he stays silent, because of course he does. as the mortification grows, you attempt to backtrack. “i don’t think that way on purpose—it just…it happens, and i don’t know why, and i can’t stop it. i try to blink it away before bed every night, but you’re lying right here and i love you so much and i can hear your heartbeat—and i think and think about how i’d do anything to make sure it never stops.” 

“sweetie…” propping himself up on your pillows, sylus gathers you in his arms. he seems not to notice the droplets slowly seeping into his robe. “i don’t need you to do anything.  i just need you.” 

“i hope—” you shake your head in frustration. it feels impossible to speak with the swelling in your throat. “i hope i die before you do,” you croak. “so i’ll never have to know what it’s like to lose you.”

like he always does when things threaten you, he rumbles lowly in discontent. yet as one hand clutches your waist and the other strokes up and down your trembling back, he tries to soften himself as much as possible. 

“it’s like we’ve talked about before,” he begins once his instincts have settled down. “my line of work isn’t conventional. no matter what, i’ll do whatever i can to keep coming back to you. that being said…everything i have done—everything that i continue to do—is set up so that you can flourish in a world without me.” 

it’s hard to carry on with your whimpers in his ears, but he does so in hopes it’ll soothe you. 

“you’ll be looked after. you’ll be cared for. and you will want for nothing,” he says firmly. “i know how scary it is, sweetie. that’s why i try not to do myself the disservice of imagining my life without you. but the end of my world doesn’t mean the end of yours. tell me you know that.” 

he wants to see the best in your silence—to hope that you’ve managed to fall asleep, despite it all. but after a few more empty beats, you grasp his velvet lapels and press your tear-stained cheek into his chest. 

“you mean everything to me.” 

he sighs at your soft voice, stroking your hair and holding you tight. “does it sound silly if i say you’re so much more than ‘everything’?”

it feels sick letting his pulse lull you to sleep—like you’re wasting a finite number of priceless heartbeats. so you fight off every impulse, like you wish you could fight your thoughts. 

i was also thinking about his event story for the Steam Veil event! how the hot spring water effected by a protocore amplified his scent and made it enticing for animals and mc. the thought of him sitting in the hot spring with five or six birds perched on his shoulders is still so cute to meeeal;fdkjakbfs,,!!!

but after taking a closer look i thinkkk it was instead changing around an aspect of their personality to be the opposite? so xavier, who's usually secretive and quiet, now shares everything on his mind. zayne, whose emotions are usually hidden, now displays them to everyone around him. rafayel who's usually picky ? now sees golden halos around things that improve his outlook on them? (probably off on this one). caleb, who's usually powerful and in control, loses control of his evol, rendering it nearly useless. and sylus, who's usually scary, now attracts those around him? i'm unsure about that one too, since it doesn't work on other people, only mc and animals, but that could just be so the plot still works. i haven't looked for other peoples thoughts on the event though, if they exist online!

but it's still a really hot idea to me,, being enticed by his scent to the point that it grows addictive. spending so much time nestled against him because his scent is calming and soso pleasant..,gjrhrrjg

It’s silly—absolutely baffling, and yet you always find your gaze wandering to it, especially when his profile is on full display. You map the curve of his prominent bridge all the way to the sharp tip of his nose, completely transfixed. The desire to trace the shape of it always resurfaces, making your fingers twitch at your side.

Sylus would let you if you asked. Hell, he’d probably delight in it, flashing you that sly smile that makes you feel weaker than you’d ever care to admit. The teasing would be incessant—Sylus already understood his effect on you, to have another weapon in his endless arsenal would devastate your defenses; make it easier for him to disarm you in moments when he wanted you to unravel for him.

That’s why you’re glad he’s asleep. This would be embarrassing otherwise.

Your gaze wanders over his sleeping figure, still infuriatingly handsome despite being lost to the waking world. Silver strands sweep across Sylus’s forehead, nearly obscuring his eyes. His long, dark lashes rest against his cheek, making him look serene, gentle.

It’s a rare thing to see Sylus so content, but this is an image meant only for you, just like the many others—the soft smile that makes him look boyish, and blood-red eyes shining with affection instead of their usual disinterest.

You reach out, mindful of keeping your touch featherlight as you caress his jaw, skim soft fingers across his lips. Slowly, you inch up to the tip of his nose, marveling at his distinct features as if he is a beloved piece crafted by a master sculptor.

Goodness, you love his nose.

“Are you having fun, sweetie?”

Your heart nearly leaps out of your chest at the unexpected sound of Sylus’s drowsy voice. A curse passes your lips just as his eyes flutter open, instantly meeting your gaze. He squints, but doesn’t glower despite the morning light that pours through the parted curtains and bathes the room in a golden glow.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

His eyes hold yours for a second longer, wholly unconvinced by your attempt at evasion, before shifting to the finger pressed to his nose. A surprised chuckle sounds in the back of his throat—amused or perplexed, it’s too difficult to tell with how loud your heartbeat is pounding in your ears.

You move to pull your hand away, but Sylus is quicker. He catches your wrist, bringing your hand down to his lips to press a tender kiss to your palm.

“Don’t run away,” Sylus whispers as he laces his fingers with yours. “If you’re enjoying something, you should indulge to your heart's content.”

