V

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“So… have you had a good time?” Noah asked as you walked hand in hand back to the hotel. You’d be leaving Paris early tomorrow morning, so you two decided to go out for one last fancy dinner, watch the tower sparkle, then make your way back to the hotel. 

“It’s been amazing,” you said, nodding your head, “Thank you, Noah. I really mean it… I’ve needed this.” 

He chuckled, looking down at the ground for a moment before glancing back at you again. 

“What have I told you about thanking me, hm?”

You felt your cheeks suddenly warm, and you gave him a little smile. 

“So…” you said, looking up at the dark night sky, “What’s happening when we get home?”

“What do you mean?” Noah asked. 

You immediately felt shy, which you felt stupid for, since you’ve spent the last four days together. 

“I don’t know,” you said quietly, followed by a shrug, “I guess I’m gonna miss you.”

Noah stopped in his tracks, giving your hand a quick squeeze as you stopped beside him. 

“Baby,” he said with a quiet chuckle, “Just because we’re home doesn't mean we can’t spend time together. You know we live twenty minutes apart, right?”

That earned a reluctant smile from you. 

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?”

You hesitated for a moment as you wondered that yourself.

The point was that this trip had felt like you were in your own bubble, a perfect little world where neither of you had responsibilities or stress- besides the phone calls Noah had to take every now and then. But it felt like now it was coming to an end, the bubble was inevitably going to pop, and you weren’t sure what was going to happen after it did. 

Noah’s face softened, he had learned to read you over these days, and so he knew right now that you were overthinking. 

“You think this ends when we get home?” 

You didn’t answer that, which answered for you. Noah held his arms open, an invitation for you to step into them. 

“Come here.” He said, and so you did. 

He wrapped his arms around you, the two of you standing in the middle of the street, before pulling back to look you in the eyes. 

“Listen to me.” You did. “When we get home, I’ll still call you.” You smiled, “I’ll still annoy you, I’ll still take you to dinner, I’ll still spend time with you.” 

Your chest felt a little lighter, your heart fluttering at how simply he’d said it, like he didn’t even have to think twice. Then Noah tilted his head slightly as you pulled back.

“And if I remember correctly, you’ve got about fifty shopping bags full of things you need to show off- and I plan on letting you.” 

You chuckled, before taking his hand again as you continued walking back to the hotel. 

“So, what kinda things do you want to do when we’re back home?” Noah asked, and you shrugged. 

“I don’t know. I thought you were the one who comes up with the plans.” 

“Well maybe I want you to take the lead,” he smirked, “C’mon, is there anywhere you wanna visit? Bars or restaurants you want to try? A concert you want to go to?”

You were quiet for a moment, thinking about it. Because there was something… 

“Actually…” You said, earning a grin from him. 

“What is it?”

“There’s a band I've always wanted to see, and they’re playing in our city in a few weeks.”

“Who?” He asked, and you looked up to meet his eyes. 

“Bring Me The Horizon.” 

Noah casually nodded his head, like you’d told him you wanted to go to the grocery store or something. 

“I can get us in.” 

You laughed. 

“No you can’t, all the tickets sold out in like 10 minutes. And I am not letting you give your money to scalpers for overpriced resale tickets.” 

“Oh, I won’t need to, baby.” He said smugly, making you stop in your tracks. 

“So how exactly do you plan on getting us in?” 

Noah just shrugged. 

“Oli owes me a favour.” 

“Oli… Oliver Sykes?” You scoffed, and it was clear Noah was trying not to laugh. 

“Yes.” 

You stared at him, like you were trying to figure out whether to believe him or not. 

“...You know Oli Sykes?”

Noah laughed. 

“Of course I do. My band opened for them a couple years ago. Y'know, I even sung Antivist on stage with him a few times.” 

You shook your head in disbelief. 

“How have you never told me this?”

“You never asked!” 

“Because I didn’t know I needed to ask!” You scoffed in disbelief.

Noah laughed again, and you were still staring up at him, trying to process all this information. You knew his band must’ve been doing well for him to have the money he has, but you didn’t quite realise who Noah was… 

“So you’re telling me… you’re friends with Oli?”

“We’ve worked together and we get along… I don’t know if he’d count me as a friend.” Noah chuckled, suddenly seeming a little shy.

“But you have his number right?” You asked, and Noah nodded his head. “Oh my god, text him!” 

“I can’t text him.” Noah laughed. 

“Please?”

“No.” 

“Pretty please?”

“No,” he chuckled, “He’s probably spending time with his kids or in rehearsals or something.”

You pouted. 

“Just one text? Just check in on him…?”

“I am not texting Oli at nearly midnight because the pretty girl I took to Paris told me to.” 

You let out a long sigh, shaking your head in defeat. 

“Baby,” he said, cupping your cheek in his hand, “I’ll make sure you get to see them, okay?”

“You will?” You smiled, your heart skipping a beat. 

“Of course I will.” He said, pressing a kiss to your forehead. And the excitement on your face must’ve been obvious because when he pulled away, his smile softened. “You got something to look forward to now, huh?”

You nodded as you wrapped your arms around Noah’s neck slowly, pulling him down into a kiss. 

“You better get us a good view.” You whispered against his lips, and he smiled.

“Only the best for you, sweetheart.”

… 

The trip home was too simple, too easy, you were waiting the entire time for something bad to happen- you flight to be delayed, bags to be lost- but no. It went perfectly. 

You slept most of the flight back, your head on Noah’s shoulder, his arm around you as he read his book. You didn’t have to wait too long to collect your luggage either, and before you knew it, you were sitting in the back of a car, on your way back to your apartment. 

However, this was where it would all change. 

Noah, as usual, refused to let you carry anything. You stepped out of the car and he was already lifting suitcases and grabbing bags. He had parked his car at your place before leaving, so he took his things first, throwing them into the back, before picking your bags back up and making his way up to your apartment. 

“How are you not struggling?” You laughed as he juggled everything. 

“I don’t lift weights for nothing, y'know.” He smirked as you dug through one of your bags for your keys. 

You unlocked the door, and the moment you pushed it open… Noah frowned. You were too busy shrugging off and hanging up your jacket to notice, but the further he walked in…

“Does it usually smell damp in here?” Noah asked, his brows slightly furrowed. 

Immediately, your stomach dropped. Because now he said it, you could smell it too- a stale, damp smell lingering in the air. Like the time your washing machine broke and started leaking while you were at work. 

“No… it shouldn’t.” You said quietly, suddenly panicked. 

Carefully, Noah set your bags down by the wall. 

“Stay there a second.” He said, before walking further into your apartment. 

The living room looked fine, but as he walked into the kitchen, his heart stopped. He called your name, and you followed him down the hallway, the smell getting stronger with each step. 

“What is it?” You asked, but when you spotted him, he was staring up at the ceiling in silence. 

Your heart started racing. The ceiling was stained brown, the paint bubbling in some spots, and in the corner by the wall it was slightly sagging. There were water marks running down the wall, water soaking the counters- 

“What the fuck…” You said in disbelief, taking a step forward. 

“Careful.” Noah reached out, catching your arm. 

Then you looked down. The floor was soaked. 

This had happened here once before, but not to this extreme. Your upstairs neighbour has had quite a few plumbing problems in the time you’ve been here. Thankfully last time you caught it in time before it could get any worse, but you remembered they were currently on vacation in Spain, and you had been gone for four days. There had been nobody to catch it this time. 

“Is that your bathroom?” Noah asked, nodding towards the door. 

“Yeah.” You said as you followed him towards it… 

It was even worse than you could’ve imagined. Paint was peeling, part of the ceiling had bowed downwards, water dripping onto the closed toilet lid. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself, suddenly feeling cold and stressed and overwhelmed. This was your safe space, your little apartment, the place you’d been looking forward to returning to after your trip. But it didn’t feel like yours like this. 

“Should we check the bedroom?” Noah asked carefully. 

You didn’t want to. You wanted to leave that door shut and pretend it couldn’t possibly be any worse… but you knew it was going to be bad. So you followed him again, and slowly pushed the door open. 

“Oh...” You said quietly, your heart sinking.

This room was the worst. Part of the ceiling above one side of your bed had collapsed, plaster and insulation all over your floor and bed. The wall closest to the bathroom was soaked, wallpaper peeling away from the wall, and your bedside table was ruined. The lamp sitting on it was tilted awkwardly beneath the fallen debris. 

What the hell had happened upstairs to cause this?

You just stood there, staring at it. Trying to process it. It was like all the excitement of Paris, the shopping, the laughter, the dinners, the joy you had felt, it had all been left on the other side of the ocean. 

Noah took a careful step closer, and after a moment, you felt his hand slide into yours. Your fingers wrapped around his, and then you looked down at them… then back up at him. Your vision started to blur, not because of your home, but because everything had been so perfect… it seemed the universe always hated you having nice things. 

“We'll sort this.” Noah said, his voice calm and firm, the tone he used all weekend whenever your mind started to run away with itself.

“But-”

Noah shook his head, cutting you off. 

“Call your landlord.” He said, and you nodded your head, “I’ll get some photos of it for you.” 

You nodded your head, swallowing hard as you reached into your pocket for your phone. 

“Then you come home with me.” 

Your head shot up.

“Noah, you've just spent all weekend with me!” You laughed in disbelief. 

But his expression didn’t change. 

“And…?”

You folded your arms, staring at him. 

“I dunno. You’ve probably had enough of me.” 

Yeah, that earned you a look. One that told you he’d found what you said ridiculous. 

“So where else are you gonna stay?” He asked, folding his own arms. 

“...I’ll figure something out. I’ll stay with Tom.” 

“Yeah?”

You paused for a moment, remembering what he had told you last week. 

“...Or I would. If his sister wasn’t there.”

Noah let out a chuckle as you dropped your head into your hands. He reached out, sliding an arm around your shoulder and pulling you into him. 

“Grab some more clothes or whatever you need, I’ll get some photos of the damage to send to your landlord.” He pulled back to look at your face, “Then I’m taking you home. No arguments.” 

You let out a long sigh. You didn’t want him to feel obliged, like he had to take you in out of guilt or politeness. But a part of you knew it wasn’t that way. He just wanted to make sure you’re okay, to look after you and make things easier. 

“I know what you’re thinking. Stop worrying about being a burden.” He said quietly as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, “I want you to come home with me.”

"Okay." You said finally, earning a smile from him.

…

You spent the next hour frantically packing and waiting for your landlord to pick up the phone. Noah took photos of everything for you- the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, the ceilings and the water damage creeping down the walls. Every time you thought he’d finished, he’d find something else that needed documenting.

Your landlord sounded horrified when he finally picked up. Apparently your upstairs neighbour had been impossible to contact for the last few days, and there had been concerns about a leak for a while now, after several complaints were made about a damp smell coming from their floor. But nobody had realised quite how bad it was. 

By the time the call ended, you were told someone would be coming out tomorrow to inspect it, insurance would be involved, and nobody could tell you how long repairs would take. Days, weeks, possibly even longer. You didn’t really hear much after that, you just knew you couldn’t stay here. So you packed some more. 

You packed things that were valuable, things that felt important. You were sure you’d be given the chance to come back and get the rest, but even Noah was telling you to take as much as you could today. He told you he had the room to store things for you if you needed. 

Though every time you added something to your bag, a voice in the back of your mind kept whispering the same thing.

You’re imposing. You’re going to outstay your welcome. You’re going to become a burden. He’s just too kind to say it to your face. 

Noah seemed to sense every single one of those thoughts without you saying a word, because when he found you standing in your bedroom staring blankly at a pile of clothes, he took the bag from your hands and started folding things himself. When you’d tried to carry your own bags back downstairs, he’d taken them too. When you’d apologised for the fifth time, he just looked at you… and that was enough to stop you mid apology. 

Now, thirty minutes later, you were pulling into Noah’s driveway. You were still blown away every time you looked at his house, it was so nice, the garden was so tidy, it was all just so perfect- and this was just the outside. 

“You okay?” Noah asked as he parked the car. 

“Mhm.” You hummed, before getting out. 

This time you insisted on helping him bring things in, since he didn’t only have your things in the car but his own too. So you grabbed his suitcase and poked your tongue out as if to say you can’t stop me and dragged it up the path. 

The moment you stepped inside, you were greeted with the homely scent of laundry detergent and whatever fancy air freshener he had plugged into the wall. You let out a long sigh as you set his bag down, because despite already going back to your place, you finally felt like you were at home. 

