Funny Text Posts

fun-size candy bars aren’t fun after you’ve eaten 37 of them

one time i forced my mom to play pokemon for at least half an hour and all she did was catch a butterfree and name it lowfat

youtubers talk about The Algorithm the way people used to  talk about evil spirits

I never realize how much I love my toilet until I am forced to take a shit somewhere else.

Paper has 6 sides, yet we can only use 2 of them effectively.

the other four are for bloodshed

Birthday sex is celebrating your parents having sex by having sex

“Darth” is to Sith lords what “Lil” is to rappers.

Darth Wayne

Lil Plagueis

Playing dumb is a survival mechanism every woman u ever seen acting dumb is not actually dumb

u think i’m CUTE?! send me $3000

you ever turn yourself slowly under the shower like a rotisserie chicken to evenly distribute the warmth