In a weird position where after getting a job I have to decide where I want my career to go after deferring the problem.
I liked cyber security and was pretty good at it, but the idea of running defence for some corporation doesn't appeal to me. It goes against the reason hacking interested me in the first place; the freedom to do what you want, bounded only by your ability.
My current position is minor and in an organisation that does minimal enough harm for me to rationalise doing it, and maybe I'm kidding myself in thinking that those same rationalisations wouldn't hold up in other circumstances.
And the common dream of escaping by creating something popular enough - a book, in my case - is as illusory as it is unlikely. Anything at that level involves contracts for marketing and merchandising with corporations that almost certainly have a finger in suffering and death.
I know there's no good answer as things currently stand, but I hate how it's crushed my sense of curiosity. When everything noble is captured as wind in some dickhead's sails, it's hard to see the point.
You can only defer seeing how the sausage gets made for so long.
and then I go for a walk and look at some flowers or birds or whatever and everything is fine again but let me be maudlin for a bit idk
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