I don’t know why at certain points in my life my intuition is a little Too Much™, from weirdly premonition-like dreams to getting by a Feeling™ about something, but it happened again.
I had a feeling yesterday afternoon that something bad would happen. I told my friends because it was so strong and I specifically knew it would be about something family-related. Just that feeling deep in the pit of your stomach. It’s happened to me before, albeit I can count how many times on one hand.
And my ex brother in law died. He was in my life since I was 18 up until just a few years ago. And he OD’d. I’ve never know someone who has died like that before. I’m still in shock, but there’s so few people in my life now who knew him or really understand the weird emotions. And I’m trying to be there for my sister, because she’s fucked up about it and the divorce was messy and they ended badly and partly because he’s an addict.
But like. He was my brother for so long? I have so many good memories with him? I’m just sick to my stomach over it. I have been since my feeling yesterday, and my sister telling me the news this morning.
I wish my intuition can sometimes leave me be-or spirits or whatever it is. I don’t need to be any closer to it.
It makes me feel like I’m carrying a graveyard.
Grief is such an onerous creature.