He uses his other hand to catch you around the waist, guiding you closer to him until your body blankets his. It’s a strategic move on his part, you think, bringing you close enough to feel the heat that radiates off of him like a furnace. Sylus knows how easily you melt into him, as if your body craves his essence to the point of desperation.

“I am curious about what caught your attention this early,” he murmurs between your fingers, making you shudder. “You were staring so intently.”

Your mind jumps between semi-believable excuses and poorly framed deflections, but the playful glint in his eyes paired with the gentle caress of his lips turns your brain to mush.

“Your…nose,” you confess.

The admission takes Sylus by surprise. It’s evident in the way he blinks up at you, carefully considering your answer for a moment that feels overlong, before raising a gray brow.

“My nose,” Sylus repeats. The hint of disbelief is not lost on you, nor is the sudden flush of pink that colors his cheeks. “You…always find a way to surprise me, kitten.”

The anxiety that plagued you only seconds before slowly fades, making way for a comforting warmth that settles in your chest. It’s clear no one has ever complimented this part of him, be it out of fear or coyness, no soul could ever say. All you know for certain is that you like being the first—the one to shower him in affection he has been deprived of; to lift the cruel mask he confidently wears and see the man with too much heart beneath.

“Good.” You lean forward and gently kiss the tip of his nose. Languidly, you trail higher, peppering his bridge with phantom kisses until you meet the space between his brows. “I need to keep you on your toes.”

A breathless laugh sounds below you, drawing your attention to the eager smile that plays at Sylus’s lips— an image meant only for you. Callous fingers cradle your jaw, drawing you near until you feel his breath mingling with yours.

“Yes, you do…” The soft flesh of his bottom lip teases yours as Sylus moves to close the gap between you. “And I’ll revel in every moment, sweetie.”

I wasn’t aware you knew so many curse words, kitten.

You sniffled, laughing at your screen despite your tears. You’d been texting Sylus non-stop for the past two hours, complaining about your job and your growing aversion to it. You weren’t sure how or when it had started. Perhaps all the way back when you realised that the fearsome Onychinus leader wasn’t the villain the Association made him out to be. Perhaps it was your growing number of co-workers who thought they were better and stronger than you because of their more active Evol, or your superiors who demanded more and more and more without any recognition whatsoever.

You were tired, burned-out, and quite frankly, fed up. You woke up, forced a nutritious breakfast down your throat, went to work, killed some Wanderers, came back home, had some protein-packed dinner and then curled up in bed. Rinse and repeat. No wonder Sylus’s life seemed so much more exciting.

You doubted more and more if this was the life you wanted to keep living until you retired, especially now that you knew Valko, who could leave society behind for as long as he pleased whenever he wanted, as free as a wild wolf—literally.

Another message from Sylus chimed in.

Come over after work. Let me take your mind off things and spoil you tonight.

You smiled.

Sounds heavenly, you texted back, right before a message from Valko popped up.

Back in town. When can I see you? You flinched when your superior called your name. Stupid paperwork, stupid reports, stupid annual leave of Captain Jenna.

You didn’t get a chance to text him back until you clocked out for the day, later than planned, too. It was just after nine when you finally mounted your bike and raced straight to the N109 zone with a growling stomach, tears in your eyes and a dire need for cuddles from your favourite dragon.

Sylus was already waiting for you by the ajar door when you arrived. He usually tracked your location as soon as you entered the N109 zone to make sure you got to him safely.

You took off your helmet, parked the motorcycle and threw yourself into his arms. Your salty tears stained the dark-red shirt he was wearing today.

Sylus said nothing. He led you inside and simply held you close and let you bawl yourself out until you finally stopped shaking.

“Who made you cry, kitten?” he murmured.

“N-no one in particular. It’s just… everything’s too overwhelming right now. I’m questioning my life choices.”

“As long as you don’t question my part in it, I’m happy to be frustrated with you.” His hug tightened as you sat down on his leather sofa. One of his sweaters that always swallowed you whole, some fuzzy socks and a cosy, heated blanket were already waiting for you there, along with takeaway from your favourite restaurant. Your eyes teared up once more.

“Thank you, Sy,” you breathed out, getting changed quickly before digging in like a starved man. Sylus watched you like a hawk. You were rather certain he would take the chopsticks from you and feed you if he figured that you didn’t eat enough.

“I haven’t had a chance to text Valko back yet. I got interrupted at work. He returned to Linkon today. Can you get me my phone? It’s in my bag.”

“I’ll take care of it.” It was a strange constellation, the three of you, truly. But ever since Valko claimed you as his fated mate, he couldn’t get enough of you, and you couldn’t get enough of him. But there was also Sylus, whom you loved more than anything in the world, and whom you would never leave.

When guilt began to wreck you, and you swore to yourself to never keep them a secret from one another, Valko understood that there was someone in your life already. And so, somehow, against all odds, the man you shared a soul with and the werewolf who claimed to be your Alpha agreed to share.

They stayed out of each other’s way, mostly, but for their utmost priority—you—they always kept in touch.

Sylus made sure you ate every last bite. You took his hand without hesitation when he offered it to you afterwards and took you to the patio.

