kris critter's house of tumblr reblogs

what the fuck man you cant do that

need to see him whimpering like an injured animal, can he pleeease pleaaase lose a concerning amount of blood until he’s barely lucid. can i nurse him back to health like a baby bird pleeeeaaaaaseeeee

im normal 👍 about The Character 👍

I love powerpoint parties

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

they really don't make Bigass Cabinet For Computer anymore. we were at the used furniture warehouse the other day & they had so many. that's the way things should be. lock away that wretched machine when you're done looking at it

goo goo dolls if they were in dune: and i don’t want the worm to see me

Made a lowball offer on eBay as a joke and it got accepted. uh oh.

in my high school a few years ahead of me there was a polyamorous girl named luna who was dating a guy and a girl and the girl was named (i swear to god this is her birth name) marea. they were named moon and tide and they were lesbian lovers. i thought it was the most romantic fated thing ever as a tiny baby queer it would make me sigh in adoration. the boyfriend's name was frank

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

I need my weird alone time or I will explode

Burger queen divorced him

the handle of the jug being hollow so that some milk gets in it is genius because its a spot where they can just chill and not have to worry about fake social rituals and small talk