fulltimeRAD

So I want to give my fellow ADHDers and those with ASD another perspective.

The underlying mentality behind ADHD, ASD, and dyslexia is efficient problem solving. Our brains work in a non-linear way, skipping steps that we feel are unnecessary and we thrive at visual learning. These things are great for innovation and for preserving our mental energy. But when it comes to highly structured and heavily social environments, it can be disruptive.

Other people have a clear process for how to do things, how long to do them, and to do them in a way that makes others proud. But that’s not the way our minds work. Our thought and work process is more flexible. We can’t tolerate inefficiency for the sake of following a set process. And public recognition and shame are not as motivating for us since many of us are introverts.

So we struggle. We feel ashamed for struggling. And we’re told that something is inherently wrong with us.

And yes, there are plenty of instances where it’s important to follow the rules. And sometimes we have to grin and bear it because this societal structure was not made for us. So we learn coping mechanisms along the way, either inherently or with some help from others.

But ignoring that reaction all the time or discounting our feelings can also mean ignoring an important alarm that helps regulate our mental and physical health. Because we may be writing off burnout as executive dysfunction, when really it’s our mind’s way of saying the route we’re on is a dead end or it’s time to pivot to something new. Otherwise, we’ll spiral while fighting our own instinct, we’ll run ourselves into the ground trying to make others happy, and we’ll make our anxiety and / or depression worse by trying to live up to others’ expectations but not our own potential.

You are likely energized by figuring things out. That’s why you hyper focus. You see something that warrants your attention, whether to stimulate your understimulated mind or to help solve a problem. You also learn ways to moderate yourself and to avoid addictive behaviors. Your mind runs through ideas at an amazing pace that others can’t quite comprehend. But it can’t stand frivolity when it comes to things like work and school. So it’s important to find out what’s causing your lack of focus and if you need to find a way to cope with it for the time being or to just move on.

(Sidebar: I’ve been fighting burnout for years because I kept attributing it to executive dysfunction. I couldn’t convince myself to do the work I needed to and kept thinking I was weak or lazy. What my significant other saw were managers who constantly changed their mind in order to try to hit sales goals and look good. They were indecisive and chaotic, and their inconsistency not only made it impossible to hit targets, but my subconscious brain wouldn’t give me any reason to start work because it knew they were going to scrap everything within days. I worked massive amounts of overtime to make up for their indecisiveness, thinking that I was too slow, until I couldn’t get myself to get up in the morning. Quitting two jobs in a row that prioritized that behavior put me on a much healthier path. Four years of panic attacks that got so bad that I started fainting — and had to go to countless doctor’s appointments to rule out a heart condition — was far too long to wait. I’ve been in the field for over a decade and I ignored my brain telling me that it was time to move on. And now that I have, I’m much healthier and feel silly for waiting so long.)

You’re brilliant, you learn quickly, and you know in your gut when something feels excessive. But you’ll struggle to find the confidence and copying skills to work with your ADHD, ASD, or dyslexia if you constantly feel ashamed that you’re struggling with it.

My brain settled in imposter syndrome. But man, did I end up knocking it out of the park in a matter of hours instead of days.

This was before I knew I had dyslexia and ADHD. It hurt so much at the time and I felt so much shame. But I learned to recognize other people like her as I got older. 

The ones that think there is only one path to life and success. 

The ones that believe that only one person can be the smartest in the room. (And many times will put others down in order to be that person.)

The ones that are so narrow-minded that they miss some of life’s best experiences and opportunities by not connecting with others who are different.

(Recently, found out that people like Richard Branson, Simone Biles, Adam Levine, and Michael Phelps have it too…)

Was talking with a friend who is a corporate lawyer recently. She’s an amazing woman and I still don’t know how she juggles being kickass at everything (including keeping up with her kids.) She’s also one of the most laid back, fun, confident people I know.

She confided in me that she sometimes feels insecure about how everyone seems to have it together while she struggles. (I had no idea she struggled with anything because she always seems to have everything under control even when things go haywire.) So we started talking about that and it turns out we both have ADHD and used to struggle with OCD. 

She said what makes her feel better though is knowing that a successful SVP in her old job also had ADHD and his time management was terrible. But he learned to use his ADHD to his advantage and had some small coping skills to compensate for the rest. (I’ll post more about those coping skills soon.)

Looking at you, my fellow introverts. For many of us, trying to fake confidence leads to anxiety and imposter syndrome. Instead, we have to remember the things that we’re badasses at. Even if some people don’t understand why it’s important.

Because for introverts, confidence comes with knowing that we’re getting shit done. Not with how well we can convey our worth in a conversation. Remember what you’re a badass at and the conversation comes easily. 

But once you know that your brain works differently than others, you stop trying to fix yourself, and you find little ways to cope. Those small tricks have shown me a night and day difference in my work, my confidence, and my relationships. And it’s helped me deal with the anxiety mentioned here.

While researching speech delays and learning disabilities, we saw some studies about how non-dyslexic brains are usually more asymmetrical (the right side tends to be slightly bigger) while dyslexic participants had more symmetrical brains (the part that tends to be smaller usually handles tasks for reading and processing.)