It was dark out already, darker than before, and his hot tub was running and bubbling like a cauldron.

“Oh, so it’s that kind of ‘spoiling me’ night?” you asked with a content smile.

Sylus chuckled. “It’s that kind of night.”

He handed you a towel, and you shrugged off his sweater. “I didn’t bring a bikini though. Are there still any in your bedroom drawer?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t check. But does that matter? It’s just the three of us.”

You flipped around. “Three?”

Your question was answered before Sylus had a chance to explain.

Valko stepped into view, still wearing his glasses and white coat from what looked like a lab day.

“Valko! What are you doing here?” You jumped into his arms, letting him lift you off the ground.

“I invited him,” Sylus said. “I figured you needed your emotional support wolf today.”

“Hey, she‘s allowed to call me that. You’re not.” You giggled, nuzzling into him. “I heard you had a bad day at work, pancake?”

“A terrible day. I’m sorry I didn’t text you back sooner.”

“It’s okay. I’m here now.” He turned to Sylus. “Sorry I’m late. Luke and Kieran are terrible at giving directions.”

Sylus scoffed. “Oh, I know. But I figured that if you got lost, I’d have her all to myself.”

“An ulterior motive as always. Fiend.”

“Dog.”

You chuckled. “Guys!”

Sylus smirked. “Get undressed, kitten. I’ll go get us some wine.”

Blood bit at your cheeks. It was nothing the two of them hadn’t seen yet; still, you couldn’t help but feel shy when you stepped out of your underwear and tiptoed over to the hot tub nude and on bare feet.

Valko sniffed. You could practically feel his yellow eyes glued to your body when you stepped into the bubbling hot tub with its changing LED lights throwing shadows on your bare skin. Purple, blue, green, yellow, red…

Your wolf climbed in right behind you. He’d… always been exceptionally fast at removing his clothes, especially in the woods. You just about caught a glimpse of his flaccid member—delicious even in this state—before he sat down to your left and draped his arm around you. You sighed as the tension in your body slowly began to melt away like ice cream in the sun, the warmth of the water enveloping you like an embrace and draining the stress from you.

The clinking sound of glasses had you open your eyes again moments after you closed them when Sylus returned with a bottle of his most expensive wine and popped the cork to fill the three glasses he brought.

“Is that the one with the chocolate aromas?” Valko asked.

“Yes. I do value hospitality, you see.” Sylus’s eyes remained locked on you when he handed you both your glasses. Oh yeah, right. You were still naked. Your cheeks grew hotter, and his right eye flashed redder than usual.

“Are you coming in too?” you chirped.

He laughed. “I shall hope so. This is my hot tub, after all. Unless you’d rather have me watch without touching?”

Your eyes widened. Valko chuckled. “You always make it a point to fluster her like that?”

Sylus quirked an eyebrow at him. He shrugged off his clothes far more elegant than you had, and then, completely unfazed by Valko’s presence, joined you stark nude. He made himself comfortable to your right so you ended up sandwiched between them, then reached for his own glass he’d set down on the small side table next to the wine bottle and raised it.

“To you. To your health and well-being, kitten. Rest tonight.”

“Yeah, take a couple of days off and think things through,” Valko added.

You drew in a shaky breath. Heavens, they were both so sweet and caring; you were about to cry again.

You clinked your glasses and took a huge gulp when you noticed something warm rolling down your cheeks.

“Hey… It’s alright, pancake.”

“I’m just… really grateful for you two. And… that you seem to get along so well.”

Sylus laughed. “You know I have a soft spot for stray animals. It was only a matter of time for me to take him in.”

“Hey! Be glad I didn’t rip you to shreds when I first smelled you on her!”

“I would have loved to see you try.”

“Guys!” You laughed and wiped the tears from your cheeks. “Let’s just… relax together. Tell me about your guys’ day. Please.” You brought your lips to your wine glass again, emptying it with but a few more sips.

Sylus’s eyebrow twitched. “More?”

“Yes.” You held out your glass to him, listening to Valko ramble about this new Protocore energy analysis program he was testing at this research lab as Sylus refilled it.

The more you drank, the more you became aware of your delicious predicament. The thought of sex hadn’t been high on your priority list lately, nor would you even have been in the mood, but now…trapped between the two men you loved more than anything in the world, all three of you naked, exposed, with only the warm, bubbling water hiding your most intimate parts…

You bit your lower lip. Fuck, you were in dire need of a distraction, and the way they both eyed you like you were about to be their dinner… Maybe they’d known exactly what you needed long before you knew it yourself.

Valko took a deep breath. His chest was heaving. “Your scent is giving away your naughty thoughts, pancake,” he mused. “You know that, right?”

Sylus took the already half-empty (again) wine glass from your hands. You barely registered anymore that he set aside his and Valko’s as well as with how flushed this unexpected situation made you.

“Oh? So is this the kind of distraction my kitten is looking for now?”

“As if… you weren’t… hoping for… and… provoking…” You didn’t get to finish your sentence. Not when Valko scooted even closer to you and buried his nose in your neck.

“You know… big bad wolves eat little kittens like you straight up,” he growled.

“I’m afraid so do dragons,” Sylus added. His long fingers found your thighs underwater, tracing invisible lines up and down your skin. “All you have to do is give the word…”

“A-Are you two s-sure about this?”

