fuck

> learn that they make products for bald men to make their heads shinier

> for some reason this is extremely funny to me and i become obsessed with this fact

> at this same time, a coworker at my new job needs to escape her abusive boyfriend

> we hatch a plan to get her stuff moved out in a couple hours while she pretends to "go to work" that morning to throw him off

> the day comes and me and one other coworker are the only ones able to actually make it

> we show up and his house is completely hoarded, like worse than half the shit on tlc hoarders.

> she failed to mention anything about this

> because of these things it takes us quite a bit longer than we planned for and the boyfriend shows up halfway through us moving her stuff

> he has the shiniest fucking head ive ever seen in my life

> they go into the master bedroom to "talk through things"

> im watching from the hallway tryna make sure nothing happens when i see it through the open door into the master bath

> a bottle of bald head oil just like ive been looking at online. it has a picture of a shiny bald head on it and everything

> hes yelling at her and shes crying and im standing there between shoulder-high cardboard boxes of random trash staring past them at the bald head oil. i cant take my eyes off it

> i want it more than ive ever wanted anything

> he eventually calms down and we finish moving her stuff but the whole time im looking for an opening to steal the bald head oil from the bathroom

> it never happens