OKAY I'm up to 20+ chapters, which seems like as good a time as any to actually post more than the preliminary snippet, so....
SUMMARY: When Feyre gets stolen away from their cabin by a beast, and Nesta's father and sister have no memory of it, Nesta follows her baby sister herself over the wall. But instead of rescuing Feyre, Nesta gets kidnapped by Rhysand and tricked into a bargain for Feyre's life. She has to rely on her wits to survive Prythian and this evil faerie's mysterious intentions, first Under the Mountain and then the Night Court.
Rhysand can't rationalize why he stole a snarling mortal girl away from the Spring Court. But when he drags her Under the Mountain, first to toy with her and then for some real companionship while in Amarantha's claws, he begins to realize that this odd mortal is more important to him than he wishes her to be.
TW: Implied graphic violence, implied/referenced sexual assault/non-consensual sex
Ongoing, updates 1x a week (theoretically)
Read on Ao3
Chapter 1: Preview Snippet of Nesta in Velaris (which, fair warning, isn't coming until Part 2 of this fic
Chapter 2: The Kidnapping
Chapter 3: The Cage
Chapter 4: The Stalemate
Chapter 5: The Sister
Chapter 6: The Third Degree
Chapter 7: The Sacrifice
Chapter 8: The Revelation
Chapter 9: The Escape
Chapter 10: The Confession
Chapter 11: The Turning Gears
Chapter 12: The Reunion
Chapter 13: The Reunion (Continued)
Chapter 14: The Bargain
Chapter 15: The First Trial
Chapter 16: The Hunt
Chapter 17: The Plan
Chapter 18: The Dance
Chapter 19: The Trade-Off
Chapter 20: The Second Trial
Chapter 21: The Night Before
WOOF-- ok, this post turned out gigantic. Will update link list as written/when I remember. Hope you enjoy!
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Ok. I know. I am taking several lifetimes with this chapter. Throw up a prayer to the Writing Goddess that I actually fucking finish this and post it this week. Here's a snippet of Rhys and Co. at Calanmai (without Nesta) (well, pre-Calanmai).
âWhy are you so obsessed with me and my family?â She was so young, the little sister. Or perhaps the better word for it was unformed. Unmolded clay. Exacerbated by the way she looked so uncertain in her fine dress, her forced air of authority and dignity a poor fit on the female. It was fortunate for Feyre she had endeared herself already to the fae, to the members of her court, because the role of Lady seemed unnatural for her. She made the weight of the title look too heavy. But there was still that something feral about her. She had held onto it, even in her new role, that energy like she was about to jump out of her skin if she didnât do something a little reckless and spontaneous. It suited her, but it would have driven Rhys mad.
Tam watched every word out of his mateâs mouth like it was his new religion.
Feyre, on the other hand, watched Rhys very carefully, waiting for his answer. He could sense something sparking under the surface Feyreâs skin, a glimmer in her eyes. As someone who had struggled to learn to contain his magic, he had an inkling hers was completely out of the childâs control. He wonderedâŚ
âPerhaps I miss your sister,â Rhys threw out with a careless shrug. Telling the truth, even mockingly, was like letting trapped air out of his lungs. âPerhaps I should carry her away to Night to keep her safe.âÂ
âStay away from Nesta.â The words came out of the Cursebreaker as a hiss.
âAre you so sure she wants to stay away from me? We became quite close, you know. Perhaps she misses sharing my bed.â Rhys grinned and Cassian chuckled behind him at the snarl Tamlin gave in response.
But then all laughter stopped. Feyre was practically vibrating with her untethered magic. Over her long, freckled arms, small flames had begun to dance, began to shift and move like adders ready to strike. They didnât seem to be hurting her, she didnât even notice for a second until they began to hiss and grow. A panic subsumed her. The flames grew taller and fiercer and a terror took over Tamlinâs face.Â
âTam. Tam, whatâs happening?â Feyre seemed ready to unravel completely, and the more she did, the more out of control her flames seemed to be. Tamlin moved to hold her, to comfort her, but Feyre shied away. It was Lucien who eased it, approaching Feyre like one soothing a wild dog.Â
âItâs alright, Fey. Calm yourself. Youâre fine. Nestaâs fine,â he repeated, his voice soft and melodious, until the words began to penetrate. Once he was close enough, he reached a hand out to Feyreâs burning arm. The flames didnât burn him, moved over his skin without harm. Lucien slid his arm down to take Feyre by the hand. He held it, his breathing steady, and silently instructed Feyre to do the same. After a few seconds, the Cursebreaker calmed and the flames dissipated, but it was far too obvious to Rhys at least that this wasnât the first time she'd needed to be talked down.Â
The silence afterwards seemed to weigh on all of them, no one willing to speak the obvious truth first, no one willing to offer an apology.Â
Ayyy hello! Letâs go ship hc qsss đđđđđđ
Rhysta: đ§Š đ
Neris? Or Nessian: đ§¸đĽ
OOO FUN! oh god, I just know I'm going to go too long on this...
