Annie

MULTI-CHAPTERS:

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643506163599785984/works-in-progress

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643599784185315328/works-in-progress-part-ii

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643409512855945216/his-world-turned-upton-down-chapter-1

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643567019471601664/his-world-turned-upton-down-chapter-2

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643587941375033345/his-world-turned-upton-down-chapter-three

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/644570795611504640/his-world-turned-upton-down-chapter-four

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/646654895400845312/the-bahamian-thing-chapter-1

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/646739505081090048/the-bahamian-thing-chapter-ii

---

ONE-SHOTS

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/649165049007570944/stronger-together

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/648469054965923840/a-hundred-million-different-things

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/648468514279194624/coping-mechanisms

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/648014699357700097/waffles-coffee

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/647904567531536384/sanctuary

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/647468719040348160/conversations-lattes

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/647200870166151168/unbreakable-connection

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/646498908638478336/ill-be-there-for-you

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/646237867977342976/girls-night-in

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/645966656161693696/you-i

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/645733934012006400/love-is-the-best-medicine

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/645281509914312704/expect-wonders

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/645010673411244032/the-in-between

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/644870404614324224/spend-the-rest-of-my-days-here

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/644489766546685952/when-you-need-me

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/644392436324614144/revelations

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/644227345606197248/cross-the-goal-line

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/644112812571033600/fine-is-good

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643926246557974528/bullseye-after-bullseye

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643829924499734528/furever-home

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643009591675879424/a-new-family-dynamic

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/642921969520640000/kindly-unspoken

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/642860605287628801/a-lot-can-change-in-a-year

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/642702707622395904/not-such-a-bad-day

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/642647899735490560/unexpected-turn-of-events-when-jay-is-shot-by

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/642594212947361792/you-put-your-arms-around-me-and-im-home

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/642521416532738048/safe

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643102301953867776/there-is-only-one-happiness-in-life-to-love-and

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643148197995364352/a-touch-of-comfort

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643188001591246848/can-i-be-him

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643303273191948288/24-hours-in-the-hailey-verse

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643433204615938048/come-home-to-me

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643492247366696960/home

https://upsteadheart.tumblr.com/post/643787371197956096/now-or-never

SONGFICS:

Stepping foot into the bedroom, Jay just stood there for a minute, watching her sleep.

Even with her face wrapped in what he now knew to be self-inflicted scratches and under-eye circles, this was the most at-peace he’d seen her in weeks.

But the image before him that had for so long been a source of pure peace and comfort, now had his mind racing and raging.

For no fault of her own, though Hailey would probably disagree with him right now.

I don’t think you know the woman you’re sleeping next to.

The words rang through his head on a loop, assaulting his brain like a blood-sucking parasite.

But his spiraling was momentarily put on hold as Hailey came to a sudden wake, propping herself up with both arms behind her on the bed.

And then she looked up at him, her stormy baby blues locked on his darkening pupils.

Within a split second, Hailey was overwhelmed by panic, fear, nerves, stress, pain – too many feelings and emotions to even begin to discern or count.

For what felt like a lifetime at first, they just looked at each other.

Not a single word exchanged. Hardly even a breath released. Just strictly eyes locked on each other.

Jay was the first of the two to make a move, heading towards the bathroom.

“Jay –” “I’m gonna go grab a quick shower.”

His tone wasn’t harsh. It wasn’t angry. It lacked any and all potential aggression.

It had sounded like he’d simply told her what today’s weather was going to be.

In the bathroom, Jay barely even had the knob on the shower twisted before he heard the very faint distant sound of Hailey sobbing into her pillow.

It was enough to send a knife right through his stomach.

Even after his heart had shattered into a million pieces watching her go through that panic attack earlier in the locker room, the sound of Hailey crying would forever hold the strongest power to affect him.

His shower wasn’t long. Not at all.

From the second he stepped under the spray, Jay wanted to be back in the bedroom with Hailey.

It just took a couple minutes of standing there to figure out how he was gonna go about this.

After stepping out of the shower, drying off and changing into a pair of sweats, Jay headed back into their bedroom, finding his fiancé still tightly clutching the pillow under her head and crying into it.

With a deep sigh, Jay came around to her side of the bed and squatted down, dropping a hand to her back, feeling her dry heaving against his palm.

“Hailey. Look at me, babe.” She resisted, shook her head and left it planted deeply in the satin fabric of the pillow under it.

“Hailey,” Jay tried a second time, “common.”

He took her hand in his and pulled her up so she was sitting up in bed, then slid in with her and brought her back up against his chest.

“I’m not gonna waste my breath telling you that you should’ve told me, and that I wish you had trusted me enough to come to me as soon as this happened, because it’s just gonna make you feel worse, and pretending like I’m any better with all the things I’ve kept from you in the past is just gonna make me a hypocrite.”

He didn’t get any real kind of a reaction from her.

“The truth is, I don’t care right now.” Hailey’s head finally snapped up at that and looked at Jay as if he’d grown a second head.

“I care about you. Does it hurt that you couldn’t trust me with this? Yeah, yeah it does.” Hailey’s head dropped back down, but Jay caught it with a curled finger under her chin and brought her eyes back up to his.

“But,” he breathed softly, “you were the victim of a classic Hank Voight manipulation. And I get why it was so easy to get inside your head, because he knows that you grew up with a manipulative father and he just had to assume that position in your head that you’re so used to following by second nature.”

The realization of Jay’s words and the implications finally set in. Her bottom lip quivered, her breathing picking up again. But Jay’s hand was quick to fall to the center of her back and slow it back down.

“He got inside your head, he made you afraid to tell me what happened, and convinced you that if you stayed quiet you’d be protecting me. When all the while, the only person who was protected by you staying quiet was Voight. It’s classic.”

Fighting to keep her breathing steady, Hailey looked at her partner with desperation and anxiety in her eyes.

“So – what do I do? How do we – get passed this?”

Jay ran a hand through her still fairly damp blonde curls and lightly squeezed her hand in the other.

“We rebuild, together.” Jay put it simply, as if it was the easiest concept ever heard of.

“I know everything now. There are no more secrets that you’re gonna have to carry on your own. If this or anything else starts creeping up on you again, I want you to come to me and let me help you carry it.”

Hailey nodded her head vigorously, assuring Jay she really would this time around.

“You wanna call it off?” Jay looked at her curiously. “Our engagement. Wanna take it back?” Hailey clarified, the words like venom on her tongue.

“No, Hailey, I don’t.” She had to be honest, that surprised her.

From the second she got back home tonight and wondered when Jay was gonna be back, she prepared herself for Jay to eventually come home and tell her he was done with her hiding from him and walk out on her once and for all.

“A proposal isn’t a vow, but it’s a promise. And I promised you that I love you unconditionally. That I want it to be you and me always, no matter what. Anything else, we can get through together, just like always.”

As she recalled their earlier conversation in the car, more tears pricked at Hailey’s eyes, her throat positively burning at this point from all the whiskey and dry heaving.

“Jay, I swear to you I did not propose to you because of Voight. I didn’t.” She was all but begging him, the tears rolling down her flushed cheeks.

Her heart had slammed down to her feet when Jay had made the suggestion that her proposal to him wasn’t sincere. He needed to know she was as serious then as she was now about wanting to spend forever with him.

“You’re the only thing that makes sense in my life and I don’t wanna be without you, ever. I’m so scared of just the idea of living in a world where I don’t have you anymore.”

Once again, just like always, all it took was Hailey crying for Jay to take her deep into his arms, his hand around the back of her head, holding it against his chest while she sobbed into his bare chest.

“You’re not gonna be without me, Hails, you’re not. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

“I’m sorry… g – god I’m so sorry…”

Jay held her tighter if it were at all possible.

“I didn’t mean t – to… I didn’t want t – to,” Her choppy sobs came back, her same incoherent ramblings from the locker room earlier, “I c – can’t… I can’t carry it anymore…”

“Hailey…” Jay breathed softly into her messy damp curls, his hand still rubbing up and down her spine.

“You’re gonna be okay, alright? You’re not alone anymore. I’ve got you now.”

A certain thought had been stuck at the back of his head all day, the question nagging at him since she had first left the locker room.

“Hails, I need you to answer something for me. And I promise I won’t judge you whatever you tell me, I just need to know.”

Her brows knitted together, she nodded her head hesitantly, looking at him expectantly.

“Before Voight came into the locker room and asked if you were okay… you were trying to say something about – you killed him, and it was destroying you… were you gonna tell me the truth about Roy before he walked in and stopped you?”

Hailey instantly nodded at that, and it gave Jay a sense of relief he hadn’t expected it to. For some reason it actually made him feel good?

