its (c)lit

I wish all the pee came out in one go like a shotgun blast

Does anyone know what to do

fantasizing about my back being cracked like a glow stick and releasing all of my inhibitions, allowing me to feel the rain on my skin

(in tears) next year i will have so much fun!

ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID????? Kindest regards, 

hey um i’ve got some bad news. we mulled your boyfriend. he fell in the wine and we mulled him. yeah with the cinnamon sticks.

thinking about my optometrist who was treating my eye infection and said “if it hurts, you can rinse your eye with boiled water. look at me - look at me. i want you to understand that i mean water that has been boiled and has since cooled down. not boiling water. do you understand?” like i’m so grateful for this man ensuring that I wouldn’t destroy my eyes by pouring boiling water in it, because it is an adequate assessment of my intelligence

this is a man who has experienced The Public

“Look at me”

someone copy pasted he

cmon child safety lid you know it's me

Just a fan of thermodynamics

half of adulting is basically you trying not to cry

The other half is crying