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google: elevate and apply pressure

Dean domino: i have been tasting my own piss everyday in order to develop a immunity to it. I am immune to piss. If you piss on me I’ll just laugh at you.

Christine: I’m actually, probably the most superbly relatable, and normal person in this jail cell as of right NOw.

Dog: my massive shoulder span constantly prevents my tiny, malnourished ass from absorbing sunlight. My body is essentially at war with itself.

God: I can only hope that when a kangaroo court of dipshits come to haul me to prison that i have the grave and humanity not to get mad at them.

Joshua graham: I put years of hard work into getting my torture degree at torture college and now everyone’s like “oh tortures bad” “it’s ineffective” fuck off.

Waking cloud: man while you were “gaming”, I tasted 100 different wines in a cave behind a waterfall and cried into a shamans arms.

Follows-chalk: I’ve never heard of this “Europe” but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me.

Doctor Borous: bring me your dead pet and i will make a sword out of it for $39

Doctor 0: by ripping my phone book in half I have not only proven I’m strong, but that I’m also a cool and independent guy who doesn’t need to call anybody.

Doctor Klein: YO *points to the spinal cord on brain diagram* THATS THE BRAIN;S DICK

doctor dala: spending time thinking about a fucking disastrous hypothetical penis that has a hole that’s wider than the shaft, like a funnel. And frowning.

Doctor 8: accidentally brought my piss detector into the men’s room again and cowered beneath the sink as the deafening screech echoed off the hard tile.

Doctor Mobius: blocked. Blocked. Blocked. You’re all blocked. None of you are free of sin.

Muggy: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD ABD WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL.

me: