up over Simon. “No more walking around with a chip on your shoulder. This is a fresh start for all of us, let's make this summer enjoyable. If ya can't then it's gonna be a long road for ya.” clapping his hands together, forcing a smile. “Right, should we get something to eat and get these lads fully settled?”

One week.

The boys would be arriving in one week.

Finan had gotten the text, a day later than Lina had informed him he would.

Typical.

He had sent her multiple texts asking for flight information, to be ignored, until the following day.

Once the boys were with him, Finan felt as though maybe he could relax a little. Not likely.

By the weekend, Finan had informed his friends that his sons would be spending the summer with him. Despite knowing that Finan had two boys, his friend Osferth always seemed to forget that detail. Most of the time, he also forgot at least two of Sihtric's kids names. A feat given how often he saw them, in Osferth's defense, Sihtric and his wife had six children.

“If they get bored, send them my way.” Sihtric laughed, stretching out his legs and leaning back in his chair. “We won't notice two more.”

“Do you even know how many you have?” Osferth asked with his head cocked to the side.

“Six, we have...” Sihtric informed, quickly going through the list of children in his head. “Yeah, six. Do you think I don't know how many kids I have?”

“You're the one who just counted through them.” laughing, Osferth shrugged and smacked Sihtric in the shoulder.

“What's the excuse that she's finally sending them?” Uhtred asked, cautiously.

“They seem to be struggling with having a new sister.” Finan answered with a shrug. “Not something they have to worry about with me.”

“So you say.” Sihtric snorted.

“Trust me, I don't make babies any more.” Finan scoffed. “Carys prefers it that way.”

“Carys is okay with them coming?” Uhtred asked, glancing at Finan over his sunglasses. “Assuming that you've asked her?”

“She's the one who told me that it was a good idea, I assume that she's okay with it.” Reaching for his glass, Finan squinted against the sun as he took a drink. Beads of sweat beginning to creep out from under his hat.

Why had he agreed to go golfing? He hated golf. He was lousy at golf. The previous evening when Uhtred had called and asked if he wanted to join, Finan should have declined. Instead he had agreed, meaning he had spent the better part of his Saturday walking around the course bored out of his mind. Whatever. They had finished playing through when Sihtric had suggested lunch at the club house, along with a cold drink of two.

The current and unusual heatwave was making this trip even less pleasant. Finan hated the heat. Designed to be a cold weather man, he constantly ran too hot and was always sweating like crazy. Osferth had opted to sit outside, because inside was too stuffy and formal.

Adjusting his posture, Sihtric reached out with tattooed fingers to grab his glass, condensation coating the glass. As an older woman passed by, her glare at the athletic dark haired man didn't go unnoticed. Sihtric was used to the looks, with his curls shaved on the sides and a tattoo that ran from his temple around to his neck. Charming, as always, he smiled at the lady.

“Lovely day, ma'am.” He gave her a nod and a wink. Two different coloured eyes full of mirth.

Osferth tried to hide his snort of laughter, as the woman mumbled something before scurrying after her friend. “Well then.”

“Ah, it will give her something to talk about.” Sihtric shrugged. “Do you think the boys will enjoy it here?”

Looking off into the distance, Finan shrugged. “I have no idea. The last time I saw them, we flew a kite at the beach, and then went home because Simon dropped his ice cream in the sand.”

“A fond memory.” Uhtred adjusted his sunglasses on top of his head. Cool blue eyes watching Finan, he scratched the back of his freshly shaved head, long thick hair was great until the summer heat came. If he kept part of his hair shaved, like Sihtric, it made having long hair nicer.

“I suppose. I worry that they're going to hate it.” Confessing his fears, Finan frowned.

Running a hand through his short blond hair, Osferth scowled, blue eyes narrowing in thought. The clean cut looking Englishman, often mistaken for a teenager at the ripe age of thirty, was about to embed his wisdom on the older men. Placing his empty glass beside his empty plate, Osferth softly sighed.

