*shrugs*

My alone time is for everyone’s safety

am I unforgivable or is it just wednesday

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh

sometimes i hire two guys off of craigslist to drive rental maseratis into each other. youd be surprised how little they'll do it for

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

Didn't realize they made emergency thermal blankets for babies

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

google search job ideas for failures