“I never wanted lie to you, Jay. I’ve almost told you so many times, but every day it just got harder and harder. And then with Knox, after we brought the boxes into the house and stopped for dinner, you were talking about ‘murder in the lies’ …”

Then it dawned on him, making his stomach drop.

“Oh god, Hailey…”

Like she always did when she needed to bring her head back down, Hailey’s eyes looked down at their joined hands, all thought of anything else coming to a sudden stop when her eyes took in the darkening bruises covering Jay’s knuckles.

“Jay – what happened?” Her concern suddenly rose, running the pad of her thumb over them.

The way he flinched slightly as she touched the bruises, Hailey immediately pulled her hand back.

“Sorry.” She dropped, but Jay took back hold of it and looked at her softly.

“No, it’s okay.” A deep sigh escaped him, as the still fresh memory of the altercation with Voight played back.

“I’m not proud of it. You know I don’t condone roughing up even the lowest scum of suspects, even when they might deserve it.” A short nod from Hailey confirmed it.

Jay released another sigh, his head hung.

“I called Voight out to meet up, after I’d started putting the pieces together and realized what he did, what he dragged you into… I said things, he said things back… he said something that just – tugged on the wrong string, and I punched him.”

He couldn’t look at her.

Not after everything she’d trusted him with about her abusive upbringing.

Jay couldn’t be just one more violent person who came into her life.

Not after all the nightmares he’d held her through and nights spent sat up with her in the wee hours of the morning when ghosts and demons had her wide awake, shaking.

Hailey’s hand reached out, her palm wrapping around his thumb and giving it a slight squeeze.

“What did he say to you, Jay?”

“Hailey –” he shook his head, “-- I have a right to know, Jay.”

Jay couldn’t exactly deny her that. No matter how badly he wanted to scrub those words from his brain and never hear them again.

So, with a hesitant sigh, “he told me maybe I don’t know the woman I’m sleeping next to.”

The words were like venom on his tongue, instantly sent a knife through his gut. And the broken look that crossed Hailey’s face did him no favours either.

“He’s right.” Her voice was so small he almost completely missed it.

After all this, how could she honestly expect Jay not to have reservations about just who it was he was engaged to, or question what else she had lied to him about.

Now was Jay’s turn to look at her as though she’d grown a second head.

“No, he is not right, Hailey. I know when we first met that’s what you hoped for and you tried to keep who you are a mystery. But you know as well as I do that after decades of keeping ourselves closed off from everyone around us, we’ve broken down each other’s walls to one big pile of rubble.”

Hailey shook her head dismissively, but Jay was quick to catch her cheek in his palm and look straight into her wet baby blues.

“I know you, Hailey Anne Upton. I fell in love with you years ago, and somehow, I fall in just a little deeper every time I look at you. Every single inch of who you are, everything you stand for, everything you believe in, every part of you that you hate, and every part of you I wish you’d love as much as I do.”

Now there were both in tears.

“We’re fractured, Hails, but we’re not broken. I’ve broken your trust more times than I can count, and every single time, you stuck by me, supported me, and found a way to keep trusting me after. That deal goes both ways, Hailey. You broke my trust, now it’s my turn to stick by you while you earn it back.”

A sudden ragged sob fell from between Hailey’s lips, as her arms shot out around his neck and clung to him.

Jay’s circled her waist and hugged her tight against him.

“We’re gonna be okay, Hailey… Not tonight, not tomorrow, maybe not next week… But we’re gonna get through this… and we’re gonna be okay. I promise.”

Her chest heaved against his, as Jay felt a few tears hit the warm skin of his neck.

“I just wanna feel normal again. It feels so impossible.” She cried, her small frame shaking in his arms.

“Sorry to break it to ya, babe, you lost the opportunity to be normal the day you were born.”

Even in her current state, Hailey managed to deliver a slight punch to his rock-hard bicep, making Jay chuckle into her hair.

“There’s my girl.” He breathed under her ear.

Then he released a second slower breath, beginning to feel himself come down from everything that had been thrown their way the last few days. Maybe even the last few months if he was honest.

“Promise me you’ll get some sleep tonight?” Jay all but begged her.

“I’ll try.” Hailey’s honest reply came.

Jay turned down the pillows behind him and lay down in the center of the bed, bringing Hailey down with him to lie against his chest, the two of them face to face.

“Make me waffles in the morning?” Hailey requested with her best puppy dog eyes.

For the first time in days, Jay finally felt the corners of his lips turn up in as genuine a smile as there could ever be.

“You got it, babe.”

Hailey finally let her eyes fall closed, releasing the mother of all deep breaths, as she curled up on her fiancé’s chest.

“I really do love you, Jay.”

“I really love you too, Hails. Sleep tight, my love.”

Within minutes, the two were out like a light, wrapped up safely in each other’s embrace.

“I can’t believe it.” Hailey dropped, as she and Jay sat side by side in the truck, marvelling at the stunning house in front of them.

Jay beamed at his wife, taking her hand in his, still a tad in disbelief himself. “We did it, Hails. All of that saving, cutting, overtime, workarounds… we finally got our dream home, babe.”

“I’m literally holding the keys,” Hailey looked down at the keychain sitting in her hand, the newest silver addition to the ring shining up at her, “and I feel like we’re about to step into a stranger’s house.”

Jay released a soft chuckle, feeling just about the same way. This time last year when they were seated in bed together, scrolling through listing after listing of properties in the areas they’d cherry-picked, it felt like this day was never coming, and being homeowners just wasn’t in the cards for them.

Then completely out of the blue, just as the newlyweds were about to throw in the towel, Jay got a call from a buddy he’d served with, telling him that he and his wife we’re moving to Boca for an early retirement, and offered them their fixer-upper house at half-price.

Hailey had all but fainted when Jay came to her with the news, the dream she’d begun to hang up finally feeling tangible for the first time in forever.

Will, Adam, Kev and a bunch of their friends from firehouse 51 had jumped in to help fix up the place before either Jay or Hailey was able to ask, and by the time the summer rolled around, they were now seated outside their new home.

“You ready?” Jay asked her, that soft smile of his never failing to make her heart clench. “Absolutely.”

They both stepped out of the truck, walking hand in hand up the freshly-paved entrance.

Hailey held her breath as she turned the key in the lock and pushed open the front door for she and Jay to step in through, being met with the bright, newly-painted white walls of the currently empty open-concept main area.

Hearing a deep breath escape her, Jay turned back around to face his wife, finding her baby blues filled with tears.

“Hailey…” He stepped back over to her and wrapped his arms around her, his hand planted in her wild blonde curls as she clung to him.

“I can’t believe this is finally happening…” She breathed, her voice meeker than she’d intended, cracking slightly through the emotions washing over her.

“We’re gonna be so happy here, Hails.” Jay told her, taking another slow pan around the place, already envisioning movie nights on the couch, making breakfast and coffee before work in the stunning kitchen Severide and Cruz had renovated for them… the future he and Hailey had for so long fought to have together was finally in their grasp.

“Wanna go up and see the bedroom?” Hailey suggested. “Yeah, sure.” Jay took her by the hand, leading the way up the carpeted staircase, stopping at the furthermost room down the hall.

His hand wrapped around Hailey’s hip, as they stood in the doorway of the master, taking in the bright room thanks to the massive bay window illuminating it.

Jay then looked over his shoulder at the room directly across the hall.

“This would make a really awesome dual-office.” He told her, stepping in and taking a better look around.

“Have the two desks up against each other in the middle, computers back to back, then we can use the walls and the four corners for bookcases, shelves and whatever else we come up with.” Jay envisioned.

But when we he looked back over in Hailey’s direction, though she smiled brightly at him, she didn’t seem all that sold on the idea.

“Not really?” He asked her. “No, no, I – I love the idea. I just… Kinda had other things in mind for this room.”

Jay’s brow furrowed, as he stepped back over to her. “Well, it is our house, so your ideas are as welcome as mine. What did you have in mind?”

Moving further inside, Hailey padded around the room, taking in the size. “It’s not overly massive, but it’s not shoe-box tiny either. Really great lighting, so with a chair in either of those corners,” she pointed towards the back of the room where the bay-window was, “you’d have a really great view of the water…”

She turned back to face her husband, clearly seeing him absolutely lost in whatever it was she was trying to get at.

“What if we turned it into a nursery?” That silenced Jay altogether, taking him fully aback. “A nursery? Hailey, we –” then he watched as her hand slid down to her stomach, her eyes starting to tear up again.

“No way…” He dropped, his bottom lip quivering slightly, as tears of his own welled up in his eyes.

“Yes way.” Hailey cried joyfully. “I’m pregnant.” Somewhere between a soft laugh and a cry fell from her lips, the words tasting like pure sunshine on her lips, the look on Jay’s face more priceless than any Picasso or Monet in any museum on earth.