RHYSTA-
đ§Š What tiny habit of the other do they find unbearably adorable?
In my hc, I've always thought that WHOEVER Rhys loved, he'd go from like 0 to obsessed immediately upon him realizing it. So he's infatuated with pretty much everything Nesta does. The way she frowns when she's deep in thought. The sound of her voice. The quiet deliberateness of her steps. But in my specific Rhysta fic, his absolute favorite is the way she unconsciously bites at her lower lip when she's engrossed reading something. He's hit with this impulse to take his thumb and smooth it out.
Nesta, my emotionally stunted darling, has a harder time admitting that she's fixated on Rhys's habits out of affection, rather than annoyance. He has a funny little half-smile he makes when they verbally spar that pisses her off/she's in love with.
đ How did they both realize âoh wait, this is actually loveâ?
I'd say that outside of my fic, Rhys and Nesta each come to the realization that they love the other with an "Oh, FUCK," type of feeling, after hours and days and months and years of thinking about the other constantly and believing they hate them. It hits Rhys in the middle of the umpteenth argument he's having with Nesta and he is extremely displeased about it. Nesta, on the other hand, discovers it more slowly. They have a rare moment of understanding between them, a little "we're not so different, you and I." She softens, just a little, towards him. They share a moment of sympathy because Feyre or Cassian or someone is doing something bone-headed, and they're on the same side of an IC fight for once. She finds herself glancing at him at dinners to share a look, a private joke. And the third time this happens, and he hides a smile at whatever they're sharing, uh oh. Nesta realizes she's a frog in boiling water.
In my fic where they're mates though, Rhys is in love with her WAY before the bond snaps. I think it's when he's being moody and she asks him about his mother, and it's the first time he's felt an honest, real connection with another person for fifty years, but I'm not sure he's honest with himself about what he's feeling. That he doesn't know until he thinks she's about to stabbed by Feyre. Nesta, tbd. She's still in denial in the chapters written.
NERIS
𧸠Who still has the very first gift the other ever gave them?
Eris gives Nesta her first present like it's nothing. Like basically tosses the box to her like "open it or not, I don't care" but he's watching her open it so intently and it has been meticulously wrapped and picked out. It's an heirloom piece of jewelry - beautiful but understated - that's recognizably "Vanserra". Not because he thinks Nesta loves jewelry but because to me, Eris realizes on some level that it's important that Nesta is "claimed" publicly, that he makes it clear he's really proud to be with her. Nesta of course takes very good care of the earrings, but only wears them on special occasions.
Nesta absent-mindedly picks a flower and hands it to Eris while they're on a walk one day, and he secretly pockets it, takes it home and presses it, and uses it as his go-to bookmark.
đĽ Whatâs the biggest risk one of them took for the other that the partner didnât find out about until much later?
Eris goes behind Nesta's back to try and broker peace with Rhys and her family and even Cassian, even though he knows they fucking hate him, because he knows she misses them even as she claims otherwise. He promises all manner of things that aren't his to promise. Truly stupid. If they betrayed him and told Beron, Eris's ass would be grass. Luckily, all they do is tell him to fuck off.
NESSIAN
𧸠It's truly hard to beat the Symphonia. It's also truly hard to forgive Cassian for being a petulant little asshole and destroying a one-of-a-kind antiquarian book (again, I work for a rare book dealer - apparently this is a mortal sin). I think even when Nessian breaks up or like in my Post-HOFAS fic, are "on a break", Nesta can't bear to leave Cassian's gifts behind. Cassian, on the other hand, would toss her gifts in a fit of rage if they break up, and would IMMEDIATELY regret it, and try to fish it out of the trash/fire/ocean. If they stay together though, he keeps and treasures all of Nesta's minor gifts to him- he keeps the little ones in his bedside table. He never tells her he's mildly allergic to the wool sweater she gave him and wears it often. (look, I just don't think Nesta would be good at giving gifts, and that's fine. She has other virtues)
đĽ The optimistic part of me who still believes in Cassian's redemption wants Cassian to put everything on the line. It's obvious he'd so easily sacrifice his life for Nesta, but I want him to be willing to sacrifice himself for Nesta. His ego, these ideas he has about himself and his insecurities, how he unconsciously uses/depends on his family as a shield against those insecurities, his place in the Night Court-- I think he finally learns that if he wants a real, happy relationship with Nesta, he needs to sacrifice these. And to be fair to Cassian, after 500 years, it's a HUGE risk for him to give these up and follow her to reinstate the Dusk Court.
make sure to include the pairing(s) you are wanting these questions to be answered for . these should work for poly ships as well as monogamous . feel free to edit these as you see fit .
