Speaking of Doorknobs

I want a video game with realistic dick and balls physics not for any prurient reason, but... okay, so you know how in some games with boob physics, there's a palpable delay after a character model is instantiated before physics start to apply to the boobs, so it's like *pop* ... *FWOMP*? I want to see the cock version of that. Penis-having character spawns in, there's a beat, then the physics engine tries to play catch-up and applies a full second of gravitational acceleration to their junk all at once and they just randomly start helicoptering.

(For those saying this is making them picture a character's penis flapping in the breeze like a flag on a pole or laundry on a line, that was actually, literally happening at launch. I'm not sure if they ever fixed it.)

I’m getting ads telling me to replace live porch flowers with plastic ones because the plastic ones don’t die and buddy I can tell you from personal experience that those flowers will fade until they look like they’ve achieved a new kind of death

Why is it easier and more comfortable to sit in a position that actively damages my joints than it is to just sit with okay posture. Why does my body crave its own destruction

Why suffer ennui when you can get a bánh mì

you know there's loads of pros and cons for disability aids but i have yet to see mentions about how rough various body braces can be for your skin. a synthetic material tightly wrapped around a body part for hours at a time? even a few minutes gives my skin grooves

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

americans be like dude learning to drive isnt that bad but they dont know youre in ireland sharing a lane with a horse who is a bad person. And the horse and the instructor are friends and he keeps dapping the horse up through the window. And the horse called you a bitch under his breath so quiet the driving instructor is trying to convince you that you must have misheard him but you didnt. and theres a roundabout coming up and the horse didnt indicate