“Are we?” Valko asked. His wolf ears popped out, and he tilted his head.

“Y-yes, I mean, you both… a-at the same time, I… argh!” You gasped when Sylus dipped his hand between your legs and sought out your clit, applying soft pressure without a single care in the world.

“You’re already so wet, sweetie. Is this the wine talking… or do you want to be a bad girl for us tonight?”

You moaned by way of responding, making Valko chuckle against your neck.

“Oh, she definitely wants to be a bad girl.” He pulled your thigh towards him, spreading you open wider for Sylus’s seductive treatment. You almost hated how well he’d gotten to read you by now. Each and every touch was controlled and deliberate after months of exploring every inch of you and observing your every reaction. His long digits pampered your swollen pussy slowly and torturously, his gaze pinned on your face.

Breathing heavily, you let your head fall back, granting Valko better access to your throat. His hands came up to cup and knead your breasts and tease your hardened nipples the very moment Sylus used his free hand to grab your chin and turn your head to face him. His warm lips landed on yours, capturing them in a searing kiss. His tongue dipped into your mouth, controlling your lust and playing with you as he pleased and you… enjoyed every last second of it. Your eyes fell shut. You dug your left hand into Valko’s hair, the right into Sylus’s, willing them even closer.

Sylus released you to let you catch your breath, and Valko seized the opportunity to crash his mouth into yours. His kiss was messier, but just as endearing as your dragon’s. Heat pooled in your stomach, your legs trembling with pleasure.

Sylus pampered your clit with teasing, circular movements. With every passing second, you climbed higher and higher, your stress and sorrows all but forgotten. The LEDs underwater turned purple again.

“You’re getting close, bunny. I can smell it…” Valko pressed another kiss to your lips. Letting go of one of your breasts, he submerged his left hand underwater, fingertips sliding up and down your slick entrance. Blue.

A moan escaped your lips when he entered you with two fingers and curled them inside you. In and out, he quickly adjusted his delicious probing to Sylus’s ruthless caresses. Green. Oh fuck, you were going to come. Your grip around your boyfriends’ hair tightened, rewarding you with groans and deep chuckles. Yellow.

Valko lowered his head and closed his mouth around your left nipple; Sylus demanded another kiss. Orange.

They worked in unison as if they had never done things differently, as if it was the most natural thing in the world for them to share you. Red.

Your entire body tensed up as you dropped into an abyss of pleasure with Valko’s and Sylus’s names falling from your lips. Convulsing around your wolf’s fingers and grinding against your dragon’s hand, you let your orgasm consume you, and bliss cloud your senses.

Neither of them let up until they’d wrung every last ounce of desire from your now limp body.

“Ohh…” You rested your head against Valko’s shoulder when he freed your nipple from his fangs and moved up again to support you.

“Let’s get her out of the hot water before she faints on us,” Sylus said. “That was a lot of alcohol you downed there at once too, kitten.”

You grinned weakly. “I’m drunk on something else right now, though.”

“Oh, I bet you are.” Valko chuckled. They both retreated their hands from your still throbbing middle, letting the warm water wash away the evidence of your climax, but not before Valko took a relished whiff of the fingers that had been inside you only moments ago.

Sylus looped his arm under your knees and wrapped the other around your waist. Effortlessly, he lifted you out of the tub. The cool air clung to your wet skin like an iron glove, making you shiver, but Valko followed you both suit, swiftly draping one of the soft and fluffy towels Sylus had prepared earlier over you.

You peeked down when he moved. Your lower regions clenched, yet another wave of arousal rippling through you. Valko was rock-hard, and you didn’t need to look down and check if Sylus was in the same predicament. You knew he was.

Still, neither of them made a move. Instead, Sylus carried you back to his living room and put you down on your own feet just long enough for Valko to dress you in a comfy bathrobe Sylus must have put out when he grabbed the wine. You blinked. They were making you all sleepy with their gentle treatment. Was that the goal? You watched them with tired eyes as they slipped into their own bathrobes. They pulled you down on the leather sofa with them, uncaring of the fact that you were all still a little wet. Valko pulled you into his lap; Sylus claimed your legs.

Your toes were icy compared to his heated hands. He massaged your feet to warm them up; Valko rested your head against his broad chest and began to stroke your hair. Both of them made sure not to grind their arousal against you and work you up once more, even though this must have been hell for them.

Your eyes fell shut once more.

“I love you both…so much…” you murmured.

“I love you too, kitten.”

“I love you too, pancake.”

You smiled as they both spoke at the same time. It was the last thing you heard before you drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

A small sob escapes your lips and you’re quick to cover your face. What the hell are you doing crying like this? You try to keep quiet while you spiral into your mind. You’re so tired. So exhausted that it makes you cry harder. There’s a sound of clothes rustling that immediately stops your tears. You wait on a bated breath, not wanting to reveal your tear-stained face to whoever’s beside you. “...you’re awake?” Taffy’s groggy voice reaches your ears and you pull your hands away to look at her. She examines you first with her half-lidded eyes. When she sees your wet cheeks, she makes a pitying noise and leans forward, carefully wrapping her arms around your shoulders to bring you into a hug. 