However, Noah wasn’t wasting any time. He carefully passed you, and headed up the stairs, carrying all the bags so easily. 

“Show off.” You chuckled under your breath. 

“I heard that.” He laughed from upstairs. 

A smile crept up on your face, and you followed him up the stairs… he had stopped just outside one of the rooms, set your bags down, and turned to look at you with a smile. 

“Right…” 

You immediately became suspicious.

“What?”

He shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Important question, would you rather stay in the guest room…” He gestured towards the door at the end of the hallway, “…or stay in here with me?”

The question caught you off guard, you didn't realise you were going to have to choose. You looked away for a moment, towards the bags, towards the floor- anywhere but him. Because the answer was embarrassingly obvious. 

You didn’t really want the guest room. Not after Paris. Not after falling asleep wrapped up in his arms. Not after waking up to sleepy kisses and coffee and his hand reaching for yours before either of you were fully awake.

The idea of sleeping alone suddenly felt strangely disappointing, and lonely… but at the same time, you didn’t want to feel like you were taking over his place suddenly. 

When you finally looked back at him, Noah’s expression softened, and he could tell what you were thinking through your hesitation.

“Why don’t we at least put your things in the guest room,” he said as he reached for your bags again, “So you’ve got your own space if you need it.” 

The words made your chest ache and feel soft both at the same time, god he was so considerate. He wasn’t pushing you one way or another, he was giving you the option, giving you a space that felt like yours, somewhere you could shut the door and sit by yourself and just breathe if you needed to. 

He pushed the door open and set the bags down by the bottom of the bed. 

“Feel free to unpack, take over the wardrobe and drawers, make it feel like home- you can even redecorate the place if you want.” He chuckled. 

“I’m not redecorating your guest room.” You smiled, “It’s lovely.” 

The room wasn’t huge, but it felt cozy. There was a big bed with fresh white sheets, a rather big dresser, and a window that overlooked the garden. It felt more like a hotel room than a spare bedroom- of course it did, everything Noah owned was unnecessarily nice. 

Noah brought the last of your bags up as you looked around, and despite yourself, you started feeling a little bit better. Sure, it wasn’t home, but you felt comfortable here already. 

“There,” Noah said as he set the last couple bags down, “And if you decide later that you want to crawl into bed with me… I won’t complain.” Noah smirked. 

You rolled your eyes. 

“Who said I want to spend another night with you?” You teased. 

“Hey, you were the one who didn’t want to come home from Paris because you’d miss me too much.”

“I never said that!” 

“Mm, you implied it, baby.” He said, his grin only widening. 

But then, before you could continue the argument, he reached out and gently squeezed your shoulder, the teasing fading a little.

“Everything’s gonna be okay, y’know.” He said, his voice a little softer. “Go unpack, take a shower- use the one in my room if you want, it’s less claustrophobic- and just make yourself at home, okay?” 

You nodded your head. 

“And what are you doing?”

“I’ll be downstairs, either in the studio or the kitchen. Just come find me when you’re done… if you want. Or take a nap, I noticed you were yawning in the car. Do whatever you want, okay baby?” He said with a kiss to your forehead before turning around and softly shutting the door behind him, leaving you standing alone in the guest room.

For a moment, you just stood there, letting the day sink in. Only this morning you were waking up in his arms in Paris, and although you didn’t really want to come home, you didn’t consider that you may not even have your own home to come back to. 

So you unpacked a few things until you found the bag of toiletries you took to Paris, then you grabbed a clean pair of pyjamas and stepped out of the room. Then your eyes drifted down the hallway, towards his bedroom. 

He told you to use his shower, though it felt a little weird… either way, curiosity for the better of you, and you pushed the door open. 

Immediately, you noticed his room felt very Noah. Not because it was particularly extravagant, but actually the opposite. It was clean and tidy without feeling sterile, comfortable without feeling messy. There were black curtains and dark wood furniture, a large bed with navy sheets that looked almost too inviting. In the corner of the room there was a bookshelf filled with books and little figures that you guessed were from a TV show he liked. 

A guitar rested against one wall, and on his dresser there were a couple framed photographs of what you guessed were him and his friends… except when you looked closer at the picture, you realised one of the guys in it had his face, but his hair was almost at his waist. Was that Noah? 

You just took in the room around you, and suddenly you were thinking about how this was the room he’d slept in every night while you were at home. The room he’d disappeared into after stressful days. The room he’d probably spent countless hours lying awake in, overthinking the same way you did.

For some reason, that thought made your heart feel strangely warm.

Then your attention drifted toward his bathroom.

Oh wow…

The shower alone was probably bigger than your entire bathroom at home. You shook your head and laughed quietly to yourself before stepping inside. 

You shut the door behind you, and started to undress. Then you turned the water on and waited a moment for it to warm up, and when you finally stood under it, it felt incredible. 

You definitely stayed in there longer than you meant to, letting the water wash away the unexpected stress of the day. For a little while, you managed not to think about any of it, you just stood there, feeling the hot water wash over you, letting out a long sigh. 

When you finally stepped out, you felt a lot better. You dried your hair, dried yourself and pulled on your tank top and sleep shorts, then glanced at yourself in the mirror. 

You could get used to this… 

Then you took a breath, put your things back in the guest room, and headed downstairs. The house was quiet, and you weren’t sure where to find Noah… but you could hear music coming quietly from somewhere. 

You followed the sound until you reached an open door near the back of the house. This must’ve been the studio. You knocked gently, then you heard him call out, come in. 

You pushed it open, and Noah was sitting at a large desk surrounded by screens, speakers, notebooks and so much equipment that you didn’t even know what half of it was or what it did. As you shut the door behind you, he looked over at you, and a smile crept up on his lips. 

“Hi, baby.”

Fuck, the way he’s been speaking to you lately had been making you feel a little weak in the knees. 

“What are you working on?” You asked as you stepped closer to him. 

“I’ve been trying to get the pitch right on a certain part, I got an idea for it yesterday that I wanted to try, so I told myself I’d try it out as soon as I got back… but it’s still not working.”

You gave a sympathetic smile, and then you noticed his eyes slowly travelling over you, taking you in. 

“Feeling better?” He asked. 

“A little.” You nodded. 

“Good.” Then he held one arm out toward you. “Come here.”

You smiled.

“What?”

“Come here.”

You closed the space, and before you could even ask what he wanted, Noah gently caught your hand and guided you toward him. Then patted his thigh, and your cheeks suddenly warmed. 

“You have chairs.” You pointed out. 

“I know.” 

You tried not to smile, but completely failed. You didn’t even attempt to argue, because quite frankly his lap looked rather inviting. So you carefully settled onto his lap, your legs either side of him, and you felt Noah wrap an arm around your waist. You moved about slightly until you were comfortable, then buried your face in his neck, breathing him in.

Noah and you both let out a content little sound.

“There.” He said quietly, his chin resting gently on the top of your shoulder, one hand holding you tightly, the other navigating whatever project was open on his screen. 

Neither of you said much for a while, you just sat there, letting your eyes fall shut, feeling more at peace than ever before, listening to the music softly playing through the studio speakers, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breathing beneath your chest. After everything that had happened today, this was just what you needed.

Eventually though, Noah glanced at you.

“Comfortable?”

You nodded against his shoulder.

“Mhm.” You hummed, not even bothering to open your eyes. 

A small smile appeared on his face.

“Good.”

And as his arm tightened around your waist, you realised you hadn’t thought about your apartment in at least ten minutes. Which, considering the day you’d had, was probably Noah’s goal all along.

Every now and then, he’d reach for the mouse, or his hand would leave you so he could type something on the keyboard- but other than that, he barely moved. It felt so comfortable, so safe, so nice.

But after a while, your mouth started feeling a little dry. You remembered you’d barely drank anything all day, so you softly wriggled a little and lifted your head from his shoulder. 

“Noah?”

“Mm?”

“Can I get a drink?”

You were more than prepared to get up yourself, expecting him to point you towards the kitchen and tell you where the glasses were, maybe explain where he kept things. But instead, he lifted his brows and gently moved you from his lap to the sofa beside him. 

“‘Course, what do you want, baby?”

A smile tugged at your lips, because of course he wouldn’t let you get up to get it yourself. You were starting to learn these things about him. 

“Just water, please.” You said, looking up at him through your lashes. 

He nodded his head, then leaned down to press a quick kiss to your forehead. 

“Good girl,” he said, casually and quietly, “Such good manners.”

The words had left his mouth so easily that for a moment you weren’t entirely sure you had heard him right… especially since Noah seemed so oblivious to what he had just done, to the effect his words had on you as he disappeared off into the kitchen. 

Meanwhile you were left there in the studio, your brain unable to function properly. It wasn’t even that nobody had ever complimented you before, that was a total lie, but this just felt different. The approval in his voice almost made your head spin, you felt all warm and fuzzy inside in a way you couldn’t quite explain. But there was one thing you knew for certain. 

You liked it. A lot. 

A few minutes later, Noah returned carrying a glass of water, and the moment he walked back into the room, he noticed the look on your face.

“You alright there?” He smirked. 

You blinked.

“Hm?”

“Exactly.” A laugh escaped him as he handed you the glass. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

You quickly took the water, ignoring his comment. 

“Thank you.”

“And there they are again.”

You looked up.

“What?”

“Your manners.” A grin spread across his face. “I like them.”

Your cheeks immediately felt warmer, and you swallowed hard before saying,

“Most people have manners.” 

“True.” He settled back into his chair. “But yours are particularly cute.”

You nearly choked on your water, and Noah’s eyes widened as he spun his chair around to face you. 

“Hey.” He immediately reached over to pat your back. “You okay?”

You nodded too quickly.

“Mhm.”

“You sure?”

“Yep.” You said, popping the p, trying to act casual.

The concern slowly faded from his face, and to make things even worse, it was replaced by amusement. 

“You’re acting weird.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”

You deliberately focused on taking another sip of water, and Noah just watched you for a moment… then he slowly narrowed his eyes.

“Oh…”

Your stomach dropped.

“What?”

A smirk started forming on his lips. 

“What?” You repeated, but his smile only widened.

“You’ve gone shy.” 

“I’ve not.”

“You have.”

“Noah-”

“Baby.” The grin was fully there now. “Wanna tell me what’s got you so flustered?”

You didn’t answer that, but you didn’t need to. You knew he already knew. 

“Wanna be a good girl and tell me why you’re blushing?”

“I’m-” You went to speak but immediately stumbled on your words, making you feel even more shy, and making his grin even more smug. 

Oh yeah. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing. 

…

At some point later in the evening, you’d ended up back in Noah’s lap again. Neither of you said anything about it, you’d just gotten cold and didn’t want to go upstairs to grab a hoodie. 

You quickly learned that Noah liked to keep his house at a temperature that felt so low it should be a health hazard, and after shivering through half an hour on the sofa, you’d eventually climbed back onto his lap with a quiet complaint about freezing to death.

His response had been to laugh and wrap an arm around your waist and pull you closer, so now you were curled up against him again while he worked, listening to the soft click of his mouse and the occasional tap of his keyboard.

It was comfortable- he was comfortable, so much that you felt yourself relax in his arms. So comfortable that a yawn escaped you… 

Followed shortly by another, which made Noah glance at you with a small smile. 

“Tired?”

You shook your head.

“Nuh-uh.”

Noah chuckled, knowing that was clearly a lie, and went back to working. But ten minutes later another yawn escaped, a longer one this time. Noah looked at you again, at some point his hand had slid up your top, and his thumb rubbed back and forth against your skin. 

“You wanna go to bed, baby?” He asked. 

The question was casual and gentle, like he was asking you whether you wanted another glass of water… but you didn’t think of it like that. Your stomach sank, because your brain always worked against you, and it was now telling you this was his way of telling you he wanted his space. You’ve been practically attached to him all evening, this was just him being polite. 

However, the logical part of you knew that was ridiculous, Noah had been nothing but kind to you all day. But it was easier to believe you’d overstayed your welcome than believe somebody genuinely wanted you around all the time…

“Yeah, probably.” You said, followed by another yawn. 

He smiled softly.

“Okay.” He said, but then returned his attention to the screen.

Which told you this wasn’t a big deal to him, he was thinking about it half as much as you were. You’d somehow convinced yourself he’d finally had enough of holding you in his lap all day like a clingy little koala, when all he was doing was waiting for whatever he was working on to save before shutting down his computer. 

But still, you carefully climbed off his lap, and you immediately felt how cold the room really was again.

