Not the Blog you're Looking for

These disorders.. they're like. You get that insane high, the euphoria, that energy burst. You feel on top of the world, you have that ego boost & hell yeah you're confident as fuck. It can last hours, a night or days. Sounds great huh? Except it's restless energy. No matter how much you run, how fast you drive, how much cleaning you do or how much you talk or cry or scream it doesn't. go. away. It doesn't fade. You have this electric ball vibrating in your chest, shooting to your fingertips & toes. You're hyper aware. You're paranoid. Your thoughts are racing & you cannot do a thing to stop it. & when that mercifully ends, when it finally stops, the emotional exhaustion sets in & with it, sleep. The high emotion of mania is draining. But for me, following closely on the footsteps of a manic episode is a depressive episode. I lack the motivation to do anything, I don't want to get out of bed, let alone even pick up the phone. Breathing seems like too much of an effort, let alone trying to leave the bedroom. I can't seem to find a good reason (even though I can logically think of many) why my existence is justified. Logic doesn't exist with these disorders. I am doing so much better with my disorders, & coping. I am so much further on my path than I used to be. I am better than who I used to be.