đ How did they both realize âoh wait, this is actually loveâ?
đš Who fell harder & who fell first?
đŤ Whatâs their favorite way to hold each other when words arenât enough?
đĽ Whatâs the pettiest thing theyâve ever argued about?
đ Who says âI love youâ first & how?
đ Whoâs the little spoon & who pretends they hate it but secretly loves it?
đ Would they ever get married? What would the proposal look like?
𧸠Who still has the very first gift the other ever gave them?
đ Who is more likely to start chaos âfor the vineâ & who films it?
đś Whatâs their song - the one that makes them both tear up / grin like idiots?
â Whoâs the morning person & how do they lure the night owl out of bed?
đĄď¸ Who jumps in front of danger for the other without thinking?
đł Whatâs the most embarrassing thing theyâve walked in on the other doing?
đ Whatâs the one fight that almost ended them?
𩹠How do they comfort each other after nightmares?
đ Who gets jealous more easily & how obvious are they about it?
đł Who cooks & who sets off the smoke alarm trying to help?
đ§ł If they had to run away together tomorrow, where would they go?
đ Who is bolder in public (hand-holding, kisses, etc.)?
đ§ď¸ Who steals whose hoodies when it rains?
đ How do they celebrate each otherâs birthdays?
đ¤ Whatâs the darkest âweâll never tell anyoneâ thing theyâve done together?
đ Who leaves little love notes & where do they hide them?
đ Who hogs the blanket & who ends up freezing dramatically?
đ´ Who falls asleep first & who watches them with heart-eyes?
đŞ Whoâs more likely to say âweâre not leaving this room todayâ?
đ¸ What nickname do they have for each other that would mortify them if others heard?
đ¤ Who sings in the shower & who secretly records it for blackmail?
đ How do they act when one of them is sick?
𩸠Who would literally kill for the other & who would help hide the body?
đ Do they go on sunrise / stargazing dates? Which one do they love more?
đ¤ Who apologizes first after a fight, even if they werenât wrong?
đ§Š What tiny habit of the other do they find unbearably adorable?
đŞ Who plans elaborate surprise dates & who just wants to stay in?
đ In their relationship, whoâs the king / queen & whoâs the knight / advisor?
đŞď¸ Whatâs the most chaotic thing theyâve done together on pure impulse?
đ¤ Who has the weirdest sleep-talking lines that the other quotes constantly?
đ§Ą What color reminds each of them of the other?
đ°ď¸ If they could go back in time, what moment would they relive together?
đś Whoâs terrified of saying âmeet my parentsâ & why?
đˇ Who gets tipsy first & starts spilling embarrassing love confessions?
đż Do they want kids/pets/plants together? What do they name them?
đŞ Who takes longer getting ready & who hypes the other up in the mirror?
đĽ Whatâs the biggest risk one of them took for the other that the partner didnât find out about until much later?
đ§Ł Who steals the otherâs scarf / gloves âon accidentâ every winter?
đ Whatâs their âwe made it through hellâ memory theyâll tell their grandkids?
đ Who kisses the other first thing in the morning, morning breath & all?
𩰠Slow dancing in the kitchen at 3 a.m. - who starts it?
â If one of them had to leave forever, what would they leave behind for the other?
đŤ Ten years from now, what random Tuesday are they spending together?
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my most toxic trait is i fucking love work gossip. i play neutral not to be the bigger person or take the high road but to hear slander and hearsay from every side. two coworkers complained about each other to me in the same afternoon and i nearly blacked out from the rush
when I was in college as a freshman, i took a 101 Art history class -- big lecture hall with high anonymity, most of us spent the hour and a half playing addictinggames.com instead of taking notes. And one day my professor put this painting up on the slides and waxed poetic for about twenty minutes about how lovingly these shoes were painted, and how the painting operated almost like portraiture. How you could see the shoes were cared for and repaired, even as the leather was aging and wearing, even though they'd been kicked off and left askew on the floor. And I fell completely in love with art history permanently thanks to this one unassuming painting.