“Oh my god, Hailey…” Jay zoomed over to her, gathering her face in his hands and kissing her passionately, their tears mixing.

“When it rains it pours, but every cloud has a silver lining. Think we’re finally starting to find a couple of them.” Hailey beamed up at her husband.

Jay hugged her tightly, dropping his head atop of hers. “I love you so much, Hailey.”

“I love you too. So much…” A comfortable smile spread across both of their faces.

After all the heartache they’d experienced both together and on their own, the tides were finally beginning to shift and life was beginning to treat them well.

Seated at her desk, Hailey ran through the massive stacks of paperwork piling up on her desk, hoping to be all done with them before the sun came up.

She was momentarily stirred from her intense focus, hearing footsteps coming up the stairs towards the bullpen.

Voight had headed out around 8 and the last of the guys had long since left after numerous failed attempts to get her to join them for a round at Molly’s.

So, that logically only left one person it could be.

And sure as you know it, lifting her head to look back behind her and over her shoulder, Hailey’s eyes landed on none other than their favourite desk sergeant.

Hailey flashed the older woman a warm smile, closing an umpteenth folder and grabbing for another one.

“Heya, Serge. Late night?” Hailey asked her.

A short scoff came from Trudy in response, a matching grin on her features.

“You’re one to talk.” Platt came over and sat in Jay’s usual chair across from the detective’s desk.

“It’s almost 10, Hailey. Everybody else ran outta here hours ago, you couldn’t have done this paperwork at home where you’d be a lot more comfortable?”

Hailey dropped her pen to the desk, leaning back in her chair and scrubbed her palms over her eyes, starting to go cross-eyed as the fatigue set in.

“Ugh… if I attempt to get it done at home, I’ll end up turning on the TV, I’ll get distracted, start to fade, and by morning nothing’s gotten done. I get it done faster if I stay back here to do it.”

Trudy sent the blonde one of those ‘you can’t fool me’ looks that had Hailey suspecting Platt had her caught in a lie.

“Or, ‘s it because that offer from the FBI has you suddenly sent into a mid-life crisis a half a decade early, and if you’re here, drowning yourself in paperwork, you can keep yourself nice and distracted?”

A short laugh fell from Hailey at that. Guess there really wasn’t a single soul in this district she could fool anymore where anything about her was concerned.

“Can I admit something to you bout that offer?” Hailey asked the sergeant.

Trudy’s grin grew, making Hailey’s brow furrow in confusion.

“Gonna tell me that this isn’t the first time the offer’s been extended and you were made that same offer long before you came home?”

Hailey’s jaw dropped slightly. “How’d you –”

“The feds made a few calls before they made you the initial offer, talked to a couple people who see and know your work ethic up close and personally, suss out a few things.”

That would explain a few things…

“They call Jay?” Hailey wondered.

“Your partner of four years? First person they contacted. Call lasted almost an hour while he listed off ten-million reasons you’d kill it in New York and bring about some real good changes to the task force.” Trudy informed her.

Hailey leaned back into her chair, trying to fight a smile as she let the image of Jay singing her praises to her temp boss at the FBI cross her mind.

He’d acted so surprised and genuinely unbeknownst earlier about what was in the package the FBI had sent her way to the district.

“And yet for some reason, you aren’t over the moon about this opportunity some cops ten years your senior would be jumping up and down to get…”

Hailey shook her head, releasing a deep breath through her nose.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen…” Hailey told Trudy, looking up at the woman who’d once taken her under her wing during one of the most traumatic nights of her life.

“And what’s that?” Trudy returned, of course fully knowing what the detective meant.

“I wasn’t supposed to fall for him, Serge.”

Trudy dropped her forearms to the desk, leaning forward and flashing the blonde an empathetic smile.

“Hailey, you were kid when I first met you. And then ya walked in here decades later, a hell of a career on your shoulders at an impressively young age, managing to do what very few cops have done in the past and positively rattle Voight’s cage.”

Hailey laughed softly at that, remembering having gone toe to toe with her boss on that case and having to hold back every urge to deck him.

“It was as clear to me then as it was that night I first met you, and as clear it is to me now, that you’ve got killer instincts. Maybe because ya had to grow up real fast with what your dad put you through, maybe because you’ve been through more on this job since ya made detective than most cops see in their entire career.

I’ve seen time and time again, things pan out, people’s lives get saved and miracles happen all because ya followed that gut of yours.

And if ya came home after the FBI made you their initial offer, and waited it out long enough for them to send you even more incentives to take the gig, it’s cuz something in those instincts are telling you that there’s something’s here that’s more important to you than a pay raise and nice suits.”

Hailey barked out another laugh, shaking her head.

“Giving up a job like that for a guy… am I really that cop?” She wondered out loud.

“You’re a human being, who’s had person after person walk all over you your entire life, who faces off daily with the worst of the worst kinda lowlifes the city of Chicago has to offer… and now has a guy in her life who’d move heaven and earth just to see her smile.”

Hailey couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face as all thoughts of her partner flooded her mind.

“What if I do take the risk?” Trudy’s brows knitted together.

“What if I pass on the job, stay here Chicago, put myself out there and tell Jay how I really feel, and then it turns out he doesn’t wanna risk it? What happens then?”

“Do you love him? Like really, really love him?” Platt tested.

A sigh escaped Hailey, asking herself if she could really say the words out loud.

“He’s the most important person in my life. Every day that I was in New York, I thought about him at least a dozen times an hour. Wanting nothing more than change outta those monkey suits and be back out on the streets of Chicago with my partner. I can’t imagine my life without him.”

And at that, the sergeant’s grin grew as wide as it could.

“He said the same thing about you when I asked him that one night while you were gone.” Hailey’s head snapped back up. “Verbatim.” Platt clarified.

“And not that you need anybody else’s opinions to make your own judgments… but if ya ask me,” Hailey nodded, making her blonde curls bounce, “the hell the two of you’ve been through together and on your own; nobody deserves that kind of happiness more than the two of you do.

So, I believe what the kids nowadays are saying is ‘shoot your shot.’” Trudy told her, using air quotes to emphasize the expression, making the detective laugh.

Platt rose from the chair, pushing it back under Jay’s desk and looked back up at Hailey for a brief second.

“Trust your instincts, Kid. They’ve gotten you this far.” And with that, she left Hailey behind with a lot more to think over than was already making her head pound.

Breaking her from her heavy thinking, Hailey’s phone buzzed under the stack of folders she had spread across her desk.

She pushed them all out of the way in search of the device, eventually pulling out to find a text from Jay.

Jay – C & K tmr night? Been too long since we had a night out. Wanna catch up.

Hailey smiled down at the message for a few seconds before typing out a reply.

Hailey – you’re buying :p

She stood up from her desk, slipping her phone into her back pocket and cleaned up her paperwork before heading out for the night.

Tomorrow night held the power to drastically change things for them, and she’d need at least a little sleep to stay away during work tomorrow and keep the courage to spill her guys to her partner over drinks.

“Passengers, please find your seats. Our flight will take-off in ten minutes.” The voice came over the plane’s PA system, while Jay stashed his and Hailey’s carry-ons in the overhead compartment.

“Babe, will you grab my sweater before you close that?” Hailey requested from where she sat cross-legged in her window-seat.

Jay looked down at her with a grin on his features. “And I supposed by ‘my sweater’ you mean my sweater?” Hailey beamed back up at him and nodded.

A soft chuckle escaped him, as he handed her the oversized Chicago Bears hoodie, then closed the overhead and took his seat beside her.

Hailey dropped her hand to his, leaning her head to the side to kiss him softly. Jay’s thumb stroked the back of her hand as he smiled warmly into her intoxicating eyes.

“Ready for two weeks in paradise?” He asked his new wife.

“Marrying you was pure paradise. Our honeymoon is just an added and much-needed vacation out of the city.” Hailey answered him.

It admittedly hadn’t been the easiest task in the world agreeing on a honeymoon spot. They lived relatively comfortably, but their cop salaries definitely didn’t carry the weight to fly off on a tour of the world. And with each their own bucket list, it took a few days of back and forth negotiations to agree on a destination.

They had agreed quickest and easiest on honeymooning someplace warm, but beyond that, it had proven to be quite the task to agree on where to celebrate their one- and only-time being newlyweds.

Eventually after almost a week of deliberating, Jay had gone and asked one of Hailey’s best friends from high school where his fiancé would absolutely kill to go on vacation given the opportunity, and then surprised his with a two-week, all-inclusive stay at a private villa on the island of Crete.

Tears had come from Hailey as an initial reaction, worrying him a little at first. But when she’d turned around and told him it was perfect, and a vacation she’d dreamt of her whole life, Jay couldn’t book the tickets fast enough.

And now here they were, a 12-hour flight away from two weeks in pure paradise.

