course i've been humbled by the void

yknow i had forgotten that when i came back the last time to take care of my mother i saw j on the street at night after four years and like a magnet he kissed me and we were both a little drunk with our hands down each others pants and i was physically pulled away from him and shoved into a car and it felt like a piece of the old world still existed and i'd been able to step into it for a while right like i knew my lines in this familiar play and that's all that was expected of me and i had confidence there would be no misunderstandings because our roles in this duo were so simple and i was tired of trying to fill my old shoes and play my old parts and disappointing my scene partners who were themselves allowed to change mind you it was just me that was meant to come back and save us all and i just couldn't. to have nothing expected of me. it was dazzling how simple something could feel.