i live so i love

there’s some comfort in knowing how universal lots of subtle feelings are. that all your mistakes have been made by somebody else. all your regrets following the mistake has been felt by someone else. someone feels, or has felt, the same kind of loneliness as you, the same existential anxiety, the same confusion about everyday interactions, the same fears about being perceived and the aloneness of navigating your life and feeling so insignificant and lacklustre compared to what other people seem to be experiencing. the differentness and the gap you feel that’s between you and everyone else. the same feeling of strangeness and liminal spaces and liminal feelings that aren’t exactly explainable, even if you had someone close enough to tell it to. there are subtle things that are specific to you that you think no one else has experienced. it’s written in subtext or woven between lines of music or captured in film or unspoken, but it’s there. someone, somewhere, understands.

People who regret not having kids tend to extend themselves to help kids in need around them, the childless lady in the neighborhood who gives out good Halloween candy, your favorite uncle who takes you to do fun stuff. People who regret having kids, on the other hand? Absolute demons to everyone around them. Lol. The common refrain of “You’re going to end up lonely in a nursing home if you don’t have kids.” is extremely wrong if you’re a good person and I would say a large percentage of visit-less elderly people in nursing homes actually had children, they just treated them like shit.

sorry for being annoying [remembers that practicing gratitude instead of shame is better for my mental health and my relationships] thank you for letting me be annoying with you

why are all the actual real human jobs like baker and florist and childcare worker barely paying livable wages but the fake jobs like ai specialist boot licker or marketing campaign dick sucker making six figures