Absolutely Losing It, Mate

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

Some is better than none. Some is better than none. Some is better than none. Walking for three minutes, is better than nothing. Drinking a glass of water and eating a snack, is better than nothing. Wiping down the counter, is better than nothing. Small things are not nothing. Small things are not nothing. Small things are not nothing. You don’t have to achieve grand things if all you’re capable of right now is the smaller things. They are still achievements. Don’t do nothing just because you don’t think you’re capable of doing bigger things, just do something you’re capable of today. 

I'm probably someone's "not this guy again" on Tumblr

let’s get complicated and kind of problematic with it

ilya is ultimate Dog Parent we know this, he spoils the shit out of Anya and shane has no say on the matter (because he definitely spoils her too) but she is literally Ilya’s daughter and i can imagine the idea of her getting scared during a storm and cuddling with ilya on the couch or bed and he’s just singing a lullaby to her in Russian and shane always gets very quiet to listen and gets the courage to ask what it is he’s singing one night and ilya just so casually telling him it was something irina used to sing to him when he was having trouble sleeping or calming down and shane has listened to him enough that he knows the tune by memory and hums it to ilya one night when he’s had one of his hard days and he just breaks down and sobs and of course anya senses ilya’s distress and will sneak into their bedroom and curl up in ilya’s lap and its always after ilya has calmed down just enough that it starts back up again because he’s surrounded by the two people he loves most and sometimes it is just Too Much

Shane and Ilya’s daughter has to do a family tree project in class. They’ve done a great job at emphasizing to her that parents can be any two people that love each other and she understands that other kids might not know that. The rest of the project will be pretty straight forward - Shane doesn’t have any siblings and their daughter doesn’t know much about Ilya’s family at this age besides that papa has a mama that watches over them and that loves her very much. Shane is still nervous about it and having a Very Normal Shane Reaction wondering if she will feel left out for not having a mom and feeling sad that she will never know her papas family and wondering if she is lonely and if they should have another kid. When they get an email from the school asking them to come in at pickup to discuss her family tree Ilya is already angry and ready to pick a fight with whatever stupid kid is bullying their daughter for having two dads. They walk into the classroom and their daughter is standing with her arms crossed insisting that there is nothing wrong with her project and when the teacher slides it across the table they see something so bizarre that they don’t know where to start. She’s drawn on only one side of the tree - Ilya and Shane both stemming from Yuna and David. Next to them are about ten stick figures of different sizes all with hearts around them. While they’re trying to decipher what on earth she has drawn she starts presenting it with her little finger saying “see? Dad is grandma Yuna and grandpa David’s son and Papa is grandma Yuna and grandpa David’s son, too.” And then she moves her finger along with “and that’s uncle Hayden, uncle Troy and uncle Harris, uncle Evan, uncle Luca….” And as she’s naming every stick figure Shane is trying to figure out how he’s going to explain to her teacher that he is not married to one of his 10 brothers when he is actually an only child and Ilya has to turn away because he’s crying at the reminder that the family that adopted him adopted her as well and there has never been a child that has been so loved

sometimes i remember "I have love for you" & "I loved you, best i could" is canon and i have to chew glass about it