“I doubt they will hate you. Bamburgh, maybe. It's not really a happening or hip spot.”

“They're teenagers, they're going to hate you and Bamburgh.” Offering his advice as a father, with children similar in age, Uhtred smirked at his friend. “The good news is, you have Carys, there is a small chance they may actually like her.”

“She's pretty likable.” Agreeing, Sihtric finished his drink and placed the glass down. “We're here to help, seriously. Whatever you need, ask.”

“I appreciate that.” Finan gave him a nod. “So, when can I drop them off for the summer, with ya?”

Laughing, in good nature, about Finan's hesitancy over his sons coming to visit, Sihtric added one final piece of advice before declaring it was time to get out of the sun. There were six kids at home and he had to chauffeur the twins to a friend's birthday party this afternoon.

“Finan, it's like this, you know the mistakes that you have made. It's been long enough that there will be questions. Answer them with open honesty and humility. Talk to them about whatever it is they ask, the same way that you would with us or Carys. They need honesty and to know that you love them.”

Sihtric offered his parting words, with a firm nod as he moved his chair back from the table. Since he had picked Osferth up along the way, the younger man wished Finan well and gave a wave to Uhtred.

Leaning back in his chair, Uhtred looked at his phone. Two texts from Gisela asking if he could pick up their daughter, from her dance class this afternoon. Stiorra was the same age as Finan's yongest, Uhtred knew that for fact. Young Uhtred as his eldest son had been deemed, was a year younger than Simon. Coming in at seven years old was Osbert, Uhtred and Gisela's youngest. With a bit of luck and good timing, to ease Finan's mind, Uhtred was hopeful that his children would be welcoming enough to make the other boys feel at ease over the summer.

Informing his wife that he was about to leave, he would stop to grab the eggs she needed and their daughter before coming home. Tomorrow he had a full day with an open house, maybe one day Uhtred would retire from real estate? Unlikely, but he could dream.

“Do you want me to tell the kids about this?” He moved partially from the table, pausing to ask Finan the question.

“About Simon and Ollie?”

Uhtred nodded. Explaining that he could tell his kids, to prepare them, and maybe get some ideas or a perspective on this from kids in the same age range.

“Please. I would appreciate that. Once the boys are here and settled, ya will have to come over for dinner and a swim maybe?”

“We'd really like that. I'm sure Gisela would agree.” Standing from the table, Uhtred picked up his phone and fished out his keys. “Tell Carys that we love her, we wish you both the best of luck. I think you know that it's going to be fine, though.”

Would it be fine?

Everybody had the same outlook, everything would be fine, once the boys arrived.

Finan wanted to believe them, but could he?

Were things going to be fine? Were things going to work out? Were his sons going to magically settle in, having the best summer of their lives? Doubtful.

Driving home, Finan couldn't help but notice the abundance of families that suddenly seemed to appear. Over the last few days, it seemed as though everywhere he went the world was taunting him. Happy, on the outside, families with joyful looking kids and parents who looked as if they had never seen a bit of worry.

Meanwhile, he felt as though he was being eaten from the inside out, as he stressed about having his sons.

The nagging feeling that this was some sort of terrible mistake kept following Finan.

As if it were a sick joke. One where Lina had gotten his hopes up, only to tell him later that there was never an intention to send the boys to him. Or worse, they arrived, took one look at him and wanted to get back on the plane to Ireland. If that happened, he couldn't blame them.

He had, not always by choice, been absent for most of their young lives.

What he wouldn't give to go back in time, to see them as babies once again. Watching them grow, to be more involved. To teach them how to ride a bike, or throw a ball, or seeing them lose their first tooth. Finan had missed so much.

Parking his car on the curb, behind Carys' he cut the engine and sat for a moment. Self pity and embarrassment creeping in. How was he to face his children, if he couldn't provide them with a single decent answer as to why he threw it away?

