* / PSYCHO PATH

  independent  &  semi-selective  grand theft auto online  original  character.

Hola!  my  name  is  REGG (she/her),  i’m  25  years  old  and  from  Germany.   My  oc  is  Lance  Trambley.  He’s  an  asshole  and  annoying  so  approach  with  caution.  This  blog  is  18+ ,  if  you’re  underage  please  don’t  follow :]

                                               important  links: 

@themechaneer​ : “You know—- unless you tell me about it, I don’t think I’m ever gonna understand this part of you. I don’t need to know if it’s something you don’t want me to, and it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it did when we first met. But sometimes you react like you expect me to laugh at you, your words, how you feel, like they’re a joke or somewhere in your life you got used to people treating them like they are. Like you’re convinced you’re never gonna be enough, or that you aren’t extraordinary just as you are. Like you need to go out of your way to prove yourself. I don’t know who or what taught you to feel like that but I hope I’ve never done anything to reinforce it or that you’d tell me if I somehow had…

I don’t know if you know, or if I’ve somehow been too subtle about it but I do care about you Lance. I have since night one when we first met, and regardless of how different we view family I do consider you a part of mine. You don’t need to fight for it. I just figured I’d tell you, since sometime—-, sometimes you act like you don’t know that.”

        💸 ║ ❛   —————  Oh,  there  it  is  again,  the  SENTIMENTAL  talk.  As  much  as  Lance  would  love  to  participate  in  this  conversation,  it’s  nothing  that  comes  so  easily.  The  way  he  feels,  his  situations,  his  mind  and  emotions,  those  are  things  that  never  interested  anyone  that  much.  So  he  never  had  to  actually  talk  about  it.  Lance  doesn’t  care  about  it  that  much,  or  at  least  he  tells  himself  that.  Over  all  these  years  he’s  spent  on  this  earth  now  he’s  CONVINCED  that  there  are  more  things  to  hate  about  him  than  to  love.  No  one  ever  put  any  effort  in  showing  him  the  opposite.  Well,  except  for  JOEL.  He  always  seems  to  see  things  differently.  In  Lance’s  opinion,  he  maybe  sees  things  that  aren’t  there.  Lance  doesn’t  wanna  be  MISTAKEN  for  a  kicked  puppy  no  one  ever  loved.  He’s  the  big  dog  that  eats  other  dogs.  No  shame.

          Those  are  just  thoughts  though.  Deep  inside  he  KNOWS  that  even  he  craves  a  little  bit  more  love.  And  Joel  happens  to  be  there,  as  if  he  knew  when  to  catch  Lance  at  his  lowest.  Not  that  he’s  supporting  his  actions  or  ignores  the  fact  that  Lance’s  morals  are  non-existent.  But  Joel  doesn’t  immediately  tries  to  take  CONTROL  over  everything  problematic  Lance  says  and  does,  giving  him  an  actual  chance  to  redeem  what’s  redeemable  instead  of  telling  him  all  the  things  that  are  wrong  with  him.  As  if  he  doesn’t  already  know  that.

          Carefully  Lance  listens  to  Joel’s  words,  not  even  thinking  about  interrupting  him  one  second.  Joel’s  words  are  quite  PRECIOUS.  And  it’s  not  only  the  words  he  says,  it’s  the  whole  package  of  how  he  says  them  and  the  gentle  way  he  tries  to  make  people  understand  his  thoughts.  He’s  not  being  pushy,  nor  acting  like  a  therapist.  But  whatever  he  says,  it  makes  Lance  feel  BETTER.  Surely  it  also  has  to  do  with  his  feelings  towards  him.  Hearing  things  like  I  do  care  about  you  can  be  quite  healing  for  the  soul.

          ❝   Yeah,  I  get  you.  I  know  you  care  about  me,  I  don’t  doubt  that.  Don’t  know  what  to  tell  you  though.   ❞   he  shrugs,  being  as  HONEST  as  his  ego  allows  it.  And  the  truth  is,  he  really  can’t  say  anything  to  that.  He  wants  to,  but  sometimes  it  feels  like  his  mind  just  stops  processing.  There  are  no  words  for  it  and  he’s  afraid  Joel  will  take  it  the  wrong  way  one  day.  Because  it’s  not  disinterest  and  it’s  not  about  not  wanting  him  to  know  what’s  going  on.  But  most  of  the  time,  Lance  doesn’t  even  know  what’s  going  on  either  when  he  reacts  like  that.  It’s  something  like  a  DEFENSE  MECHANISM  that  activates  completely  out  of  his  control.

