❈to be with flowers, to bloom❈

where the fuck would we be without garlic honestly

😍😍😍

no but seriously one time i ordered something from adam & eve (surprise a big ol dildo) and the order said discreet shipping and i was like cool ya know cause i lived with three dudes in an apartment and also had to go to the apartment office to pick up my package so discreet is dope and i got the package delivery notification like sick im about to dick myself so i walked my happy horny ass down to the office and told the lady my name and she went into the package delivery room to grab it and it took her a minute and she came out with a dick shaped bag just grasping the shaft of it and i looked at it mortified and had to grab the balls part of the package from the woman and she let go and it just wiggled and i could feel the squish through the bag and it was just horrible

“You dropped your dick man”

True solidarity

there’s this church sign i pass every day that says “hurt people hurt people” and i know it’s supposed to mean like “people who are hurt, hurt people” but it sounds like a command