āGettingā yourself to write
Yesterday, I was trawling iTunes for a decent podcast about writing. After a while, I gave up, because 90% of them talked incessantly about āself-discipline,ā āmaking writing a habit,ā āgetting your butt in the chair,ā āgetting yourself to write.ā To me, thatās six flavors of fucked up.
Okay, yesāI see why we might want to āmake writing a habit.ā If we want to finish anything, weāll have to write at least semi-regularly. In practical terms, I get it.
But maybe before we force our butts into chairs, we should askĀ why itās so hard to āgetā ourselves to write. We arenāt deranged; our brains say āI donāt want to do thisā for a reason. We should take that reason seriously.
Most of us resist writing because it hurts and itās hard. Well, you say, writing isnāt supposed to be easyābut thereās hard, and then thereās hard. For many of us, sitting down to write feels like being asked to solve a problem that is both urgent and unsolvableāāI have to, but itās impossible, but I have to, but itās impossible.ā It feels fucking awful, so naturally we avoid it.
We canāt āmake writing a habit,ā then, until we make it less painful. Something we donāt just āgetā ourselves to do.
The āmake writing a habitā people are trying to do that, in their way. If you do something regularly, the theory goes, you stop dreading it with such special intensity because it just becomes aĀ thing you do. But my god, if youāre still in that ādreading itā phase and someone tells you to āmake writing a habit,ā that sounds horrible.
So many of us already dismiss our own pain constantly. If we turn writing into another occasion for mute suffering, for numb and joyless endurance, we 1) will not write more, and 2) should not write more, because we should not intentionally hurt ourselves.
Seriously. If you want to write more, donāt ask, āhow can I make myself write?ā Ask, āwhy is writing so painful for me and how can I ease that pain?ā Show some compassion for yourself. Forgive yourself for not being the person you wish you were and treat the person you are with some basic decency. Give yourself a fucking break for avoiding a thing that makes you feel awful.
Daniel JosƩ Older, in my favorite article on writing ever, has this to say to the people who admonish writers to write every day:
Hereās what stops more people from writing than anything else: shame. That creeping, nagging sense of āshould be,ā āshould have been,ā and āif only I hadā¦ā Shame lives in the body, it clenches our muscles when we sit at the keyboard, takes up valuable mental space with useless, repetitive conversations. Shame, and the resulting paralysis, are what happen when the whole world drills into you that you should be writing every day and youāre not.
The antidote, he says, is to treat yourself kindly:
For me, writing always begins with self-forgiveness. I donāt sit down and rush headlong into the blank page. I make coffee. I put on a song I like. I drink the coffee, listen to the song. I donāt write. Beginning with forgiveness revolutionizes the writing process, returns its being to a journey of creativity rather than an exercise in self-flagellation. I forgive myself for not sitting down to write sooner, for taking yesterday off, for living my life. That shame? I release it. My body unclenches; a new lightness takes over once that burden has floated off. There is room, now, for story, idea, life.
Writing has the potential to bring us so much joy. Why else would we want to do it? But first weāve got to unlearn the pain and dread and anxiety and shameĀ attached to writingānot just so we can write more, but for our own sakes!Ā Forget āmaking writing a habitāāhow aboutĀ ābeing less miserableā? Thatās a worthy goal too!
Luckily, there are ways to do this. But before I get into them, please absorb this lesson: if you want to write, start by valuing your own well-being. Start by forgiving yourself. And listen to yourself when something hurts.
Ask me a question or send me feedback!Ā Podcast recommendations welcomeā¦
