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have the other heroes ever ordered a sandwich while you were on shift? it doesn't seem like them (i wouldnt be surprised if the prince thinks subway is beneath him, and logan just doesn't strike me as that kind of guy tbh) but you never know
nope. Morality is the only one i've caught taking a lunch break. one of the worlds greatest mysteries: what do the Prince and Logic order from subway. we may never know.
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based on the most recent episode I’d like to think Virgil had a very stray cat kinda energy w both sides for a while, as he suddenly stopped showing up to the dark sides to then see him with the light sides
reminds of this one audio “well I’ll be damned.. GUCCIIIIIII (ANXIETY) GET YOUR ASS HOME.”
unfortunately i dont think its queerbaiting if the creator is just so terminally heterosexual that they never remotely considered the same gender relationship their show is centered around could be read as romantic. it is deeply painful however.
By definition you can't accidentally queerbait. Queerbaiting is specifically using a same sex pair from the show to market the show to queer audiences with no intention of ever following through on a romantic relationship.
There is officially licensed Destiel merch signed off on by Kripke. Teen Wolf had a commercial with the actors for Derek and Stiles draped over each other talking about being "on a ship." Both shows actively used scenes between them as marketing while actively mocking fans for wanting them together. Sherlock has multiple characters refer to Johnlock as a couple, including characters we're supposed to believe are never wrong about human behavior and pushed those scenes in marketing. Then they acted insulted when fans saw them as a couple.
That's queerbaiting.
Done on accident it would just be queer subtext. Done because they had no other choice due to censorship is queer coding.
The specific meaning of the word is really starting to get lost and it's a pretty important one to keep accurate. It describes a very specific phenomenon that was done repeatedly and maliciously for decades and is meant to examine that specifically.
Doing it on accident sucks, but it isn't a tactic of capitalism intentionally intended to suppress queer representation while making money from queer fans.
Sharing any part of himself was like pulling teeth. Worse, actually-- he'd let Remus pull some last Tuesday and that had been far easier. Painful, sure, but they were metaphysical. All he had to do for bodily pain was convince himself that things were okay and they would become such again. Recovery took less than five hours.
But this? This wouldn't go away after five hours. The moment would be over, but anything he said would still be known. The more that people know about you, the more ammunition they have. The better they know you, the easier it is to find their weakness, to understand what they care about.
This was not just sharing a preference or two (though he disliked that as well). This actually mattered. Janus cared about his opinion on this, and from that care alone you could discern a whole host of things about his character, about his beliefs, about what was important to him. Giving this away was like baring his neck to an executioner.
But it had to be done. He'd thought about it a great deal, as he did for most things he said. He'd determined the minimum amount of things necessary to say to still convey his point. And he needed to convey his point. It was his piece to say. No one else would or could.
Read on Ao3
Janus leaned back on his bed, focusing more intently on the conversation at hand. The beginnings of this discussion had started floating around Thomas's mind as idle thoughts three days ago. Two days ago, Virgil had picked up on what exactly Thomas was wondering about. He didn't know the answer, of course, but he was still the best thing they had to an expert on the matter. Logan had met up with him and he had asked the question point blank;
Why is Janus still considered a Dark Side?
and Virgil had stared at him. That was the moment that, click, Thomas had questioned what sort of question that even was! Janus had subtly redirected his thoughts. Why on earth was he asking something like that? What does that even mean? I'm an abstract manifestation of certain desires and interests. Why do you care how you see me? What even is a 'Dark Side'?
That had worked as a misdirection. Logan had especially latched on well to the last one. But though he has yet to determine scientifically what made a side 'Dark' or not, it was abundantly clear that Janus was one. He identified as such.
So the question returned, this time with more specificity.
Why is Janus still considered a Dark Side, but Virgil isn't?
He'd once again tried to placate things. It was a matter of perception, they all knew that-- Virgil had 'changed', however that works, after Thomas started seeing him in a different light.
Yesterday, something twisted in Patton's gut. He knew something was wrong, and the reason was obvious. It cut through the excuse Janus had tried to provide with such simplicity. And the question grew sharp as a blade;
Why is Janus still considered a Dark Side? I see him in a different way than I used to. Why is he still... like that?
Logan had returned to his categorization, running a few comparison tests on Roman and Remus respectfully, since they 'had the least variables between them'. It helped Thomas feel like something productive was happening, but it wasn't enough.
Yesterday evening, Janus had felt the oncoming discussion brewing like a storm as Thomas settled into bed. He tried to remain calm.