        ❝   It’s  just  my  head,  my  thoughts  and  all.  Something  ain’t  right  with  it,  you  know ?   ❞   Another  shrug  follows  as  his  gaze  drops  down  to  his  own  hands.  Lance  has  noticed  now  that  he’s  put  himself  into  an  uncomfortable  position.  He  feels  bad  for  Joel,  genuinely.  Something  his  mind  doesn’t  usually  allows.  There’s  no  other  way  out  of  this  but  to  escape  the  conversation.    

Joel: Lance you pushed him off a fuckin’ roof.

Lance: Yeah. Gravity. It’s natural.

that is correct

it’s  ALWAYS  natural  causes

He bites his tongue at the question. No he hasn’t survived by rolling over and showing underbelly. He’s survived by murdering everyone around him until he’s bigger than the perceived threat. Killing people indescriminantly, morality distinguished by color – it doesn’t work that way here. He’s going stir crazy, losing his mind, and maybe Lance is how he fixes it. He’s one of the good guys, he has to be. Jason is too, knows it. Killing is bad. But not if it’s bad people… right?

Jason bites his tongue until it bleeds, then answers.

“No no, I– I get it. I was being a dick.”

it’s painful to admit, even if the statement is half true.

“I was being shitty and,” coughs, clears his throat, “Ungrateful.”

Avoiding eye contact. Bowing his head. He feels like this is the only way to make things better, but fuck, his pride feels physically stuck in his throat.

He’d rather Beth tear out his whole head of teeth than admit it, but–

He wants his job back. He wants purpose, needs it like oxygen in his lungs. And unless he wants to die here, now, after all hems accomplished? This was the only way.

“Can I please have my job back?”

@fourrarri

         💸 ║ ❛   —————  Now  that  sounds  like  music  to  Lance’s  ears.  Because,  YES,  Jason  was  ungrateful.  He  got  invited  to  a  place  of  luxury,  given  a  new  FAMILY,  a  new  chance,  money,  opportunities.  And  yet  he  decided  to  act  like  a  wild  animal  in  a  cage.  The  only  reasonable  thing  to  do  was  to  show  Jason  what  it  actually  feels  like  being  in  a  cage.  And  the  result  is  almost  satisfying  to  say  the  least.  Maybe  he  actually  FINALLY  understood.  Now  Lance  smiles  even  more,  giving  the  other  a  pat  on  the  shoulder.

          ❝   You’re  so  right.  I’m  glad  you  finally  came  to  your  senses.   ❞   It’s  safe  to  say  Lance  is  a  little  surprised  by  his  behavior.  Not  that  he  didn’t  expect  it,  the  way  he  talks  just  seems  a  little  FAKE  sometimes.  Well,  it  still  doesn’t  mean  he’s  getting  all  his  privileges  back  by  a  bowing  his  head.  One  step  at  a  time.

@himncskur​ :  “ you’re insane. “

         💸 ║ ❛   —————  The  plan  seems  so  simple,  yet  there  are  COMPLAINTS.  Sarah  doesn’t  seem  like  she  isn’t  ready  to  participate  though.  Or  at  least  Lance  is  hoping  for  that.  Who  wouldn’t  wanna  destroy  the  competition  by  setting  their  building  on  FIRE ?  It’s  gonna  be  a  fun  Family  activity  and  since  everyone’s  joining,  he  would  like  to  have  her  there  as  well.  The  questioning  of  his  SANITY  isn’t  all  too  unfamiliar  when  it  comes  to  things  like  that.  Maybe  Sarah  just  needs  to  get  used  to  his  way  of  thinking,  like  everyone  else  had  to  as  well.

          ❝   Nah,  that’s  business.  Everyone  knows  that.   ❞   he  shrugs,  giving  her  a  rather  careless  smile  before  putting  on  his  jacket.  They’re  all  pretty  much  good  to  go.  Only  Sarah  seems  to  be  a  little  HESITANT.   ❝   I  mean,  I  ain’t  forcing  you  to  join.  But  I’d  really  LOVE  to  have  you  there  too.   ❞