You do your best to reciprocate it but it’s a sad attempt. Your right arm is basically incapacitated and you can barely get your other arm around her with the way you’re lying on the bed. “How are you feeling?” Your question comes out mumbled against her shoulder. 

She answers with a wet laugh. “You’re asking me?” Taffy pulls back to gesture at you on the bed. “You almost died!” Like you weren’t aware.

“I wouldn’t say I almost died.” You try to make a joke out of it but the stern look on her face makes the playful smile die off on your lips.

“No.” Taffy shakes her head. “When I saw you being carried out like that I really thought you were dead,” she says. Her voice is fragile and you almost feel bad for making her worry so much. “I shouldn’t have left without you, I’m—” 

“Don’t say sorry, Taf,” you interrupt, squeezing her hand. “I mean it. If you say you’re sorry, I’ll pull my stitches, making you take it back.” That gets a small laugh out of her. You watch her wipe away her tears with growing worry. She’s a good person who shouldn’t be stressed like this. “You’re still in the same clothes as last night. Where are the others? They didn’t go home without you, did they?” 

Taffy nods. “They tried to stay but the receptionist said the waiting room was full already, so I told them to go back without me,” she explains. “I promised to update them as the night went.” 

“You should’ve gone with them.”

“Would you have gone with them? If it was me?” 

“...It’s not you, though. It’s me, and me says you should go home,” you say. Taffy rolls her eyes. And you try your best to sit up. “Who’s gonna take care of your hamsters, Taf? You know how your little monsters are. They’re probably trying to kill themselves without you by now.” 

“They do that with me around, anyway.” 

“Exactly! So, who’ll stop them?” 

Taffy gives you a disbelieving look before she starts to laugh and you can only smile. At least one thing is right. “Good, you’re awake.” A cool voice interrupts Taffy’s laughing and both of you turn to look at the new arrival. Zayne stands at the door, flanked by the same nurse from earlier and another doctor. 

“Unfortunately,” you reply with cheer. You’re only being half-sarcastic. At least your tears have dried enough. Hopefully, no one will notice you were crying just a couple minutes ago. Taffy gives you an admonishing look that you ignore. 

“There’s someone else who wishes to see you,” he says. The three visitors walk in with a casualness only they could have in a hospital. Anyone else would move like bumping into the wrong thing could lead to the death of someone else.

“Who?” You ask. The nurse walks to Taffy’s side and places a serving try in front of you. A cup of jelly and microwaved…something green and creamy. Your nose twitches in disdain. With all the funding this place undoubtedly gets, they still can’t seem to afford good food for their patients. 

“MC.” His tone’s clipped and you look up to meet his stare. Right, he said she was waiting earlier. There’s a silence in the room for a moment. He’s waiting for you to say yes and so is everyone else. Taffy, though, looks a little confused. You wonder if she’s seen the better version, yet.

You owe her for saving your life and you aren’t heartless. “Uh, yeah, she can come in.” Just as you say those words, she enters the room like she was waiting just outside. Taffy’s not the only one eavesdropping it seems.

She basically speed walks to your side, the one not occupied by your friend, and sits herself down. Her eyes examine yours just as Taffy’s did minutes before. “How are you feeling?” She asks the question like she knows the answer. She saw the injuries first hand last night so maybe she does know how bad they are. 

“I’m fine.” That’s all you say. And she takes that like it’s all the answer she needs. Like you gave her a cake instead of a crumb. 

MC’s lips open to ask some more questions when Zayne clears his throat. All pairs of eyes turn to him and he takes to the spotlight like a champ. “This is Dr. Niel.” He gestures to the female white coat beside him and she steps forward, offering a hand towards you. You shake it in reflex. You offer a smile and a quiet hi. “She’s a neurologist.” You pull your hand away. The suddenness of the action has everyone looking at you in concern. MC places a hand on your shoulder and you tense up further. It takes effort to not shrug it off. 

“Why do I need a neurologist?” It’s a silly question coming from you. Downright ignorant considering what you just had an hour ago. 

“We’re just trying to cover all our bases.” Dr. Neil interjects with a placation. “We want to make sure the seizure you had—” 

“Seizure?” Taffy startles beside you and your eyes snap towards her. Shit, you didn’t want her here for this. 

“Yeah, I had a seizure—Taf, can you leave?” You force the words out. Fast and quick, as if they’ll land softer that way. 

“Leave?” She sounds both offended and concerned. You’re about to apologize and insist before Zayne speaks up for you. 

“It would be best if this discussion remained private between the patient and the doctors,” he says. Cold and aloof as always. Had it come from anyone else, you were sure Taffy would have thrown a fit but she just lets out an irritated sigh. She gives you a look and stands up, letting herself be escorted by the nurse. Perhaps, this has been the only time you’ve appreciated Zayne’s annoying way of convincing people. In some places, people would call it pretty privilege. 

The door shuts behind her and a squeeze of MC’s hand on your shoulder reminds you she’s still here. You’d kick her out, too, if you didn’t think Zayne would tell her everything later, anyway. Would he really? You don’t know but you’re also not willing to risk it. Better have her stay and at least you know what she’s hearing. You meet Dr. Neil’s eyes, “Sorry about that. I didn’t want her…” Didn’t want her to what? 