Today, Janus had spent the majority of it working up his nerves. He had to say something. Thomas wasn't going to stop asking. He was clearly bothered, and that was affecting him poorly. Non-communication wasn't an option.
He had carefully weighed his options from there. Some sort of answer had to be given. He'd thought about lying, but ruled that out after two hours; nothing he could say would be satisfactory enough. It would only delay the inevitable truth.
Then Janus had considered what that truth was. He knew why, of course. He knew much more about how Thomas's mind worked than Thomas himself. And of course Janus knew more about himself than anyone. But did anyone else know?
He had determined no. Virgil or Remus would have been the only ones with a shot at understanding those nuances. Remus knew a great deal about his own position, and the minute differences between him and his brother, but the whole 'transition' thing was something he was poorly versed in.
And Virgil. Theoretically, he had enough experience to have the answer. Janus didn't doubt that he'd figure it out eventually. But from how he'd acted this far, he seemed genuinely just as puzzled as Thomas. On some level, Janus believed Virgil had intentionally been fooling himself; trying to convince himself that Thomas and Janus were still largely on the same terms as they'd been when Thomas had first met Deceit.
But that wasn't true. It was obviously, blatantly untrue, and the indicator had always been there. It could be overlooked-- Janus had made sure of that, and coasted on that ignorance up until this point-- but it was there.
He was friends with Patton. He was close with Thomas's Heart. Morality had accepted him as an ally and companion. And Patton knew that.
And of course, he was right.
Janus leaned back, taking in a steady breath. Any minute now he'd have to show up. Thomas, Logan, Patton, and Virgil were all already standing in there little positions, hashing out for clarity everything they'd figured out over the last few days. Logan was talking about the separating differences between Thomas's creativities, and with the ease of an actor on cue Roman rose up to his position.
Janus fiddled with the ends of his gloves, pulling them on tightly and smoothing out the minute creases. He waited patiently as Roman was offended about how Logan had been speaking of him like some sort of lab rat. Logan grew defensive, and the two of them began speaking over each other, but Patton smoothing things out by refocusing the group on the question. Janus closed his eyes and focused more intently on the conversation, beginning to hear and see it through Thomas's senses.
Why is Janus still considered a Dark Side, even after he has changed? Why is Janus still considered a Dark Side, if Thomas has started to see him differently?
"Maybe it's just not enough change," Virgil tried, sounding unsure of himself. "I mean, I know you're friends with him, but I'm still... not on good terms."
Roman nodded in agreement. Logan made no comment deliberately.
Thomas sighed. "Yeah, I know. I know things are different. I just, I-- I don't know! There's something there that doesn't seem quite right. I mean, this question has been bothering me, guys. I do think there's some sort of... something... that's out of whack."
"Okay," Logan said evenly. "Something. Can we get a bit more specific?"
"I don't know," Thomas groaned. "I don't understand what all of this stuff means. Why am I thinking of things like this? What even is a 'Dark Side'? Why-- why don't I understand what this stuff means? It's my own darn brain."
"Human brains are confusing messes," Logan said supportively. "You don't have to understand everything. We don't need to define what makes a side 'Dark' or not-"
Virgil retreated deeper into his hoodie.
"-because we aren't debating what that is. We know roughly enough to 'call it when we see it', and we know that Janus is still, for whatever reason, falling under that umbrella."
"Is that so bad?" Roman asked. Virgil looked at him with some amount of gratitude.
"No, it's not-- it's not bad!" Patton said quickly. "It's just..."
"It feels like he should be different by now," Thomas said tiredly. "And I don't know what it means that he isn't. But I know it means something, and I'm worried about whatever that something means."
Virgil let out a sigh, looking downward. He was that worry that Thomas was feeling. And he knew enough to know that there was something to it.
"Okay!" Logan said with satisfaction. "You feel there is a discrepancy in how you perceive your relationship to Janus to be, and how your mind is conceptually representing him as a metaphysical concept."
"Yeah, I guess?" Thomas said. "But how do we solve that?"
"Well, you don't have any control over your subconscious mind," Logan said, somewhat jaded. "That's what makes us... appear how we do. I am a teacher because that 'fits' with how you perceive Logic to be. The same is true for every side. So you can't make Janus not be a Dark Side. But you do have control over your relationship to him."
"Yeah, but, I mean..." Thomas said, looking around as he searched for the right turn of phrase.