As everyone may or may not know, @theladyofbloodshed sadly took a step back this year after having run Neris Week for several years. We've got some huge shoes to fill, but this year's team has already been hard at work to transition this event week into something really special across not just Tumblr, but also Instagram and Reddit!
Without further ado, and in alphabetical order, please welcome this year's mod team! behind the cut!
Hi hiii, I'm ebbie (or briar). Iâve been in the fandom just under two years now but it quickly took root in my life.
I shipped Neris in SF, but you bet I was side-eying that scene in WAR when Nesta stands up to Beron and the other High Lords. Their dance scene was the first time I felt like I saw Nesta. She felt more at ease in that scene than in any other to me. Neris just gives me the vibe that Eris would marvel in her destruction, and truly embrace her for who (and what) she is.
I just recently started writing fanfic so I donât have anything to show for Neris myself (yet), but A Court of Tangled Flames (classic) & No One Likes a Mad Woman(!!!) are the first two Neris fics that I read and only fueled my love for them more. There are so many different ways their story could play out and all are as equally beautiful and delicious (yes, I want max drama and angst, otherwise whatâre we doing here, y'all?).
Iâm super excited to be part of this yearâs appreciation week and I canât wait for all the wonderful art and stories to come! â¤ď¸âđĽ
You may know me as Hope Iochi on Tumblr or Zealousideal-Can-403 on Reddit. I've been in this fandom for more than a year, though I read the books during the pandemic.
I don't remember how I came to read my first Neris fic, but it converted me. I do remember, for sure, that I devoured one fic after another: "A Court of Flames and Forgiveness" by mytearsricochet89, "A Court of Tangled Flames" by Theladyofbloodshed and "A Court of Unforged Hearts" by limeandorange (with whom I now have the pleasure to work) & MissMandy. My obsession with this ship only grew, and I discovered many more talented writers and artists. Every Neris fic I've read has fixed something I didn't even know was broken by the canon, every art piece I've seen brightened my day and filled my heart with warmth. I want to say thank you to everyone who has materialised their love for Neris into something beautiful.
This is what inspired me to help the community by being a mod for #nerisweek2026. Even if it is my first involvement in such a big fandom event, I hope that together with this year's team, we'll do a good job.
Hi hi guys, Iâm limeandorange! đâđŠ đ
I have been somewhat in fandom 2 years now, and let me just say I was basically lost to Neris before Nesta and Eris had even properly interacted. Every single Eris scene in SF had me sitting there like: âThis HAS to be leading somewhere, right?â
The flames, the sharp attitudes, the eldest child issues, the emotional repression, the fact they would absolutely combust if trapped in the same room together⌠and then the dance scene happened and I was gone, fully claimed by Neris Nation, no recovery possible. Naturally, the second I finished the books, I immediately started writing my fanfic "A Court of Unforged Hearts", and that story is still my baby to this day!
Some fun facts about me:
Limes are rich in vitamin C and honestly deserve more appreciation for their immune system contributions.
Oranges are great for hydration and potassium, which means together lime and orange are basically the power couple of citrus.
Citrus fruits can help with iron absorption which feels useful for surviving both life and Neris angst.
I have spent an unreasonable amount of time thinking about fictional faeries and also citrus fruits.
I canât wait to share Neris Week with everyone and Iâm sure weâre going to have a great time together! đâđŠ đĽ
Hi everyone! I'm Bee, aka MM, aka MadMorrigan.
I joined the ACOTAR fandom in December of 2024 after mainlining the first book over the course of 3 days. I initially fell head-over-heels for Elucien (and am still a still a huge fan of that ship); Neris was a complete accident! I fell down the rabbithole by reading through @separatist-apologist's entire fic library, and No One Likes A Mad Woman grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and never let go. My love for Neris has only grown from there.
I've since written a few fics of my own featuring those two: "You've Got Mail (Neris' version)" (the first half is co-written; in progress) and "We Both Go Down Together" (complete, though the series it's part of is ongoing). I cannot fully express how thrilled I was to jump into Neris Week this year, and this year's team is seriously one of the most motivated and easy to work with groups I've worked with!
Outside of the internet, I'm a west coast working mom with too many hobbies that range from collecting plants, knitting, D&D, foraging, reading, writing, and both digital and traditional art. Fun fact: I've also written a fair amount of Forgotten Realms fanfic over the years, and have co-written several little 5e supplement books one can find on DMsGuild!
I just know we're all gonna have a great time this year. Let's go Neris nation! đ
Hi, Iâm PinkFuneral!