“Night.” You said softly.

Noah looked up.

“Night?”

You nodded before picking up your water, leaving the room, and heading upstairs. 

You were trying not to feel disappointed, not to feel silly, because you had your own room here- a lovely, comfortable, cozy room- which if it wasn’t for him you could’ve been spending the night on Tom’s couch. 

So there was absolutely no reason for your chest to ache as you walked in, no reason for you to miss him while you brushed your teeth, no reason to stare at the empty side of the bed after climbing in. 

And yet, you did. 

With a sigh, you rolled onto your side and pulled the covers up to your chin. You’d spent pretty much every waking moment together for the last few days, of course he’d want some time to himself. 

For a while you laid there in the silence, staring at the wall, until you heard footsteps on the stairs. You couldn’t help but listen, he must’ve wandered into his room and- stop listening, you told yourself.

You buried your face into the pillow, trying not to think about any of it. Trying not to think about the way you’ve gotten so used to falling asleep with your head on his chest, his arm around you, the sound of his heart beating beneath your ear. 

It had gone quiet again for a while, you assumed he must’ve just gone to bed. You assumed he’d be asleep within ten minutes because you had both been up for quite a while now. 

But then you heard footsteps again. Then there was a gentle knock on your door. 

“Are you still awake?”

“...Maybe?”

“Can I come in.”

“Yeah.” 

The handle turned, and there stood Noah- fresh from the shower, dark hair still damp, grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips and a black tshirt that fit like it was made just for him. For a moment, he just looked at you lying there in bed, then the corner of his mouth lifted. 

“I was wondering where you’d disappeared to.” 

Your tummy did a stupid flip at that. 

“What?”

“It’s fine if you want your own bed, baby.” He said, his voice as gentle and easy as ever, “But you do know mine’s comfier, right?”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhm.” Noah nodded, “Wanna test it for yourself if you don’t believe me?”

You couldn’t help but scoff. Of course he’d find a way to make you feel better in less than thirty seconds. 

But then your smile slightly faded, and you looked down at the bed again. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, sensing the shift. 

“I thought you wanted some space. I’ve been clung to you all evening.” You admitted quietly, and for a moment Noah was silent. Until he let out a soft sigh. 

“Baby,” he said, making you look up at him again, “If I want space, I’ll tell you, okay? I promise. You don’t ever have to assume, or guess what I’m thinking.” 

It was your turn to sigh now, because the truth was, you spent so much of your life trying to anticipate what people wanted from you before they had to ask. Having to guess what people were feeling, trying to read body language and trying to sense what they were thinking through their tone of voice. 

Noah seemed to understand that without you ever having to explain it.

“Look at me.” 

You met his eyes again. 

“What did I actually say when we were in the studio?”

“You asked if I wanted to go to bed.” 

“Right. And did I say I wanted you to leave? Did I say you were being too much?”

“...No.” 

“Then don’t put words in my mouth, baby. If something is ever a problem, I will tell you.” He said with a soft smile, before holding his hand out to you. “Come on.” 

You looked at his hand, then at him. Then you sat up. 

“You really want me in your bed?”

Noah laughed.

“Sweetheart.” The way he said it made your stomach flutter. “I wouldn’t be in here trying to persuade you if I didn’t.”

You couldn’t really argue with that.

A smile tugged at your lips as you took his hand, and the moment your fingers slipped into his, he gently helped you out of bed. His thumb brushed across your knuckles once before he started leading you towards the door, then down the hallway to his bedroom. 

As he pushed the door open and led you in, you were a little taken back by how cozy it suddenly felt. The curtains were closed, the lamp by the side of his bed made the room glow golden and the smell of his shower gel lingered from the bathroom. 

Noah got into bed first, and pulled the covers back for you, patting the mattress. You chuckled and got in too, and right away you realised he’d been right. The mattress was like a cloud, and the pillows were even nicer than the ones in the hotel in Paris. It put your bed to shame, that was for sure. 

Noah opened an arm, and you rolled towards him, tucking yourself into his chest. Noah made a little pleased sound before wrapping both his arms around you and kissing the top of your head. 

“And I thought I was being the clingy one.” You teased softly, and Noah chuckled. 

“Mm, no.” He said, pressing another kiss on your forehead this time and holding you tighter. 

Then your temple, then your cheek. You tilted your head up, looking at him with sleepy eyes as you let out a little giggle. 

“Noah!” 

“What?”

“You’re proving my point.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said with a small smirk before kissing you again, before finally stopping, and just holding you there like that. “Wanna watch a movie or something? Or d’ya wanna just go to sleep? It’s been a long day.” 

You hummed in thought, just listening to the sound of his heartbeat for a moment before looking up at him again with wide, almost frightened eyes.

“Shit... I forgot I’ve got work tomorrow.” 

“Oh yeah?”

You groaned and buried your face back into his chest. 

“You know, you can always-”

“No. I’m not quitting my job, Noah. It’d drive me insane.” 

You felt his chest vibrate as he let out a quiet laugh. But then he was quiet for a moment, his fingers gently running through your hair. 

“Want me to take you?”

You looked up at him again. 

“You don’t have to.” 

“I know.” 

“You’ll have to get up early.” 

“I know. And I don’t care. What time do you need to get there?”

“...Eight.” 

“And what time do you need picking up after?”

“Noah, you don’t have to-” 

“What time, baby?”

You sighed. 

“We shut at six tomorrow.” 

Noah nodded his head, then kissed your forehead again. 

“Okay.” 

“...Are you sure that’s okay.” 

Noah let out a sigh, then before you knew it, he was taking your face in both his hands. He wasn’t rough, but he was firm, making sure you couldn’t immediately look away. 

“Sweetheart…” His thumbs brushed softly across your cheeks.

“What?”

“What were we talking about five minutes ago?”

You groaned, trying to look away, but he stopped you.

“No,” he said softly, “What did I say?”

“You said if something was a problem then you’d tell me.” 

“Good girl.” He said simply, a smile tugging on his lips, completely oblivious to the way those two little words make your head spin. 

Or maybe he did realise?

He leaned forward just a little, his nose bumping yours, his lips just brushing yours without kissing you. 

“Are you done worrying for tonight?”

You smiled against his lips despite yourself, and gently nodded your head. 

“Yes sir.” You whispered teasingly. 

You felt Noah smile back, before pressing a slow kiss to your lips. Then he pulled back, and pulled the covers a little higher over the both of you before reaching over to turn the lamp off. 

You made yourself comfy on his chest, and he held you close, letting out a soft sigh of relief as his free hand rested behind his head. 

“Goodnight, Noah.” You whispered as you let your eyes finally shut. 

“Sweet dreams, princess.” 

・┈・୨୧・┈・

i desperately need you guys's opinions on something real quick, i feel like i've been soft launching a dom/sub relationship for these two and i want to know if that's something you want to see in this story or not 🤭 i'd love to write it, but it's not something you're interested in then i won't! i know the majority will say yes, but i'm literally velvet!reader i need reassurance that this is a good idea lmao 😭

taglist: @lowergroundfloor @mrslumi @mapsychoticimagination @meddleabout2 @astronoids @pipidoll @bartxnhood @dominuslunae @stardustsirenmelody @haileebluee @curse-bearing-hips @vintagemisery---blog @noahsstrawberry @shuiguans @fadingintothegrey @mushrumink @hayleylatour @death-ofpeace-ofmind @r3prise @novainpolaroids @eclipseeetop @leosunshine @miss570 @ami-gami @sleepycactus-omens @innerconnoisseurhologram @theservantbones @my-perfect-weapon @bassvivz @sullyselena @iamnotyourstoperceive @givemesomethingbeautiful @itsfarbettertolearn @enbytarin @overmydeadbodysblog @yabagoobieberg @museonfilm @wormm-mom @bridemassacre @lifeirreverent @montgomery-929496 @dead-astrid @gayfiretruck @death-core-fairy @icybansheesoul @acatatonicpeace

The noise cancelling headphones on his ears must be exceptionally great because he was completely oblivious to her presence. She walked in, watching the boys through the window without stepping in enough to be seen, as they played their song.

She couldn’t hear a single sound, it was completely quiet, almost eerily so. Based on the way Davis nodded his head along, he heard it though.

Alice smirked and stretched out her leg to gently push his chair, making him yelp in surprise when it rolled back and his face nearly slammed right into the keyboard of his laptop. 

“Jesus Christ!” he swore out loud, looking as though he had seen his entire life play out before his eyes. “You’re an absolute menace!” he accused her when he realized she was there.

There was no bite to it, he got up to give her a quick side hug before sitting back down.

“I didn’t know you’d be coming…?” he said, headphones only covering one ear now. Alice could make out the general vibe of the track like this, but barely.

“Noah’s not expecting me,” she confessed, crossing her arms over her chest, still very much standing out of the way, not stepping in front of the window.

Davis chuckled.

“It’s a one way window, you can sit,” he told her, pushing back the empty chair next to his. “Turns out people don’t like to be stared at while they sing, can you believe that?”

Ironic, but she could understand that it didn’t help their focus at the very least.

“Do you know what day it is?” Alice asked as she plopped down, dropping her bag as well and leaning back with her legs crossed at the ankle.

Now Davis pulled out his shit-eating grin, and she knew that he did.

“Did he forget?” he teased. “Do you need a mic stand to beat him with?”

Alice pretended to look offended and even gasped as if to say ‘I would never do that’.

“Can I bribe you into letting me interrupt your session?” she asked, raising both brows. It had him wondering if she had come here with a wad of cash or if a hooker was waiting on the other side of the door, ready to whisk him away. “If you’re imagining something crass, forget it. I was thinking more in terms of… well, food.”

“Food is good,” he nodded enthusiastically, seeming sold on the idea. “Food is great. I am willing to be bribed with food, yes.”

For a hot minute, Alice stayed silent, assessing Davis, then she leaned forward, putting her elbows on her knees and held out of hand for him to shake. Shit, she wasn’t messing around.

“We’re almost finished anyway,” he told her, already taking off his headphones. “The floor is all yours.”

He proceeded to give her a few pointers on which buttons did what and she listened carefully, taking a mental note. 

“Thanks, Davis. I owe you,” she smiled at him just when he got up to leave the seat to her.

“You do. I expect nothing less than a feast,” he said with a wink before sitting back on the worn couch near the mini fridge, already scrolling on his phone. “But for the record, I’d have let you do it for free.”

“Hey!” Alice protested but Davis only chuckled and shrugged, playing innocent. “I feel cheated.”

Well, a deal was a deal and it was her fault for offering without trying to ask nicely first. She’d learn her lesson for next time.

When she put on the headphones and finally heard what they were playing, she smiled to herself. It was the song that Noah had been stuck on last time. After a couple days off and a bit of goading, she got him to play it for her.

It had much improved since then, the breakdown was incredible, the chorus really strong. Noah screaming curses also did unspeakable things to her in a way she couldn’t quite explain. He swore on a daily basis, but it was casual and he never raised his voice when he spoke to her, so this was a side of him she only got to see on his records. 

Folio was drenched in sweat, a testament to how long they had been here today, while Jolly and Nick didn’t look tired or exerted at all, the very picture of quiet concentration.

Noah stood alone in the middle, dead center, holding onto his microphone in a way that almost made her jealous, pouring his heart and soul out as he belted out the lyrics. For a split second, Alice hesitated to interrupt them. She loved to listen to him sing, and he didn’t do it very often when they were together - perhaps he was still a little shy about it?

But it couldn’t be helped, she had come here for a specific purpose, and she wasn’t going to back down. When the song ended, the last notes still hanging in the air as Noah took in labored breaths, recovering from the performance.

Alice pressed the button that Davis had shown her and her voice came through the speakers.

"That was great ! I don’t think you need more takes, that’s a wrap!"

She had no clue if she was even using correct lingo but it didn’t really matter, because they had all been expecting Davis’ voice and instead heard hers and froze.

The boys all frowned in confusion, half smiling when they recognized her voice. Davis was sniggering behind  Alice, her quiet accomplice.

"That you, princess?" Noah asked with a growing smile, taking off his headphones as well now.

Jolly pretended to puke when he heard the pet name, but Nick smacked him in the shoulder and he turned it into a cough to save face.

"Unless you were expecting someone else?"

He laughed at that and it came out as a derisive snort.

"No, but what are you doing here? Thought we’d meet up much later."

