ego sum lux mundi

Has anyone else noticed recently that when you press the 🅐 Button while in the air you can hardly find the strength to do a Double Jump anymore? Go ahead and try if you want, but it won't work.

Nothing's been the same since she... fuck... I'm sorry... since she... since she left this world. If only I'd remembered that holding and releasing the 🅑 Button would've allowed me perform a powerful Spin Attack. If I hadn't forgotten, she might still be here today. Shit... fuck... I can't handle this anymore, I'm sorry.

There's a Save Point over there. They say if you stand on it and press 🅧 you can save your game. But can any of us really be saved? I don't think so. Not after everything we've done.

Press the 🅜 Button to undo the damage from this War. Oh? There's no 🅜 Button on your Controller? Funny that.

I would just like to say that if we’re mutuals you’re automatically my best friend. welcome to my blog get friendshipped idiot

Can you please just have an ounce of shrimpathy?

americans are a saudi oil baron's idea of classy. brits are an american's idea of classy. the french are a brit's idea of classy. unfortunately the chain ends here since the french's idea of classy is also the french

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

has anyone considered that it was probably her house too. where else was she supposed to put her chintz?

official boob post

The thing I dislike about alt histories where real life monarchs have been made both gay and unproblematic is that it seems to imply that gay monarchs have not existed in history but if they did they would be cool. Which isn’t true. They have existed and they were just as bad as straight people. And I think it is disrespectful to real queer history to pretend that queer people have never been absolute bastards

Unfortunately I do actually enjoy pizza and having my butt touched