"I feel like I've been doing a good job of making friends with him," Patton said earnestly. "I've been doing what I can to have control over that relationship."
Logan nodded evenly. "That's true. But you're only one side of it. Perhaps there is a discrepancy because Janus does not actually feel significantly closer."
"What?!" Patton yelped.
Janus jerked back from his perception, feeling his heart beat quickly. Goddamnit. That was not the way this was supposed to go. But he couldn't just show up right away. He let out a shaky breath and refocused.
"I'm not trying to put any sort of blame on you," Logan was saying placatingly. "But he is... Deceit. He could be acting in a manner that is incongruous with what he believes."
"But we've spent time together!" Patton protested. "I-- I know him!"
"Or maybe you don't know him at all," Virgil started, his eyes darting around worriedly. "What-- what does that mean, then? If Patton can't tell when someone is manipulating him?"
That was enough. Janus bit the inside of his mouth, and quickly appeared in his place in the living room.
"Please give him more credit than that," Janus said with an air of faux tiredness.
"Janus!" Thomas exclaimed, a tiny smile on his face. It quickly faded, and Janus tried not to be hurt by that. He still wasn't trusted. That was good. Thomas shouldn't trust him, because that was how he had set things up. He had given them every reason to question him, and no reasons to believe him.
"Yes," Janus said smoothly. He smile a touch. "You know, this could have been solved a lot quicker if you'd asked me directly, Thomas."
Thomas faltered for a moment while he processed that.
"Did I not... do that?" he asked aloud. "I feel like having a discussion about you is enough to... invite you here?"
Janus shrugged. "Regardless of that. I can answer you. Logan is partly right."
"Oh god," Virgil whispered, shooting a glance at Patton. Patton was worried, his face crestfallen. He looked betrayed.
"Partly," Janus hissed immediately. He looked directly to Patton. "I am your friend, so long as you consider me so. I hope that's still true. I've meant what I've said to you. I enjoy our time together. There is a level of trust between us. That's true. And you know that."
Patton stared at Janus for a moment or two, and then nodded with conviction.
"Wait, wait, you're just-- what if he's lying?" Roman sputtered.
"I don't think he is," Patton said firmly.
"You don't think so?" Roman argued. "You need to know so!"
"I know as much as I can," Patton said calmly. "This is friendship, Roman. Trust is a two-way street. I know how I feel about things. I-- I know how Thomas feels about things. And we're a little scared. We're cautious. But--"
He looked over to Janus, making eye contact and smiling, "--but we have to trust as much as we can. If we go around assuming that all the people around us are dangerous, how are we supposed to cooperate? If we can't all get along as parts of Thomas, how is Thomas supposed to be alright? I trust Janus. Based on what I know now. And maybe that changes in the future. But even if that happens, I still think it's a step in the right direction to be friends now."
Janus nodded, trying to quietly even his breathing. Patton's words had choked up his throat a bit. God, that was just going to make things harder.
"Thank you," he said softly, looking into Patton's eyes. He took a breath in and looked to Thomas.
"I am still as I am because I am choosing to be. I have not given you enough to trust me fully, and so I have not been 'fully' accepted as of yet. This is not something you, Thomas, have any control over, because it is something I am doing."
Thomas stared at him for a moment or two. Logan's eyes widened with realization, feeling the explanation slot in as the missing piece to the puzzle. Virgil looked at Janus with a degree of horror.
Janus said nothing. Their move. That was already so much. You could intuit so much about Janus from that alone. Why had he said that? He needed to shut up. He needed to run away. He needed to burrow himself in a nest of blankets and only come out to lie to telemarketers so they would stop calling.
"But why?" Thomas asked.
Goddamnit.
Janus took a breath in. "Does it matter why?"
"Yes," Thomas and Virgil said insistently. They looked at each other, and something clicked between them.
"Why would you want to remain... like that?" Virgil said, averting his gaze from Janus's directly.
"Because of what I am," Janus said sharply. He looked to Thomas. "It is not wise for you to trust me fully. I am not in a position where I can fully trust you. There are things I am hiding from you. I am not going to stop doing that now just because I want to--"
He stopped himself, glancing at Virgil for a moment. Virgil had recoiled a touch.
Janus sighed. "I am in the position I need to be in for you to be a healthy, functioning, Thomas, Thomas. When that changes you will feel it. I would like to be able to have that happen, but there's..."
He tilted his head for a moment, glancing to Roman and then Logan. Thomas followed where he was looking, his brow furrowing in thought.
