Instead of an air fryer consider: sex reassignment surgery
How am I gonna cook these chicken nuggets
Why don't you ask my new vagina...
Cosimo Galluzzi
AnasAbdin
Xuebing Du
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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oozey mess
DEAR READER

blake kathryn
cherry valley forever
Three Goblin Art
will byers stan first human second
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

JVL
Monterey Bay Aquarium
hello vonnie

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@figurativelycaring
Instead of an air fryer consider: sex reassignment surgery
How am I gonna cook these chicken nuggets
Why don't you ask my new vagina...

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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people really seem to struggle with the idea that you can think something is dickhead behaviour and still not want it to be illegal
☝️😮
✊😐
Fish gifs!!!
Fish gifs I made a bit ago, all with blockbench.
Edit: Guys stop narcing on me to the horny fish accounts I MADE IT HORNY ON PURPOSE
environmental storytelling.
So for members of bdsm Dungeons, it's a rule that you don't approach other members if you see them on public for privacy reasons. They might not want people knowing they're a freak.
That said, it's normal to make friends in that space who you hang out with, outside of kink stuff. When that happens and people asked where I met my friend, my go-to line was "Spin-class," which is a very funny joke if you know me even a little. Very not my scene.
Well, funnily enough, while I was working at a homeless shelter, we had a very similar rule because of the homeless stigma. If a guest from the Shelter sees you outside of work, you don't acknowledge or approach them. They can approach you, but you don't tell whoever you're with where you know them. The guest gets to decide if they want to share that info.
Smash cut to me being out with a friend I met at the dungeon a very long time ago. I bump into a guest from the shelter who approaches me to chat. My friend asks how I know the guest, and without thinking, I blurt out "spin class" before remembering that's my go to lie for how I ment dungeon friends. These two proceed to have a conversation, neither fully understood.
Friend: ooohhhh okay i get it. Spin class! Me too. Stopped taking that class a while ago tho.
Guest. Oh for real? That's sick man, good for you! You got a good set up now?
Friend: The best!! I've taken up wood working so my furniture is all custom. Got plenty of space to do "spin" at home. It's coming together.
Guest: Hell yeah brother!!!
Friend: was really good to have my own space during the rona, but man it's lonely! I kinda miss the group dynamics.
Guest: Yeah, i heard that from my homie when he got out of "Spin class!" But it's for the best.
Friend: it can be, but its not for everybody. Can be safer to Spin in a group.
Guest: i know that. Lost a few homie to "spinning" alone. At least at the "class" you got other eyes on you.
Friend: I'm sorry to hear that! You know some elements of "Spinning" are risky but you never think anyone would get hurt. So, my buddy here still a real hard ass for safety?
Guest: oh man you dont even know. They revamped our whole fire escape plan.
Friend: Oh shit! They did that back when i was in Spin class too!
Guest: still improving the system i guess.
Friend: they still keep a bunch of robes outside in a shed so people who get out can cover up?
Guest: Yes!!!
Friend: Did you know it's their fault we have a 30 second rule!
Guest: Damn really!?! Makes sense tho, if there's a fire you gotta get out fast!
Friend: Yeah, I Never gave it much thought before they brought it up, but yeah the last thing you want is a fire when you're all tired up!
Guest: Yeah, that's true. I didn't know they came up with the rule, tho. I do like having the space between the beds clear...
Friend: Yeah it's so annoying when people block the path with their shit.
Guest: Yeah there's not enough space between beds for people to be hording shit.
Friend: Yeah! I loved that they always got people to keep their area clear.
Guest: not gonna lie i hate being told to clean up but it is better that way.
Friend: Yeah... haha.
Guest: well it was nice chatting with you brother.
Friend: you too, man! See ya around!
Guest: see ya!
Me:
@mageless
Oh my friend, I shit an entire brick house.

