je suis loser

if you’re playing rock paper scissors and you do the same attack you have to kiss

some people are afraid to be corny. not me. i live life on the cob, baby.

girls literally stop whining about 123movies and get adblock ultimate and a popup blocker extension do you think your ancestors died of the common cold just for you to be this helpless !!!!

God, I can't tell you how much the "there's not enough enrichment in my enclosure" joke has helped my mental health. Because, for some reason I can't comprehend, pretending that I'm a zoo keeper caring for an animal (which is also me) just makes everything easier to comprehend. Like "Your head gets screwey when you're apartment is messy" just doesn't carry as much resonance as "The tiger becomes agitated when its enclosure is cluttered" because then I'll be like, no shit? The tiger? I've gotta keep things nice and clean for the tiger.

andrew garfield coming out as a method actor in 2022 as if the world didnt watch him fall flat on his face in love with jesse eisenberg to film the social network in 2010

the best thing about being alive on earth is that sometimes there is a kitty

I looooove going the speed limit. the people behind me sure don't tho

im going 45 in a 45 and the guy behind me's like i hope she never sees the gates of heaven