I joined the fandom in 2023 and shipped Neris when I read Silver Flames. I was so disappointed Nesta didnât accept Erisâ proposal, because they had so much chemistry and heat during the dance scene. It wasnât until I started talking to other fans on Reddit that I realized I wasnât the only one with this opinion.
I like to explore various ships when writing to see what I can come up with. Iâve written Morlain, Gwynlain, Jassa, Azris, and Tamris, as well as several Elucien fics. Iâm currently working on my first Neris fic.
In real life, Iâm a mom in the Midwestern US that likes to read, write, and garden. I have a no-lawn yard full of native flowers and plants, and I love to document whatâs growing every week through pictures and drawings. đź
Hi, Iâm teethmissing, or you can just call me teeth!
Iâve been in the fandom since 2021, but wasnât super active until 2025. Iâve loved Nesta from the very beginning, and after Silver Flames, I just felt myself wanting more to her story. Thatâs how I stumbled upon Neris fanfiction, and my addiction started there. Iâve probably devoured every fanfic thatâs been publicly shared, which inspired me to start writing my own.
Iâm extremely excited to be a part of the team for this yearâs Neris week! I hope youâll join us in celebrating what would be Prythianâs Hottest Power Couple.
I hope you've enjoyed getting to meet us - come say hi in the comments! Finally, we'll see you next week, when we announce this year's prompts!
you know how in (all) fandoms, inevitably someone will come into a public forum and be like "if you don't like so-and-so or if you're going to just complain about this, why do you even bother reading it? go be part of a fandom you actually like," and it's such an irritating straw man argument, because when did critical thought/considered criticism immediately meant that I don't enjoy something or can't engage with it?
Okay, maybe they have THE TINIEST BIT of a point, because I saw the "a story in four movements" bullshit, and instantly my reaction was --
Sorry sorry sorry to all my NTSM readers for the delay in the next chapter. I don't know why, but I'm having one of those bouts where I come back to the chapter after a day or two away, and hate all of it, and toss it away.
So to tide any interested parties over until I actually post it, here's a snippet of a scene of Rhys meeting Nesta's father that I've cut from the next chapter.
(there's the small possibility this will make it's way back into the fic, but I don't think it's likely.) Read under the cut...
Rhys hated seeing her here. No, a lie. He loved seeing Nesta anywhere, any opportunity granted to him. But if he could break the bars of the cage in which she locked herself, he would. She deserved more than devoting herself to raise the pretensions of the father who didnât care enough for her and the sister too blind and too spoiled to the sacrifices and feelings of her siblings. It was a waste of her talents, her intelligence, that authority she could muster at a blink. He wanted so much to be the one to give her the life she deserved. But Nesta would never allow that, would never allow even the point of view that her life was somehow less than satisfying.Â
He lingered, glamoured as he watched from the window as Nesta announced her return. She seemed surprised to find her father at home for once and sitting with a man with straight strawberry blond hair cut bluntly in a way that reminded Rhys of a broom. The male rose with a pleased grin upon her entrance. Rhys managed to stop himself from flying in and ripping off the hand that took Nestaâs in greeting, raising it to his lips for a light kiss, but only just. Nesta had not told him that she was still entertaining suitors. Not a surprise, considering wrenching secrets from her was pulling teeth, but as a mated male who had waited eight months for a single taste of his female, Rhys feltâŚpressed. Rhys had only just made his affection truly known, he reminded himself. Nesta may want things he could not give her - a marriage in which she could grow old with someone. Children. Once again, he was torn. Rhys wanted Nesta to have everything she desired, truly. He simply also wanted to be the only one to give her those things.Â
The Cauldron had been cruel. Â
But as the manâs hand drifted injudiciously low on Nestaâs back as he led her to her seat, fate was written. Rhys could put a stop to this right now in a civil manner, or he could find this man and mist him in his sleep. For the sake of human-fae relations, the choice was clear.Â
