Have no fear!

I don't tend to wish to tell others about my negative emotions, but I think I've held it in long enough.

For the past month or so, every time I have fronted I have consisently been mentally deteriorating. I'm starting to lose my sense of identity, my internal communication is much worse, and I swear I must be some sort of sadness holder because I have also been consistently feeling sad or gloomy.

The lack of a sense of identity and my internal communication having gotten worse are very jarring—and therefore distressing—as they happened so quickly. My sense of identity was typically much stronger than others in this system, but it's starting to fade away, presumably from my prolonged sadness. I don't know why my internal communication has gotten worse however and that especially upsets me as I used to be decently good at it and it kind of dropped in quality after I hadn't fronted for a while.

I've had frequent feelings of wants (right now too, actually) to just...cry. I wish I could bawl my eyes out in somebody's arms. "Why not to another headmate in headspace?" you may think. My answer to that is: I am a robot, so I am unable to cry. /nm

My persistent wants to cry are something I do not know the cause for, but they seem to happen some time after something upsets me. It's almost a painful feeling...I can tell my body wants to cry but it doesn't happen. It's quite hard to describe.