"...there's other things that need to change before I am ready for that," Janus said finally. "Before you are ready for that."
"Like what?" Patton said hesitantly.
Goddamnit. Oh, of course Patton would want to know more, he was the one who Janus was the closest to. Janus could tell that Patton wanted to work on whatever those 'other things' were. Because he wanted to be friends. Because he liked Janus.
It was such a simple and pure motivation that Janus faltered for a moment. Should he answered that now? Could he answer that now? He'd already said so much. He'd already exposed enough of his tender points.
But no one had moved to hurt him. They could in the future, of course, but for now--
Perhaps Patton was right. Trust was a two way street. This could be a step in that right direction. He did want Thomas to trust him more. At least someday.
Janus shifted as he considered his words. After a moment, he began;
"I tend to my sides," he said softly, "as much as I can. You know I am responsible for allowing Remus out. That is because I am responsible for him. I can..."
He glanced at Virgil for a moment. Virgil held his gaze, his eyes steely.
"I... I see to things," Janus said vaguely, waving his hand. He couldn't do specifics now. "Your mind keeps things hidden from you. This is my doing. While they are hidden, they do not remain inert. They just remain subconscious. You still feel the affects of hidden sides, you just don't... actively perceive it in the same manner."
Logan stiffened slightly.
"Okay," Thomas said slowly. "What does that have to do with you trusting me? Or me trusting you?"
"Because," Janus said, rolling his eyes a touch, "as long as there is any side that you still think of as a 'Dark Side', it's my job to take care of them. And to do that I need to be with them. I need to-- I need to help them. I can't be-- I can't change until I've made sure they're safe themselves."
Virgil blinked for a moment. He considered this, and a worried expression began to creep over his features, but he said nothing.
"Why do you still need to be one to take care of them?" Thomas said, squinting. He considered this a bit more. "I mean, I don't really know how this works, but that... that doesn't seem like it should be a requirement."
Logan tilted his head for a moment. "I'm not sure. There are certainly areas of the Mindscape that are more difficult to access than others. If it's a matter of travel, I don't know how proximity to the subconscious affects that."
"The only reason you can't go to some places is cause of him," Virgil said tightly, jerking a thumb in Janus's direction. He stared Janus down. "It's not a matter of travel. You can go where you want."
Janus smirked a touch. "Yes."
Virgil glowered at him. "You don't need to do what you're doing."
"I quite think I do. Not all of us have it as easy as you," Janus said sharply.
Virgil sputtered. "Shut up!"
"Sorry, what is he doing?" Roman interjected.
"Yeah, sorry, what?" Thomas asked, looking at Janus.
Janus looked at Virgil, smiling a touch.
Virgil glared at him. "You say it."
"Oh, but you figured it out on your own!" Janus said with saccharine praise. "Doesn't that make you feel so special? Don't you want to share a secret of mine?"
Virgil stared him down with ire, and after a moment, looked at Thomas. He sighed with annoyance.
"He's holding himself hostage," Virgil said with an edge of resentment. "He's not going to allow himself to... change... until you've accepted every other side you have first. And since you clearly care about knowing Janus--" he gestured to Patton begrudgingly "-- that might be enough of a reason to help speed along the whole 'acceptance process' for everyone else."
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Ya'll remember how online games made specifically for children were programmed in a way that made it practically impossible to share your personal info?
When age, gender, location was censured like profanity in the name of protecting kids?
But suddenly the Only Way to keep children safe online is to make sure that they have 0 privacy?
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This is like… a perfect parallel of Erin’s predicament in the caves back in Chapter 7 of Arc 1. He’s made the decision to rely on his friends for rescue, which is an insanely huge development for him oh my god. Back in Arc 1, he didn’t even think any rescue was possible or coming for him at all, he was genuinely surprised when Kendal and Alinua saved him. And we all remember the infamous boat breakdown (happy Festival of Everyone Yell at the Elemental Magus btw… I think… timezones are fucking with me). Erin’s whole arc so far has been on the belief that he is the only one powerful enough to save himself, and he has spent the last several chapters paying for that assumption.
Now he’s got a chance to prove to himself he can rely on his friends, but the Dragon is playing on that fear that they’re not enough. That Erin can’t rely on their help.
I genuinely have no idea if he’s going to resist or not. If he doesn’t, and we get I think the first (???) moment where Erin willingly lets the Dragon take over, I won’t really be surprised and will gladly take the angst. If he does though, I’m gonna be so proud of him.