“Five minutes to take-off.” The voice returned to warn the passengers to find their seats and buckle in.

Jay felt Hailey suddenly tense a little beside him.

“Hails? You okay?” She released a ragged breath and attempted as convincing a nod as she could muster up.

“Hailey.” Jay checked again, knowing by now with just a single look into her eyes that she was internally beginning to panic.

It didn’t take him long to connect the dots and come to a speedy conclusion, given where they were.

“Hails… are you afraid of flying?” A meek nod came back this time.

“Since I was little. No particular reason why or trigger point I’m aware of, just… never liked them. Always felt really uneasy whenever I flew somewhere. I almost cancelled my flight at least five times on the way to and back from New York when I was consulting with the FBI.” Hailey told him.

Thinking quick on his feet, Jay tried to come up with whatever solution he could in the five minutes they had before takeoff.

He reached into the second bag he had on the floor in front of him, pulling out his Beats and handing them to Hailey, getting a raised brow from his wife. “Noise-cancelling,” he clarified, “they do wonders to turn off your surroundings.”

Hailey nodded, slipping them over her ears and connecting them to her phone.

Jay meanwhile stood up and looked in the direction of the closest stewardess. “Sir, we’ll be taking off in just a few moments, I’m gonna have to ask you to take your seat and buckle in please.” The brunette instructed him.

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just – my wife is incredibly anxious on flights and I don’t really know how else to help her ease her panic. Could I please get her a shot of something strong to take before we head off, help calm her nerves a little?”

The flight attendant looked over at Hailey, currently fiddling with her phone, the discomfort clear in the blonde’s facial features.

She then raised her eyes back up at Jay and flashed him a sympathetic smile. “I’ll grab her something fast before we settle in. Please take your seat in the meanwhile.”

Jay smiled back gratefully, releasing a sigh of relief. “You’re a saint, thank you.”

The stewardess returned to Jay’s side in record time, pouring out two shots and depositing them on the tray table in front of Hailey.

“Thank you so much.” Jay expressed to her, getting a nod and a smile back before she went off to return the bottle to the fridge and then find her own seat with the other attendants.

“Hails.” Jay stirred his wife, making her pull the headphones from her ears and notice the shots in front of her.

“One takes about ten minutes to hit your system, two of them should speed things along nicely, calm your nerves before we take off.” He explained.

Hailey’s puppy dog eyes drooped at him, a smile finally crossing her face. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

Jay pressed a soft kiss against her cheek, his arm around her as she threw back the shots with impressive ease.

“Oof, the good stuff.” Hailey cleared her throat, as the liquid burned on its way down.

“Nothing but the best for you. Now, put the headphones back on, lay back, close your eyes. I’ve got you.” Jay told her, holding her close in his arms.

Slipping her hands into the oversized sleeves of her husband’s sweatshirt, Hailey dropped her head to his chest, releasing a sigh of contentment, waiting for the liquid encouragement to hopefully run through her veins fast and kick in quickly before the plane took off.

Jay’s thumb softly stroked over her temple. The quickest way he knew to knock her out fast after a rough case and when her insomnia was particularly bad.

Pulling into the parking lot of their favourite breakfast restaurant, Jay put the car into park, before he and Hailey both stepped out of their respective seats.

Hailey came around to the backseat, while Jay grabbed the snuggly out of the trunk, then stood to the side while she unbuckled the infant seat and freed their daughter from its confines.

Carefully, Jay helped Hailey into the swaddle wrap and got the infant safely secured against her mother’s chest.

“Ready?” Jay asked his wife, holding his hand out to her, as they both released sighs of relief.

It had only been a couple of months since they welcomed their baby girl into the world, and to say the couple was overjoyed would be the understatement of the century.

But as any new parents would, they second-guessed every move they made, in fear of doing anything to harm or displease the fragile baby.

Even in times like these where she’d hardly quake, never mind make a single fuss.

Hailey smiled back at her husband, as she slipped her hand into his, the two making their way into Amy’s Breakfast to celebrate Jay’s first Father’s Day.

Jay pulled the door open for her, a gentle hand on the small of her back on his way in behind her.

“Hi! For two?” The perky young hostess greeted them at the door.

“Yes, please.” Both Hailey and Jay nodded in her direction.

As almost everyone else did when their eyes landed on their daughter, the hostess absolutely melted at the sight of small infant.

“She’s beautiful.” The hostess cooed, immediately attracting a few of her colleagues who positively gushed over her.

“What’s her name?” One of the other girls behind the counter asked them.

“Maddie.” Jay told them, beaming down at his little girl with pride, as Hailey held her close and softly stroked the back of her tiny peach-fuzzed head.

“Congratulations to you both.” A third said to them.

“Oh, thank you.” Hailey grinned ear to ear, before they made their way towards the table the hostess led them to.

Jay pulled out a chair for Hailey and helped her ease down into it, before coming around the table to take the seat across from her.

“Can I get either or both of you something to drink to start?” The waitress then asked them.

“Coffee for me… Hails?” Jay looked over at his wife.

“I’m good just on water for now, thanks.” She smiled in the older woman’s direction.

“Sure.” The waitress smiled back. “Take your time looking over the menu, I’ll be back with that in just a minute.”

“Thank you.” Jay bid.

Looking back at Hailey, he stretched a hand across the table, wrapping Hailey’s in it, while she softed their daughter’s tiny back with the other.

Out of the corner of her eye Hailey caught about a six different people looking in their direction.

“Think it ever starts to feel more normal?” She asked him.

Jay’s brow furrowed.

“People staring.” Hailey clarified.

“To be fair, Maddie is pretty adorable. Little doppelganger of her mom.”

Hailey chuckled softly, looking down at the baby in question, as she rest peacefully against her.

“What can I say, babe? She had them good genes on both sides.”

Jay laughed at that.

“Thank you.” He said to her in a more intentional tone. Now her turn to look at him curiously.

“This wasn’t a life I thought I could have before you came into my life. Thought about it? Dreamt about it? Sure, maybe here and there. But actually having a life where I’d marry someone who’s the absolute love of my life, start a life together, and then have a baby together… Never thought this life was possible.”

Hailey gave his hand a small squeeze, feeling the exact same way whenever she’d find herself some mornings watching Jay holding Maddie either in their bed or the chair in the baby’s nursery, asking herself what horseshoe she fell on or star she wished upon to be blessed with all that she had been.

“Ditto.” She told him.

Jay saw something tick behind his wife’s eyes, not too sure he liked the way it seemed to make her a little uneasy, despite the joys of what they were celebrating here this morning.

“Everything okay, babe?” He checked, getting a non-cholent nod back.

Which of course lasted about half a second. She could never hide anything from him.

“Just… I know this is supposed to be a fresh start. A second chance. And it’s not gonna be just me and Maddie alone with him… But beyond asking myself how I let my mom talk me into letting my dad within a hundred feet of our daughter, after the hell he put me through growing up… I’ve got about a dozen motives swimming around up there to call the whole thing off.” Hailey told him.

Jay nodded his head, knowing she’d gone back and forth on this for days before calling her mom back and agreeing to get together for Father’s Day, giving her dad the chance she never thought in a million years she’d give him.

“Hails. I am never gonna let anything happen to you or Maddie. Any point this afternoon you aren’t comfortable, we pull the plug, call the whole thing off. You’re in control here.”

Hailey managed half a smile, never not feeling secure in Jay’s promise to keep her and their daughter safe.

“I know. I want Maddie to know what little family she has. And I know my mom’s dreamt of being a grand-mother her whole life. Clearly, I can’t have her without him, and who I am I to deny her that joy because of him?”

“You’re her mom, Hailey. You don’t need permission or owe anybody any kind of an explanation for what you do to prioritize her well-being. I’ve had your back since one, and that’s still the case now. Always will be.”

This time, Hailey’s smile was a lot more convincing.

“I love you, Jay.”

“I love you too, babe. I love you both, so much.”

Hailey looked down as Maddie began to stir in her snuggly.

“Look who decided to greet us with her presence.” She immediately snapped into that adorable baby voice Jay was absolutely in love with.

Maddie craned her little neck to look in Jay’s direction, the infant immediately lighting up at the sight her daddy.

“Who’s’ that?” Hailey teased the baby, peppering kisses against her chubby cheeks.

“Looks like somebody wants her daddy.” She said to her husband.

“Yeah, a total hardship. C’mon, give me my baby.” Jay extended his arms out, supporting Maddie’s neck as Hailey handed her off to him.

While the infant made the most adorable sounds at her father, Hailey just sat back admiring her little family.

“Happy Father’s Day, Jay.” She breathed.

“No, I’m not saying it’s the worst possible situation I could be in, Jay. Just saying it’s not home, it’s not where I want to be, and I’m sorry I can’t be your happy go lucky partner right now.” 

