im so sexy and fun and fucking doomed

9/11 could never happen today because the twin towers arent there anymore for some reason

Im a very bad girl and an even Worse boy

Aborted Descartes voice: I would've thought...if I was.

I like when delivery people ask you to sign their tiny shitty screen with your finger like alright sure we can do some free drawing I guess. Some random strokes that evoke the essence of a signature. Looking me dead in the eyes while I play fruit ninja on this blank screen. Why not.

Can I please see your balls I'm going through a lot right now

I’ve blocked people I should have shot in the head

I don’t know who needs to hear this but if you’re celebrating Christmas you do not have pleny time. You do not have pleny time at all. We are in the 12 days till Christmas danger zone

we are now in the christmas is next week danger zone which took me completely by surprise. still upset by that math

gets corrupted and unsaveable like a text file

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

it is my job to feel immense fear