Krystle, I'm writing this so that it is in your hand and not just in your memory. In your hands so that you can read it more than once, and let it sink in.
I want you to know that I am so very grateful to have met your beautiful soul. From the moment I saw you, I knew that I had to know you, that I wanted to see who sat inside. I remember you taking your glasses off that first time and looking in to your eyes and feeling that flutter of excitement of the potential of you, listening to you as we rode home that first morning, kissing you.
My happiness from the Burn was largely as a result of our meeting, the anticipation of knowing that you were out there in the dust somewhere. I remember being at Robot Heart and seeing Kunna, my pulse quickening knowing that if she was there, you would be too, and then seeing you and knowing in the way you were that you were happy to see me too, the Burn keeping us apart when we needed that, together when we wanted it.
I remember dancing in front of the Maxa bus with you and Jam, excited by you, by your world, by the way you danced, excited. I remember liking how we got food and drinks for each other, a little team, trying to find somewhere to sleep, together.
And then to Sunday, to sitting on the dock of the bay, to loving the feeling of making you laugh, watching you cycle, move, be. I was in awe of you that night, filled with you, orbiting you. I remember a deep feeling of connection as the temple burnt, acutely aware of how you held on to me, how gently we kissed, a very old, unfamiliar feeling creeping up in me. We cycled off, you in front, and I asked myself whether I was allowed to love in that moment, my age old defence mechanism of years gone by slipping its veil of protection for a moment and saying yes, for this moment in time, I was allowed to feel you in my heart. So I did. I felt you in my heart, watched you as you cycled along, feathers in your hair, the night in the billow of your cape. How we laughed that night, how we cycled and circled, and for me, how I loved in that moment. What a gift that was to me, thank you.
Lucky me to have been given a chance to look deeper in to you, beyond the veneer, and to have grown as a result of your insight, your care, your commitment to being with me in your truth. I celebrate who you are, and hope that you won't waste another moment reminiscing over missed opportunity in your life or any harm done. You are the magic that you are now, because all that you have and have not done. I admire that spirit of adventure and inquisition in you, I really do, and I have and will learn from it.
The woman I see is on the verge of becoming who she wants to be. I love your ambition for yourself, your enthusiasm to learn and I know that you have it in you. Shed all those that don't serve you, and draw close to you, those old and new, who see your light and want to help you burn bright. I am one of those new. I am here for you, I celebrate you and I commit to helping you whenever you need. Please don't think that because we are not able to be lovers, that we can't be intimate, our intimacy can be mental and emotional, here to support one another. I loved reading your inner musings, saving them to remember them. The possibility of 'you' will always be read by me, as a love letter.
Thank you for the lessons, you've changed me, moulded me, awakened me in this very short period of experience that we shared with each other. Please may our parting not harden your heart, rather, let me stand as testament that men exist that offer you balance, kindness, love, sex, and all that you crave. Your unknown, the unknown, is so much closer now that you've committed to the next version of you.
I will miss you, I already do. I'm so fucking grateful.
Thank you for kissing me back.
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Letter 2 a response from a blog post i sent
Whenever I hear or in this case, read, your writing, I am always unprepared. You are always better than I imagine, and I imagine that you're good. This made my heart beat harder, to read your gentle, timid, craving, questioning, surrendering self laid bare on the page and to know that our connection inspired this...I'm moved. To have kissed you until you wanted it was easy for me, I've never wanted to kiss anyone more.
Thank you for sharing your intimate inner self, the significance of this share is not lost on me, my gratitude is real. I believe that for however long, or in whatever guise, our two wondering souls are meant to intertwine, their is purpose to our random meeting, to our questioning, testing, playing, exploring... to reveal and open new parts of each of us to ourselves and to each other.
Thank you for kissing me back, for being patient, for letting me in, for sharing your life experience...it is a privilege.
How you clung so hard those first few days at Burning Man to this exterior mask of someone not vulnerable to romance of the heart and yet you are a bed of romantic seeds planted.
I still feel great privilege to read these, access to the soft underbelly of you.
Here's to your heart, your musings, your romantic self. Here's to you, to us.