They had only been kept apart by an 800-mile distance for a little over a month, but seeing Hailey looking so miserable during their near daily facetime calls made Jay just as miserable knowing he couldn’t do anything to take it away from her.

And to be completely honest, while he did everything in his power to not let it show while he tried to keep her calm through the tiny screen of his phone, Jay missed his partner like crazy.

As if already being unable to keep his mind from drifting to thoughts of Hailey while he lay on his back awake at night wasn’t torture enough, it also didn’t do him any favours to have Platt constantly reminding him at work of how far away she was.

“You’ll be home soon, Hails. It’s just a temp assignment.” Jay attempted to reassure her, but her face barely flinched in reaction, telling him there wasn’t much he could say here to make it any better for her.

“And what about next time I defy him?” His eyes snapped back up at that.

“Voight shipped me out here in an attempt to teach me a lesson and make me fear what happens when I don’t sit, stay and roll over for him and it didn’t work. So, what happens when I come home in a couple weeks unchanged?”

Jay knew his partner better than anyone else. Even better than she knew herself some times. He was well aware that she would be coming back from her assignment without her values and/or beliefs having shifted one iota.

And yes. He was worried what consequences that might carry or how it might affect things between her and their boss once she was back on duty in Intelligence.

“This conversation’s not gonna make ya feel any better, Hails. Let’s just change the subject for now.”

If only it were that simple. Whether or not they admitted it out loud, neither one of them would be mentally changing the subject until they were back together again, in the same city, back to protecting the streets of Chicago together.

“Got any plans for your birthday this weekend?” Jay attempted, almost immediately regretting it when her face fell more than he thought it had left to fall.

“Yeah. Stacks of paperwork, terrorist interrogations, and if I’m really lucky, the couple staying in the hotel room above mine might tire out for once and not be screwing each other at top volume all night.”

He wanted to laugh at that last part, but fought it strong, knowing it was so not the time for jokes.

“I’m sorry, Hails.” Hailey just shook her head, brushing it off.

Hailey wasn’t one for big, elaborate festivities and celebrations, and she definitely wasn’t one to like being in the spotlight or the center of attention.

But no one, not even Hailey Anne Upton wanted to be alone on their birthday.

A short tear fell from the corner of her eye, but Hailey was fast to wipe it away and keep it from falling any further.

She’d hoped Jay wouldn’t catch it, but the way he was looking at her, he’d catch an out of place hair on her head.

“Hailey…”

“I’m fine, Jay. Just tired. We’ve been chasing this cartel all week and I’ve barely gotten any sleep.”

He nodded his head and didn’t argue any further. Really not all that interested in working her up any further.

“Actually, if you don’t mind, think I’m gonna cut things short tonight and try to catch up on some sleep.”

If Hailey hadn’t gone through with being a cop, she’d have made a hell of an actress. That much had been proven with all the undercover work they’d done together.

Not to mention the way she could easily flick a switch at work and hide how much a case was affecting her.

But with Jay, fat chance. He could read her like a book he’d written himself. And the way her eyes were currently reddening around the rims while she held back the tears begging to fall and her gaze did everything in its power to avoid his; he got the message.

“Yeah, course, that’s fine. We’ve got a briefing early tomorrow morning, so I should probably get to bed earlier too.”

Running out of energy to keep talking, Hailey simply nodded her head.

“Night, Jay. Thanks for calling to check in.”

“Of course. We’ll talk soon again, okay?” Another nod.

“Bye.” Then she ended the call, and just like that, she was gone again.

Over on the East Coast after her phone call with her partner, Hailey lay on her back on her hotel bed, her phone resting on her stomach, as two long, slow tears finally ran freely down her pale cheeks, the ache on her chest growing.

So that’s what it meant to feel homesick for people.

Somehow by the grace of god, Hailey had been given the day off for her birthday. Fortunately for her, because she woke up with absolutely no will or want to do anything but lie in bed and feel sorry for herself.

Having spent over a month alone in New York City, away from her job, away from her friends, away from home… Yeah; she’d earned the right to.

Sometime closer to dinner, Hailey got herself dressed decently enough to step out of the hotel and up the street to the local diner to pick up a comfort meal for dinner.

Maybe if she found the energy to between now and the time Jay got home from work, she’d take the time to look a little more presentable and see if he was available for a quick call.

Coming back in with dinner at hand, Hailey crossed the lobby and smiled at Marco manager behind the front desk, exchanging pleasantries on her way up to her room.

--

As she stepped back in, Hailey deposited her key card on the stand by the door and deposited the go-bag beside it long enough to hang up her coat and ditch her signature combat boots.

As she flicked the switch on the wall to the right of the door, the room lit back up, making Hailey jump slightly and her jaw drop at the sight in front of her.

Good thing she’d put her dinner down on her way in, otherwise her now shaky hand would’ve dropped it straight to the ground.

“Jay…”

The green eyes and pearly white smile her partner flashed her from across the room made her stomach birth a sack of butterflies and the corners of her mouth manage the first smile she’d expressed in weeks.

“Happy birthday, Hails.”

The blonde launched herself across the room and straight into his arms.

Jay barely had time to catch her as she all but jumped him with her arms locked around his neck, squeezing the life out of him.

If it were at all possible, Jay hugged her twice as tightly, both of them releasing a simultaneous sigh of relief and contentment.

When they eventually pulled back, Jay smiled down into her baby blues, trying to convince himself he was really there in her presence.

“What are you doing here?” She asked him, as if it weren’t already obvious.

“I’m here to take you home.” Hailey’s eyes widened, as she swore she felt her heart stop.

“Wh… what?”

A soft chuckle escaped Jay at his partner’s lost look.

“New deputy superintendent was just named. Samantha Miller. She came around the other day to meet the “famous intelligence unit” and learned that one of the unit’s top detectives was shipped out on a punishment assignment for defying the notorious Sergeant Hank Voight.” Jay explained to her.

Reaching into his back pocket, Jay pulled out a set of a keys that only further served to confuse Hailey.

“We finally got new rigs. And to break it in, Miller sent me out here to bring you home and back to Intelligence where you belong. Cleared it with your temp boss at the FBI. Pulled the ‘we loaned her to you, we can take her back just as fast and we are’ move, and …”

Jay cut himself off, his brows knitting at the sight of the grin crossing his partner’s face.

“You’re so full of shit, Halstead…”

“Wh –” Hailey laughed at his adorably lost face.

“How long have we been partnered, Jay? You can read me, and I can read you. Look me in the eye, Jay. Tell me you didn’t orchestrate this whole thing with the superintendent to get me back home.”

He couldn’t.

Jay shook his head, his grin matching hers.

“Course I wanted you back home, Hails. I missed you like crazy, and it just got harder every day you were gone. I saw my opportunity when Miller first came in and for the first time someone was able to even slightly rattle Voight’s cage. Made my case to her and practically before I could finish my sentence, she put in the call to relieve you from the FBI.”

Without having to say a word, Hailey’s arms wound around Jay’s midsection and clung to him like an anchor.

Jay’s hand dropped to the back of her head, tangling in her hair.

“There’s one more thing I wanted to tell you.” Hailey mumbled against his chest.

“What’s that?” Jay asked her.

She pulled her head back up to look at him, beaming into his eyes with that million-dollar smile he could never resist.

Rising up on her tip toes, Hailey dropped a hand against Jay’s neck and captured his lips in soft, slow kiss.

It didn’t take long for Jay to respond, his hands moving down to hold her hips, pulling her closer against him and giving it right back to her.

Once they finally parted long enough to catch their breath, Jay leaned his forehead against Hailey’s, feeling her soft breath against the scruff on his chin.

“Thought it was one-sided.” Jay told her, to which Hailey released a soft laugh and shook her head.

“I tried to push it down for a while. Knowing the rules about in-houses and whatever, figured I could wait it out and eventually… the feelings would go away. But then the longer I was gone, the more I thought about you, the more I missed you… and I realized for once in my life, I wasn’t in control, and it wasn’t a feeling I could squash down, and I…”

A soft sigh escaped her, losing sight of what it was she was trying to communicate to her partner.

“I lay awake some nights, just thinking about you. Wondering if you ever thought about me. If you missed me even half as much as I missed you, but –”

“Hailey.” Jay caught her cheeks in his hands, looking straight down into her intoxicating eyes.

“There isn’t a single second of the last 34 days that I haven’t thought about you. That I haven’t wanted to be where you are. And I told myself that when I got here, I’d have the balls to tell you how I feel but… I can’t help it hails.”

Her brow furrowed.

“You make me feel like I’m in high school again, crushing on the popular head cheerleader. Only it’s a whole hell of a lot stronger than a high school crush. I can’t put into words what it is I feel for you, Hailey. I just know it’s something I’ve never felt before and it’s not something I ever wanna not feel.”

