course i've been humbled by the void

why don't you put on your swimsuits and i'll make us some drinks and we can all take turns telling each other how amazing we look

you are my mutual and to some extent my wife

dude wait. what if we got really close together so we feel safe

My beloved mutuals are turning my 0 note flop posts into 1 note cult classics

completely sober in the club dressed in the raiment of the torturers guild

seventeen was one of the greatest years. the closeness i had with my best friend was like being conjoined and sharing blood which is the type of intimacy that i always wanted as a perennially estranged sister. i was well free of school and finally done forever with my ex fiance who stole so much life from twelve to sixteen, and i was fucking a guy i was crazy with desire for but had negative investment in beyond that which made us very fond of each other as two people resentful of encroachments on our freedom. my mother was temporarily split from her boyfriend that i hated and we were back in the doublewide, i had no clue we were gonna be foreclosed homeless next year--even though things were precarious it didn't feel much more so than it ever had. a lot of my main worries were about a girl a year younger than me (which might as well have been a lifetime) that my best friend and i had adopted, just making sure she knew she had the security of a safety net no matter what dumb shit she did, like there were people who genuinely loved her and wouldn't let her slip through the cracks, people that had her back and would protect her. it felt like a real family and i thought we'd be together forever. i had a lot of hope even though some things felt so lost to me.

it's hard being back here. you can't ever go home but i especially can't. i destroyed a lot of memories with drinking but they still live in my blood and they've proven they can resurface accurately. like i burned the photos but the negatives still exist.