Lurking with Ungoliant

Where that New England Gothic post

Did you ever have a Tamagotchi?

Package containing three reusable silicone lids for preserving supermarket hummus, which cost very little and which I honestly don’t give a fig about: we’ve posted your parcel. (we’ve posted your parcel.) your parcel is posted. Your parcel is posted. Your parcel is moving. Tracking number for your parcel. Your parcel is being hand-carried to the depot by a courier named GREG. Your parcel is nestled gently at the DEPOT. Your parcel has been fed and watered and given a comfort break. Your parcel’s overnight nurse is named DILYS. She has twelve years of experience and a qualification. She reports YOUR PARCEL is DOING WELL. YOUR PARCEL HAS LEFT THE BUILDING. YOUR PARCEL HAS LEFT THE BUILDING. Your courier is named MERVYN and he is an AQUARIUS. your parcel is due at 12:13. We apologise. Your parcel is due at 12:17. This is due to MERVYN encountering ROADWORKS. Your parcel is circling. MERVYN is on your street. MERVYN IS HERE. Here is a photo of your feet with the parcel. Your parcel ARRIVED. how did you like MERVYN. Was he okay. Would you use him again. Would you trust Dilys to safeguard the following: a glass case containing a crystal gem / a balloon / a bucket of water. Your parcel was four minutes late. We’ll email you forever now. Do you like this

Tags that made me laugh

Chewy packages: YOUR ORDER IS SHIPPED YOUR ORDER WILL BE LOVINGLY DELIVERED TO YOUR DOORSTEP WE LOVE ALL OF YOUR ANIMALS PLEASE SMOOCH EVERY CHICKEN INDIVIDUALLY WE WILL SEND YOU A NEW PRODUCT IF THE FIRST ONE IS NOT GOOD OR IF IT VANISHES

I can't believe it took me this long to post these I finished this like nine months ago