Lurking with Ungoliant

That's it. That's my answer. Endor.

Fiona is married so it's time to reunite with her parents. But instead of marrying a prince, she's married to an ogre. Not just that, but she's also an ogre. (Yes everyone knew she would sometimes be an ogre but that was when she was a child, she didn't know she would be an ogre for the rest of her life, and besides once she met the right prince she would stop being an ogre. She was supposed to stop being an ogre.)

But okay they're both ogres. We can still ask about when they'll have children because even if they're ogres they can still have kids, right? That's what married princes and princesses do so naturally that's what everyone does. Even if ogres might not be great parents (I've heard that ogres eat their young, is that something you people do?) it's still something that should be discussed.

And okay you can stay in Fiona's childhood bedroom filled with all the reminders that hey, everyone thought she was just a princess and princesses marry princes. Her toys left out from the last time she played with them. The prince slays the ogre. The princess offers a token of gratitude for slaying the ogre. Fiona wrote Mrs. Fiona Charming a million times in her diary because what else was she supposed to grow up to be?

And Harold you have to fix this, your country can't be ruled by ogres. You were unfit to rule when you were a frog but I changed you, I made you better, I made you a prince. You know how this works. Think of your daughter's safety.

So here’s what you have to do if you want to have perfect skin while keeping that alpha grindset:

Wash your horses first even if you are caked in blood and dirt

Wash your mighty arms

Don’t use Perfume, rub yourself with manly olive oil only

Don’t do make up, don’t even look into a mirror, you already have a chiseled jaw and flashing eyes

Instead run 120 laps around a racetrack to give your face a natural blush

Comb your hair with a golden comb

it’s okay that i don’t have a sewing machine

i love backstitching by hand for hours

this has got to be great for my back

millions of my ancestors did this and they lived almost as long as i want to

The Vasa is a famous warship now preserved in Stockholm, Sweden. She was commissioned by Gustav Adolphus II as part of a military campaign. Because of Gustav’s aggressive tactics, Sweden was a Great War power during the early 17th century. This ship, the vasa and her sister ship, Applet, would be fitted with 64 bronze cannons and Vasa was chosen to be one of the most elaborate warships at sea, as a mix of power and propaganda to the might of Sweden. 

She was constructed between 1626 and 1628 and was designed by Dutch shipbuilders. And therein lies the first quirk of vasa. At this time, the Dutch and Swedish foot were measured differently, and as such vasas planned proportions were significantly different than what actually occurred when built in Sweden. She ended up being 226ft long and 38 wide. However, her keel was far too narrow for a ship of her size. This was discovered when the vice admiral did a stability test on her by having crew run across the ship. He had to abort only a few minutes in because she heeled dangerously. Unfortunately, no one told the king because he was in a campaign on the continent.

Vasa had her maiden voyage on 10 August, 1628 in Stockholm. She only made it 1300m  (~4300 ft) before a gust of wind caused her to heel to port, and water rushed into her open gun ports. She sank quickly, taking 30 crew with her into the Baltic. Her cannons were quickly salvaged for war, and her masts were cut off as she only sunk only about 100 feet, and they could still be seen from shore. 

In 1961, she was properly salvaged and taken ashore for the first time since her maiden voyage. She had to be sprayed with water constantly as she could warp and crack if she dried out. They ended up spraying her with a mix of water and  polymer to take the water molecules place and keep her stable. The cold water of the Baltic, the low salinity of where she sat, and the clay sediment at the bottom made her incredibly well preserved. They were able to recover 98% of her, including pigment samples and in fact human hair from the crew bodies. 

Vasa currently resides in Stockholm, enjoying her new life as a museum ship, one of the few ships from this era that managed to survive, albeit in a very roundabout way. Amongst her exhibits are the bodies of the sailors, sailcloth that’s been recovered, restored and painted statues, and of course the grand Swedish lady herself.