eepy

maybe growing up is just becoming who you were at 14 again but learning how to love her this time

The transfem is inherently touch starved. We didn't get to be little girls or teenage girls or regular college-age girls. We tried to meet our needs through rough-housing, but it only goes so far and lasts so long. Mom and dad stopped holding us when we stopped being cute and little, but we watch long into our teens as our cisters curl up on the couch next to their parents who pull them in for a snuggle in front of the tv well into their teens. We watch cis girls do each other's hair and makeup and hug and hold hands and yern for that freedom of touch. We think we'll get it from partners, but even those TME people who love us are afraid to touch us. They take our touch and our holds because they fit better as the little spoon and they're used to it, and we weep inside. "This is good enough I guess," says the transfem. "This is better than nothing. This is better than a kick in the teeth." We're doomed (unless we luck out real hard and live near lots of other transfems) to a life of low contact, of being treated like a threat or a pillow or a sex toy with very little in-between or outside those categories. Do better for us. Put a hand on our shoulder. Put your hand on ours when you ask how our day is and look into our eyes. If you really view us like women, treat us like one.

if all you have is a plane, everything looks like towers

I can NEVER UNSEE THIS O_O

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.

Crazy that tech has gotten so bad that we're doing printer forgiveness now

sorry i will never understand cis grief. your daughter is living her best life and going around with friends and feeling like a human being. your son doesn’t feel like he needs to crawl out of his skin anymore and can actually smile. your children are happy and no longer see their existence as the worst thing in the world. why are you grieving this lmao. grow up.

oh i’m sorry would you rather me beat an alive horse?

is there a website that's like. "help, i'm a trans girl now and need guides on how to do literally basic girl shit help me please help"

My first egg cracked in 2016. I came out as agender. changed my name to Andi and my pronouns to they/them, started wearing dresses/skirts/crop tops, and dyed my hair all sorts of funky colors. I was starting to be happier with myself in a way I'd never really been as a boy. No one. Not one single person, in real life or on the internet, ever made it seem like being a woman was an option for me. Everything pointed in the opposite direction.

I watched the election cycle that year with dread. I watched the vote totals come in at bar with some friends after my teaching gig for the night was over. We drank in silence and in misery. I cried in my truck on the way home, knowing that life was just going to get harder for people like me. I still couldn't call myself transgender. I didn't think that word was for me.

I read Tranny by Laura Jane Grace. I really identified with parts of it, but her story as a punk rocker and an addict was so dissimilar to mine that I didn't think I could be a woman, didn't think I would ever be allowed to call myself that.

I drank and smoked myself almost to the point of death over the next two years. I was working nearly 100hrs a week between bartending and teaching, and was semi-regularly driving the few blocks home from the bar slightly drunk. Not intentionally, but y'know. If something happened and my life ended? No big deal. Every relationship in my life crumbled around me. It wasn't until I hit rock FUCKING bottom that I thought to myself "what if I'm a woman?"

If anyone had told me, even once, that maybe I was a trans woman. Maybe estrogen could help. Maybe transition might make me happier. Maybe I wouldn't have been driving a 2005 F-150 with almost 200k miles on it 90mph an hour and a half to sleep with a girl who hadn't loved me in years. Maybe I wouldn't have buried myself in half a bottle of whiskey every night after work. Maybe I would've never started smoking. Maybe I'd still have any of the friends I made before the pandemic. Maybe I Wouldn't Have Been So Fucking Miserable.

So yeah. Forcefem today. Forcefem tomorrow. Forcefem every day forever until not a single girl has to go through what I did, or worse.