The buzzing of the communication stopped and Alice stepped through the door then, looking cuter than ever, hair curling slightly, wearing cowboy boots and a layered midi skirt. She pretended to look at her phone and be surprised when she saw them, acting out a chance encounter even though she had been the one barging in on their session.

"Oh, would you look at that! What do we have here?"

She turned her phone towards them, the lockscreen on display.

A concert of disparate answers greeted her question.

"Is that a picture of me?" asked Noah, his lips stretching into a smug smile.

"It’s 3pm,” Nick stated, the current time and date written in large letters on the screen.

"Windy and a little overcast?" Jolly tried, looking at the weather widget. 

"Oh shit, Noah you're her lockscreen,” was Folio’s only response.

She waited but nothing else came and she ended up dropping her arm. 

“Nothing?” she asked again.

Alice rolled her eyes and tapped her finger where they were supposed to look, once more shoving her phone into their faces.

Thurs. 14. Feb. It read.

"OOoooh!" They said in realization before it all hit them. 

"Oh shit!" Noah slapped his forehead.

"FUCK, it’s Valentine's Day?" Folio asked, already scrambling for his phone, no doubt to call his girlfriend. 

Nick was laughing at his friends’ faces because he was apparently the only boyfriend in the room who hadn’t forgotten to text his girlfriend today.

“Are you guys serious? None of you remembered the date?” he asked them, not bothering to hide his disgust. “Y’all don’t deserve your girlfriends.”

Noah winced and rubbed the back of his head, sending Alice an apologetic grimace. She knew it would slip his mind, he had been engrossed in songwriting for the last few weeks, barely remembering to eat and sleep, of course he’d been too busy to plan big things for Valentine’s Day.

That was alright, she remembered, and she had time.

"Damn straight," Alice said. "Today Noah is all mine. Consider this a kidnapping."

His face softened at her words, shoulders relaxing when she didn’t show any signs of anger or disappointment.

"Oh don’t worry, princess," Jolly said, using Noah’s nickname for her as he carefully set down his guitar since rehearsal was obviously cancelled. "He's yours every day of the week."

“Who are you calling princess?” Noah huffed, looking over his shoulder to glare at his friend before closing the distance between him and Alice to greet her properly with a kiss.

“Shit, fuck, fuck, shit!” Folio kept swearing as he ran around to gather his things. “I need to take a shower right now and buy some flowers and- shit, fuck, I’m a dead man,” he blabbered on, running around like a headless chicken and rushing out the door so fast they weren’t even able to say goodbye.

They all stared after him, in startled silence before Alice burst out laughing, the others following her lead. Noah stroked the back of her head, pulling her to his chest as he grinned into her hair, breathing her in like a cokehead in need of his fix.

She smelled like her shampoo - citrus and thyme. A smell he had begun to associate with home. He used it when he slept at her place and it made him feel as though she stayed with him a little longer even after he had left.

Nick and Jolly left them alone in the vocal booth then, joining Davis on the other side - they hadn’t even closed the door yet when they began to complain that they really let anybody in here these days and Davis should be more careful about who he opened the door for.

“You’re not too tired, are you?” Alice asked Noah, sending him a blinding smile - not mad, not frustrated, just happy to see him. “I’ve been waiting all day to see you, I didn’t even get to kiss you goodbye this morning.”

Something tugged at his chest and Noah breathed out through the nose as he chuckled.

“Why? Did you book us a Ninja Warrior experience or something?” he teased her. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

He shot her a smile and winked, drawing another laugh from her. She leaned in until their noses brushed and almost kissed him but pulled back at the last moment.

“How do we feel about a shower?” Alice asked him, scrunching up her nose.

Noah’s eyebrows shot up.

“Are you implying that I smell?” he asked, daring her to say it.

“I’m not not saying it,” she countered, skirting around it. “I’m into the whole sweaty rock star thing, but I also like it when you smell like aftershave and YSL perfume,” she put it very kindly, and Noah could only roll his eyes at her attempt at being diplomatic.

He gave a little pinch to her ass and she yelped.

“Fine, I’ll go home and shower, and then we can go,” he promised, “but we need to be done by eight.”

By eight?

“What’s at eight?” Alice asked, wondering what obligations he could possibly have at that hour that would warrant putting an end to their evening together. 

Noah squatted down to grab his hoodie from his bag, slipped it on and stood back up again, towering over her with his bag on his shoulder. Her eyes followed up, intrigued but not yet upset that her plans were disrupted, even though he knew she must hate it.

Hell, she probably made a spreadsheet for today, depending on what she had in mind. He only smirked at her, enjoying the look of utter confusion and impatience growing on her features, delighting in the fact that he had played clueless well enough to fool her.

“Our restaurant reservation, of course,” he replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and it took her a second to connect the dots. “Did you really think I’d forget?”

“I- I just- well…” she stuttered out, frozen still and apparently speechless. “You didn’t say anything and you were so busy- and…”

“Excuses, excuses,” he chanted, making fun of her befuddled expression. Noah poked the tip of her nose. “I guess now you have no choice but to agree to be my Valentine,” he declared.

“Humph!” Alice scoffed, her face twisting into an expression halfway between a smile and being offended, barely believing her ears. She crossed her arms over her chest, loving the surprise but hating that she fell right into his trap. “Yeah, I guess I don’t.”

“You look thrilled,” he pointed out, laughing at her face.

“You haven’t really asked me, now, have you?” she fired back. “Properly, I mean. Did you think I was going to say no?”

She raised a brow as if daring him to contradict her.

It came as a shock to Noah to realize that, but no. He didn’t doubt for a second that she would say yes; in fact, he hadn’t even stopped to question it. A far cry from where he was at a few weeks ago, emotionally. 

“And I won’t!” he stated, a large smile on his face, looking unapologetic. “You’re my Valentine and I’m yours, that’s just a given!”

He was making it really hard to be mad or even just keep a straight face. She pursed her lips, sucking in her cheeks in an attempt to look like she was pondering the thought - she was definitely giving in to his every little whim too easily, it was bound to get to his head someday. 

Then again, what girl could resist him? He was Noah fucking Sebastian, and his smile only would brighten her whole day.

“I’m still deciding,” she said. “-if I hate you or love you.”

“You love me,” he stated with complete self-assurance. “And I love you.” 

Try as she might, there was no fighting the grin that split her face.

“Fine, yes,” she gave in without much of a fight in the end. “I hope your restaurant is better than mine, because I spent a lot of time searching for the right place!”

She pulled out her phone to cancel, and Noah could barely contain himself when he saw how much it cost her to scrap her plans. He almost felt bad about it, if a part of him didn’t think it was healthy to let go sometimes and just go with the flow. Alice was in desperate need of leaning back and surrendering control to someone else.

“Say it back,” he whispered, mouth grazing her skin and sending shivers down her back, as he grabbed her hand in his and tugged gently. “Please.”

She’d have melted on the floor if he wasn’t holding her.

“I love you too, Noah.”

*

“What do you think they are talking about?” Jolly asked, twirling in his chair as he popped a chip into his mouth.

He had been sitting in the control room with Nick for a solid ten minutes now, watching Noah and Alice through the tinted window like a silent movie. These fools kept smiling and flirting, he wouldn’t be surprised if Noah suddenly started dancing like an exotic bird doing a nuptial parade. Shit, he wished he could read their lips.

“None of our business,” Nicholas said in a bored voice, not looking up from his phone. “You really forgot it was Valentine’s Day?” he wondered out loud. “All of you?”

Jolly turned towards his friend and shrugged.

“Anna and I don’t really care about these kinds of things,” he simply told him, and that truly was a typical Jolly thing to say - he and his girlfriend lived in their own little bubble of anti-conformism. “But Noah?” he snorted. “That boy is obsessed with his woman, no way he forgot.”

That sounded about right, Nick thought. It wasn’t Noah’s style to forget anything, especially not if it was important to the people around him. Alice might not fully realize it yet, but he was completely wrapped around her finger, and there was no way in hell that he’d forget their first Valentine’s Day. 

He’ll deny it in public, but he was a big romantic at heart.

“Did I make a mistake when I gave her this address?” Jolly wondered then.

Nick only laughed.

“Why?” he scoffed, snorting a little. “I always know I’m about to have a good time when she shows up. Either we’ll all be having a good laugh or she’ll rip Noah a new one and that’s equally entertaining.”

“Damn, boy,” Jolly snapped, a little smirk growing on his lips. “You’ve got a mean streak!”

Nicholas shrugged. He wasn’t mean at all, but watching a 6’3” heavily tattooed dude get scolded by his tiny French girlfriend was objectively hilarious.

“When did that ever happen, by the way? Did I miss that?” Jolly continued eating chips, throwing them higher each time to see if he could catch them with his mouth.

“That time when Noah forgot to pick her up and she was stranded at work because he was locked up in here, working.”

Good fun when she had arrived at the house, foaming at the mouth because she had had a long day, waited for 45 minutes on the sidewalk then had to take an Uber. 

“Shit. Kinda bummed I wasn’t there to see that.”

“Noah was white as a sheet, she felt so bad,” Nick said, shaking his head like he couldn’t comprehend how someone could forgot their entire girlfriend.

“You guys know we can hear everything you say right?” came Noah’s voice suddenly, cutting short to their light gossiping.

Even Jolly blushed a little for having been caught red handed, but he recovered quickly.

“Not anymore, you can’t!” he shouted, switching off the microphone.

Noah flipped him off from the other side of the window, even though he couldn’t see them, but his focus quickly returned to Alice who was still in his arms, forgetting about his dickhead friends.

“What did she do then?” Jolly insisted, needing to hear the details. “Does him good being put back in his place from time to time, or his head won’t fit through the door anymore.”

“She deflated quickly actually. I don’t think they have it in them to stay mad at each other for very long.”

“Boring. I expected bloodshed at least.”

There was a pause of quiet contemplation then. Even though they couldn’t hear their friends, they still saw them - talking, laughing, constantly reaching out to graze each other, touching them in mundane ways that were a testament to just how in love they were.

“I’m just happy for them. They deserve each other,” Nick concluded.

And even Jolly had to agree.

One thing about Noah is that he’s always gotten his own way. Every time he’s flirted with a girl with the intention of taking her home, it’s worked. Every time he’s talked to a girl with the intention of getting her number, he’s succeeded.

He assumed you would be no different. The moment he saw you, a pretty girl sitting all alone at the bar, he knew immediately where he wanted to spend the rest of his night.

“Dude, you’re staring.” Davis said, and Noah suddenly turned his attention back to the group of friends he had walked in with twenty minutes ago.

“She’s pretty.” Noah nodded.

“Go over and talk to her then.” Ruffilo encouraged, taking a sip of his beer.

“I will.” Noah smirked as he finished what was left of his drink, then left his friends with no hesitation.

You saw him coming. You saw him talking to his friends, you saw them all glance over at you. So you knew exactly what to expect.

You sighed, staring back down at your drink and stirred it with your straw as he approached.

The problem was, he was pretty. He was the type that knew he was hot, you could tell by the cocky grin on his face. If he had been less attractive then maybe you’d assume it wasn’t a prank. But to you, he felt so out of your league, leaving you feeling suspicious.

“Hey.” Noah said, resting one arm against the bar.

“No.”

He blinked, his brows already furrowing.

“…No?”

For a moment he was confused, perhaps wondering if you weren’t even into men.

“How much are they paying you?” You asked before finally turning your head to look at him, “Or what bet did you lose?”

Noah had never been more confused. But now he could see you up close, he realised you were even more beautiful than you looked across the room. The colour of your eyes, your glossy lips- he just didn’t like the tired look on your face.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Noah said genuinely, and it only made you sigh.

“You can go tell your friends you did it.” You said before taking a sip of your drink.

“Did what?”

“Talked to the fat girl.”

Oh.

So that was it.

Noah just stared at you for a moment, almost in shock at how casually you said it. How certain you were about it. Like this conversation had happened before.

“You think that’s why I’m here?”

You shrugged.

“What else would it be?”

He looked at you in disbelief, before laughing. Not because it was funny, but because he was just so fucking confused.

“I walked over because I thought you were gorgeous and I wanted to talk to you.”

“Sure.” You laughed.

“I did.”

“Mhm.”

“No…” He shook his head. “I actually did.”

You gave him a polite, sympathetic smile, as if you were humouring a child.

“What’s your name?”

“Noah.”

“Well, Noah, I know how this ends.”

“Oh yeah? How?”

“Either your friends, who have been staring at you this whole time- you should let them know they’re not subtle- come over here and start laughing. Or you get your way, win me over and take me home, just to say you’ve fucked a fat girl.”

