i love my country philadelphia

unfortunately claude giroux is just the guy of all time. enemy of the state and by state I mean the western half of pennsylvania. these days he is known primarily for a) never winning anything and b) being eerily good at making pigeon noises. as a teenager he had to pick between going pro at hockey and going pro at bowling. when he was 21 he moved in w a recently divorced father of three a decade his senior and regularly picked up the man's kids from elementary school. once got arrested for grabbing a male cops ass on canada day. met his current wife while playing beer pong w both his wrists in casts. the only reason his dick is not on the internet is a conveniently placed beer can. gets constantly bullied by his infant teammates who love to wear shirts w his face printed on them and zero context. his hometowns junior hockey team love him so much they switched their logo to a picture of him as a lumberjack. he used to (?) own two dogs who look exactly like him. he once sent out joint family christmas cards w the guy he lived with where they used a portmanteau of their last names. his wife's name is pronounced ryan. he is obsessed w grilled cheese sandwiches. the most goody two shoes golden boy poster child of hockey hates his ass w a vengeance. he is franco-canadian but he is Not from québec. he is ginger. he is lying about his height. during the 2024-25 nhl season his car got stolen twice within 3 months. he loves shania twain and likes wearing pink. he used to go into the eagles dressing room and ask to arm wrestle random football players. he is one of less than 60 out of 700+ active NHL players to wear a neck guard and it makes him look like a slutty dilf in a turtleneck.

i’m so happy for my close personal friends shayne gostisbehere and nic deslauriers

anytime i start to feel sad about getting swept by the canes i just go back to my happy place: game 3 against the pens. that was such an outrageously fun game to watch. it was absolutely bonkers at every turn. The Crosby Flop. the embellishment call that followed. the full line brawl. EVERYONE going to the penalty box. "all those scumbags in the penalty box". the absolute FIRE that got lit under our asses after the brawl. the penalty box celly. gritty throwing the penguin off the balcony. it was so unhinged. flyers playoff hockey at its finest.

maybe the real wuper bowl was the friends we made along the way

and the first embellishment penalty of s**ney cr***y's career