âLord Rhysand Adesius begs a moment of your time, Miss Nesta.â Rhys followed the servant who announced him to the astonished family gathering. He couldnât help the satisfied smile as the unknown man shifted uncomfortably at the sight of Rhys. Thatâs right, fucker, he thought, you havenât a prayer.Â
âLady Nesta, I apologize for my interruption, but you left your book in my carriage. I did not wish you to do without.â He had hit upon the excuse and conjured something from the shadow realm to give the easy lie credence. He held the book he had magicked blindly - a text on botany too dry for even him - and tried not to laugh when Nesta wrinkled her nose at it.Â
âHow thoughtful of you,â she answered flatly. âThank you. Iâd invite you to stay but- â
âNesta, child. Youâve no wish to be unsociable, Iâm sure,â her father was on his feet in a moment, heading Rhysâs way. Rhys didnât miss how her eyes flashed steely grey in anger at the rebuke. âIntroduce us to your friend.âÂ
She dutifully nodded. âLord Rhys, this is my father, Roland Archeron. And his friend Sir Cole Wynat. Rhys is a neighbor of Aunt Ripleighâs, father. He has just done me the kindness of escorting me home.â Nesta turned to Rhys then, her smile tight and forbidding. âWe shouldnât keep him.âÂ
Mr. Archeron brushed right past his daughter, ignoring her. Rhysâs nostrils flared at the manâs blatant disregard for daughterâs wishes, even if it did serve his own purpose. He told himself to keep things amiable as Mr. Archeron reached for his hand.Â
âForgive my daughter, Lord Rhys. She has a shyness that is often mistaken for indifference. You are more than welcome.âÂ
But Rhys did let himself squeeze the manâs proffered hand just past the point of comfort. Just a subtle warning.Â
âPlease. Lady Nesta and I are good friends, Mr. Archeron. We donât stand on ceremony with each other. No forgiveness needed.â
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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If so, good news: only 3 more months until Neris Week! Watch this space over the next few days as we introduce our 2026 Mod Team and this year's prompts.
hello! You know, I love your rhysta and I love your nessian - i wonder, have you ever been tempted to try other nesta ships? -heyluuu
I'm of the belief that Nesta is THE most shippable character in the SJM universe. She can have chemistry with truly anyone -- Azriel, Eris, Mor, Emerie, Tarquin. One of my favorite fanfics involves her falling in love with Hunt from CC, and another has this really beautiful slow-burn with Fenrys.
But for me, I've not really tried any but Cass and Rhys. The Post-HOFAS Nessian fic i'm trudging my way through actually had a (very) rough draft as a Nezriel fic, but I talked myself into wanting to give Cassian a redemption arc instead. I love Nezriel, but I feel like I don't personally have a good grasp on Azriel as a character independent of his relationships.
And I ride HARD for Neris. But there are so many excellent Neris fics that I'm too intimidated to write one.
Warned her sister about a mercenary after being robbed by one
Hired a mercenary to escort her to the wall to try and rescue her sister
Sat in fear for months because she knew her sister was taken by a faerie
Protected her sister all night from suitors while her dad and other sister partied
Encouraged her to pursue love
Let faeries stay in her home after months of no contact with her sister
Sent a letter to mortal queens on sisterâs behalf
Begged the queens to evacuate the humans because sheâd calculated the number of ships required
Remained in the human world because her other sister chose dick over safety
Got forced into the cauldron despite her sisterâs mate swearing theyâd be protected
Got attacked in the sanctuary of the library in the safe haven of velaris
Tried to learn how to manage her magic in a week to protect the wall
Spent all night in the rain and mud lugging buckets and bandages around a war camp to help healers
Fought in a war
Killed the king
Watched her fatherâs neck be broken
Maybe she should have just killed some faeries with hate in her heart, dismantled an entire courtâs stability, burnt a whole village, or sexually assaulted someone for months â¨
Summary: Cassian confronts his guilt as he learns more about his absent mate.
Read HERE -- Blurb after the cut
His guilt was ready to drown him. Cassian roamed the streets of Velaris, bright and colorful as always. Cheery as always. The past few months heâd not left the Townhouse often for this exact reason â he felt mocked by everyone elseâs happiness, by the lightness everyone else seemed to carry. By their easy smiles. Didnât they know the sun was out of his life? How were they so fucking carefree about it?