The smile slowly disappeared from Noah’s face. He glanced back at his friends for a moment, and they weren’t laughing. They weren’t even watching to see if he’d succeeded. Davis was talking to Jolly, Ruffilo was on his phone, they’d already forgotten Noah had walked away.

Then he looked back at you.

“You really think that?”

You gave a small shrug.

“I know that.”

“No.” He shook his head. “You think that.”

“Well, yes. Because it’s happened before.”

Noah stared at you for a long moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was softer.

“…People have done that?”

You let out a humourless laugh.

“You’d be surprised what people find funny after a few drinks.”

He felt something unpleasant in his chest, not guilt, not pity, but anger. Not towards you, but to every guy who’d treated you this way before, everyone who used you for their entertainment.

It suddenly made perfect sense why you’d sighed the second he’d approached, why you didn’t even look at him, why you didn’t even entertain the possibility that he was being genuine.

“So…” You swirled the ice around in your glass. “How long do we have before the big reveal? Before they turn around and you laugh and go gotcha!”

“There isn’t one.”

“Mhm.”

“No, I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck.

This was new. Normally, by now, he’d have someone laughing at one of his stupid jokes. Normally, flirting came easily and women believed him when he complimented them and they would already be blushing and giggling.

You, on the other hand, didn’t believe a single word coming out of his mouth.

“So…” he said slowly, “…what, I’m just wasting my own time then?”

You looked at him.

“What?”

“If I wanted to play some stupid prank…” He gestured around the club. “…why would I still be standing here arguing with you?”

You frowned.

“Maybe you’re just committed?”

He let out a disbelieving laugh.

“You’ve got an answer for everything, don’t you?”

“I’ve had practice.” You shrugged.

Noah looked at you for a second before pulling the empty stool beside him out a little further and sitting down.

He was making sure you realised he wasn’t leaving.

“You don’t have to commit this hard, you know.” You said.

“I know,” he said before looking at you with a smirk, “I’m just stubborn.”

That earned him the tiniest twitch at the corner of your mouth, and Noah’s face lit up when he caught it.

“I saw that.” He smiled.

“Saw what?”

“You nearly smiled.”

“No I didn’t.”

“C’mon. You can’t lie to me, baby.”

Oh.

That one simple word went straight to your tummy, making you feel warm and fluttery. You felt heat rush to your cheeks too, and god you hated that he saw it.

“Heh,” his smirk widened, “Made you blush.” He teased, and you couldn’t help the smile that crept onto your lips as you shook your head.

“Shut up.” You tried to hide your smile behind your straw as you took another sip of your drink.

“So… does the prettiest lady at the bar have a name?”

You rolled your eyes, not even trying to hide the smile now as you felt your walls you’ve built over the years slowly start to come down for him, and you told him.

A pillow laid beneath your cushions your stomach, but you still feel the bulge of his cock each time he presses himself deeper. Holding his position, his hands grip your hips, the pressure of his fingers easily leaving behind bruises as he remains buried to the hilt and begins grinding his hips.

Noah doesn’t hold back, not even for a second. Desperate whimpers and pitiful grunts spill past his lips and against your ear before he’s burying his face against the side of your neck.

“God, do you feel that?”

It’s rhetorical, but you do. You feel everything in this position. The way his thighs keep yours pressed together makes everything squeeze around him tighter as he moves, your walls clenching with each delicious drag of his cock.

You acknowledge him with a hum, barely audible, mostly for the sake of the microphone that’s been strategically placed to catch all of his sounds.

“Can you feel what you’re doing to me?” He rasps. “Oh, fuck—fuck, fuck.”

His breath catches, and he trembles against you, stilling himself as though trying to pull himself back from the edge of something he knows he won’t be able to come back from, but that’s why you’re here, why you offered to take the place of the usual toys he uses, to give him something more authentic.

Peering ahead of you, you catch the faint red light of the camera across the room, set up to provide a paid live feed. In the moment, it was easy to forget that there could be anyone watching, an idea that sends a swirl of heat through your stomach.

Clenching around him, he gasps, his voice breaking into a plea. “Oh, no… wait, please. You can’t do that to me…”

If there’s any way to make out your features on the livestream in the dim light of the room, you’re certain they’d catch your smirk in response—the devilish gleam of someone up to no good.

You do it again, because you can and you will.

You’ve heard these moans a hundred times, had them blaring in your ears on nights when you struggled to sleep or needed something to help take the edge off. You’ve came to them more times than you’d ever admit, but there’s something even more thrilling about being the cause of them.

The feeling crawls up your spine, tickling at the base of your skull and spreading through you as you rock your hips the best you can beneath him, attempting to draw another reaction from him.

“Oh, fuck… just like that… God, if you keep doing that, I’m gonna—” He breaks off into another moan.

This time, you can feel the effect it has on him, the way his body trembles against yours, his fingers gripping you tightly as he attempts to hold on to the last ounce of composure. Eventually, the final thread snaps, and he comes undone completely.

Even then, he doesn’t stop. He continues grinding his hips down against you, eyes rolled back, heavy, breathless sounds spilling from his lips, his voice barely audible.

“I can’t… I can’t stop…” He pants the words, chasing the same sensation he had been moments before, burying his face against the back of your neck as he whines.

You turned your head to look at the man sleeping beside you. It was just light enough to make up the features of his face. His profile was one you could have recognized anywhere. The gentle slope of his nose, the soft curve of his lips, the dark strands of hair falling carelessly across his forehead - every detail felt familiar. Even in sleep, there was something achingly beautiful about him. The fading light caught the sharp line of his jaw and the ink winding up his neck, softening them into something almost tender. You studied him for a while, thinking he looked almost younger than his thirty years when he slept. Something in your chest tightened at the sight of him. 

”I can feel you staring at me,” he says suddenly, making you jump a little. 

”Jesus! I thought you were sleeping.” 

He opens one eye, tilting his head slightly more in your direction. 

”You should be sleeping.” 

”I know,” you sigh, ”I’ve been trying forever.” 

”Is there something in particular that’s keeping you up? Wanna talk about it?” he asks, propping himself up on his elbows. 

”Just… I feel so restless. I’m so close to falling asleep and then something pops into my head and I’m wide awake again. My head just won’t shut up.” You run a hand down your face, sighing deeply. 

Noah turns slightly so he’s facing you, his upper body raised slightly by an elbow pressed into the mattress, cheek nestled in his palm. A mischievous look spreads across his face.

”We can’t have that now, can we?” he murmurs. You know it’s not a question. ”I can think of a way to help you out, you know…Do you feel like A or B?” 

Your tired brain doesn’t understand him at first, even though he used your code. 

”I - what?” 

Noah chuckles under his breath. ”Tell me baby…” He reaches out, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. ”Pretty baby… will it be A or B? Let me help you sleep.” 

For a moment you just stare at him, then the penny drops. He was simultaneously asking for your permission, and letting you make a choice. This was your code. If you choose A, he’ll make love to you. If you choose B however; he’s going to rail you into the mattress. 

”Oh…Oh!”  

He smiles at you. ”There she is.” 

”B… Please.” 

A grin creeps onto his lips, his eyes darkening. ”Oh my sweet, sweet darling.” He lurches forward, caging you underneath him. His lips crashing onto yours with a fever, like he’d been thinking about this for hours, like he’s dying of thirst and you’re a glass of water. One of your hands nestles in his hair, pulling on it slightly, and he rewards you with a soft moan. Your other hand gripping a broad shoulder, feeling his muscles move underneath his smooth skin. 

He deepens the kiss until your teeth clash painfully together, but neither of you care enough to stop. He bites down on your lower lip, making you whimper. Noah works his way from your lips to that spot on your neck. He trails feather light, open mouth kisses along your jaw down to your neck. His teeth lightly graze the sensitive spot underneath your ear, making you draw a sharp breath. Moving down to your collarbone he leaves a damp trail on your skin. He leans back a little, blowing cool air over your sensitive skin. You feel like you’re going to combust. You let out a whiny ”please…” and his eyes shot up to you, your eyes already glazed over. 

”Oh poor baby…” he coos, ”I know, I know…”

One of his large hands slips under your t-shirt and bushes the underside of your breast, the light touch sending heat right down to where you need him the most. You involuntarily buck your hips up against him. ”Patience my dear, patience.” he whispers into the crook of your neck as his fingers reach your nipple. Taking the bud between his thumb and pointer finger he starts slowly pinching, tugging and rolling it.

He’s taking his time, and you can feel the damp patch on your underwear getting larger. You need him so badly, and he knows it. But he wants to take his time with you before giving you what you need. He revels in your glazed over eyes, your shallow breathing and the way your hips desperately grind on him. 

”Lift your arms up for me darling.” 

You obey. In one fluid motion he peels your T-shirt off, discarding it on the floor. You lay beneath him in only your underwear, hair already a mess on the pillow beneath you. 

”You’re so pretty.” 

You blush. ”So are you.”

He chuckles softly as his mouth places kisses all over your chest, biting and licking your skin. His lips closes around your hard bud, tongue swirling. You clench around nothing. You felt a large hand rubbing your stomach, making its way down to where you so desperately need him. 

”Oh baby… look at how wet you are. You’re soaking through.” His fingers dips down the waistband of your panties, two long fingers running through your wet folds. He leans forward, placing a small kiss on your earlobe. ”You’re soaking my fingers and I haven’t even made you cum yet.” he whispers as he starts rubbing circles on your clit. Your breath hitches at the contact. He’s going slowly, so slowly. You thrust your hips forward again, desperate for more friction. He pulls his hand away and tsks at you. 

”Beg for it.” You won’t pretend that you don’t know it’s an order. Normally you might challenge him, but you can practically feel yourself dripping down on the mattress. 

”Please… I need you to- please.” 

”You need me to…what?” 

”Pleaseee.” you whine, eyes fluttering. 

”My poor, needy girl. I’ve barely touched you and you’ve already lost the ability to form a coherent sentence.” He reaches for your jaw, squishing your cheeks together. ”What do you need?” 

You’re already having a hard time getting your words out, and Noah’s grip on your jaw and cheeks isn’t making things easier. ”I want you - I need… please…”

His other hand finds its way to the waistband of your underwear, hooking a long finger underneath, ready to pull them off. 

His grip on your jaw tightens a little. ”Tell me exactly what you need, sweetheart.” 

”I need you to touch- I need-” you take a breath to steady yourself, ”Please Noah I need you to touch me!” 

He instantly rips your underwear off. Two long fingers running up and down your slick folds before he eases them into you. The stretch feels immaculate, a low moan leaving your lips. 

”Look at that!” he says as he begins to pump his fingers into you. ”You had the words all along. Good girl.” 

Two fingers become three as he adds his thumb on your clit, rubbing circles on it. Noah curls his fingers to find that perfect, delicious spot. He does. You let out an almost pornographic noise as you arch your back against him. You can feel the heat building up in your lower belly as you reach down to pinch your own nipple. 

You feel your walls fluttering, how the tight coil is about to snap. And just when your orgasm is on the verge of washing over you, Noah pulls his fingers out of you. You make a disgruntled sound. He chuckles. 

”Why did- I was- please Noah I was so close!” 

You meet his eyes, and in the dim light you can see his pupils blown wide - almost making his eyes black. 

”I know, baby. I know,” he says, his voice dripping in fake pity. 

He shifts his weight back, sitting on his knees between your legs. He towers over you. You lift yourself up to reach for him, to reach for his arms. You try to pull him back, to pull his hands and fingers back to where you need him. You feel a tear running down your face in pure frustration. 

”My poor baby. You look so pathetic right now…” He smirks down at you. ”I bet you’d do anything for me to touch you again.” 

You’d be embarrassed if you weren’t so desperate. 

”Yes,” you breathe. 

He leans over you, making you tilt your head back to look at him. 

He lifts a finger to tap at your jaw. ”Open.” It’s an order, not a suggestion. You do as he says and open your mouth. Looking up at him, neither of you break eye contact as he spits in your mouth, some of it landing on the corner of your mouth. You swallow his saliva and then stick your tongue to gather every last drop. 

”Say thank you.” 

”Thank you.”

”My good girl,” he coos. ”Good girls get rewarded.” 

His thumb brushes your lower lip, prying your mouth open. He puts his fingers in your mouth. You feel the pads of his fingertips press down on the back of your tongue, making you gag slightly. You close your lips around his fingers, hollowing your cheeks. You can taste yourself on him. He groans. 

