Encounter: the Magdeburg Unicorn
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@speakingofdoorknobs
Encounter: the Magdeburg Unicorn

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Ok but that cat has fantastic swedish pronunciation
lyrics DO NOT π ββοΈπ ββοΈββπ«π« have to be good πββοΈπββοΈπββοΈ for the song to be good ππππ
I feel I should clarify what I mean by 'some rando on twitter was using the 'enemy with an axe in their head' hieroglyph as a guy 'getting down at the club' with a visual:
This is getting down at the Club
This is getting put down by a Club
Once when I was in undergrad, someone described something as βproblematicβ in class and our professor was like, βThatβs cool, but βproblematicβ doesnβt really mean anything. It means that the thing youβre describing has a problem, and in and of itself thatβs not bad. Art, especially, should always have problems, or else itβs not interesting and not art, either. It sounds like youβre trying to say that this is bad, but you donβt want to say βbad.β Is that right?β
So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the βbadβ thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, βIβm uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.β
Once we stopped calling things βproblematicβ and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, βthatβs racistβ or βthatβs misogynisticβ or βew capitalism grossβ out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, βUhhh... Iβm not sure whatβs so bad?β and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.
Anyway. Whenever I see the word problematic, I canβt help but think of this professor being like, βGood starting point, now letβs get specific.β I think when we have to commit to saying βthatβs ___β it requires a lot more careful thought about the truth and impact and complexities of whatever weβre claiming. Sometimes there really is some bullshit afoot, and also sometimes itβs art, and it should be full of problems, because thatβs what art is.
#'this is present in the text' is often a good first step #but those second and third ones (naming it; describing its function) are vital (via @elucubrare)

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So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)
Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.
So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.
But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.
It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?
So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:
Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.
And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. π.
So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".
So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.
I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.
Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:
My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.
Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.
Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.
Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).
Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues
(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)
ACTUAL (partial) UPDATE:
According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.
Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.
For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.
So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.
Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.
Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life
Aaand a close-up:
The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace
recession indicators are getting aggressive.
i hope you sleep properly tonight. deeply, not just technically
Every summer I forget how much I fucking love spiders Iβve drunk one every day this week
Drinking spiders??!
You put ice cream in a glass and pour soft drink over it. It creates a thick layer of delicious foam on top of a sweet, creamy drink with ice cream in it.
And yes I did attempt to get a picture by googling βAustralia spiderβ like a fucking moron.
I think thatβs called a float in the states. Although we usually plop the icecream into the glass after the soda. Similar effect though.
We wouldnβt be able to call it that because the word is way too easy to confuse with a floater, which is a meat pie floating in a bowl of pea soup. It is every bit as delicious as a spider though. I should get some pies and pea soup.
I would like to announce that this is not a standard Australian food, itβs exclusively a South Australian one and the rest of Australia is just as appalled as the rest of the world.
Itβs not our fault that the rest of Australia is incorrect about food.
#WE HAVE SPIDERS IN AOTEAROA and they serve CUNT#im gonna steal ice cream from work this weekend and make spiders with it. i will steal the fizzy from work also#i fucking hate my bossΒ
Living your best life I see
βaverage person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in South Australia and BADLY misinterpreted our survey question,,
so our friend who goes by Irregular Joe in robot wars circles has crafted The Luggage, who is "a 13.6kg sportsman featherweight"
just look at it go!!!!
sound on, by the gods
Discworld Heritage Post

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When I said I was going to watch Megamind last night, my roommate told me about how the surround sound in the theater where they saw it was so good, they thought the random citizen was in the audience behind them
and so they got
very scared when Metro Man responded
your email found me at the grocery store irl. that's crazy that you gave it little legs and everything. it walked right up to me. everyone was so scared one person screamed when i picked it up. i said it's okay you just do this kind of thing sometimes. while i was reading, its little legs were just sort of dangling in the air. someone asked me if it's alive and if holding it like that made it uncomfortable. i told them idk i just get the emails i don't send them.
I would give an arm and maybe a leg to see the PHM characters in your artstyle (no pressure)
PUT YOUR LIMBS BACK AND HOLD THIS INSTEAD
(links // tip jar!)
Also, can't have the people just feasting on free fruit and nuts!
one of the biggest tragedies of early 2010s tumblr is that the devil (bbc sherlock) took root as the face of johnlock when the guy ritchie films were RIGHT there
like come ON

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what are people's favorite niche ice cream flavors. mine are superman and blue moon (specifically from the midwest like michigan/indiana/wisconsin), van leeuwen's royal wedding cake, and jeni's wildberry lavender
she has 200% divorce rate now, good for her β€οΈ