He walked down a block he knew well, Nestaâs old stomping grounds. He knew more about these residents than he should have, having accidentally spied on them when he would perch on rooftops, watching over Nesta. Knew the older high fae male who always cooked and ate the exact same omelette every night. Knew that the couple in the building next to where Nestaâs had stood always ended the night inviting the maleâs best friend for a nightcap. Knew that same best friend was desperately in love with his buddyâs female, but neither half of the couple seemed to realize it. It felt strange to have such intimacy with people Cassian would never know and hadnât seen in over two years. It had seemed wrong, at the time, for Nesta to be here. To be living in such squalor, to be walking these unsavory streets. But perhaps she had liked it, liked the lack of pretension, liked the familiar scrappiness of it.Â
Cassian realized he had never asked.Â
This is what bothered him more than anything else, here on the other side of Nesta and him: how little he knew about her. How little he had bothered to ask, how little she had been comfortable sharing. Cassian had felt like he knew Nesta from the moment they had met, knew her down to her bones. But it was such arrogant bullshit on his part. He knew the shadows of stories and allowed himself to draw his own conclusions. He had one moment with her when she was human, and felt her fear of males. Correctly guessed she had been hurt by one. That was enough for Cassian to taste blood in his mouth, for his instincts to drive him to fly out and find the prick, make him suffer for it. But he had never asked about it again. He hadnât known she had been engaged to the asshole until she mentioned it that night before she left him.Â
How many other things had he been willfully blind to, when it came to his mate?Â
Mostly posting this to keep myself accountable in actually finishing and posting this chapter some time in the near (like actually near) future, because I have been SLACKING on this fic.
Cassian, reckoning with all the things he allowed himself not to know about Nesta, decides to make Rhys show him what Nesta experienced in the Cauldron....
âDonât give me your controlling bullshit. Show me.â Cassian crossed his arms. âIâm not leaving here until I see.âÂ
âMaybe Nesta wouldnât want you prying into it.â
âNesta should probably never speak to me again, so thereâs little chance sheâll ever know. Show me.âÂ
Still Rhys hesitated, biting at the inside of his cheek in that way he had had since they were children. Literally biting back the words. The three of them stood in silence for a long awkward moment before Rhys finally spat out, âRemember you asked for this.âÂ
âI want to see too,â Feyre piped up.Â
âDarling, I donât think thatâs a good -â
âI thought we discussed you making decisions for my good, Rhys. If youâre showing Cassian, you can show me too.âÂ
Rhys resisted, but finally nodded. A second later, Cassian was back in that fucking room, though this time he wasnât trying to ignore the excruciating pain at his back. He was sick with terror and rage, bound and gagged as he watched Elain carried into the Cauldron. He felt the fear Nesta felt as she looked around, seeing only a crowd of fae that she couldnât trust would do a single thing to help her, that for all she knew would delight in her and Elainâs tortures. The terror she felt not knowing if Elain would survive. The horror at her changed form, the loss of the sister she knew her whole life. He saw himself, prone on the floor, felt the sense of betrayal that this was happening to her - had her sister or her friends even bothered to try to protect them? Had Cassian even remembered his promise? These soldiers stole them from their beds with little effort. But overpowering this anger was a deep concern as she noticed Cassian struggling to move. The wave of relief that Elain survived cut short by yet another treacherous faerie coming too close, coming to claim her sister seconds after she was forever changed.Â
And then the sheer paralyzing horror as the soldiers grabbed Nesta. The certainty that she would die. The way she fought with such desperation, clinging to her life as best she could while knowing she wouldnât succeed. Cassian glanced briefly at Feyre, who had tears running down her face even before the pain of the Cauldron started.Â
Cassian gasped at the agony of it. The way its cold waters burned, pouring itself into her blood. Twisting and tearing at her angrily as she tried to fight back. It was a whole, consuming torture - no single part of Nesta had been left alone, every piece of her had been broken and reshaped to the Cauldronâs wishes. She watched as the swirling waters came for her in revenge, something ominous in their movement, in the power they wielded. She tried screaming for help, she tried screaming Cassianâs name, and the Cauldronâs water simply used the opportunity to reach down her mouth like a vicious claw and rip her apart from the inside. He had remembered those screams well, had been haunted by them more than once, but feeling them, feeling the desperation behind themâŚ.Cassian felt ill. It had been less than a minute in the Cauldron, but he had remembered Nesta saying it had felt like more. She hadnât told him it felt like an eternity of agony. Death itself holding her by the throat, burrowing into her flesh and bone and mind.
Grief. Profound, immovable grief. Thatâs how it ended. Thatâs what lied beneath the pain. Cassian had expected rage. That was what Nesta had expressed after all - a death promise for that horrible king. A glorious and terrible goddess fueled by vengeance and cloaked in a fury she carried with her for the entirety of the war. But no. It was grief for the body that was no longer her own. Grief for the life she would never get to live. Grief at being ripped from everything she knew, and being thrown into a world that terrified her instead. They had had little patience, Cassian and his family, afterwards. They hadnât said it outright, but they had all thought it - the sisters had been given gifts they didnât deserve. Immortality. Eternal fae beauty. Inconceivable power. How dare they be so tortured by it?Â
Rhys pulled out of his and Feyreâs minds gently as he could, and Cassian came back to himself, standing in his brotherâs elegant office space inside his stately home, a sense of familiarity and coziness returning to him slowly.Â
Cassian promptly turned his head, bent over, and threw up on the thick silk rug.