“What a good girl. Cleaning up your mess. See how wet you got for me, baby?” 

You look up at him through your eyelashes and he huffs, own jaw dropping a little. He pulls his fingers from you, pushing you down on your back. He trails kisses from your jaw, to your neck, down to your collarbone. He spends some extra time kissing and biting the soft flesh of your breasts before making his way down your stomach, kissing and licking your soft skin. 

He dips down between your legs, laying down on his stomach and lifting one of your legs over his shoulder. You squirm. Noah places a kiss on the inside of your thigh, continuing down to your knee. You know what he’s doing, and it’s driving you crazy. Noah loves the way you’re writhing beneath him, eyes filling with tears of frustration. He loves watching your brain turn off in real time.

 ”Noah… Noah, please.” 

He looks up at you from between your legs, a devilish grin on his lips. 

”Oh my goodness, ” he teases, ”Look at you. So needy. So desperate. Begging for me.”

 He leans down, placing a chaste kiss right above your bundle of nerves. Your whole body jerks at the soft touch. 

”You want me to touch you?” 

You nod your head frantically. 

”Yeah? You want me to eat this pretty pussy?” 

He’s teasing your entrance with a long finger, just barely inserting it. It makes you clench around what little he’s giving you. He chuckles. 

”You need to use your words, baby. How am I supposed to know what you want if you don’t tell me?” 

He’s pushing your limits. You’re so desperate for him that your brain is short circuiting. ”I- I can’t… I- fuck Noah, please I… I need to cum. Please.” 

The next second he’s once again pushing two fingers into you, curling them just right. He licks a broad stripe from your entrance to your clit. One of your hands finds its way to his hair, the other grips the sheet under you. 

He takes his time, placing soft kisses on your clit. His tongue swirls around it, over it. You inhale sharply as he lightly bites down, your fingers pulling harder at his hair. Noah speeds up, lapping at your folds like it’s the only thing keeping him alive. At the same time he sets a punishing pace with his fingers, repeatedly hitting that perfect spot as his fingers curl inside of you. He puts his lips around your clit, sucking on it. 

It crashes over you as sudden as lightning strikes. Your whole body convulses, your vision blurring. You gasp his name in prayer as you squeeze around his fingers. Your thighs squeezing his head, but he doesn’t pull away. You try to push his head away, the overstimulation of him continuing to suck, lick and kiss you at the same time as he keeps thrusting his fingers in and out of you almost becoming unbearable. 

It’s no use however, he’s much stronger than you. He murmurs ”You’ve done when I’m done.” against your pulsating core. Your head snaps back, eyes rolling back in their sockets. Your blood feels like it’s on fire, every nerve ending in your body electrified. 

”Noah… Noah - please I can’t…” you whine, squeezing his head so hard between your thighs that you’re afraid of hurting him.

He pulls his face away from you, still pumping his fingers. His lips, chin and cheeks are glistening with your arousal. The sight makes you blush. 

“Oh baby… you’ve got one more in you for me, yeah?” 

You shake your head. He tut-tuts. 

“You do if I say you do.” His voice drops slightly, and with it the mood in the room shifts. 

Noah leans forward, adding a third finger, and whispers against your ear. “And god have mercy on you if you dare cum without my permission.” You nod, biting your lower lip. 

The sensation is overwhelming. You’re so sensitive and every flick of his wrist is sending your body into a frenzy. He knows your body so well, and he knows just the pace to pull you towards the edge. You close your eyes. ”Please…” you whine. 

”Not yet, angel. Not yet.” 

You writhe beneath him, wanting nothing else than to be allowed to cum. Noah snakes his other hand down your body, using his thumb to rub fast circles on your clit. His mouth is attached to your neck, your jaw, leaving tiny red bite marks behind. 

”Noah… I’m- I can’t. You need to let me… oh my god!” He redoubles his efforts, just to torture you a bit more. 

”Do you think you deserve it?” he mumbles against your neck. 

”Please. I’ve been good! I- so good. I need… I need it so bad. Noah I-” you’re blabbering under him, not able to even form a thought. 

”You have,” he sighs. ”Always my good girl. Go ahead then.”

And with his permission you come undone. A broken cry tears from your throat. Pulsing against his fingers, waves of pleasure tearing through you. Noah pulls his fingers out of you, popping them in his own mouth. He groans as he tastes you. Watching him through hazy eyes, you give him a small smile. 

”You did so good for me baby, so good.” He gently cups your cheeks, kissing your forehead. You slightly shift your leg; and that’s when you feel it. He’s still in his boxers, but you can feel his rock hard cock through the fabric. He hisses as your knee brushes against it. You extend a hand, reaching for him. He takes a hold around your wrist, stopping you.

”No baby, I’m fine. This was all about you.” he says it so sincerely. You know that he’s perfectly content to cuddle you for a moment before disappearing to the bathroom and sorting himself out. You don’t want that though. 

”What if I’m not satisfied yet?” 

His whole body stiffens, head snapping up to look at you. ”You’re not satisfied?” You shake your head. 

”You couldn’t form a sentence a minute ago.” 

”I can now.” 

His gaze is fixed on you, eyes darkening. He once again grabs your face, squishing your cheeks together. 

”You’ll regret saying that, my love.” 

He flips you over so you’re laying on your stomach like you weigh nothing. His large hands grab a hold of your hips, pulling your ass towards himself. You wince when his open palm makes contact with your asscheek. 

You can feel him shifting behind you. He then  unceremoniously pushes himself forward until he’s buried to the hilt inside of you. Noah doesn’t let you get used to the way he stretches you, setting an unrelenting pace from the get go. You all but scream into the pillow as he thrusts in and out of you. 

You rock your hips back against him, trying your best to match his pace. You can’t. He chuckles at your attempt and whispers “absolutely pathetic” as his hand finds its way to nestle in your hair. He tugs at your roots as he pushes your face into the pillow. The way he completely fills you is making your head spin. 

Noah uses his grip on your hair to pull you upright, your back pressed against his chest. He hooks one arm around your neck, putting you in a headlock. With his other hand he starts rubbing circles over your clit. The feeling of him thrusting up into you while he’s playing with your bundle of nerves as he’s putting slight pressure on your neck makes you cry out in pleasure. 

“You feel so good. So wet. So warm.” Noah grunts, placing a kiss behind your ear. “This pussy was made for me, huh?” 

“Y-yes.” You’re choking on your words, sight starting to blur from the tears gathering in your eyes. His breath on your neck grows more ragged, a guttural groan leaving his throat as you decide to clamp your walls tight around him. 

”Fuck baby you can’t just… Oh shi- you’re squeezing me so fucking tight.” 

He pulls out of you, flipping you so you’re facing him, laying you down on the mattress. He lowers himself over you, lining himself up and thrusting forward. He puts one hand under your knee, pushing your leg up, opening you up. The new angle allows him to thrust even deeper into you. You could swear he’s actually rearranging your guts. Your eyes roll back, mouth falling open as you pant his name. Tears roll down your face from the intensity of the pleasure he’s giving you. 

”Thats it baby.” He’s panting too. ”I want to see you crumble for me. I want to see you completely destroyed.” He leans down over you, placing a hungry kiss on your open mouth. ”I love how you fall apart for me.” 

You can’t answer him. Your words have completely failed you. All you can do is look at him, mouth hanging open. His mouth finds yours as his hips speeds up. Your hands find his broad shoulders, travelling down his back. You pull at his bottom lip with your teeth, spurring him on. Your nails dig into the skin of his back, and you know it’s gonna leave a mark or two. Noah pulls his mouth off of yours, a string of saliva still connecting you. You try to catch it with your tongue. 

“Oh my filthy, filthy girl. Open up then, I’ll give you what you want.” 

You open your mouth wider and he spits. You swallow it and mumble a small ”thanks”.

In a swift motion Noah rolls over, pulling you with him. He’s seated on the bed, back resting against the headboard. You’re in his lap, straddling him. You’re so tired, so fucked out of your mind. But the look on his face when he mutters the simple instruction of ”ride” makes it clear that there’s no use in fighting him. Your thighs tremble and your chest is heaving as you take his thick cock in your hand, lining him up at your entrance and lowering yourself down on him. 

You take a sharp breath, the way he fills you in this angle is absolutely overwhelming. You place your hands on his broad shoulders, needing to hold onto something. You feel like you’re going to collapse. His sweaty skin acts as your anchor to reality as Noah grabs ahold of your hips, helping you find a rhythm. 

As you grind down on him, he hits that sweet spot inside of you. You’re almost seeing stars when a large hand travels down to where you’re connected. You cry out as Noah starts rubbing circles on your clit. He’s watching your face contort, feeling the way your whole body is shaking. 

“You feel that?” he asks. “I’m so deep in you baby. Taking me so well.”  

You can only nod your head. 

“My perfect girl… Bouncing herself dumb on my lap. I bet you can’t even think straight.” 

He uses his other hand to slap your ass, once, twice, three times. Each time is a little harder than the one before. It leaves a delicious sting behind. 

“Noah I’m so… I’m so close. Please,” you beg. 

“Cum for me angel. I want to feel you fall apart on my cock.” 

He picks up his pace, vigorously rubbing circles on your bundle of nerves. And that does it for you. Your whole body snaps forward, pulsating and twitching. You fall into Noah’s arms and he holds you closer as his own end washes over him. You can feel him twitching inside of you, hot ropes of cum painting your insides. 

For a moment you just sit there, both of your chests heaving. Noah rubs your back with one hand, moving it slowly up and down, while the other threads gently through your hair. He presses a gentle kiss on your forehead, holding you closely until your breathing evens out. You melt into him, cheek pressed to this damp chest, head tucked under his chin. 

”You okay?” Noah asks, placing another kiss on the top of your head. 

”Yeah,” you whisper. ”Just tired.” 

He sits with you in his lap a while longer, continuously rubbing your back, petting your hair, kissing your forehead. You can feel your body getting heavier, eyelids dropping.

”Baby?” 

”Hmm?” 

”As much as I’d love to hold you like this all night, we need to get you cleaned up.”

You make a disgruntled noise, but allow him to gently scoop you up and lay you down on the bed. He kisses your cheek, your forehead, your nose, the corner of your mouth. You giggle. 

”I’m gonna go get a towel, alright?” he says, standing up, turning on a table light on the dresser on his way to the bathroom. You gasp.

The tattoo he’s spent so long finishing spanned his entire back, a traditional depiction of Jesus, crowned with thorns and gazing heavenward. The skin beneath it was now littered with small, angry scratch marks, each one bright red against the ink. Small droops of blood distorting the image until it looked as if Christ himself were bleeding from his eyes.

”Oh my god Noah!” 

”Huh?” 

”Your back!” You could feel your cheeks turning red. ”I’ve made Jesus cry!” 

He stops in front of the full length mirror with his back against it, turning his head to see for himself. A dark smile spread across his face as he looked at the red marks and the tiny drops of blood scattered across the tattoo. There was pride in his eyes. He had earned every mark carved into his skin. 

”Well…” he says, looking back at you. ”He did die for our sins. And what we just did…” He sweeps a hand towards the bed as if referring to everything that had happened there. ”Was definitely sinful.” 

And with that he left the room, leaving you with your jaw hanging open. Noah made quick work of cleaning himself up in the bathroom before picking out the softest towel from the cupboard. He turns the tap on, testing the temperature against his hand before wetting the towel and wringing it out.

By the time he returns to your shared bedroom, you’re already asleep. Laying sprawled across the bed, your hair tousled across the pillow. For a moment, he simply stands there, watching you, feeling that familiar ache in his chest.

He gently sits down beside you. Carefully, he cleans the mess between your thighs, his touch light enough not to wake you. When he’s finished, he brushes a few strands of hair from your face and presses a soft kiss to your hairline.

“Sleep well, sweetheart.” 

---

Author's Note: I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, but sometimes my anxiety/mental health gets so bad that I can't even sleep in my own bed. That's what inspired this and I hope you enjoy! I've been on and off writing fanfiction for a decade now, but it's been awhile, so forgive me for how rambley and short this is. Also, the title kind of reads like a 2000s metalcore song title, so ignore that.

· · · ─ · ✶ · ─ · · ·

The light from the digital alarm clock shined directly into your eyes as you squinted to look at the numbers.

It felt like it was taunting you, sitting high on it's place on the nightstand as a witness to your restlessness.

You watched the numbers change for what felt like the hundredth time tonight and sighed.