If he could go back, the first thing he would have done, was skip having an affair. If he could go back, Finan would have been a better man and told Lina how he had felt. Instead he had wasted time and ruined lives. Details of his affair still haunted him, although Carys had known a large chunk, there were still a few things that Finan had been far too ashamed to tell her.

One day.

No. Today.

Opening the car door, he stepped out into the warm sunshine.

His mission : find Carys and tell her every last, terrible, and disgusting detail of his affair. If she packed her things and ran away, then it was another cross in which he would bear.

Finan had a thing for self destruction. Or so it would seem.

One evening, after a few drinks, he had opened up to Uhtred. Confiding in his friend, every detail, every regret that he'd made in life, in marriage, and as being a father. Never one to judge, Uhtred had listened, summing up what his friend had told him with one statement.

“If you love Carys, then tell her sooner rather than later. She deserves to know.”

It was then that Finan should have came home and told her. Not three years later and not simply because they were frantically trying to sort their lives out to be instant parents, to estranged sons.

Inhaling Finan locked the car and straightened himself out.

In his gut he knew this was bad. In his heart, it was the only way.

Whatever she said or did, he would take it and he would have no opinion of her actions. Whatever he received, he deserved.

Walking in to find the house silent, Finan frowned. Unless she had gone with somebody else or had taken a walk, Carys should be here. Wandering through to the kitchen, Finan felt his stomach lurch when he saw the patio door open. She was out back. Taking the steps as if his feet suddenly had weights attached, Finan stepped back out into the sunshine.

The gentle noise of water moving greeted him. Carys was taking a swim.

“There ya are.” Pushing his sunglasses to the top of his head, Finan smiled as he found Carys lazily making laps in their pool.

“Here I am.” She called back, slowly turning over onto her back, allowing the water to carry her. Watching Finan walk around the pool, his feet bare perhaps not his wisest choice on the warm stone walkway. “Good day?”

“It was a day.” he shrugged, standing for a moment to watch her float. Relaxed and happier than he seemed to feel. “My love,” Finan picked up the towel on the lounge by the edge of the pool and moving it, “we need to talk.”

“About?” Resting her elbows on the side of the pool, Carys looked up at Finan.

Looking at her sweet face, the hint of a smile that she wore, feeling the love radiating from the woman before him, Finan chickened out. Oh hell, he could wait another day to tell her everything. He'd waited this long.

“Are you truly okay with my boys coming, for the summer? If you don't want them here or...”

“Finan.” Carys rolled her eyes at him, looking up at Finan sitting on the lounge, as he nervously twisted her towel in his hands. “I want them to come. It's going to be good, I have a feeling.”

“I am glad that you do.” Blowing out a heavy breath, Finan adjusted his sitting position. Leaning to rest his elbows on his knees, he couldn't deny the sinking feeling. Agreeing to having his sons for the summer had been a risk, one which he was seriously questioning.

Moving around in the water, Carys hummed happily, laughing when her top smacked Finan in the side of the head with a heavy splatting noise.

“What the hell?” He picked up the black bikini top, dangling it from his finger.

“Why don't you strip down and join me?” Wiggling around under the water, Carys managed to get her bottoms off next, doing her absolute best to throw those out as well. Landing at Finan's feet, the black bikini bottoms laid in a wet heap. “Come on, the water is really nice.”

Unbuttoning the two buttons that he'd bothered to do on his polo, Finan stripped off the bright green shirt. Undoing his belt, followed by his shorts. Stepping out of his clothing, he stood on the side of the pool in his underwear, slowly pretending to turn away. Carys heckled him about being a chicken, complete with appropriate animal noises and laughter from both. Stripped bare, Finan held his breath and jumped into the deep end with a sloshing splash. Resurfacing, he pushed a bit of hair out of his eyes and swam towards the middle to meet Carys who was moving towards him.