The doctor just smiles. “It’s alright. You don’t need to explain yourself.” She takes the clipboard Zayne’s holding and clicks her pen. “I’m going to ask you some questions, is that alright?” You nod. “I know you have a concussion, therefore, I will try to be as clear as possible, okay?” 

“Yes, thank you,” you murmur. The hand you shoulder seemingly grows warmer the longer you let it stay there. 

She asks surface-level questions at first. How are you? You were fine. Did your head still hurt? Yes but it’s dull. Are you experiencing any confusion or nausea? Not more than before. No, it’s just normal confusion. How about light sensitivity? Not really but the light is a little bright. Thanks for dimming them.

Zayne provides some input while MC sits quietly beside you. Her eyes are on your face more often than not and the hand she has on you is becoming unbearable. While Zayne and Dr. Neil are looking at their clipboard for a brief moment, you shuffle. Shifting just enough to dislodge her hold on your shoulder. You don’t look back when you hear a breath hitch. 

“Have you had any seizures before?” Dr. Neil asks. 

“No.” “Yes.” Zayne and MC answer ‘no’ the same time you say ‘yes’. The three of you look at each other in confusion. Why are they answering for you? They said ‘no’ like the idea is ridiculous.

You look back at Dr. Neil and nod your head. “Yeah, I had a few growing up.”

“What?” You spare MC at glance. She gives you a baffled look. In all fairness, you doubt Josephine was very open about your old episodes. Or about anything. 

“It doesn’t say that on your records,” Zayne says. That’s as close as he can get to asking you for a clarification. That or accusing you of lying. 

You shrug. You don’t exactly remember Josephine ever taking you to the hospital for them. 

“How young were you when you had these seizures?” Dr. Neil continues. 

“I don’t know. I had most of them really young.” MC shifts beside you and you see Zayne fix his glasses while keeping a steady eye on your frame. Checking you over as if you’d look any different now that he had this new information. Is he looking through his memories of you to see if there were signs he missed then? Maybe. Such a Zayne-thing to do.

“Were they severe?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Were they longer than two minutes? Longer than five?” 

You try to recall but it’s no use. You can barely remember what those seizures felt like, let alone guess the lengths of them accurately. “I’m sorry. I don’t know.” You wince internally. If only you were more useful.

“That’s fine,” she reassures. Everyone watches in silence as she notes your answers on the clipboard, anyway. “Did you have one recently?” 

You try not to react but you do, and Zayne pins you with his stare, while MC’s burn holes on the side of your face. You look down at your lap, recalling the last one vividly. The memory of it is so potent, you can relive it if you try hard enough. At your fingertips, you can almost feel the cool stone you’d touched right before you lost consciousness. The ground beneath your back when you had woken up from it. The smell of rain in the air that day. “The most recent one was almost a year ago.” 

“What date?” 

You rattle off the date with certainty. As if you could forget the day. Dr. Neil asks some more questions and you answer them as best you can. MC and Zayne keep quiet now that you’ve made it clear they don’t know nearly enough about you to be answering for you.

It takes more rationalising and actual begging to get Taffy to go home. After Dr. Neil was done with her questions, she scheduled you for an MRI later today. Taffy wanted to stay at least until after the test but you didn’t want her to be around if the results came out saying something’s wrong. Then, it would actually be impossible to get her to leave. 

Taffy leaves with a sad frown and promises to check in when she can. When the door shuts behind her, the silence returns with vengeance. You hate it. For most of your life, you’re indifferent to many things. But there are a handful of things you despise. Heat. Those ugly water tanks. Any kind of dry air that makes it hard to breathe. Those really bright lights that look blue sometimes. And, the one you hate most, the ear piercing silence that follows after sound. It makes your skin itch and your ears ring with how loud it is.

You avoid it like the plague. And you’d say you’ve done a pretty good job of doing so. Music is your best friend. At all hours of the day, it plays in your ears, driving away the silence like your ever loyal guard. It’s probably why the silence is so painful. And maybe why you’re so antsy now that you’re alone—is it possible to get withdrawals from the sudden absence of it? Who knows. 

The room is dark, the lights dimmed and the curtains drawn to help with your concussion, and makes you feel more isolated than you are. You bear the stillness for a few more minutes before pushing the button on the side of your bed. You’re weak like that. But, also, they did tell you to call if you needed anything. And you needed something desperately. Your phone, your radio. Your two essentials. 

It takes about six minutes and you’re expecting a nurse to come through the door. Maybe Alice, again. But, the one who walks in is Zayne. He holds a metal tray with him. “Don’t you have other patients to look after?” You ask. He was just here an hour ago. He left with MC soon after Dr. Neil did. 

“None with pressing concerns at the moment,” he replies. You tilt your head up to look at him when he comes to a stop beside the bed, towering over you. He places the tray he walked in with down on the table.

“So…you’re just going around answering patient calls?” 

“I was already on my way here,” he says. A thin blade of light catches his glasses, covering his eyes. You look away from the glare and slump back on the pillow propped up behind you. 

“For?” You stare at the wall listening to him move about beside you. 

