FoxFence

this is going around twitter and i thought it'd be a fun little thing to bond over

—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.

—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.

—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money

—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them

—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa

—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them

keep on not working for startups

sometimes there comes a point where the thing (fandom, hobby, friendship, romantic relationship) you loved no longer brings you joy. And that’s okay. Try to mourn the loss, take joy in the memories, and don’t burn any bridges in case ten years go by and you find yourself back in that fandom/hobby/relationship again

it turns out that (ugh) moderate regular exercise is (spit) good for you. The sooner you make it part of your life, the easier it’ll be

related: if you throw yourself into a new exercise regime too hard and too fast, without stopping to rest or consider whether a particular move is good for you … well, shoulder injuries are painful and consults with orthopedic surgeons are expensive

knees are bastards too

don’t even get me started on ankles

there may come a time when your digestive system is too fragile for ibuprofin. I’m sorry

one day you’re gonna wake up and realise you no longer give any fucks about some things that used to bother you

on the other hand, you might be alarmed to realise what you still give a fuck about

Consider working for startups ONLY IF you know how to get out before the crash. Take the health care bonuses and get yourself new glasses and that “elective” surgery that you’ve been putting off, take the shiny new full-feature laptop, take the free phone and company-paid installation of fiber-optic internet to your house, and the office furniture, and the three times a month lunch buffet in the office. And then leave just before it all falls apart. Just before the creditors come demanding their cut. (Note: they may demand a return of office equipment. So. Only bother getting free furniture if you know they aren’t tracking any of the who-got-what info and just writing it all off as business expenses, not listing it as company assets.) But: Only do this if you have enough corporate experience to jump before it takes you down. Otherwise, just avoid the whole thing.

You can no longer survive two weeks on 5 hours a night’s sleep. Get real sleep. Cut into your movie/reading/gaming time for it. I’m sorry.

Watch out for how many times you find yourself in a circle of your peers, discussing your various problems. That’s not bad, per se, but nobody under 40 is interested.

Nobody gets to tell you what a “reasonable” hobby is. Learn a language, get a crafts starter kit, buy a 3d printer and figure out how to make it work, paint some miniatures. Play video games. Badly. Do things for fun.

You will see 22-year-olds arguing with 19-year-olds about what’s “age appropriate” for 16-year-olds. Try to refrain from laughing maniacally in their faces.

Your age categories for your fellow humans will be something like, “Under 15 [child], 15-25 [whippersnapper], 25-40 [potentially responsible adult], over 40 [peers].”

There will be a list of foods you used to enjoy that you can no longer safely eat. A list of foods you used to hate that you now consider necessary. You will deeply resent some of them, and find yourself annoyed at how much you don’t resent others of them.

The fucking social media landscape will change every 3 years and those damn kids will re-invent drama that you thought was settled decades ago.

Learn to cackle.

There are other ways to do ‘start up’ work. If you work in a large org or established industry, dig around to find the newest team, project or smaller org doing cool stuff or things that other people think might not work for <insert reasons usually based on fear of change here>. You get the best of both worlds: doing the weird, new stuff w/the stability of a steady paycheck. 

Putting off therapy? Not sure it’s worth it? Do it. It is. Yes it’s hard + slow + sometimes painful. Still. Doing our work to navigate issues with parents + siblings is worth it because no one lives forever + it’s sweeter to live with fewer regrets. Invest in Kleenex, keep yourself hydrated + go for short walks to process The Stuff™.

When people have oPiNiOnZ about how they think we should do things, it’s helpful to ask: why do they care so much about what I do? Then do what we know is best.

It doesn’t take a lot of effort to be a sufficient-enough cook for ourselves + sharing w/others: 2-3 excellent breakfasts, lunches, dinners, appetizers + desserts. Yes, chopping up fresh veggies + selecting yummy cheeses count for 3 of those categories; fresh fruit + chocolate is an excellent dessert; soup is waaaaay easier to make than we might think.

Giving fewer fucks is incredibly energising. No need to be a jerk about it, but enjoy it!

Sleep. Really. Matters. And the lack of it or in insufficient amounts cumulatively undercuts sanity, time + resilience. Don’t believe me? Watch the TED talks, read the science, or ask your friends who are getting enough sleep. 

This one sucks, but it’s worth knowing about ahead of time. Starting in peri menopause, gaining muscle mass + moving regularly gets frighteningly easy to n o t do. Totally still possible after menopause, but if you can swing it: develop those habits in your early 40s so you don’t miss too many beats (or a decade) so you can still be active at 60, 70, 80 + beyond.

In a long term partnership? Sharing where we each “hide” our passwords is helpful because sometimes we need them for all the right reasons.

Having real friends with people in every decade is a gift; cultivate + cherish them. Similarly, most friendships have a life span; learning to gracefully let go or move on eases some of the pain of the loss.

Talking to ourselves = super helpful. I say “C’mon Self, DO THE THINGS” to myself, OUT LOUD all.the.time! It works more often than not.

Eating ice cream cones in the rain can lift sadness, but only if it’s your favourite flavour; don’t bother w/the crappy stuff.

Buying the nicest, most comfortable under garments we can for our own enjoyment is worth it.

Leadership is a function, not a role or title. We can effectively exercise leadership from any seat at the table or any spot in the room.  

Telling the people we really care about why we love them (the silly, tender + deep reasons) is a gift to both them + ourselves.

Regularly quieting our brains does wonders. Sitting in silence in a parked car or on the bus counts; no mantra needed, simply breathing. 10 minutes of silence a day works low grade miracles.

Can we tawk about budgeting? Times are TOUGH. And, you’re probably going to live longer than you expect, so whatever small, even teensy amounts we can put into 401(k)s or IRAs or savings accounts a d d s up over time. 

Denial of limits (time, energy, emotional, financial) doesn’t make them go away. This regularly pisses me off. As in: DAILY. Sadly, this doesn’t make those limits not matter or disappear.

Growing a few fresh herbs on a kitchen window is easy, fun + delicious.

Laughter truly is one of the best medicines.

WHAT I WANT TO LEARN IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS

The power of consistently making even more small changes over time to get me closer to where I want to be.

Joy from consistently living below my means. (Please DM me tips you have on this point)

How to make 5 more soups.

Welp, the fuckers nuked instructor144. They clobbered onelittlekingdom, oneguysview, and me, all in the same day. That's not some random T glitch, that's a deliberate targeted strike. 🤬 Many years of community building and priceless #tagged info, gone. It is what it is.

We will rebuild. WE. WILL. REBUILD.

Anyways, a couple of asks from the Tribe:

1. boost this so people can find me. Of my 45K Followers, I figure roughly 44,500 were bots 🤣 but would love to reconnect with the 500 or so actual live humans.

2. I want to start rebuilding my #tagged repository of good info. In particular, my #vetting and #redflag tags. Also any pleasurewhore content (I can recover the #submissiveseeking content from her blog, but pleasurewhore is gone, and her stuff was a gold mine). Hit me up via Ask or DM with any links that can help rebuild the repository.

Other than that, Asks are open, and I am here.