my first executive order as pesident is to change our currency to jelly beans but only the fucked up joke flavors. my second order is to crucify myself on tv immediately after

I would like to order a hamburger

would you like some frice with that

some fuckingg frents frice?

i dont miss overwatch but i miss the psychosexual dynamics of playing mercy or whatever like. getting to briefly exist in the body of The blender porn girl you know

playing mercy and just thinking wow everybody in this match wants to fuck me

Playing pyro in tf2 is still like this

yesterday my roommate got mad at me because i saw him eating kit-kats and said “oh, so you’re a little kit-kat boy, are you?” and then i had a dream about him killing me

That was his psychic attack

touching grass is not enough i must psychically connect to a mushroom colony

those are peas, he is the smallest cat on the planet earth

those is mcdonalds jeans?

Fun fact: those McDonald’s jeans are part of the standard uniform here in Colombia. I’ve tried at least 16x to ask where they source them, if I can buy them from the manager, even going McDonald’s not to order food but just to ask for the jeans. I asked someone high up in their marketing dept here to see if maybe they know which company sourced them, and still couldn’t get my hands on a pair. Apparently employees only get one pair per year. They’re slightly high-waisted, they taper very slightly, they’re always kind of high water at the bottom, and they’re the perfect light jean color. They’re not stiff, they’re not that stretchy, they’re the perfect denim material. They come with a cloth belt that’s either yellow or turquoise, and the stitching on the M is almost sensual. I will not give up

theres a hourse in the dirve through