“It’s time for you to take your pain medication.” He hands you the medication and a glass of water. You take them obediently. “What did you call for?” 

“My stuff from the bar,” you say after swallowing. You lick your lips to catch the remnants of water that lingered on them. “My radio and my phone. Are they here?” 

“In inventory, most likely. I will go look for them.” Despite his words, he doesn’t actually leave. He stands there, subtly looking at everything but at you. 

“Is there anything else you need, doc?” You watch his fingers twitch at his sides, the sliver of white teeth as he nibbled slightly at his bottom lip. 

He pushes his glasses back and takes a quiet breath. “Why didn’t you tell anyone about your…” 

“My seizures?” You finish for him. “The word isn’t a trigger, sunshine, relax." He gives you a look.

“You shouldn’t speak so lightly of them. They may be a more serious issue than you initially assumed,” he says. 

“Yeah, well, not calling them what they are isn’t gonna magically stop them from happening— if they happen, again. I had a streak going, you know.” 

“Yes, a year's worth.” 

You shot him an annoyed look. “I’m suffering a head injury, that’s probably why it happened earlier.” 

“Then, what was the reason for the one before? A concussion, as well?” He shoots back just as quickly. You don’t answer. In fact, you narrow your eyes at him. Dr. Neil asked the same question and she was not nearly as pushy as he seems to want to be. Did he think you lied when you said you didn’t know?

The silence creeps back in for a moment. It empties the room when you would’ve filled it with music. It rings between the two of you like a church bell. “You haven’t eaten your food,” he notes after the pause. The change of topic is as subtle as a grenade going off. You appreciate it.

“Yeah ‘cause it looks disgusting,” you reply. “Is this what my tax dollars pay for? Jelly cups and warm snot slush?”

“Yes.”

The laugh that gets past your lips surprises you both and it cuts just as quickly as it started. But it’s too late. It’s quiet again but it’s more awkward than tense. “MC went to get you something from a nearby cafe,” he tells you. “She claimed you wouldn’t eat the food we gave you at all.” You look down at the untouched meal in front of you. “I suppose she was right.” 

“Yeah.” You nod. The food still looked unappetizing as before but perhaps you’ll eat it, anyway. “Guess so.” 

“She knows you better than you think,” he adds. Your eyes drag up to his and your fingers twitch to pick up the spoon. 

“Does she.” It’s almost a question but the flatness of your tone shows your lack of desire for his answer. 

You can feel his eyes on you, studying you with that clinical stare of his. “Your jealousy is unreasonable.” His words drop in the space between you. Heavy like an anvil. 

“Jealousy?” You repeat the word with disgust. It isn’t the first time someone said you were. Are you jealous of her? Do you envy her? Do you want what she has? Her friends? Her happiness? No. You have your own friends. Your own things that make you happy. It isn’t envy. It isn’t anything. And somehow that seems to be a worse crime than being jealous. To feel nothing. To be indifferent. And you know he, or anyone else for that matter, wouldn’t understand it. Why don’t you care? They’d probably ask. She’s your twin, and you feel nothing? They’ll ask you in a confused tone, tilting their heads like lost dogs. “I’m not jealous of her,” you say. “I’ve never envied her.” You reiterate it like it’ll get the point across better. “If I’d ever envied anyone, it would—” You stop. You finally bring your gaze up to meet his. He’s still. Waiting for the end of your sentence. As if. 

“Do I have to file a request for my things, Dr. Li?” You ask. “Do you need me to describe what they look like?” 

He doesn’t look away and neither do you. An unstoppable force meets an unmovable object. Two things that can’t exist simultaneously. 

He looks away. Picking up the tray he brought with him. His footfalls are near-soundless when he walks out. The only sound after him is the door shutting. You release a deep breath and shut your eyes. 

The MRI machine was much narrower than you expected. Before going in, they’d shown you breathing exercises to help you. It took more effort than you’d like not to panic inside the thing. Reluctantly, you can admit half the strength came from the food MC had bought you. You let her talk while you practically inhaled the food. About her life. Her job. Her friends. All the things you didn’t ask about. Topics that were safer to broach than the one topic she really wanted to talk about. You didn’t offer to speak on it. Neither did she. 

Now, you sit quietly, twiddling with your phone while missing your walkman. When Zayne had returned with only one of them in hand, you’d asked where your radio went. He said it wasn’t on you when you came in. It was already tense with you two, so you didn’t pry or complain. Just took the offering and went about your day. Well, as ‘about’ as you could get while bedridden.

You play some nonsense song but it’s a poor replacement. It’s late. The sun has dipped below the horizon and the city lights try their best to imitate starlight. MC was called away for work sometime ago and hasn’t returned. Though you originally planned to be asleep by the time she gets back, your mind doesn’t seem to be cooperating with you. It isn’t as if you’re plagued with questions or concerns. Your mind is deceptively empty of significant thoughts. Yet, sleep runs like a scared mouse. 

You’re debating on what to comment on Taffy’s Moments post—while fighting off a headache because you really should not be on your phone—when the door to your room slams open. You curse and nearly drop your phone, wide eyes staring at another pair with the same colour. “What the hell—” The air suddenly changes. Heavy like gravity had increased. The feeling of danger dawning over your heads. A mass of dark energy gathers at the corner of the room. Before you know it, a blur of a white figure dashes in front of you, taking out the IV needle out of your hand—gently but you still wince—and slipping their arms under you. 