Bodies meeting in the cold water, Carys wrapped her arms and legs around Finan, kissing his cheek and smiling. Goosebumps on his skin, he shivered, some how her hands on the back of his neck had made him colder. Cradling her, he kissed her face frantically between laughs.

“Okay, well now that ya have me and everything has retreated inside of my body, shall we call it even and head for the spa?”

“I just treated it, sorry baby.” Carys pouted and shook her head, loose blonde curls escaping the wet bun that had been holding her hair. “It's not that cold.”

“It's freezing.” Finan was sure his teeth were chattering.

“Then I guess, when we get out, we will have to warm up in a hot shower?”

“I love you.”

“I know.” Carys teased, kissing him briefly. “Ya know, when the boys get here, we are gonna have to start swimming with our suits on. At all times.”

“Hard ships of being a parent, I suppose.” Finan watched as Carys let go, drifting away from him in the water.

Another slow lap, Carys went to the ladder, pulling herself from the water. Finan watched her naked form as she confidently walked over to the lounge where his clothes and her towel were left.

Wrapping the towel around her body, Carys ran into the house. Finan waited, trying not to shiver too hard. Less than a handful of minutes and she reappeared in her favourite pool dress as she called it. A towel and Finan's robe in her hand with a pair of sandals in the other – god forbid he get his feet dirty and drag that into her clean house.

In the kitchen, the hot shower soon forgotten, as Carys pulled out a container of chocolate ice cream and two spoons, she smiled wide at Finan and took a seat at the table in the corner of the kitchen, beckoning him to join her.

“My love, I think we need to be honest about some things.” Finan spoke as he scraped his spoon across the top of the ice cream.

“Okay, what do we need to discuss?” Spoon half hanging from her mouth, Carys looked at him with those big eyes.

“Carys, I love ya. I truly love you, but I know that you've said a million times ya don't want to be a mum.” Finan started the conversation, again. When he had told her about his sons, the conversation that followed was the one where Carys confessed to not really wanting children. Yet, she was willing to take a chance on Finan and his boys – if the need should ever be there. “If ya don't want to do this with me then...”

“Finan,” Carys placed her spoon down on the table, reaching for his hand, “I don't want children. I've never wanted children and at thirty-eight, I don't think I am going to have children.” She smiled softly. “But it has never stopped me from wanting to meet Simon and Ollie. I took my chances on you, because I had a really good feeling. Despite what happened in the past.”

“The affair?”

“Yes. Not wanting my own children has no impact on you already having children. I want your boys here. I've even started to clean out the spare rooms for them. I wasn't sure they liked daisies or lilies.” She giggled. “We may need to repaint the pink room as well.”

“Uhuh.” Finan nodded with a slight laugh. “I love you and I just want you to be happy. I want the boys to be happy, and I want everyone to feel like they have a voice over this.”

“I appreciate that.” Leaning forward to kiss his cheek, she moved to sit on his lap. Arms around his neck, she smiled wide. “We all have a past, we can't change that. Mine comes with a fear of having babies and yours come with two sons.”

“Two sons, a bitter ex-wife, and another woman who probably wishes me dead.” Finan mumbled into Carys' shoulder. “Why do ya put up with me, my love?”

“Well,” Carys gently ran her hand over the shoulder of the soft robe that he wore, “I don't know. There was a spark? When we met, I remember looking at you and thinking that man is somebody who I could easily see myself with. Then you spoke and the accent sold it, along with your laugh, and then I got to know that big heart of yours. Finan, we all make mistakes.”

Shaking his head, Finan sighed and frowned. “No, I didn't make a mistake. I hurled a canon ball with a bomb strapped to it into my family and walked away.”

“Finan, sweetheart, I don't know what to tell you. I want to make this all better, but even now, I am still trying to figure it out. What I can do, is help you get through this summer. I love you and in time, I know Simon and Ollie will, too.”