A bright smile broke across the blonde’s features, as the most important person in her life laid it all out for her.

“Ditto.” She told him.

Jay stroked his thumb over her cheekbone and pressed a kiss against her forehead.

“We don’t have to be back in the office till Monday. Can I take you to dinner before we hit the road?”

Hailey nodded her head excitedly, all lit up like a little girl on Christmas morning.

“I’d like that a lot more than the diner crap I was planning on eating tonight.”

They both laughed, feeling both their bodies float lightly for the first time in over a month.

“Yaknow… we could always… stay in. Order room service instead?” Hailey grinned wickedly at him.

“Hailey Anne Upton… are you flirting?” Her cheeks went pink.

“Yeah… room service works for me.” A shriek escaped her, as Jay lifted her up into his arms and all but tackled her to the bed.

“It can wait… they serve till midnight. We got lots of time.”

Jay quirked a suggestive brow with a matching grin plastered to his face.

“Got plans of some sort to fill the time?”

With spending hours upon hours every day going through piles and piles of paperwork, running out at all hours to chase down criminals, sitting face to face with the worst the streets of Chicago has to offer in interrogations…

There was little to nothing better life could offer either of them, that could somehow outweigh the pure peace, happiness and serenity that came from lying here like this.

With Jay lying on his back on the apartment couch, Hailey’s body limply positioned on top of his chest, her head resting in the crook of his neck and Jay’s fingers running through her messy blonde curls, not much could make either of them feel any better than they did right now.

Not that seeing guys three times Hailey’s size come at her or seeing her get all worked up during an interrogation had been any easier for him before they were together, but after seeing her spend all day visibly tense and on-edge, it made Jay’s heart squeeze just a little more feeling her relax under his touch, as he rubbed the soft, warm skin of her back.

A content sigh spilled from between her lips as Hailey finally started to come down from her day.

Quite honestly, neither one of them could really remember what they had just been talking about. With the last of their remaining energies beginning to drain, Hailey and Jay were both just a few minutes away from both positively crashing for the weekend off of work they had ahead of them.

An adorable yawn came from Hailey, as she fought to keep her eyes open.

Jay couldn’t help the grin that tugged at his lips as the image of his girlfriend fighting sleep mirrored that of a child trying to convince their parents to let them stay up just a little longer.

“You tired?” Jay asked her, trailing his fingertips down the curve of her lower back.

“Mmm…” escaped from Hailey’s exhausted body, as her eyelids became heavy and her will to stay awake and keep this moment from ending began to fade.

Jay had been pretty sure when they’d gotten home about an hour ago and Hailey was zombie-walking through the apartment, that she wasn’t long for the world, and would probably be out cold before long.

But he had to admit to himself, that after a long day of chasing down dead-end after dead-end, that getting to cuddle up on the couch for a bit before heading to bed was a gift from the heavens he swore he’d never take for granted and reap the benefits of whenever possible.

“Alright, babe. Common.” A soft groan escaped his girlfriend in protest of moving from the comfortable position her body had practically molded into.

A soft chuckle came from Jay at her adorable attempts to fight him when she had nothing left in her to try.

“Common, baby. Let’s get you to bed.” Jay attempted to slowly slide Hailey’s body from on top of his and rise up from where he’d been lying on the couch, only to remain pinned down by her current dead weight.

She was practically out cold on his chest.

Moving her and getting her changed and into bed was going to be no small task.

“Hails…” he gently stirred her, earning himself another groan.

Jay huffed and rolled his eyes at yet another failed attempt to move her.

“My god, Upton, you are impossible.” He could swear he almost made out a tiny laugh from her at that.

“Mm… ‘s why you love me…” Jay had no arguments there. Her stubbornness, stick-to-itiveness and fight to get what she wanted most were all among the top reasons he’d fallen in love with Hailey in the first place.

Well… there was only one thing left to do.

“Alright, Hails,” he caved, “looks like I’m carrying you to bed. Again.”

Jay somehow managed to lift her into his arms and stand up from the couch in one, swift, ninja-esque move.

Hailey’s arms laced around his neck, hanging onto him, as Jay carried her around the couch and into the bedroom, managing to get the door behind them with his foot.

“This bra is so uncomfortable, why did I think to wear it this morning…” a grin crossed Jay’s face.

And thus, her random, sleepy ramblings had commenced.

Jay gently deposited Hailey down on the edge of the bed, hopping she wouldn’t topple over while he grabbed her pyjamas of choice from the dresser.

Getting absolutely no help from her limp, tired body, Jay got her shirt up and over her head long enough to unclip her bra and dispose of the garment, and then pull on her bed shirt and get her arms through the holes.

He felt like he’d run a marathon by the time she was fully changed into her nightshirt and shorts, but he got the task done, and now he just needed to get her tucked into bed.

“To bed with you.” Jay took Hailey by the hands and guided her up onto her feet, all but dragging her around to the left side of the bed.

He peeled back the covers and got her small frame under.

Hailey immediately dropped her heavy head to the pillow and curled up into a little ball.

Jay smiled to himself, as he pulled the covers back over her and pressed a soft kiss against her temple.

After a quick change of his own, Jay flicked the switch on the wall, turning out all the lights, and then came around to his side of the bed and got under the covers with his girlfriend.

Somehow blindly, Hailey maneuvered over closer to Jay, her head finding his chest and resting against the calming rhythm of his steady heartbeat.

Another content smile tugged at Jay’s lips, as his arm wrapped around her back, running his fingers up and down her bare back.

This was something Hailey had started doing early on in their relationship, and it had become part of her routine every single night.

Even on nights that they’d argue and say things to each other that they’d take back and apologize for in the morning, like clockwork, like this is how she would sleep every single night.

“Goodnight, Hails,” Jay breathed, pecking her forehead and holding her tightly in his embrace.

All he got in response was her soft nose-whistle that told him she was out like a light.

They’d finally found a nightly routine that combatted her insomnia, and to Jay it was like a gold medal.

Nothing in the world would ever make him happier than seeing the most important person in his life completely and totally at peace.

That was all he needed to let his own eyes fall closed and let sleep take him over for the night.

--

“I want to make you the kind of happy that when you lay in bed at night, you’re just like “wow, who knew this was possible.”

The thought of sleeping on the couch tonight had crossed Hailey’s mind. But if she was honest with herself, she’d grown accustomed to sleeping with her back against Jay’s broad chest. His arms wrapped around her, her hands wrapped in his and the warm security of Jay’s presence right there beside her.

But the load was getting progressively harder to carry. She had told Jay earlier that she and Voight hadn’t caught any more leads and that she was okay. It wasn’t going to be much longer before it all came crashing down on her.

On his side of the bed, Jay began to feel Hailey stirring in his arms. It woke him up almost instantly. He’d never been much of a deep sleeper, so the slightest sign of irregularity around him and he was awake and alert instantly.

“Hailey.” He looked over at her, finding her starting to get a little restless. This didn’t happen often. Usually she’d wake up in the exact same position they went to bed in. Save for the few times she woke up from a nightmare.

“Hailey.” Jay tried again. But then she started crying in her sleep and really worried him.

Jay sat upright in bed and gently shook her frame. “Hailey. It’s okay, baby. You’re safe.”

He tried desperately, but waking her up felt impossible. “Hailey!” Jay pressed one more time, making his girlfriend shoot up to a seated position beside him, panting and sweating from head to toe.

“Hey…” Jay breathed softly, with his hand on her damp back. She took him by surprise, her arms shooting out around his neck, and clinging to him desperately.

He squeezed her tight in his arms, manoeuvring backwards in bed to sit his pillow up and lean against the headboard with Hailey in his lap.

“I’ve got you, Hails…” Jay rocked her gently, rubbing her back in circles in an attempt to slow her rapid breathing.

He was slowly getting her to come back down when her body all of a sudden tensed up. Hailey pulled her head back a little and stared into dead space.

“Hailey?” Her face went pale as a ghost. Jay watched as she dropped a hand over her stomach, the other coming up to her mouth.

She all of a sudden launched up from the bed and made a bee-line for the en-suite bathroom. Jay followed behind her without hesitation.

He just barely made it to her side in time to hold her hair back with one hand and drop the other to her back as Hailey hurled violently.

Hailey leaned her hand against the wall in front of her to keep her balance, gasping for a solid breath.

“It’s okay… let it out.” Jay softly encouraged. She didn’t think she had anything else left in her, but her stomach had other plans.

Once she’d emptied herself out, Jay grabbed a glass of water and handed it to her to rinse her mouth out.

Hailey left the glass on the counter and stepped into her boyfriend’s arms, hers locked around his waist.

Jay dropped his lips to her hair, leaving a soft kiss against her forehead. “Common. Let’s get you back to bed.”