What the fuck is happening? You’re cradled in a pair of strong arms while MC rushes you both to the door. You crane your head up and catch a semi-familiar face. Xavier. Her partner. Her neighbour. Your savior and two-time carrier. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” you murmur, still staring at him. There’s a quirk of a smile. 

“I can’t help but agree,” he replies. A roar rings through the air and you lock eyes with a monster. The moment you do, it makes a run towards you. Okay, once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern. Another wanderer lunging for you in within forty-eight hours is fucking weird. 

Xavier takes you out of the room, much too reminiscent of the night before. “You guys couldn’t find me a wheelchair? Or crutches?” You really shouldn’t complain. Especially not to the man who is actively saving your life but if not now, when? 

“We came in on short notice. I’m sorry we couldn’t find you suitable support,” he says. He takes you down one hall and another. Is he looking for a safe place like last time? The hallway seemed empty which means you’re most likely the last one to get the notice that a wanderer was manifesting and planning to attack you. 

You glance back down the hall when you hear another roar. “Shouldn’t you go with her?” 

He shifts his grip on you. “I believe in my partner’s capabilities. It’s a weak manifestation and MC’s a strong hunter.” As if to prove his point, the roaring quiets down. With you so close, you can hear his quiet huff of a chuckle. “Much faster than I expected,” he muses softly. Your eyes meet when you look up just as he tilts his head down to look at you. Blue like the ocean in the day. “The threat to your life must have empowered her,” he says. 

“Well, I’m glad I helped,” you mumble, looking away. Xavier stops and waits for MC. Still carrying you bridal style while you try not to be too tense. When she arrives, she looks at you first, scanning your body even though she should know nothing happened to you in the five minutes all of that took place. Even with her proof of our safety the worried look on her face remains. “What is it?” You ask quietly. 

“I think…” She hesitates, eyes flickering up above you to meet Xavier’s. “I think they’re targeting you?” The statement comes out like a question. Like a foreign, unheard of idea. 

Things happen in quick succession after that. You’re mostly kept out of the happenings around you, some other things they just don’t bother to explain at all. They relocated you to a private room, instead of the one with curtains separating the beds, while an entire team of hunters showed up. They did scans of your body—which was weird and you said so, but they kept on doing it anyway. You didn’t understand why. Outside of your injuries there was nothing wrong with you. And the scans said similar things. You’re ordinary, as it said. When the scans turned fruitless, they turned to asking you questions you didn’t have the answer to. No, you did not have any particularly strong enemies. No, wanderers have never shown to be attracted to you. Not until recently, anyway. 

No one knows why it’s happening but Jenna, MC’s boss apparently, said it’d be best to keep you out of the general public. A safe house, she said. You didn’t think your twin’s apartment was especially safe but they didn’t listen. You tried to argue for an actual safe house and not one that would ultimately just lock you into one of your worst nightmares. But they reasoned that MC’s building occupied two capable hunters to keep you safe and that it was close to Akso Hospital, which was beneficial for your injuries and the check-ups you still needed. That last part had come from Zayne, who you thought had gone home only to appear with his own input. It had frustrated you beyond belief that everyone who wasn’t you had a leg in the conversation. Wasn’t it you whose life was on the line? Wasn’t it you who seemed to have made enemies with literal monsters? So, why were you being ignored? 

Safe to say, it left you in a piss-poor mood. A mood that gets astronomically worse when you’re handed MC’s spare clothes to wear. A skirt and sweater because your injuries needed breathing room. You’d looked at yourself in the mirror of the hospital bathroom, and a pit of dread had opened up in your chest. Swallowing you whole. Your face you could barely look at because it was hers, too. The clothes on your back felt as if they were about to set you on fire. All your life, you’ve worked to separate yourself from her. Now, here you were, wearing her clothes, about to be living in her city, in her apartment. The reflection in the mirror looked like a fraud. A liar. A poor imitation of the real deal. You hated the sight of it. 

The bed creaks when you sit down. In the kitchen, just down the hall, there’s the sound of someone moving about their own space. Touching this, dropping that, humming one tune or another. The room is bare of anything personal. White walls, an empty bookshelf, a work desk with a lamp, and the bed which you sit on. The curtains of the guest room are wide open, allowing for the bright light of early morning to occupy the entire space. Zayne had ordered you to keep away from bright lights, but you don’t feel like making the journey to close the curtains. They gave you a cane in case you needed any help walking. Now, that cane lays abandoned on the wall by the door. You’re not planning on making any unnecessary travels, anyway. 

You want to lay down but you can feel your stitches pull every time you move your leg one way. Same thing with your side where bandages still covered your cuts. You’re pretty limited on what you can do. So, you opt to just sit and listen to MC move around her apartment. It’s a nice apartment. Much better than yours. Hers is well-decorated and open, while yours is confined. Not like a prison but close to it if anyone asks your friends. That’s the price of choosing a studio apartment.

There’s a certain smell in her apartment, too. Sweet and flowery. It smells nice. Really, her life looks so put together. You wonder how yours compares.

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