Garage Dump

Hi there anon! Sure, let me find something.

Okay this is from the “Caroline calls Klaus to ask him to help her murder Damon” fic. Elena is getting Married to Damon and the girls are like nah fam.

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“There’s no reasoning with Elena, we’re not going to do that. We’re just going to kill Damon and never speak of him again.” Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone and set it on the table.

Bonnie looked up at her. “I mean, I could do it, but—”

“No!” Caroline negated. “You aren’t going to be anywhere near this. You are going to be comforting Elena from a hug fight she and Damon had.”

“And where will you be?” Bonnie looked uncertain.

Caroline adjusted her phone on the table a smidge. “Probably chopping Damon into little pieces.”

Twisting her lips, Bonnie frowned. “I know Enzo will help, but he’s no match for Damon.”

“Also a no, I want Enzo completely clear of this. If Elena can personally put him on a plane to Fiji, that would be great.”

“Then what’s your…” Bonnie trailed off and then gasped. “No!”

“It’ll be fine!” Caroline protested.

“That is re-opening the door to chaos!” Her best friend protested.

“I think it’s re-opening the door to problem solving and out of the box solutions,” Caroline sniffed.

Crossing her arms, Bonnie looked at her judgmentally. “Do you really want to invite that kind of influence back into your life?”

With a sigh, Caroline leaned forward onto the table. “We are all older now, and with the exception of Elena, we have grown up. We are not the people were were. And, as an aside, I want someone that will choose me, not as an afterthought, but as the first fucking option. Maybe I’m wrong, but Klaus always felt like he wanted to be that guy.”

“He’s a monster.” Even saying this, Bonnie uncrossed her arms, slumped in her seat.

Sitting back up, she picked up her phone, fiddled with it. “We’re all monsters, Bon. He’s just had more time with it. Anyways, that’s neither here nor there. What I really need is a murder partner, and that’s kind of his MO.”

“Alright, it’s your crazy plan—that I agree with, for the record—so go ahead, give your murder partner a call.” Bonnie gestured towards her.

Caroline stared at her a second. “Now?” she squeaked. She wanted like, five more minutes to work up to it.

“Well, my house is the best place to do it with the silence spells in place,” her bestie said reasonably. And she was correct. The last thing she needed was Damon being a creepy eavesdropping weirdo and overhearing his own death plot. Or like, ‘Lena dropping by to give Caroline the news in person and overhearing her talking to Klaus.

Of course, there's plenty of ways to enjoy smut. Of course people can also read or write smut with intellectual detachment as a creative exercise or a character study or for any other number of reasons. That's not wrong, and all of that happens in fandom, which is great! I just find it bizarre when people seem positively vibrated out of their breeches about the idea that it's not the only thing that happens.

I write porn. Of course some people are going to use it as porn! That's why it's there (in addition to me just having so many emotions about characters that I have to write about them getting together so I don't collapse into myself like a dying star) !

Honestly, if no one has cranked one out at least once to something I wrote, then I have FAILED as a smut writer lmfao. Truly, that would be depressing.