He took her by the hand, leading her back out of the bathroom and turning the lights back off.

Making sure Hailey was tucked back in on her side, Jay slipped back into his, seconds before she slid into his chest.

Running a hand through her now messy curls, Jay held her close. “You wanna tell me now what happened last night?”

Hailey’s head snapped up at that, looking at him with a quirked brow. “I –” Jay flashed her a soft look.

“Hailey. We’ve been partnered for four years and together six months. You think I can’t look into your eyes, see the tears you’re holding back, and know when you’ve seen something that stayed with you?” He had her there.

“We talked on the phone, you sounded fine. You got home less than two hours later, jumped out of your skin when I walked out of the bedroom, and you looked like you were about to break down.

You told me you were good, and I know by now that even if it’s obvious you’re not okay, I need to give you some time to be okay.

But clearly, you had a nightmare that scared the hell out of you, you woke up crying, and then you threw up. So, what the hell happened last night that’s go you so upset, Hails?”

Hailey shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes, begging to be released. “Hailey, look at me.” His finger came under her chin, but she resisted again.

“Hey… Hails…” Jay somehow got her eyes up to his, and once they met she couldn’t tear them away. And it only crippled her more.

A sob bubbled on her chest, making a couple more follow. “Oh my god, Hailey… baby, come here.”

Jay took her onto her lap, Hailey’s head falling instantly to the crook of his neck, her small frame shaking against him like a leaf in the wind.

“Hailey… Shh… I’ve got you, sweetheart, it’s okay…” She shook her head again in protest.

“You’re – gonna – h – hate m – me.” His hand rubbed her back in large circles, trying to slow her breathing.

“Shh…” Jay attempted to cool her sobs, but they just sped up.

“Hailey, nothing in the world could ever make me hate you. You hear me? Nothing.” Jay told her firmly.

“You – don’t k – know tha – t.” His girlfriend wailed back.

“Hailey.” Jay breathed softly. “Listen to me, baby girl. Alright? Just want you to listen.” Hailey nodded her head slightly against him.

“You’ve seen me at my worst. You’ve been there with me at my worst. You’ve had my back through it all, no matter what. So, I need to know, that you know it’s the same thing on the other side. Tell me you set off a nuclear war, and I’ve got your back.”

She stayed silent for a few seconds, gathering up whatever non-existent energy she had left in her. “I didn’t wanna do it.” Hailey wailed in his arms.

“Do what, Hailey?” Jay encouraged gently.

“I got this feeling… when me and Ruze were checking out locations this morning… Felt like Voight had cherry-picked what locations he gave us. Like we were supposed to land on dead-end after dead-end.

Adam had to get home to Makayla to relieve the babysitter. And I just couldn’t shake this feeling. After you and I got off the phone, I followed the breadcrumbs.

Landed at an apartment. And before I could say a word, the guy told me he already told everything to ‘the other cop.’ I didn’t need any more of a picture drawn for me… I got it. Made him tell me everything he’d told Voight.

When I got to the warehouse… Roy was chained up to a post, beaten up real bad. And Voight had some of his blood on his face.” Her voice hitched, throat getting dry. Jay’s hand continued to rub her back, looking at her encouragingly.

“Voight heard me coming… turned around and pointed his gun at me.” Jay’s heart dropped to his feet. “Hailey…”

His hand came up to her hair, running through her curls. “That’s where you were when I called you the second time and Voight was with you.” Hailey nodded, confirming his theory as more tears ran down her cheeks.

“When you told us – that the bullet never left Kim’s body after she was shot… He lost it. And I tried.” A sob fell from between her lips.

“I tried, and I tried to s – stop him.” “Oh my god, Hailey…”

“He yelled at me. I yelled back. Threw – everything back at him. Every way he’s been trying… to get inside my – head since sending me to New Y – York. Told him I wasn’t like him. And I don’t know how… I got him to stand down. He agreed… to bring him in.”

As the memory came back to her, her hand flew up over her mouth, pressing back the sobs dying to be let out. Jay wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. Her arms locked around his waist and held onto him for dear life.

“It happened s – so f – fast.” Jay didn’t stop her. He hugged her tight and let her get it all out. “Voight went to – untie – him. Roy… h -- he grabbed his gun… turned it around on – him…

And I froze – at first. Then I – I was so – scared. I just … pointed my gun at him. And I s – shot h – him. And I tried, Jay. I ran to him, tried to r – resuscitate – him. But Voight… he stopped me. Shoved me away… told me I … I did the right t – thing… and to go – home.

It all happened s – so f – fast.” Hailey finally broke. Let the floodgates burst open and fell apart in Jay’s arms.

Jay’s hand wrapped around the back of her head, holding her into his chest. Her small frame shook and convulsed in his arms. In ways he’d never seen before. Not after any one nightmare he’d held her through or case that had shaken her to the core.

This was different. “Oh my god, baby girl… Shh… It’s over, Hailey. Alright, I’ve got you…”

“I’m so – so … I’m so – rry.” “No. No, Hailey. Hailey, listen to me. You did everything right. You did everything you could to stop him. This is what Voight does. This is what he is. And that is not on you.

You are not to blame for what happened, okay? Hailey, look at me.” She shook her head. “Hailey.” Jay’s hand caught her cheek, lifting her head up.

Her tear-filled red-rimmed eyes and quivering lip were enough to bury him six-feet under. “Voight has been trying to get into your head and under your skin since the day you walked into that bank. He doesn’t know what it is to have someone on his team that he can’t manipulate.

Sending you to New York was supposed to scare you into seeing how fast he can get rid of you if you don’t follow him. Joke’s on him, and you came back ten times stronger and tougher.

He tried to get into your head about us, tried to make you second-guess your instincts and what kind of a cop you are. And you fought him every step of the way.

Last night… Hailey, that was a side of Voight you haven’t met yet. And believe me when I tell you there is nothing you could have done. You stuck to who you are, you did what you could and what you had to do. This is not on you.”

Jay dropped a hand to the middle of her back, the other one holding her hand in his. “Take a breath in from here.” He coached.

It took Hailey a couple of tries to finally get out a single solid breath, and get her breathing back to a normal rate, and by the time she did, she felt like a wet noodle being held up only by Jay’s hold on her.

Jay’s thumb wiped a stray tear from her cheek, stroking over her cheekbone as he looked into her eyes. “Jay, I… I need you to know… I didn’t tell you I wanna get married because I’m completely out of my mind right now.”

Jay nodded at that, sending a sympathetic, comforting smile her way. “Course I know that, Hails. It’s not as if you pulled it out of thin air, or that it’s the first time we’ve talked about spending the rest of our lives together. And you’re not alone.” Hailey’s head snapped back up at that.

“Everything that’s happened to Kim, knowing she’s fighting for her life right now, not knowing whether or not she’s coming back to Makayla, the division in the unit, this with Voight… This has all put a lot of things into perspective.”

“How so?” She asked him, swiping under her eyes. “You’re the only thing in my life that makes sense right now. I’ve thought so many times to just run away from all this madness, take you with me and hideout in some cabin out in the boonies up in Wisconsin where nothing can disturb us.”

Hailey finally found the ability to smile even a little bit at the picture he drew up in her head. “Wouldn’t suck.” She expressed.

“No, it wouldn’t.” Jay lay back down against his pillow, bringing Hailey down with him and into his arms.

She placed her head over his heart, listening to the comforting rhythm of its steady beat. With his arm around her back and a hand planted in her hair, Jay pressed a long, soft kiss to her forehead, watching her back rise and fall as she finally managed to breathe again.

“We’ll keep talking about it, Hailey.” His girlfriend turned her head and looked up at him. “I wanna marry you more than anything in the world. So, we’ll keep it on the table. And when the dust clears and all of this shit is somehow figured out and we know where we’re going… I’ll find the most obnoxious ring and ask you to marry me.”

A slow tear ran down from the corner of Hailey’s eye and slipped down her cheek. “Sounds good to me.”

Jay smiled down at her. “I love you so much, Hailey.”

“I love you too, Jay.”

Pulling into the parking lot, Jay put the truck in park and stepped down, catching sight of his boss standing leaned against his own car waiting.

The two walked towards each other, meeting somewhere in the middle between their cars. “That’s far enough.” Jay told him, halting the sergeant.

“Something wrong?” Voight asked him. Jay raised a brow at that. “Is something –” A sarcastic laugh fell from the detective.

“Adam called this morning. Kim’s out of surgery and recovering well. He brought Makayla around to see her before taking her to school. And rather than being there with us in the waiting room like we all were after Al died… You were off torturing and killing the guy who put those slugs in her stomach and taking away Kim’s right to see justice.” Jay told him.

Voight pulled one of those signature looks that told Jay he was about to pull his usual alpha act and try to make himself all tough.

