“funny” book quotes

June: He’s just so frail; it’d only take one good push-

Grover: The dam snack bar?

Zoe: Yes. What is funny.

Grover: Nothing, I could use some dam French fries.

Thalia: And I need to use the dam restroom.

Zoe: I do not understand.

Grover: I want to use the dam water fountain.

Oberon: Yeah! This is the kind of faery tale with children who wander off and get in trouble in the forest. Usually they die because they don't have a wolfhound along-or parents. You ever notice the rampant child neglect going on in faery tales?

Atticus: No, Oberon, I said we might have a faery tail, as in a faery who is tailing us.

Solomon: My pleasure, old friend. I do so enjoy repeating myself.

Ezekiel: Nobody asked for your sarcasm, Solomon.

Rin: What did you want, a letter? It’s not like it was terribly easy to track you down, either.

Nezha: A letter would have been better than bombing my ship!

Rin: Are you ever going to let that go?

Zila: Eight times.

Ronan: Ramp. BMW. The goddamn moon.

Jace: ‘Here’ as in your bedroom or ‘here’ as in the great spiritual question of our purpose here on this planet? If you're asking whether it's all just a cosmic coincidence or there's a greater metaethical purpose to life, well, that's a puzzler for the ages. I mean, simple ontological reductionism is clearly a fallacious argument, but-

Sam: You want me to make a list?

Hanna: …What?

Julian: No one likes a filthy warlock.

Emma: Some might disagree.

Henry: Sorry about the interrogation.

Diego: At least she didn’t pull out my fingernails or electrocute my genitals.