heaven's cloud;

[...]

“You wound me, love. I just stopped by to ask you how are you doing. How is that terrorizing?” he places a hand over his heart, and his brows creased with an effort to understand even when he knows exactly what bullshit he’s pulling. “You act like I was the sole reason your life crumbled to the floor, but I’m sure I don’t have that much power over others,” which is true from his point of view. Cocky as he might be (and he knows he is), he was rarely on the top of the pyramid to control things like that. “I might have helped, it’s all. And rich people rarely have a sense of remorse or decency anyway, so trust me. I’m not even a tenth as bad to you as some others could be,” he says slightly annoyed. Did Yuanjun really think he had pulled this attitude out of his ass? It wouldn’t be surprising if he did think that, and it’s not as if he made an effort to make him believe otherwise.

at some point, yuanjun had expected the hurt to go away at being reminded just how little wooram cared about him, how little he had meant to him. that moment still hadn’t come. sure, he had long since moved on, there was not a single part of his heart that missed wooram but the torment of having been so insignificant when wooram had meant the world to him still continued to drag along to this day. “then why?” his voice quivering with the question, hands balled into tighter fists by his side. “then why did you ever agree to date me? why did you do all of this to me? why couldn’t you just have turned me down and moved along? you owed it to me to save me all that hurt!” it took a lot to not burst out into tears, the absolute last thing yuanjun wanted to do in front of wooram, he couldn’t yet ago show him a sign of weakness, he couldn’t give him that satisfaction. “i don’t know. i guess i was a fool for that. i guess i wanted to believe there was more to you than people said, that you deserved a chance to show your true colors before i made up my mind.” he laughed bitterly, voice sitll wavering. “and show your true colors you did. so i guess that’s on me after all, that i was so stupid to believe that there was anything more to you than this pathetic, pitiful, rotten shell of a person.”

the past week felt like a whirlwind and hyunsoo was only starting to get back on his feet. yuanjun’s incident in japan had scared the life out of him, only to be made worse by the fact that hyunsoo couldn’t be there with him in the hospital as he had to finish the concert up with the rest of charm. on top of that, he hated hospitals to begin with, but he loved yuanjun more and so he’d spent as much time as he could making sure his boyfriend was comfortable and okay whenever he had a free moment between rehearsals for the concert and for his musical. now that the tour was over, though, hyunsoo felt like he could breathe a little bit now and focus just on his musical, especially now that yuanjun’s parents were over from china. not exactly the circumstances he’d hoped to see them again in, but still. on the plus side, it meant they got to come to his musical and hyunsoo get to spend some time alone hanging out and getting to know his in-laws a bit better. 

once he’d gotten home with takeout in hand, he’d instantly gone straight to change into more comfortable clothes and stay by yuanjun’s side. he’d placed himself firmly on his own side of the bed, watching fondly as yuanjun ate the food he brought him. “your parents were fine, honestly,” he replied with a smile, “i was more worried that i wouldn’t be able to talk with them properly and it’d be awkward but it went better than i expected! i’m glad they had a good time though.” even though yuanjun always insisted that he didn’t need to, hyunsoo always tried to go out of his way to give a good image to his in-laws. their approval was definitely important to him. “and i’m glad you liked the pictures too, we figured it’d be something you’d enjoy.” at yuanjun’s apology, however, hyunsoo adamantly shook his head, reaching over to gently run his fingers through yuanjun’s hair to try and comfort him. “it’s okay, darling. it would have been wonderful if you could have been there but your health is more important than a musical, and being on the receiving end of manager noona’s wrath isn’t worth it. there’ll be more shows that you’ll be able to come to and we can all be there, the four of us.” he leaned over to press a quick kiss to the side of yuanjun’s temple before speaking again. “how are you feeling, though? any better?”

after spending most of his time in bed, hearing about hyunsoo’s outing with his parents was a breath of fresh air, as were bites of a meal that had not been prepared at home. not that he got to complain, his parents had been near obnoxiously insisting in cooking for him (and hyunsoo whenever his boyfriend was home) and yuanjun adored his mother’s cooking more than anything, one of the things he missed most being away from home. but it was nice to be in contact with something that had come from outside of the apartment walls, something that yuanjun himself was still not allowed to do. “your mandarin is better than you give yourself credit for, i’ve known that for a while now.” yuanjun took a break from eating to send a warm smile in hyunsoo’s direction. “i’m glad they weren’t too overwhelming. you know how my parents get they’re... a lot and you’ve never been alone with them before. i was a little worried they’d i don’t know, overwhelm you with how nosy they get.”

