This ship is taking me far away

no more teacup pets we keep breeding cats to be larger and more robust until we have monster cats 

So cringy when people are like "cats aren't affectionate i know this first hand!1!" Maybe your cat would follow you around as well if your vibes weren't so rancid

*over the loudspeaker at ikea* FIRST BLOOD

i think if i, in the flesh, heard that in an ikea some primal part of me would break out and smash a norrnäs over the closest person’s head

me, cooking a three course meal at 2am: bedtime snack

In 300 years someone’s gonna make a Hamilton-esque musical with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders and teenagers on the internet are gonna stan Donald Trump like “uwu my trash son Donald being a drama queen as usual” and I’m gonna have to do it. I’m gonna have to come back from the dead and destroy the planet.