𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵

like small, stick, beans, styrofoam, cat scratches etc

I usually don’t say things about myself or even post body pictures. But let’s start.. I used to have anorexia. I was severally underweight and skinny. It wasn’t because of my body being quick at digesting, it was because I spent almost 9 months of starvation and throwing up everything I eat. I think I was 13 around the time. Thing is, I was tired of my family and people in school calling me fat. I wanted to be small and skinny, cause that’s what they told me I had to be. I have small bones and they said I weighed too much for them (while in reality I was like 5’0 and weight about 95 pounds before going into the horrible cycle). In that year I lost about 20 pounds, which is insane now that I think of it. I was so gentle and could barely carry myself. My friends started noticing what was happening about six months in. It was one of the most horrible experiences I’ve been through, trying to start eating again was bad as well. Like, you know when your sick? When you try to eat but you just can’t? That’s how it felt. And when I eat a bit too much, I would just throw everything up. All the lies I told my parents when they tried to make me eat a bit more than I could. I used to end up in the bathroom with my eyes watering, the only thought going through my brain being “You don’t deserve to eat. You don’t deserve anything.” It was horrible. My friends making me eat, the fact that I had to learn how to love myself. I didn’t understand how though and that all lead to the start of self harm, which was how I somehow felt “relieved” (I’m not gonna tell y’all that story today tho). The way I got better is honestly hard to explain. My friends usually made me eat In front of them or by call, which was insane for me. I found it annoying at first, but after a while I knew it was for the better.

Right now, it’s been two years since I stoped starving myself, and this is how I look. I still don’t feel confident or comfortable with myself fully, but I’m getting there.

To be beautiful, you don’t need to have the best features, body or whatever. All you need is your mind and feelings. That’s what makes someone really beautiful.