“Wow, I’m terrified,” she says with her best blank expression that prevents her from breaking into a smile. It’s the same face she has to pull off when working on magazine photoshoots, so it’s easy enough to make it come by. It’s difficult to keep it up with Yuanjun’s overall demeanor, though. “You do know that saying fuck the system and be a rebel doesn’t change you in the slightest right? You still look like someone who would cry if a seven-year-old stepped on your toes,” she says mostly teasing but not completely. It’s rich coming from Sooah, but she always thought Yuanjun looked fragile.

Sooah rolls her eyes good-naturedly and shakes her head in disbelief, “you sound as if you just turned 40 and your joints hurt from blinking,” she comments with a smile that quickly turns into something else. Her eyes go wide, and Sooah leans forward, “do you think you’ll still be this dramatic in your forties?” Which she can only expect to be the prediction of his future, and even though she’s not sure of what it holds for them and their friendship, but she imagines for a bare second the two of them in this same situation but decades older. It will be good if she manages to keep Yuanjun’s company for the next few years at least, “I would be sorry for you if you didn’t have so much charisma. You were meant to do this.”

“as you should be! i’m super terrifying!” he protested loudly, hands finding his way to his hips, chest puffed forward. it was true, yuanjun didn’t look very menacing, probably never would but in his defense he had always been intense in his emotions, anger included, that could get pretty ugly at times. and well, anyhing that yuanjun lacked in intimidation he made up for in sheer stupidity in impulsivity, he’d always fight tooth and nail, even if he was destined to loose. “i’d fucking fight a seven year old if i had to. thank you very much.” he protested. “you wound me sooah. how dare you not acknowledge my evil genius.”

jaeyeol watched as hae moved from yuanjun’s lap and over to her dog bed that laid in the living room, one of the two she had in the apartment. couldn’t have his best girl not always having a comfortable spot to lay in when the couch was full or she wanted to be on the floor. it was probably best she didn’t stay long anyways, he was already counting down the minutes until yuanjun’s allergies really kicked in with the effects of hae being around. “i’m more than alright, but i’ll take it,” he settled, getting fully comfortable on the couch with their new position. sure, yuanjun was annoying, but so was jaeyeol. it made for an excellent friendship truly.

“excuse me, i was fucking them long before the feelings ever came along, i would eye fuck them long before i was wanting to like sleep next to them and love them, and all that good shit,” it was a very romantic way to put it truly. it wasn’t a lie though, jaeyeol never intended to fall for their friend, and honestly was rather shocked when he realized he had done just that. the idea of the dreaded more hadn’t been in the cards for so long, it was odd that suddenly something had changed so quickly. jaeyeol rolled his eyes. “no worries, don’t plan on any messy break ups in the near future, you’re safe for now.”

yuanjun coughed a couple of times, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable itch in the back of his throat though if asked about, he probably would play stupid or downplay it but he would cross that bridge when they’d get there. “take the damn compliment jeon jaeyeol, i missed having you around.” yuanjun pouted. for all that he was annoying, he was also an incredibly clingy and affectionate friend. “just love me back already damn it, it won’t kill you to tell me you like me. i’m very likeable you know!”

What is his plan, and what does he want out of it? Wooram isn’t sure. Why does he feel the need to reach out to someone at this moment, and why is it Yuanjun? Why he doesn’t have any answers for his question, but still perseveres and goes against his gut feeling that he could stay away for the night. Exes must unlock something different within him, especially when it’s the first guy he was ever involved with. Yuanjun is special in the worst way possible.

