Wrenna

I wish I did actually die. I know I’m supposed to be recovered now and I’m supposed to be happy and well. I should be a great example to others. But I’m not. I’m still as fucked up as I was.

I loved you through my fault, my fault, my most grievous fault

I can feel myself going backwards. I’m so aware of it, yet I can do nothing to stop it.

I was not built for this amount of stress. God please stop testing your soldier.

If all there is in my life is pain, what is the point of living. I wake up everyday feeling like shit. The smallest things people do to me feel like betrayals. I can’t cope anymore. The pain is too much work.

Why can’t people stay. It’s never their fault they go but I just wish someone could stick by me forever. I just want to know someone won’t leave.

I wish I didn’t love people this hard. I want to let them go but if I do they’ll leave forever. I don’t want to place my faith in others because they have left me every time.

This is too much. I can’t deal with all of this. Why did they all have to leave.

They’re completely gone now. I don’t know if I even care anymore. Yes, I once loved them with all my heart and they too loved me deeply, but their love has turned into resentment and mine to indifference. I don’t think I deserved this, although I don’t really know if that matters now.

Does anyone love putting themselves in very stressful situations because the adrenaline rush is the only way they can feel anything anymore? Or is it just me?