Sydney really has been a spooked horse in this dynamic and it was most apparent this season because Carmen was treating her as such. Like, he knew how much he fucked up with her and whenever he said..."tell me what you need. I am here for you."
He could feel she was still holding herself back and didn't know what else to do about it, but prove to her he actually has made space for her this time.
He was so selfish in their dynamic and he knew it. He could not figure out how to connect to her without hurt. The hill I will die on, is Sydney is not someone who hides her emotions or is afraid of being vulnerable. She is discerning yes, but not someone who inhibits their emotions on purpose.
she was vulnerable with him in season 1 numerous times, and came back to his behind after he cursed her the fuck down. Then she was super vulnerable with him in season 2. They had numerous conversations about her shame in where she was in life and questioning whether or not her dad was proud of her. Then told him about her darkest fear which is failure and being an imposter.
He broke his promise and then made it worse in season 3, so she closed the door. He was not present and not safe anymore.
Sydney stayed not only because she loved what she gained by being there, but because she is in love with him.
I'm rambling. This is a stream of conciousness at this point.
during Seasons 1 and 2, he watched her with fascination because he found someone who gets it. Season 3 and 4 he watched her with desperation or as though she was a ticking time bomb. like she was a puzzle he couldn't put together. He knows Sydney. He knows the picture, but he couldn't figure out how to put the pieces together or navigate what he viewed as a bunch of landmines without exploding.
In season 5. He watched her with tenderness. He finally understood he had to handle her with care. Sydney is tough as shit, but she needed gentleness. He, pun intended, tenderized her. He was present. He was collaborating the right way. He was being safe with her. He was showing a side of himself she didn't know existed. He had the words, but never the action. He figured out the Sydney puzzle.
He never watched Sydney with fear. Sydney is the only person in his life where when there is a problem between them, he notices and immediately wants to fix things. He was afraid of losing her through his constant fumbling of her trust, but never afraid of wanting to be close to her. All because he is in love with her. It has been astoundingly clear. He has never had more clarity on where he wants to stand with anyone in his interpersonal relationships than he does with Sydney Adamu.