“I don’t know why you think I use pet names only with my lovers. I do that to people I care about too, you were just unlucky to not be on that list,” he tilts his head while he explains, eyes soft and unchanging, as if he didn’t say something that sounds so cruel towards a person who was connected to him not that many years ago. Wooram’s expression changes and he smirks towards Yuanjun as he hangs his head back to drink the last of the contents in his cup. “You see, love, there’s a reason why we had a little fling back in the day,” he says lowly, enough to Yuanjun to catch on that, “I find you interesting, and exciting, which should be taken as a compliment. You don’t think I would let you go this easily, right?” Wooram feigns a hurt expression, forehead frown and lips pursed. He waves his hand and clicks his tongue as his eyes diverge to their surroundings, “I don’t want to deal with people’s shit Yuanjun-ah, but now you look like you’re on the top of your game. It’s great. You not needing me is the best thing I could ask for, and I’m not here for that after all. I would say you know me well, have you known me as a giver? I’m not here to do charity or to apologize. I’m here to have fun,” Wooram says mockingly with a smile that read nothing but danger. Sharp enough to cut.

he should just walk away. the best thing yuanjun could do was turn away and get the hell out of here, go find hyunsoo, go find any of his friends, anything that meant not hanging around wooram. but yuanjun felt anger burning under his skin, the alchol under his skin only making her all the more impulsive and stupid. he wanted a sign of remorse from wooram, some acknowledegment that the way he had treated him was awful and unfair and cruel and god damn it, did yuanjun feel ready to force that out of him, no matter how foolish that notion was.

“I love you but I feel like you’d be the type of CEO everyone loves but who also accidentally sets the company on fire.” Jihae grinned. It wasn’t like they’d make a better replacement for Bang Sunyoung, though, so maybe all this conversation really went to show was that Yuanjun was probably best off when he was the only one following the trail he blazed for himself and that Jihae would make for a pretty sorry excuse of a leader. “Maybe the world needs a little fire though, agreed. To make sure the people in power don’t get too complacent.”

Hearing Yuanjun call himself a big boy, even if they knew it wasn’t meant literally, prompted a badly concealed giggle. Their friend was a great deal of things, many flattering ones among them but in all neutrality, nothing about Yuanjun was particularly big—other than his penchant to get himself into trouble, probably. Still, if he thought he could handle it it wasn’t really up to Jihae to patronize him. “Alright. If you ever change your mind, even if you can handle, I’ll be here though, yeah?” Were they in a bigger group, they probably would’ve played off the blackmail joke a little more but when it was just the two of them, Jihae found it hard to be particularly biting with him. Yuanjun had seen far too many unflattering and vulnerable sides of them to be fooled by much posturing anyway, so what was the point?

Jihae liked Yuanjun’s approach to tattoos. They doubted it’d be what they wanted for themselves but they were talking ink on skin and permanence, what Yuanjun wanted with his own tattoos only really had to appeal to him anyway. “You’ll be fifty and covered in a bazillion little, colourful tattoos,” they hummed, their tone even, serene. There was no judgement in what they said and they hoped Yuanjun knew. “I don’t know if I’d have the courage to ask Jaeyeol to get something matching,” they added pensively. And sure, their relationship was fresh and didn’t really warrant a vow for eternity in form of ink and skin but their friendship went back a lot further and sometimes Jihae found themselves wondering if maybe a snapshot of it now would make sense. “Not just because these things are forever, but. You know. Different people, different styles. How to match without looking disjointed, how to match without explicitly looking like a set.” They shrugged. “It’s easier if I just wake up one morning and ask my brother to send me something in his handwriting. That’s just responsibility for myself.”

“only as part of my creative vision!” yuanjun exclaimed boldly, as if that in any way made for a good argument. jihae was onto something, yuanjun would make for a terrible ceo, he had no aspirations to be one, but he did like to indulge himself in some innocent little plans for world domination. you know. casual stuff. “fire is totally acceptable! sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do!”

yuanjun smiled at jihae, if there was one thing he was grateful for in his best friend it was that they would always show the utmost of faith in yuanjun, even if his claims were ridiculously larger than life, even if he was being overly-confident. this was no different from that, if yuanjun said it wouldn’t hurt, jihae would believe him, even if they both know he had no way of knowing that for sure. “i might still hold your hand though.” yuanjun reached over to give their hand a soft squeeze, eventhough the offer had in no way been meant for right now. “just, if i get bored, or because i want to. i think those are all valid arguments.” he grinned, giving their hand another soft squeeze before dropping it again for now, his point made fo the time being. “and to make it even better. you’re also allowed to hold my hand if you want to while getting your tattoo. no reason needed.”

