Wormtown

One time I came home from uni very upset and my younger siblings asked what's wrong. I said that mutated flies in our lab escaped because someone broke their jar. I didn't even realise how scary it sounded to them until I saw their faces lmao. I was upset because we were short on said flies (they don't reproduce very well) and my siblings thought that some crazy radioactive fly monsters escaped and we are all fucked now. Love being a mad scientist in their eyes lowkey

Getting down on my knees and thanking the humans who invented dishwashers and washing machines.

If Ratatouille mechanics were real, there would be a whole market of businesses offering the services of operating rats to people who want them, and it'd be like how bees produce honey. People in the rat business would be so exhausted of having to explain over and over again that no, the rats aren't being exploited. If the rats didn't like how they're being treated, they would simply not return. There's no goddamn way to force a rat to be so passionate about playing the saxophone that they'll figure out how to puppeteer a human to do it for them. All that the business does is finding a way to put that specific rat in the hair of someone who's about to go on stage.

sometimes you just have to peel the entire skin off your lips because self-care

i feel like we've completely killed the ability to just gently tell someone when they're wrong or that their opinions don't pass the vibe check. we have to accommodate every single type of person and all their dogshit opinions OR we have to drive them off the internet, no in between

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

#mambo number 0.0000000000005

DO NOT DOWNLOAD TUMBLR it will install a virus on your device called tumblr

if the emperors of rome can add extra months that actually fuck the calendar up i'm allowed to add a new month that lasts 0.0000 picoseconds

the last holiday that hasn't been commercialized

i made this up when i was a little kid and nothing would make me happier than to see people celebrating it for years to come

Happy Zenquish Eve!

Another Zenquish come and gone... Shame it only happens once a year.

im so hungry i could eat a meal