Gabby Mac

Today, I just don't feel like doing any of this mess. I know i have to get these poisonous medicines pumped through ny veins, but I'm exhausted and hating every moment of this morning.

First, we couldn't get good blood return through my chemotherapy infusion port, which caused the oncology nurse to have to remove the needle and stick me again.

Second, we tried a few sitting position changes and still couldn't get any blood return.

So, we tried getting a blood sample through a vein in my arm, but this time it really hurt. I tried to hold back an couldn't. I abruptly demanded to have the needle removed from my arm. I'm usually okay with getting pricked, but today I feel different.

I busted out crying while trying to understand why I am so emotional. Its thr most uncontrolled feeling I've had in the last 2 weeks. I just so sick of seeing the inside of a hospital.

This little tissue in my right pocket is has nearly transformed into paper mache'. I'm annoyed at how much crap I have to go through just to get healthy for my daughter. I swear, if it wasn't for her, I don't know where I'd be right now. Its just so much stress trying to stay positive when I really want to shout and scream.

I just can't seem to understand how I went from being such a selective, healthy eater to living and fighting metastatic stomach cancer. This crap had already spread to my ovaries and spine by the time I was diagnosed. Now, there is a spot on my liver that was discovered in December. Im just not understanding any of this mess!

The universe has a way of challenging us to commit to our personal truth. Through every challenge, my daughter is learning about perseverance during an unfortunate situation.

Some days i want to cry and scream out of anger, frustration and fear, which I do. Then I gather myself to continue living out my dreams. I refuse to be broken down and dwell in negativity. The world is so much bigger than my situation. My presence will always be my truth and I will carry this into the next lifetime.

Each and every one of us has gift that must be shared. I learned to stop hiding behind my talents and others' talents as well. My greatest impact will be what i’ve left behind for the world to enjoy. So, I promise to show the world a part of me that is usually hidden by introversion and self-doubt with a splash of meekness.

I wish St. Louis City would take the tiny home idea, buy a lot of land and apply it to the homeless community. It would give these people a chance to get on their feet. These non-profits would need to get on board, too! I mean, they will need to offer vocational and educational job training/resources, and the homeless community will need to be actively using the programs to stay in the community. Transportation will always be an issue if you’re homeless, so a business/vocational/educational center in the middle of the community would make a huge difference. Let’s bring this idea to the fruition. I’m sure this can be put into action.

Good Morning!

Today I celebrate my 33rd birthday. It’s very important that I explain why this is not just a special day, but also a special month for me. Two months ago I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Stomach Cancer. It was like receiving a death sentence, but I chose life instead. I have to choose life over death because I have 2 little bright eyes watching my every movement and she needs me to be strong more than ever. My daughter is my inspiration!

I cherish each and every moment that I am here, because I have to. My new normal is anything but normal. Those that are close to me have been overwhelmingly amazing in helping me pull through this situation. I didn’t know I was the strong friend that needed to be checked on until this happened. I am truly blessed to have so many amazing people in my corner.

With all the countless doctor appointments, treatments, unexpected hospitalizations, appearance changes and more, I will continue to fight through both the good days and bad days. This battle is testing my faith and strength to believe, but I know that I will make it through. My reality is so much more than I could ever imagine.

So November isn’t just the time I celebrate my wedding anniversary, 4 generations of birthdays (grandmother, mother, me and my daughter) and Thanksgiving.

I am advocating for those that are battling all gastric cancers as well. It’s a tough situation which requires a positive attitude and spirit. It is not the end of life. It gives me a stronger belief that I was put here to shine a light on an issue and symptoms that we all need to be made aware.

Please donate to the American Cancer Society, because you may even save your own life or someone you know.