i want to go on record that it’s canon that all of yuanjun’s non-charm friends received this text from yuanjun after they saw his name trend on naver cuz he had dropped out of the concert to let them know he didn’t d-word.

ever since his little stunt back during their japanese tour, time had moved weirdly for yuanjun. it’s not like he did anything, being bed bound for all of it, yet a lot had happened. charm had gone off to finish their tour, leaving yuanjun back in korea and other than his manager pestering him every few hours as she obnoxiously checked up on him, his parents had also insisted on flying out to korea to look after him. yuanjun really hated how everytime they came out to korea, it seemed to be because he had been either injured or sick the past few years. so needless to say, even with hyunsoo absent, first with the tour and after that working on his musical, yuanjun had gotten smothered plenty.

at least his parents’ presence came with one upside, with them unexepectedly in the country, there was at least the window of opportunity for them to attend hyunsoo’s musical and eventhough his parents didn’t speak much korean, they had been eager to do so. thus it had been settled, yuanjun had shooed them out of his and hyunsoo’s apartment for the night to go watch his boyfriend (yuanjun himself still being heartbroken he couldn’t go, he’d go to every single show if he could) and to grab dinner together afterward. it had been a win-win really, it was the perfect opportunity to let his parents bond with his boyfriend for a little bit and yuanjun finally got some peace and quiet. 

 dates: 1 august 2021 mentions of: @fmdhyunsoo who forever suffer with his idiot boyfriend word count: 1070 words warnings: hospitalization, breathing problems, illness, injury, needles/ivs, mentions of car accidents, health negligence  details:  yuanjun knocks the fuck out in the middle of one of charm’s concerts (backstage at least, thank god) because oopsie... maybe he’s been harbouring a little lung infection, happens to the best of us right? spoiler alert: bc ent is not very happy with him. (no managers were harmed in the process of writing this, tho the poor woman does deserve a raise)

barely, did andy have the time to register that the camera had been yanked from him, and to look at his hand. within the span of a second, andy’s mind was capable of running a distance.

it seemed yuanjun was attempting to take control of this situation, of andy. he didn’t like that. not only was the sense of control a difficult thought to trudge through, yuanjun wanting to take it was only a reflection of his wrongdoing. andy’s therapist said he didn’t experience nor process emotion the way others did. likely true as it was, narrative forms of emotion tossed to him by media through his life rarely clicking, an othering, nonetheless, he was capable of deciphering moral right and wrong. he was capable of feeling regret when his own actions caused the loss of a good thing.

he didn’t want to look, at the smile he could hear in yuanjun’s voice. not only was it not for him, he dreaded the possibility of being reminded even more what it was like when that was for him.

andy clenched his still-open and empty hand, and flicked the switch. washed away was the situation, dragged into a box to deal with later. his own feelings weren’t important then anyway. and so, each word, each sound, each honorific, was boxed up too. “right.” his lips dragged a lazy smile, and he looked at yuanjun as the boy looked at him, a glance, anything more would be too heavy to box. “i’ll be more fun when our charmings get to see it in action and dance along. our main dancer here’s been working hard to make us a tight ship. nobody wants to disappoint teacher xiao.”

“and i’ll,” he swirled his smile into something more playful, cheeky, and leaned back so his arms stretching in front of him, fingers laced, could be seen by the camera, “have to make sure i impressed him so i can get back to writing for us quicker.” there, a small tease should settle them.

yuanjun worked on auto-pilot from the moment the camera had been switched on. this wasn’t about andy, it wasn’t even about he himself. it was about charm, a united front of thirteen people, no tensions bubbling behind the surface. he had always been intense in his emotions so without a doubt, yuanjun would find a moment to allow himself to feel the way his stomach churned and the hairs at the back of his neck stand up at the close proximity to andy but for now, that would have to wait, shoved deep down.

it was easier, to cover up the discomfort and the awkwardness when charm was whole, or when they at least weren’t left to their own devices as the two of them. yuanjun hadn’t anticipated how hard it would be to keep the act up when so directly stuck with andy, forced to interact with each other and play off of one another, face almost falling as their eyes met for a tense, uncomfortable second before the older continued to speak. yuanjun wasn’t sure what he was talking about, his heartbeat was hammering too uncomfortably loud in his ears for that.