It was now 2:52 a.m. and you were still wide awake.

You had tried everything.

You tossed and turned, hoping you just hadn't found a comfortable position yet. You flipped your pillow around so it was cold. You even tried some calming breathing exercise your high school gym teacher had taught you, which for some reason you remembered after all these years.

Nothing was working.

Another thing that definitely wasn't helping with your growing frustration was the fact that your boyfriend—Noah—was fast asleep behind you, his arm draped over your middle and his breath tickling your neck with every little snore.

Him being out cold wasn't too shocking, considering he had just returned from Bad Omens' latest European tour a few hours prior. Between being fatigued from jetlag and preforming, he was dead to the world for the next few days—and he deserved that rest.

It didn't make you any less envious though.

Despite his tiredness, you two still did your post-tour routine of getting takeout, properly catching up after not seeing each other in a few weeks, and cuddling on the couch while a movie played quietly on the TV in the background—at least until poor Noah could barely keep his eyes open.

That's how you ended up here, your boyfriend next to you in bed—basically comatose—and you about ready to break your alarm clock.

You didn't mean to, but during your dinner conversation earlier, where Noah told you everything that happened while he was away, you left out some details when it was your turn to do that same.

You conveniently didn't mention the fact that your anxiety had been particularly bad the past couple of weeks, not wanting to worry him after he just got home.

There wasn't much he could do even if you told him. There wasn't a reason or a quick fix. It was just there. Lingering dread that sometimes became overwhelming out of nowhere, leaving you feeling feverish and like a heavy weight was sitting on your chest that made breathing hard.

And no, it wasn't because Noah was touring. Sure, you missed him like crazy—as would any significant other if their partner was half way across the world for a month—but you could also handle being on your own. You were an adult at the end of the day, a very neurotic one, but still.

Your mental health just seemed to fluctuate in severity as it pleased, and this time it chose to take a dip while Noah was gone. Simple as that.

You didn't tell him about the anxiety, or how it got worse in the evening, or how you spent most nights anywhere but your bed.

Sometimes you slept on the couch, either on the one in the living room or the one in Noah's studio, usually opting for the one in the studio because being in his space made you feel just a little bit better. Other nights, the tiled kitchen floor or the carpeted hallway outside your shared bedroom seemed appealing.

It was a quirky habit that your boyfriend was well aware of, and he would often join you in your weird sleeping spots when he caught you doing it. That's exactly why you were not waking and seeking comfort from him right now. He needed actual rest, in an actual bed, not in whatever uncomfortable place you needed to sleep in to quiet your spiraling thoughts.

As much as you wanted to be close to Noah, you needed rest too, and you wouldn't be getting any if you stayed on this mattress.

Carefully, you lifted his arm up and off you by his wrist without causing him to stir. You then, ever so slowly, grabbed your pillow and the throw blanket you had been using, before sliding onto the floor, making a sad little makeshift bed on the rug. Still close to Noah, but now in a spot where you maybe would be able to finally doze off.

The rug was colder than the bed and your hip dug a little uncomfortably into the floor, but this was exactly what you needed because even after just a few minutes you could feel that familiar floating sensation that comes right before you fall into a dream.

Unfortunately, just as you were about to tip over the edge into sleep, a barely audible mumble woke you right back up.

"Baby...?" Noah's tired sounding voice called for you.

You could hear him run his hand over the sheets in search of you. When he didn't find what he was looking for, he said your name, clearly a bit more alert now.

"Down here," you reply.

There was some shuffling and the creaking of mattress springs before Noah's head popped over the edge, looking down at you.

You suppressed a laugh. He looked like a mess, but oh so cute.

It was dark in your room, but your vision had adjusted somewhat in the time you've been awake, so you could see his heavy lidded eyes, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his hair sticking up in different places, all of his features were illuminated by the blue light of your alarm clock.

"Why are you on the floor—" his question was interrupted by a yawn. "Did I push you off in my sleep? Oh, baby, I'm sorry. We really should look into getting a King bed—"

"Noah, you're fine. I'm on the floor by choice." He gave you a even more confused look. "Anxiety, babe." That seemed to answer his question as he mouthed an 'oh'.

He then disappeared and you figured he was going back to sleep, but a few seconds later the mattress creaked again and the soft padding of footsteps on hardwood could be heard.

"Scoot."

You looked up. Your boyfriend now stood next to you, towering over your spot on the floor, holding his pillow.

"What? No, Noah—"

"Scoot over."

You hesitated, but did as he asked with a huff, moving so you were almost partially under the bed.

Noah wasted no time, carelessly throwing his pillow next to yours and laying down. You offered him part of the throw blanket, but it did little to cover his long limbs.

"Noah, seriously, get back in the bed," you urged him, speaking through your teeth, trying to be stern.

He just grinned at you. "Nope," he said, popping the 'p' for emphasis—and to annoy you.

"Babe, your back is going to hurt by morning—"

"Don't care," he interrupted smuggly as he wrapped his arms around you before continuing, "I've been away from you for five weeks—five whole weeks, babe. I'm not spending my first night home in bed by myself."

"You're ridiculous, you know that?"

"And you needing to sleep on the floor isn't also a little ridiculous?" He was teasing, he knew why you did it, but even you had admitted before it was kind of a silly thing to do.

You groaned at that, burying your face into his tattooed chest. "Yeah, okay, whatever. Got me there."

He sighed contently, pulling you even closer and swinging one of his legs over your hip.

You both stayed quiet for a few minutes before Noah broke the silence, a bit more serious now.

"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling off earlier tonight?" he asked softly while running the tips of his fingers up and down your spine.

You shrugged in his grasp. "You just got home, you were tired, you were expressing your own anxiety about being away. You didn't need my nonsense on top of that."

He shut that thought down real quick. "Baby, your mental health isn't 'nonsense'," he corrected you, giving you a look. "I want to help you whenever I can, even if that 'help' is just me laying on the floor with you."

"I know, but now you're probably going to get a bad night's rest—"

"And that's okay. You need me—you've needed me—and I wasn't here, but I'm here now."

You smile at him, his barely open eyes meeting yours. You leaned in and kiss him briefly on his soft lips before pulling away. "You're the best boyfriend."

"Hm, I am? Well you can tell me all about that in the morning, but right now we both need sleep. So sleep, I've got you," he said before yawning again as he fought to stay awake.

"Okay, okay. Goodnight, Noah." You give him another quick peck on the corner of his mouth before snuggling closer to him—if that were even possible.

At that, you finally started drifting off after struggling to do so all night, the last thing you heard being a quiet 'night' coming from Noah as he tucked your head under his chin, keeping you close as you two fell asleep, both of you ignoring the fact that you would be waking up sore.

· · · ─ · ✶ · ─ · · ·

“The more you spend, the better I make you feel, princess.” Noah said softly, his voice so warm and full of affection.

You were lying on his bed, his laptop open beside you, scrolling through different online stores with shaky hands. Since you were still struggling to accept this arrangement even weeks after agreeing to it, Noah had decided today would be completely dedicated to gently training you, by rewarding you with pleasure every time you spent his money. So Noah had taken his place between your thighs, looking up at you with dark, patient eyes while his thumb lazily circled your clit, almost teasingly.

You whimpered, barely able to focus on the laptop screen as you hovered over the purchase button.

Noah noticed how hesitant you were being again, so he pressed a gentle kiss right above your clit.

“Cartier earrings?” He observed, “Get them, and the matching necklace too. They’ll look so pretty on you, baby.”

The moment you added them to the cart, Noah groaned in approval and buried his face in you again. His nose nudged at your clit while his tongue teased your hole, earning the prettiest noises from you.

“Keep going.” Noah said, his voice muffled, “Want you to buy at least five more things before you can cum.”

You nodded your head, and your fingers trembled as you clicked on a pair of Louboutins. The second you added them to your cart, Noah gently sucked your clit into his mouth, before releasing it with a wet pop.

“Good girl,” he praised, his voice warm and full of pride, “That’s exactly what I like to see.”

He rewarded you by dragging his tongue slowly up your pussy, then sucking your clit between his lips again with the most perfect pressure that made your head spin. You tried to stay focused on the screen, but it was getting harder. Every slow lick, every soft suck, it made your thighs tremble around his head.

“Add more, baby,” Noah pulled back just enough to speak, his breath hot against your sensitive skin, “Don’t overthink it. Anything pretty, anything you want.”

You added a $10,000 dress to the cart without thinking twice this time, and Noah let out a low, pleased hum and pushed his tongue inside you this time, fucking you with it in slow deep strokes while the tip of his nose rubbed gently against your clit.

Even Noah himself could not believe it. 

He swore he had rehearsed his speech countless times before the wedding day– even going an extra mile when Nick one day delivered the news to him that you were indeed coming. 

An hour ago, he had been in the holding room, doing his pre-show breathing exercises like he was about to headline a sold-out Madison Square Garden. 

Noah had tried to compose himself so his nerves would not get the best of him before he stood with his Notes app in front of Nick and Nadine’s 200 guests. And when he finally did, he had tried to focus like a horse with blinders, not allowing your presence to distract him and make him go off-script.

But the poor guy had been trying too hard, failing to anticipate that his metaphorical horse blinders would direct his focus to no one— no one but you.

You in that dress, sitting with the guys like the old times, looking so calm and composed as if unbothered by the imposing frame of your former lover in your line of sight. Noah would’ve believed it if not for your slightly pursed lips and the absentminded fiddling of your fingers with the stem of your wine glass.

After all this time, your ex-boyfriend could still easily read you as if you still both lived on the same roof– as if he had spent the past two years memorizing your body language like it was part of his tour setlist. 

It was also that same recognition that had made Noah break out in a cold sweat, his thoughts going haywire.

You had been sitting there, clearly uncomfortable. And he hated every second of it.

And yet, he had still let his mouth run wild like an unsupervised kid in a furniture shop.

He had so many things to apologize for, anyway; what’s another one, right? 

So, here he was, muttering curses on his way back to the reception hall after excusing himself to the men’s room, hoping to save the last bit of dignity he had left for ending his best man's speech the worst way possible. 

‘I wish I still had for myself.’

Those words might sound ordinary to people who did not know a thing about him and his relationship history, but to the two tables of heavily tattooed men in suits and ties whom he unfortunately called his friends, it was the plot twist of the night no one had seen coming. 

While he had instantly felt a knot in his stomach as each word tumbled out of his lips, the guys in their seats had looked like characters in a sitcom, wincing simultaneously for him as if they were watching a WWE match. 

Noah swore he had never experienced regret in 4K resolution before. 

“Fucking idiot,” he scoffed, willing himself not to cringe anymore and just leave the castigating job to his beloved friends. He walked towards them on autopilot mode, his jaw ticked, and eyebrows scrunched while his fingers tugged on the shirt collar that had been annoyingly clinging to his neck the whole day. 

“There’s the man of the hour!”

Approaching the two adjacent round tables where his friends sat, Noah’s broad shoulders immediately stiffened as if bracing himself for impact when Jesse perked up, making the others turn their heads his way upon the older guy’s acknowledgment. 

And as expected, everyone, except for some of the guys’ dates, was throwing him an identical shit-eating grin that he was only used to seeing on the face of his band’s drummer.

He only groaned in response, not even making an effort to plead in a losing fight.

Noah subtly glanced towards your seat, somehow relieved to see you were not back yet. For one, he did not want you to witness the impending suffering he was about to be subjected to at the hands of his ever dearest friends. 

Although a part of him wished you were, since the boys loved you more than him that he was sure none of them would make fun of the situation if you were around.

“Great speech, man.” Jesse greeted him with a toothy smile, mockingly raising his glass of wine in his direction. “You didn’t tell us you were trying to scare your ex away tonight.”

Everyone else in both tables burst out laughing. Folio, Jolly, and even your best friend Natalie snorted louder than usual. 

“Just… shut up, you jerks,” Noah grumbled, feeling warmth creep up his cheeks as he sent Jesse a death glare. Trying to hide his reddening face from the others, he moved towards the next table of hyenas that were softly cackling at his misery. 

Yeah, he deserved that.

“Congrats, man,” Davis piled on, holding back his laugh while wiggling his brows at his friend who slumped down on his designated seat. “Here we were thinking Nick was making her uncomfortable.”

“I was not!” Folio immediately protested. 

“Told ya, we should’ve just bet instead on how soon he can make his ex disappear,” Jolly chimed in on the other side, trying to keep a straight face.