“Last I checked, I’m not the one who shot him.” He dared. “You didn’t pull the trigger, but you manipulated someone you supposedly care for into doing your bidding and carrying your blood on her hands.

Hailey knows what kind of a son of a bitch you are, we all do. But she hadn’t been exposed to your kill and dispose routine until last night. Now she’s in shambles, her PTSD is off the charts because you stuck your gun in her face! She spent the night shaking like a leaf, overwhelmed with the guilt of what you made her do.

You’re dead inside, so you get to walk away unscathed from what you did. But Hailey? Hailey’s a good person. The most amazing human being I’ve ever met, in fact. What she was made to do last night stuck with her and she’s gonna carry that for a good long time, torturing herself over it all because you think you’re above the goddamn law.

You turned my girlfriend into a pet project experiment, seeing how deep inside her head you could plant yourself and try to control her like a robot. Only problem is Hailey isn’t Erin. She’s not indebted to you.

She’s got her own her brain, her own heart, her own values, and despite your every attempt, you failed. You failed to get her off her game. You failed to get her to second-guess herself as a cop. And you failed to take her to the other side with you.”

For the first time in as long as he could remember, Jay actually saw Hank Voight visibly gulp.

“But what she is right now is shattered. That you did succeed at. So, I cleared it with Miller. And I’m gonna take her away for the summer. Get out of the city, help her come to terms with what happened last night.” He told him.

“Jay, I don’t think you realize –” “No.” Jay cut him off.

“I am done listening to you. I’ve let you drag me and this unit for over eight years. And I’ve come to terms with everything I’ve done and sat by and watched you do since I first joined this unit.

You govern by fear. Abuse your power and use it as you see fit. Sometimes for good, but always for selfish reasons. I have it in me to knock your ass to the ground right now for what you did to Hailey. I have it in me to put you right there with that body I know you buried last night.

But that’s not what Hailey would want. Just like what you did isn’t what Kim would’ve wanted. But that’s for the courts to decide.”

Voight stiffened at that, watching a grin spread across the detective’s face.

“Hailey met with Miller this morning. She couldn’t let this one go, and it wouldn’t stop eating at her. So, she confessed to what she did. And Miller’s offered her immunity in exchange for Hailey handing over every dirty crumb she’s got on you. And I’ve offered to cooperate with her.

You’re done ruining the lives of the good cops you’ve kept under your thumb in this unit. You can take it from here boys!” Jay called out, walking backwards towards his car as two uniforms stepped out the side door of the rooftop parking lot.

Leaving the two to do their job, Jay slipped back into the driver’s seat of the truck.

He looked back behind him into the backseat, smiling softly at the blonde. “You okay?” He asked her.

His girlfriend nodded at him from where she sat. “Thanks for bringing me with you, Jay. I needed to see it.” Hailey told him, watching the uniforms cuff Voight and stuff him into the back of their patrol car.

Jay took her hand in his, their fingers intertwined. “You’re done having bosses try to jam you up, babe. When we get back in the fall and we’re running intelligence together with our family, it’s gonna be a whole new world and a whole new unit. You’re gonna be the reason people stop fearing the Intelligence Unit and stop seeing us as a dirty team.” He told her.

Hailey took the first real deep breath she’d managed in as long as she could remember. “We’re gonna be the reason. You and me, partners in crime, just like always.” She corrected with a smile.

“Always. Now come on. Hop on back up here and baby let’s get out of town.” Hailey laughed at she climbed back up beside him.

“Little early to be quoting Carrie Underwood, isn’t it?” Jay laughed back. “Anything to see you laugh.”

Hailey leaned over the truck console to kiss him. “I can’t wait to marry you someday.” She told him.

“It’ll be the happiest day of my life.” Jay agreed. “But for now, let’s go spend three months just you and me.” He said to her, pulling out of the rooftop parking lot, and up towards Wisconsin.

While Kevin and Adam helped Darrell get mic’d up, Hailey stepped into the opposing wire room where Jay was currently setting up his taps.

Or, rather, he was trying to, but failing miserably to get the wire to stay up his sleeve long enough for Jay to secure it in place.

“Hey.” She smiled softly in his direction, watching him clearly struggle with the task. “Hey.” He replied, returning her small grin.

“Need some help?” A soft chuckle escaped the blonde, seeing the rare occurrence where her partner was butterfingered.

Jay released a self-deprecating laugh, realizing this wasn’t gonna get done on his own.

“Yeah, thanks. For some reason, to this day and thousands of these later, I still can’t set ‘em up right on myself.” Jay laughed at his own struggle to get the wire tucked into his sleeve.

“That’s why you have a partner, right?” Hailey beamed adorably at him, as her nimble fingers fastened the wire into place and secured it with ease.

Watching his girlfriend work, a thought crossed Jay’s mind. “How you doin’?” He asked her.

Hailey looked up at that. “I’m okay. You?” She told him with her brows knitted, not too sure where he was going with this.

“Yeah, I’m solid. Things have just been a little rocky between us lately. Wanna make sure you’re okay.” And there it was. The ever protective and charismatic guy she fell for and continued to every day they were together.

Hailey offered him a warm, sympathetic smile in return. “I’m not the proudest of how I handled that case a couple of weeks ago. I did what I did, and it got us the results it did. But I guess Voight was right that all the things that make me a good cop equally make me just as much of a bad one.”

Jay shook his head at her. “Hails, we all got cases that poke and prod at our weak points sometimes, and you’re not exempt from that just because you’re the toughest one in the unit. Doesn’t make you bad police, and sure as hell doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re human, like the rest of us. But, you also wouldn’t be in this unit if Voight didn’t think you had anything special worth bringing to the table.

So, keep doin’ your thing. I’ve got your six.” Her heart melted at that. Much as having Jay as her partner made her happy in indescribable ways, being together the last six months had brought her an inexplicable joy she hadn’t ever experienced before meeting him.

Dropping a hand on his cheek, she pressed a soft kiss against the other, beaming up into his eyes with her stunning baby blues.

“Detective Upton, I do believe no physical contact in the bullpen was your rule.” A soft giggle escaped the blonde.

“Well, we’re not in the bullpen right now, are we?” She teased with a quirked brow and a signature grin.

Jay took a quick look around them, before dropping his lips to hers and stealing a kiss.

“Alright. Sound is clear, reading well. You’re good to go.” Hailey told him, checking the stats on the monitor.

“Check in one more time with Kev and Ruze when you turn your comms on at the club, but everything looks good.”

“Thanks, Hails.” Jay smiled at his partner, nudging her arm with his. “Always.” She beamed back, closing up the wire cases and placing them back in the wall unit.

On his way out the door, Jay stopped for a minute and looked back at her. “Hey, Hailey.” Her head snapped up to look at him.

“You know you don’t have anything to worry about with me going into that club, right?” Hailey smiled at her boyfriend’s efforts to reassure her.

“Course, I know that, Jay.” She assured him. “Doesn’t mean I’m not expecting the girls in there to be gorgeous, and you are a living, breathing man about to be surrounded by half-naked women. And you’re basically a walking Calvin Klein ad, so I’m sure you’re gonna have just as many eyes on you while they’re tryna make their month’s quota.

But, it’s an undercover op. You’re going in there to make sure Miller’s kid stays alive and the guys don’t get made. And when the op’s over, it’s me you’re coming home to. I have nothing to worry about.”

How he ever earned the right to have this incredible human being as his partner and girlfriend, Jay would never know nor stop asking himself daily.

“Come here.” He stepped back over to her, wrapping his hand around the back of her head, his fingers instinctively running through her hair as he dropped a kiss against her forehead.

“You’re one in a million, Hails.” Jay could swear he felt her smile against his chest. She lifted her head up and smiled up at him with that thousand-watt pearly-white grin.

“I love you.” Hailey breathed to him. “I love you too, babe.”

Chewing her lip, the look on her face told Jay she’d suddenly caught a thought. “Uh oh, what’s that look for?”

“Maybe if you’re really good in there, tonight I’ll pull out that red set we got from Victoria’s Secret last weekend.”

Hailey grinned as she watched the heat reach Jay’s cheeks and redden them fast.

He cleared his throat, trying to keep his thoughts on the case at hand, and now struggling to do so.

“You’re nothing but trouble.” Jay shook his head at her, fighting a grin of his own.

“It’s part of my charm. Wouldn’t have me any other way, would you?” She smiled teasingly.

“Yeah, yeah. Get outta here. I got an op to get to, so that we can have a night to ourselves tonight.” He threw back with a love tap on her backside.

Still laughing, Hailey made her way out of the wire room. She stopped for a minute and turned around, walking out backwards as she looked at him a little more seriously.

“Stay safe in there, alright?” Jay nodded back at her with a reassuring smile.