“-yes!” response came just a beat too late for it to be well-timed though yuanjun made up for his slip up with an unrivalled brightness to the smile on his features regardless of how hard it was to maintain. “i have to make sure charm is all on top of the choreographies and i won’t let them rest before they do.” he joked, smile so bright his eyes crinkeled up and his face hurt with how hard it was to keep it up. “i mean. we also have dowoon hyung for that but- mainly me! i’m in charge here!”

[STUDIO JUN] AVICII - FEELING GOOD

honestly jaeyeol had never kept the code on the door a secret from his close friends, welcoming them to visit whenever as long as they mentioned they were stopping by. yuanjun had been no different in that regard so he had no issue with the younger simply sauntering in like he owned the place. if he hadn’t wanted that to happen sometimes, then yuanjun wouldn’t have gotten the code given to him. “now that sounds false,” he corrected, resisting a smile as a finger indented his cheek. “but you’re alright to have around so i’m not mad.”

the sweet and wonderful hae was usually a hit with whomever was around, and knowing yuanjun’s allergy history and lack of dealing with it history, he made no room to argue as his sweet dog got some extra love and cuddles. jaeyeol rolled his eyes at his friend’s dramatics, though it wasn’t out of real annoyance, it was more fond than that he swore. “we were never that bad, cool your jets. you weren’t the one trying to decipher jihae’s feelings for you,” he joked. jaeyeol shrugged, not really wanting to fully explain their mid-makeout and potential fooling around confessions brought on by what he could only explain as intense and overwhelming emotions all suddenly crashing down at once. “not sure…we were just talking and it all kinda just naturally slipped into the conversation.” wasn’t a lie. 

feeling like he had bothered hae enough, yuanjun allowed the dog to hop off his lap again. ruefully, he looked at the hairs stuck to his clothes, knowing damn well he would regret the little cuddle session later, if not for his allergies, for hyunsoo catching sight of dog hair and scolding him for not being more careful. “heh, well, thank you. i shall treasure the compliment.” he laughed, now with his free range of movement back scooting closer to jaeyeol and resting his cheek against his friend’s shoulder. “for what it’s worth i also think you’re alright to have around.” for all that yuanjun was annoying (and he was, oh boy he was) he was also just incredibly fond of his friends, especially hist closest like jaeyeol.

starter for: @fmdyuanjun

It’s not usual of Wooram to go after his meals. Metaphorically speaking or otherwise, he doesn’t seek people out. Instead, he waits. He’s not necessarily patient, but Wooram knows the best moment to attack, the best moment to approach, and to make his way under people’s skin. He’s not a born strategist if his decisions in life are any proof of that, but Wooram learns quickly. But that trait is thrown out of the window the moment he decides to drink, and from then on, it’s just a mess of thoughts and poorly made decisions that he wouldn’t regret, but that’ll give him a headache later on regardless.

Yuanjun is the type of headache that he doesn’t want to have any time soon. Pretty boy, of course. With a beautiful face and personality that was nothing but exciting. For a while. And only after their disastrous break-up that he started seeing how entertaining the younger could be. That’s why he kept going back, and despite not having overlapping schedules a lot, luckily for him, they were in the same event now. He slides towards Yuanjun, passing through people smoothly as he settles beside the Charm member, mocking smile clear in his expression, as always. “Look who we have here. Hello, pretty boy, long time no see, my dear.”

yuanjun had been having a good time, a great time even. there had been some drinking, some other questionable decision making and generally everything that made a party a good party, something he didn’t get to indulge in all that often in day to day life. he had felt on top of the world really, invincible even, a feeling that unfortunately didn’t get to last. wooram slid up next to him before yuanjun could even realize what happened, hearing his voice before seeing him and just the sound was enough to make the younger’s blood run cold, broad smile on his face dying down like a flame extinguished until there was only an icy grimace left on his features.

