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You think that if you just give him the gun back, it'll be like you never took it. This entire day didn't happen. It's a peace offering, it's a bargaining chip. It's the reason he came and so once he has that he'll go, no questions asked, no reason to stay. You wish you didn't want to give him a reason to stay.

Imagine you realise that your sister's relationship may be entirely lavender. They're soft and affectionate, but they laugh with the ease of friends, and you haven't walked in on a single make out session. You haven't heard crude symphonies through paper thin walls, that's not usually how Mandy's relationships go. But still, Mandy trusts him, and he clearly trusts her. Maybe you can trust him too.

You go back to the place that started it all. You're not gonna steal this time, you want a do-over. You want to imagine Ian noticed you because of you, not because you terrorized his work place and threatened his boss. Maybe what you'd felt was a fluke.

It doesn't mean anything. But it's a reliable fuck with someone who you have a reasonable explanation to be seen with. It wouldn't be too strange if you were caught in conversation with your sister's boyfriend. It's just all too convenient to pass up. The fact he's got one foot in the door of the Milkovich circle and doesn't seem in any way deterred by what he's seen is a bonus. This is the most low-risk you can possibly be while still getting what you want. It doesn't mean anything.

That afternoon he comes to you. For the first time since this started. You know it's not really you he wants. This isn't some grand gesture where he's choosing to spend his time with you over Mandy. He's choosing sex over homework, that's all. That's what any horny teen would do, especially ones that have to be on the DL. You'd both take any chance you can get. A pattern emerges, you do nothing to stop it.

Imagine he's at your door, teary-eyed and blotchy-faced. You've never been good with words, never been allowed to feel things unbridled. You have nothing to offer him. But that's okay, he's probably looking for Mandy anyway. He's in distress and you want to help but you weren't built for kindness, and anyone in need would seek out their best friend, not some guy they fuck in secret.

But he says "I need to see you", and "I don't know where else to go". You realise he came here looking for you. He's clearly rattled, scared, upset and unsure, and he trusts you with that, wants you around when he's vulnerable. It hits you square in the chest.

In that moment you want desperately to be the kind of person he needs.

But he knows you. He knows what you can offer and he came anyway. Perhaps he doesn't need tenderness. Maybe there's no need for soft platitudes. You can be a willing body for him to bury his feelings in. You're a welcome distraction.

But still, he chose you. It doesn't have to mean anything.

Imagine the same man predator that used to tremble at the sight of you, and piss himself in fear, shoots you because he thinks you took his little boy-toy from him.

Ian has your face between his large hands and he's trying to hold your gaze and he's got his back to Kash. It all happened so fast and you're so fucking angry, but you know Kash won't say shit. He knows you know about him and Ian. He knows you know he's a sick fucking perv. And he doesn't know your family, he doesn't realise you may have more to lose than he does.

Kash looks devastated, like he's lost something here in this moment where Ian is trying to hold your attention through the pain and fury. It doesn't mean anything.

Still, you tell the cops Kash shot in self-defense.

Imagine being in juvie because if you told a police officer the real reason Kash shot you, it might get back to your father. At least you have leverage over Kash. Still, you'd rather be inside than out if he does run his mouth. Terry can't get you in here.

Ian comes to visit, and you're happy to see him. You wish you weren't. Your voice is soft in a way that it shouldn't be. He asks "how long?" and a part of you thinks maybe it would be better if you stayed apart forever. What good could come of this? But he's so earnest when he asks, just a little sad. You don't want to be apart from him.

You thank him for the money. It was a thoughtful gesture, but he don't owe you anything. You don't want him to think this is more than it is. What he says then almost floors you: "I told him you might still press charges."

Ian is keeping that fucker in line. He's blackmailing Kash and making sure you're taken care of. You can't think of a single reason why he would do that. You're not available for a convenient lay anymore. You're not around to distract him.

He's going out of his way to see you, to provide for you. He's cemented himself firmly on your side. He's chosen you and fought for you in a way that nobody else ever fucking has. You don't get it.