Noah could only roll his eyes and flip his friends off. He had known them almost all his life; he knew there was no stopping these menaces any time soon.

He’d be extremely lucky if this died down in a week.

As his stern gaze swept over his friends who were laughing among themselves, his eyes discreetly moved towards the empty spot next to him, briefly fixating on your glass of water, where a faint stain of your red lipstick decorated its rim. 

Memories of you wiping red stains off his lips made him smile in his seat. It had always happened before– from when he had sipped from your glass or when you had given him a peck on his puckered lips– and you had always used your thumb to remove them, which Noah would playfully bite with his front teeth.

‘Stop biting me, you giant bunny,’ you had scolded him playfully one time, swatting his chest. 

Amused at the new nickname, he had snickered, raising a brow at you.

‘Do you know what bunnies do, babe?’ He had smirked as one of his hands gently squeezed your waist while your eyebrows had scrunched up, trying to figure out what he was talking about.

Noah laughed under his breath with the memory of how your face turned beet red upon the realization of what he was insinuating. He bit his lip, trying to hide his smile as he reminisced about the way he had purposely riled you up at one of his Halloween birthday parties where he put on a pair of bunny ears while mockingly batting his eyelashes at you… And on the same night you had thought of getting back at him by wearing those ears in the middle of sex, pulling them from under your pillow… Noah swore he had never acted so uncharacteristically feral in bed his whole life.

“So, what now? No one won the bet?” Folio’s loud mouth pulled him back to reality. “Since our guy here blew it all off before he even had the chance to talk to her.”

Wheezing in his seat, the younger Nick earned a glare from Noah, while the rest of the guys across tables chitchatted animatedly about the bet Folio and Davis had initiated earlier. It was to see ‘how long Noah Sebastian could stay away from his ex-girlfriend, who’s looking hot and beautiful, as confirmed by the way Noah Sebastian could not stop himself from staring.’

Much to the frontman’s horror, bets ranging from $20 to $50 were placed in favor of the following wedding segments: (1) right at the end of the ceremony, (2) until cocktail hour, (3) by dinner time, and (4) during the couple’s first dance, where three of his friends were sure ‘he’d be asking her to dance with him’.

While Noah could feel his face flush even harder, he also found himself fighting off a tiny smirk forming on his lips. 

Because if they only knew, no one would win that stupid bet if only Noah Sebastian were brave enough to make a move.

Because unbeknownst to the rest of the guys, he had been wanting to approach you even before the ceremony started— when you waltzed into the venue in that elegant backless dress, taking his breath away as if he had time-travelled to 11 years ago when he had frozen in place upon seeing your pretty smile for the very first time at the old coffee shop in Richmond. His hands might have gone cold when he had laid his eyes on you earlier, but he had been itching to stay near when you looked all shy and cute, carefully approaching the guys as if you were not Bad Omens’ number one supporter since 2014. Noah had seen the way you hugged each of them with a smile so wide that it had not only reached your eyes but had also brought back a familiar swarm of butterflies to the tattooed stomach of the 6’3 best man standing just a few feet away. 

And god, were his friends right. 

You looked so beautiful that he could not keep his eyes off you, afraid that someone else might swoop in (again) before he could even muster the courage to utter a simple ‘hi’ your way.

While you had mingled with everyone, Noah had been observing in the corner like a vulture. And he had tried his best not to pounce on a couple of men whom he had seen shamelessly checking you out in that dress that he swore was going to be the death of him any minute from now.

To top it off, his anxiety had spiked right up when Nicholas had mentioned to him how his cousin Tyler was asking about ‘the deal of the pretty girl in blue sitting with the Bad Omens dudes’. Noah had never wanted to act fast in his life and show Tyler and the other guys that you were his deal to begin with. You were and had always been. Notwithstanding the fact that his claims no longer hold any bearing for quite some time now. 

So despite the jitters and his unpreparedness, Noah had made it a mission to talk to you tonight– not to make things weird, but to just chat like the old times, if you would allow him, and see how things would go.

Too bad for him, though, his friends were right, again. He had already pushed you out of his reach even before he could gather the nerve to approach.

“C’mon, that’s enough, you guys. Give my best man a break,” Nicholas interrupted the cacophony between the two tables, squeezing his best friend’s stiff shoulders. Noah let out a sigh of relief, mumbling a quiet ‘thanks’ to the groom who came to his rescue.

But just before Noah could take over the conversation, Nicholas, with a big smirk plastered on his face, continued, “Let’s save him that dignity he wished he still had for himself.”

“Fuck you.” Noah groaned as his friends once again collectively laughed at his misery, wondering if it were too much to ask for the ground below him to open and just swallow him whole.

But maybe… he really did deserve this torture now more than ever. 

With the things he put you through in the last one and a half years of your relationship, Noah was well aware that his friends' mocking was the least kind of punishment they could give him on your behalf.

-

It had been two years since you had packed up and left the life you had both shared for almost a decade– two long years of Noah torturing himself for letting you go, for not trying hard enough to be someone you deserved.

Two long years of him trying to move on.

And Noah believed he had tried. 

The universe was a witness to how he had put himself out there, albeit halfheartedly, but all instances ended with him sabotaging his own ass.

Three months since you broke up, he had kissed another girl he met on a random night out that Michael dragged him to. Noah could say they had hit it off pretty well. She was confident, she looked and smelled good, so he had not hesitated to reciprocate when she tiptoed and pulled his face down towards hers. But as the woman he barely knew pressed her hands against his chest while they lip-locked, Noah felt his stomach churn, finding himself longing for the feeling of your nails softly raking on his pecs, for the way it would always make his spine tingle, and for the way it had always provided him warmth and comfort every time you touched.

Seven months since he had last seen your face, he had accidentally flirted with a barista in the newly opened coffee shop near their recording studio (deja vu, right?). Noah had not realized it until the girl sat with him during her break one afternoon. She had been leaning too close for his liking as they sat by the window with their shoulders bumping occasionally. Despite this, he had found himself bantering naturally with her that he had started to get comfortable with her presence. But when she asked him to dinner on a random Friday, even Noah was equally surprised by the answer that came out of his mouth.

‘I’m sorry, but I have a girlfriend.’

Finally, almost a year since he had started self-sabotaging, Noah had gone on a blind date that Jolly arranged. It was with a friend of Jolly’s friend who had just moved to LA at that time. She was pretty, Noah had thought. She was taller than you (yes, he had to compare) and had dirty blonde hair styled in a clean, tight bun. And he couldn’t help but notice how her eyes had sparkled when she started talking about her hobbies, especially when Noah’s smile reached his eyes when they both found out their similar penchant for video games and anime. At that moment, the thought of taking her out again had crossed (and stayed in) his mind. And he was 100% certain he would when he asked for her number as he walked her to her car. He had even given her a peck on the cheek before they had parted ways. 

But at that time, the universe had other plans. 

As soon as Noah crossed the street to get to his car, he was stopped in his tracks by a familiar frame standing all alone on the brick sidewalk. Too familiar that his heart had started to pound achingly against his ribcage.

He had to squeeze his eyes shut and take a deep breath to make sure he was not hallucinating– that it really was you in the flesh standing on the same block as him after a year of just stalking your Instagram profile. You were casually leaning against a pillar right by the entrance of an Italian restaurant– the same place you used to frequent because, as you would always say, ‘their focaccia is so good’ that you’d be ‘willing to trade your boyfriend for it any day.’ He remembered snorting in response with a smug face, saying he would ‘never feel threatened by an Italian bread.’

But with the way your eyes had twinkled as you dipped a warm slice in balsamic vinegar and olive oil? Noah would be lying if he said he never had a cold sweat drip down his face each time.

Despite his heart racing, a ghost of a smile had twitched the corners of Noah’s lips. 

You looked good– even better, he had thought. Sans your laptop or iPad, it seemed like you had come straight from a meeting with how you were dressed in your smart casual attire— a crisp ¾ sleeve shirt tucked into a pair of black dress pants– the kind of outfit that always made him call you his ‘corporate girl’. You had been busy scrolling through your phone, not sensing your giant ex standing like an undercover cop just a few strides away. 

And just before his brain could start overthinking, Noah’s feet had decided to move slowly towards you. He wanted to say hi, see how you had been doing, and maybe, just maybe, his delusional self would be bold enough to invite you for a nightcap. 

However, after just a couple of careful steps, a tall dark-haired guy exiting the restaurant called your name, and he had seen how it made you smile instantly when the unknown guy draped an arm around you. 

Noah’s smile had slowly faded as his heart started to fill with dread. He had watched as you and the guy walked the other way, your arm snaking around his waist as you laughed at something he said, all while the guy you’d loved since you were 20 stood frozen on the other end, quietly feeling the heavy blow you had left on his chest. 

Unlike him, you had actually moved on. 

And he had no idea what to do with that information.

Driving on autopilot with his jaw clenched, he had made his way home with that scene on replay in his mind. Seeing you with another guy, smiling wide as if some stupid bastard had not broken your heart a year ago, had taken him five steps back from his effort of moving on. If he had even made any progress at all. 

Jolly had been hopeful when Noah got back from his date, but the pretty lady his friend had the pleasure of knowing over dinner, and the digits he had saved on his phone, had all been completely forgotten. Just when Noah had finally met someone with whom he could play Halo and binge-watch Demon Slayer day and night, he had let the image of you in the arms of another man take over his psyche as he once again wallowed in self-pity.

So instead of getting himself out and trying to meet new people, Noah channeled the two years' worth of heartache, regret, and yearning for what could have been into his cathartic live screams and into new songs– some of which had seen the light of day, most had been buried in messy handwriting on his notebook.

And he had been okay with it. Gradually, his life had become much less chaotic that way. He had tried to move forward on his own, not forcing connections in an attempt to fill the void that you had left.

But still, none of those meant forgetting about you had also become easy. 

How could it be when you had been his whole world for the majority of his adult life? When your smile was the only thing that had kept him going in the midst of all the chaos in the industry? When your simple yet assuring ‘I’m so proud of you’ and ‘I’m always here for you’ were the reason he had not imploded from the different kinds of pressure he had been getting ever since he got his band signed?

If anything, Noah continued to yearn. And he had been hoping that one day, he could get the chance to make things right between you. 

Whatever that entailed. 

-

To Noah’s relief, his friends’ incessant teasing died down eventually. As the wedding festivities continued with a live band, he stayed slumped in his seat, eyes fixed on your stained glass of water.

He wondered if you would be back any time now. 

How would he react to having you sit this close beside him? What would he say to you? Would you even look his way? But what if you had actually gone home? Or worse, what if you’re hanging out with Tyler? What if–

“You know she’s just outside, right?” It was Folio who halted his brain from spiraling. 

“Huh?” Noah cocked his head towards his friend after taking a nervous sip of his whisky.

“Seriously, man?” The younger guy snickered, shaking his head at how Noah was still playing dumb after everything that transpired in this wedding in just an hour. “You do all this sad boy shit, but the moment you get the chance to actually talk to your girl, you still choose to stay put? To stay here? With us? After everything?”

Davis, on his other side, snorted. “Nick’s right. You’ve been moping for two years now. What the fuck are you still sitting here for?” 

Noah just side-eyed him as he slowly exhaled through his nose. 

“This has dragged on for so long, it’s getting sad. What’re you afraid of anyway? It’s not like she’s gonna break up with you again, right?” Davis.

“And you do know she’s as stubborn as you. She’s not coming back to this table as long as your ass is still sitting here,” Folio added. He chuckled under his breath before muttering, “For all we know, she could be booking a ride home at this very moment to escape you.”

“Or, someone else could be asking her right now to come home with them,” Davis said. Noah’s almond eyes automatically turned into slits, glaring at his other friend while Folio giggled.

“Yeah, what’s the name of Nick’s cousin again?” Folio teased, playfully looking around the hall. “I haven’t seen him around for a while now.”

Noah’s jaw ticked, his Adam’s apple bobbing. 

For two years, all he did was sulk and pine for you as if waiting for a miracle– like you would appear on his doorstep and take him back one day with open arms, no questions asked. 

Two long years of regret and the unspoken fear of facing the reality of losing the best thing he’d ever had in his life. 

He knew his friends were right. They had been for a while now.

What was he so afraid of? 

What’s the worst thing that could happen?

“Fuck it.” Noah stood abruptly, chair scraping the carpet as he finally let his heart drag him to where he had always wanted to be.

Do it afraid, as people would say.

What was there to lose anyway when you were no longer his in the first place?

###

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