hyunsoo could only snort in response. “well, i can’t argue with that, you are very cute” he replied, focusing his attention mostly at the sewing he was doing. cute was something that hyunsoo never really associated with himself to begin with, only being described as cute by his family when he was younger due to him being the baby of the family and, now, it mostly came from the fans and yuanjun. otherwise, people often assumed he was intimidating and unfriendly thanks to how quiet he could be. so, it made sense that yuanjun was a lot cute than him because, in hyunsoo’s eyes, he was. there wasn’t really a day that went by where hyunsoo wasn’t cooing over his boyfriend, whether it be in the mornings or evenings when he was sleepy and extra cuddly, or when yuanjun’s eyes sparkled as he told hyunsoo something he was passionate about. still, he had to give yuanjun a piece of reality. “but it looks like hyemin noona will be committing crimes, then.”

it was sweet seeing how excited yuanjun was, though. it also made hyunsoo wonder about the future - if yuanjun was this excited about a niece or nephew, he could only imagine how excited yuanjun would be in the future if they ever ended up with children of their own. he knew that if it were to happen, it would definitely not be happening any time soon, but the thought put a small smile on his face regardless. turning his attention back to yuanjun, he let out a soft laugh at how the other stole a few extra kisses, which hyunsoo definitely wasn’t complaining about. “very true, you’re always trying dumb things,” he smiled, allowing himself to be pulled closer, “and so very humble too, clearly.” ah, but of course, yuanjun’s proposition wasn’t a surprise to hyunsoo either. “you and i know full well that five minutes will turn into ten, and ten will turn into half an hour, and we’ll end up forgetting about the plushie,” hyunsoo replied, not without leaning over to finish his sentence with a kiss to yuanjun’s lips. 

yuanjun beamed broadly at the praise. sure, he had kind of complimented himself first but he wasn’t going to let that undermine the fact that he sure did like it whenever hyunsoo complimented him. yuanjun had never had a lack of confidence but he also had an undying need for attention and affection and his boyfriend did feed into that incredibly well. “i like it when you call me cute.” he smiled broadly, carefully finishing up the piece of fabric he had been cutting out before leaning over to place a soft kiss to hyunsoo’s cheek as he added the pannel to the pile that hyunsoo had yet to show together. his giddy expression, however, quickly changed into a pout at his boyfriend’s next words. “outrageous! how dare she!” he puffed out his cheeks. “your sister is a whole criminal! how are you so calm about this blasphemy, the higest form of treason!” 

Jihae didn’t even bother to suppress their snort but in a faint attempt at being respectful towards Kim Byungchul, father of 50% of all evil in the industry they were aware of, they did try to mask their laugh behind a hand. “Just watch out, one day you’ll suddenly be running BC without even noticing it,” they mused and tugged absent-mindedly at the collar of their shirt.

“Ankle? Brave.” Jihae had heard a bunch of horror stories about ankle tattoos, the most recent one coming from their little sister. “Think you’re gonna need to hold hands through the pain? As in, genuinely. Heard that stuff hurts quite a bit.” Being asked about their own collection of tattoos their eyes almost automatically flitted to whatever ink was visible from underneath their tee sleeves. “I- uh. I think it’s… my sixth? Seventh? I’ve had them all for a while now, it’s gotten to a point where I sometimes forget they’re there if I can’t see them.” They shrugged. “Depends on what you count as a separate tattoo, too. But I think I’ve been pretty tame so far.”

That was a lie, particularly for someone who had to still perform on music shows and have their ink covered up for drama shoots but then again, Jihae still talked frequently to their childhood friends back home and knew of quite a few people who had accumulated more than them. “Thought you were more the type to appreciate rather to get them yourself, or do I remember that wrong?” Jihae shuffled on their seat, their fingers coming down to drum gently against the three whales on the inside of their wrist. “I get matching with Hyunsoo, though. That’s cute.”

yuanjun grinned in amusement. "honestely, i doubt i’m the ceo type but if it is to stick it to kim byungchul, i will make that sacrifice.” he puffed out his chest proudly like it was some big achievement. “i might not have anything to say within bc but i sure as hell can be a major nuisance and isn’t that what truly matters?”

truth be told, yuanjun had not actually considered the placement of his tattoo and how much it would possibly hurt, which probably was a very yuanjun thing to not take into consideration. instead, he went in blind, if it hurt, it would hurt and then it’d be over, no use in sweating it. “i’m a big boy, i can take it.” squaring his shoulders briefly before laughing. “no, but really, i got this. it’s just a small tattoo anyway and well, if i am a baby about it you’re free to laugh at me and film it, use it as blackmail material or something.”