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does anyone have the foggiest
haven't. fresh out of the faintest as well
i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake
fabulous
i mean they did also kill jesus. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill jesus.
#HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY
Thats a potion whose effect is “teleport straight to hospital”
when I was a kid I went camping and the adults at the big campsite went around and gave all the kids glowsticks and necklaces to wear at night (kids loved it, and adults knew where the kids were because none of them wanted to lose their prettyshiny)
Mine went straight in my mouth because it had a delightful plasticy feeling with a slight crunch if you really went for it. I chewed on that thing for ages. Until at some point I accidentally actually bit into it and it popper and I got glowstick all up in my mouth and down my shirt and it was horrible. One of (but not the worst) things I have ever had the misfortune of tasting. And I knew it had to be poison because it was probably radioactive goo or something and I was gonna die and my parents and everyone would know I died because I ate a glowstick and did something stupid
So I spat it out and washed my mouth really good with water and then wandered into the woods crying to die alone after everyone was asleep because I was clearly going to die from the poison and at least this way they might think I died getting eaten by animals or taken by ghosts or maybe they'd be happy because they never found my tiny child corpse and would assume I'd gone on to live a cool life amongst the trees.
Except at some point my parents woke up and everyone freaked out about a missing child in the woods and me being smart stuck to the trails so I was easy to find with my stupid glowing shirt and my glowing face and my bucket hat 2 or 3 miles down the path.
I told my parents I was worried people might think I was a stupid kid who died doing something stupid by eating a glow stick so instead I decided to run away into the woods forever or die and then nobody would think I was stupid. My folks listened carefully and then told me that was stupid.
hurr hurr I'm a human body hurr hurr I'm gonna solve all my problems using mucus
"i require more fluids" well what did you do with the fluids I already gave you. hmm? did you make more mucus with them? you made more mucus with them.
I love making a gag character for D&D, forgetting they’re just a gag character, and then take a step back to look at the original ref
continuing the gag- tosses a benny
For your consideration… Warlock of The Map Dora and Ranger Boots
IM SCREAMING!!! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
Hold on I love it

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A Carpool Karaoke Christmas (2024)
Amazing how I’m a grown adult and I still cannot shake the exact same childhood feeling of thinking im going to “get in trouble”
while they share a similar base flavor, dick tastes more umami while pussy tastes more acidic, though recent menstruation conveys an overwhelming metallic flavor that some diners object to (though i am not one of them). recommended wine pairings are
(today i learnt that if you don’t know how a post should end, just post it unfinished anyway and someone else will come up with an ending)
We talk about this website's hate mail game, but the "yes, and..." game is pretty solid, too.
hey guys I don’t have pronouns anymore I got the she/it beat out of me
y’all really liked this one
there are two competing sects on this website - one that uses the word "spicy" to mean "neurodivergent" and one that uses the word "spicy" to mean "sexual content." i do not like either of them
I use spicy to describe food
my food is mentally ill and I’m putting my dick in it
Twilight

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People seem to think that Microsoft Excel is a flawed program
Personally, I rate it October 10th.
One of my favorite thing I’ve learned about animals studies is that you should avoid using colorful leg bands when you’re banding birds because you can accidentally completely skew the data because female birds prefer males with colorful bands
Apparently if you put a red band on a male red wing blackbird his harem size can double
So like you can completely frick up the natural reproduction of a group of birds by giving a guy a bracelet so stylish that females CANNOT resist him
Me, putting a red bracelet on the leg of a male red wing blackbird: ON GOD we gonna get u some pussy bro
I remember reading a study where researchers realized that female birds of a certain species preferred males with a darker breast. So they created what they literally called a “Super-Sexy Male” by catching a male and coloring his chest with a marker. They then ran dna tests on the eggs in the area.
Previously when the researchers had run these tests, they found a certain amount of infidelity was common for these birds. Somewhere around 10% of eggs were fathered by males who were not the primary mates of females.
After the advent of the Super Sexy Male, however, stuff got crazy in bird world. Infidelity skyrocketed, with upwards of 25% of ALL EGGS in the area being fathered by this specific male. Furthermore, his mate’s eggs were 100% his.
This is just insane to me. Just imagine you’re living your bird life when suddenly somebody scribbles on Dave’s chest and the ladies can’t stop throwing themselves at them. It’s stupid that we theoretically can wreck this kind of havoc on an ecosystem.
via @elytrians
It’s back! I think about this post monthly
Aliens abduct me from a cornfield only to set me back down at the club with a sick leather jacket and some shades