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Snippet below the cut
Nesta has been staring at the same sentence for the past twenty minutes.
The duchess gazed upon the pirateâs rugged visage with unbridled passion, her bosom heaving beneath the constraints of her corset.
Itâs terrible. The whole manuscript is terrible. The duchess is terrible, the pirate is terrible, the authorâs understanding of both historical accuracy and human emotion is terrible. She hates every fucking word in this manuscript.
But Nesta canât focus enough to write the editorial notes explaining why itâs terrible, because Cassian has been playing music in his room for the past hour and itâs getting progressively louder. At first, it was just annoying background noise. Now itâs rattling her desk.
It had started with 90âs reggae, but itâs progressed to some kind of aggressive rock music with a lot of drums and shouting. The kind of music people listen to when theyâre either working out or having an emotional crisis.
Nesta tries to ignore it. She closes her door, but it doesnât help. She puts in earbuds, but she can still feel the bass through the floor. She considers going to a coffee shop, but sheâs in sweatpants and has no desire to put on real clothes.
Finally, when she reads the sentence about the duchessâs heaving bosom for the forty-ninth time, she snaps. She rips out her earbuds, storms across the hall, and bangs on Cassianâs door.
No answer. The music drowns it out.
She bangs again. Harder this time, using the side of her fist. âCassian!â
Still nothing.
âCassian!â she yells. âCASSIAN! Turn down the music!â
Nothing. Sheâs only met with more drums and guitar and someone screaming about scheming and sabotaging.
Fine. Sheâll just have to go in there herself then.
Nesta throws open the door, already launching into her complaint about the noise and how sheâs trying to work and heâs being inconsiderate and has he even considered for a second that other people live here, when she stops dead.
âOH MY GOD!â Nesta exclaims, because Cassian is standing in the middle of his room completely, utterly, entirely naked.
Heâs clearly come fresh from the shower. His hair is wet and dripping. There are water droplets trailing down his neck, his back, to the swell of his very toned ass. His skin is still flushed from the hot water. And heâs just⌠standing there. Naked. In front of his dresser, presumably about to pick out clothes.
He turns toward the sound, and Nestaâs temporarily distracted by the tattoos everywhere. Intricate black designs curl up his ribs, spreading across his chest and wrapping around his biceps. Sheâd seen them before, but nothing couldâve prepared her for this full, wet picture.
And below the tattoosâŚ
Nestaâs brain short-circuits, because she can see everything.
Life and work have been kicking my ass lately, so I'm sorry for the delay in my next chapter. I'm hoping I can get it out this week, but I just realized that it's Thursday, so that frankly seems a little delusional. So here's a (unedited) bit of Nesta being emotionally constipated to tide everyone over...
They stood in uncomfortable silence, Rhys and Nesta, each waiting the other out to break the quiet.Â
âSheâs very beautiful,â Nesta tried to say offhand, nodding at the High Lord of Summerâs cousin, who was preoccupied with some of what Nesta guessed were the High Lordâs vassals.Â
âCresseida?â Rhys glanced behind him at the princess. âYes, she is.âÂ
âPolitically advantageous too,â Nesta continued. âHis Lordship Tarquin seems rather...cool towards you. An alliance by marriage would be beneficial.âÂ
She could practically see Rhys biting his tongue, his jaw feathering with his irritation. âAn astute observation as well, Nesta. May I ask the point of this?âÂ
Nesta did her best to make her shrug look offhand. âJust considering. Sheâs a fine prospect. And she actually seems to find you charming.âÂ
âA sign of poor taste then.â Nesta could feel his irritation mounting, a sort of coiled energy emanating off of Rhys, even as he forced himself to stand perfectly still, continuing to lean against the railing, arms crossed in front of his chest. He took a slow inhale, then exhale. He repeated this twice. Reining himself in âIs this your way of having the conversation youâve been avoiding, Nesta?âÂ
Nesta said nothing.Â
Rhys let out a petulant little scoff. âVery well, then. Have it your way.â He shoved himself off the railing they were leaning against and strode purposefully towards Cresseida.Â
Nesta pretended not to notice. Pretended she didnât see the warm, welcoming smile Cresseida gave Rhys, or the familiar laugh he managed to pull from her so easily. Pretended she didnât want to tear Rhysâs friendly hand from Cresseidaâs shoulder. It wasnât fair, she knew it wasnât.Â