r¡ver

it’s just another day and it’s not over ‘til it’s over it’s never over but it’s abt me giving into old habits no matter how much time has passed

in recent times i started believing the phrase “it gets better”, because it did, it did get better or that’s what i wanted to believe. i don’t know, most of the time, i’m fine. i don’t feel the way i did back then but i also don’t feel good. i don’t know what it is and i’m afraid that it’s always going to be like this. i haven’t been on this app for a long time, it’s just that i didn’t get reminded of it, thankfully. but today’s a bad day, i have thoughts that i haven’t had in a long time and it really scares me, because i don’t wanna go back to that place mentally. i could be dramatic, maybe it’s just the way i feel tonight and it all goes back to normal by tomorrow. it’s just the fact that this feeling showed up at all, when it didn’t for so long.

haven’t been on here in months but just needed to rant. i actually fucking hate it when my friend leaves me on read bc i genuinely can’t tell whether it is because she started hating me or if it’s bc she’s busy and can’t respond right away. it has happened a few times before and while yes, sometimes it’s simply bc she’s busy, other times it’s bc she’s mad. it just puts me on the edge u know, i can’t relax, i keep checking whether she’s texted me back yet or still hasn’t. and i know that if i ever left her on read, she’d get mad at me, asking me why i would do that. and i know that for a fact bc i’ve done it once accidentally and when i realized i hastily gave a reasonable explanation but she was still mad. i just wish she wouldn’t do that, bc i will always automatically think someone hates me before believing there’s some other explanation and it just makes me spiral. idk it just sucks, i hate it and i know this is dramatic but honestly idrc.

i honestly don’t even know what i did that made her react like that bc i only told her that i wouldn’t be at school the next day and didn’t change my mind when she tried to convince me to go anyway,, like i just didn’t want to be there for pe and she knows that so i don’t get why she got pissed and won’t talk to me anymore. honestly it’s always like this like don’t get me wrong she’s like my best friend but if she doesn’t get what she wants she gets so mad at everyone and especially at u

i can’t help but envy anyone who is genuinely able to look into the mirror and not have a million voices tell them that they are ugly. like when i say that i hate myself i mean it. the way i look, the way i think, the way i act, there’s not one thing that i like. like it’s almost a gut wrenching hatred i have for myself. i want to kms just thinking of having to leave the house.

i hate that my anxiety stops me from so many things i actually just want to disappear

uh genuine question will the cashier say something when i buy razor blades as a minor ?

hadn’t been on here for a while but guess what