Billy Boyd is so fucking funny
Gods, they're wonderful

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@flyingfools
Billy Boyd is so fucking funny
Gods, they're wonderful

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Vividly.
me high as shit watching yellowjackets when all of the sudden i hear elijah wood gently singing to himself:
DO YOU WEAR WIGS?

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pick one
leather jacket*
denim jacket
*faux leather no animals were harmed! :)
faux leather is pleather, which is plastic. the process of mining, refining, and fabricating plastic causes enormous environmental damage at every step of the way. oil refineries regularly cause massive die offs of birds, small mammals, and EVERY local invertebrate. the degrading plastic from pleather garments (which break down after only a few years) produces microplastics and leads to groundwater contamination, killing off amphibians and, later, sea life. faux leather can't be repaired or recycled, only replaced by a new, equally toxic product.
tanneries are not exactly fountains of health, but a leather jacket uses the skin of a domestic cow that was already killed for meat. leather jackets can also be refurbished or recycled. once entirely discarded, leather will rot in place, rather than fragment into toxic forever particles.
leather is the product of an animal's death in a tangible, recognizable form that you can immediately assess. one jacket, one cow. you touch the skin of that dead animal and you flinch from it.
pleather can tell you that no animals were harmed, because it harms animals that you will never see. it outsources responsibility. you're not touching the skin of the birds that drowned in oil spills and the tadpoles that hatched into toxic rivers. the fish that will choke on the microplastics of your new jacket aren't born yet when you walk out of the shop. the material of the jacket is so abstract and your culpability is so obscure that you can believe what you are told: it is clean. you are clean. no harm, no foul.
but that's still not true.
The cruelty of racist white men.
Does anyone else remember when Elon was like "if anyone knows how to end world hunger for 6 billion USD, I'll fund it" and UNICEF was like "we're going to spend a month to make a plan to end world hunger for 6 billion USD and Elon is going to fund it" and Elon was like "actually, nah" and then bought Twitter instead?
I think that was one of the worst things I'll ever see in my life.
I still think that should be the thing for which he's the most famous. It should be brought up every time he's mentioned. In any news article, any interview, any history book. "Elon Musk, who was offered a chance to end world hunger and turned it down." Put it on his fucking gravestone.
Details I would ask my artist to include in my portrait to communicate the glorious wealth and bounty of mine noble estate
XXL Costco pack of toilet paper, still sealed to demonstrate that the need was not desperate
Dresser in the background with top two drawers both just a little open to show that overflowing piles of clean socks and underwear prevent it from closing all the way
An open container of raspberries, the fastest-moulding of the expensive luxury fruits, showing that I purchased fresh produce recently and at full price for no special occasion
The walls are painted a vibrant colour and covered in hanging art, showing that I have the legal freedom to modify my own living space and may even own property
Éowyn (lotr sketch) by @crimsoncold
"But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund's daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him."
- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Hardly ever does a painting bring me to tears, but this one did so in an instant upon looking at it.

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The Lord of the Rings Movie Trivia: Cameos & Special Appearances
'Billy and Dom Eat the World' 1x01 (2025)
'In true Hobbit style, Billy and Dom will wander on foot, searching the hidden side of cities, hunting down their next adventure, taking recommendations, changing plans as they embark on their quest to Eat the World.'
The fact that this is 80 fucking years ago but still just as relevant is terrifying.

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one of my favorite lotr facts is that gondorians speak sindarin as a first language and yet when faramir was talking to frodo and sam about cirith ungol he was like “we don’t know what’s in there.” like faramir. cirith ungol is sindarin for “pass of the spider.” do the math
some of my favorite tags on this post
Don’t forget that Frodo also speaks Sindarin, which makes this even worse.
Faramir: Hey, don’t go up the Spider Stairs.
Frodo: Why? What’s up the Spider Stairs?
Faramir: We don’t know, Frodo. We just don’t know.
to be fair, you’d assume the name means “there’s a lot of spiders here,” not, “there is one spider the size of a draft horse here.” so you go up expecting to have to shoo a lot of skeeter eaters out of your tent, and instead you have to figure out how to rope and shoe godzillarantula.
Hmmm…
They do live in a world where godzillarantulas feature prominently in mythology and history (Ungoliant plunged the world into darkness, scared the crap out of Sauron’s old boss, etc) and existed within the last century in Mirkwood. Assuming they ever talk to anyone who’s been to Mirkwood. They… probably know they were giant spiders in Mirkwood pretty recently? It’s hard to figure out how much anyone in Middle-earth has been talking to anyone else when we didn’t actually see it.
On the other hand – what if it’s the giant evil spiders’ prominence in history/mythology that’s causing trouble? What if lots of evil/nasty things/places get called “spider” just to indicate how nasty and evil they are, rather than any association with literal spiders, and it’s just… overloaded? Maybe the bad part of town in Minas Tirith is the Spider District. Maybe every tavern trying to be edgy calls itself the Spiderweb.
Actually spider/Ungoliant references could be really appealing to Gondorians trying to be edgy. They’re dark and evil! Plunged the world into darkness! But they AREN’T involved in the war they’re actually fighting, they aren’t directly associated with Sauron at all, so getting too interested in them would be creepy without being potentially treasonous. Because no one’s ACTUALLY going to worship those dangerous but not epic spiders up in Mirkwood, and no one’s heard anything from any proper spawn of Ungoliant in ages and ages.
In fact, spider/Ungoliant references might be appealing to ORCS trying to express that something is nasty and creepy! Nobody likes Ungoliant.
Maybe Faramir’s been to fourteen different Spider Caves across Ithilien, and half of them he didn’t even see regular spiders in, they’re just dark and damp and may have had orcs at some point, or something, and at some point in history someone got spooked. So you know, it’s POSSIBLE Spider Pass has something to do with spiders? But really it just means people don’t like it.
(The problem with this theory is we never actually SAW anyone overusing spider references. But it’s plausible they would!)
“The average spider on Middle Earth is the size of a dinner plate” is a statistical error. The average spider on Middle Earth is smaller than a coin. Cirith Ungol (lit: Spiders Gorge), which contains a spider larger than a horse, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.
OH MY GOD
@dendritic-trees
Come for the Tolkien linguistics, stay for the Spiders Georg reference
this map, by jonathan hull, shows all the places in the USA named after the devil or hell. assuming big giant awful spiders were a common thing in middle earth, it’s likely that there were a shit ton of Spider Stairways.
you don’t wander into Devil’s Lick assuming that satan himself is gonna give you a rimjob. you presumably also don’t head up Spider Stairs assuming an arachnid the size of a cottage is gonna try and eat your friend.
@blackkatmagic
Also, it was named like, a gazillion years ago, so it’s not unreasonable to not be sure what lives there NOW. The sign on Winnie the Pooh’s house still says “Sanders,” even though Sanders has been gone so long no one remembers who they were.