FrigyaCrow’s Corner

I could spend a few paragraphs highlighting how this thinking is incredibly binaristic and how it views dysphoria as a solid basis for morality, rather than a personal feeling of discomfort, or I could just say that it’s more than ok to be masculine, to be a man, to be anything other than feminine or a woman. It’s more than ok to be non-binary, xenine, atrinary, something inhuman, something genderfucky, something not quite any of these things. I’d even encourage it. And if you want to be feminine, to be a woman, a girl, or anything close, I’d encourage that too.

lets lay down with mama

lets lay down with mama

we will have adults born in

the 2010’s

For those of us raised as girls, we were told to sit down, shut up, and look pretty. Even if someone wasn’t specifically told that, it was obvious that it was being pushed by the people, media, and social norms around us.

So when we as transmascs and trans men are told /that exact same thing/, to sit down and shut up because someone “more important” is talking, it reminds us of how we were treated when we were little girls or when we were seen as little girls.

And the “look pretty” part doesn’t get left out either. The ratio I’ve seen of “shut up and sit down” in the same sentence as something referring to our genitals (or the genitals they expect us to have) is nearly 1:1.

We have to walk on eggshells constantly. We are either seen as confused and stupid little girls or scary and privileged cis men. I’ve seen countless posts saying something along the lines of “take away the trans part from trans men and it all makes sense” which is ridiculous, obviously. We are trans.

When we step outside that perfect model of either the stereotypical 14 year old with fluffy hair and a high pitched voice or the stereotypical cis man with all the power in the world, we are critiqued at best and abused at worst. When we fit into those stereotypes, we are critiqued at best and abused at worst.

We are treated like dress up dolls that are just a bit broken. We can’t be good enough for everyone, let alone anyone. People put their own perceptions of us above our experiences and then stick their fingers in their ears when we try to tell them that maybe we’re worth listening to.

If you know you're trans, and know you want to transition hormonally, do your future self a favor: find a local clinic that prescribes HRT and book a consult appointment. You'll probably have to wait months for the actual appointment, but you need to do this. You may feel like your life circumstances aren't right yet to begin that process, but that's a mental trap. Don't believe that thought. HRT takes months for changes to be noticeable by people who aren't looking for it, or when you aren't trying to show them off. You will very likely be able to hide it for a while if you have to.

But more than that, your life circumstances may be wrong right now because you are simply too exhausted or depressed to make any positive changes for yourself, to take those big next steps toward getting yourself to a better place. Even if you don't think you feel much dysphoria despite wanting to transition hormonally, you will legitimately be surprised just how much your brain chemistry will shift once you have the right sex hormone coursing through your veins. HRT shouldn't be a reward for bettering yourself, HRT should be a step on the way to bettering yourself.

I know all of this first hand, and I've seen and heard the personal stories of dozens of other trans girls struggles with the same over the last year. I spent years of my life putting off starting Estrogen simply because I kept telling myself I'd do it once I moved out of my mother's house. Surprise surprise, 7 years passed and I was still stuck there. It wasn't until after I started HRT that I finally started bettering myself socially, and it wasn't until then that the fire finally lit under my ass that got me to actually start bettering my life socially, and get the ball rolling that finally got me out 9 months later.

Please, if you know you want this, start the process now. This goes for my trans brothers as much as it does my sisters and non-binary siblings. The longer you make yourself arbitrarily wait, the more years of grief you will have to process down the road. You aren't doing yourself a favor by compartmentalizing your life like this, saving the good things you need until you've accomplished goals you've been struggling with for years. You're not going to get anywhere fast if you keep telling the horse to wait for the cart to start moving. Find a provider. Book an appointment. Or hell, find alternative sources if that's feasible for you.

The work isn't choosing better categories: it's learning to think without need categories in the first place. I mean- Please Stop trying to shove people into tidy little boxes! I escaped my box!

But how do we help people notice they're thinking in binaries without immediately sorting 'binary thinking' into another binary? This is why I say "labels are traps".