& it's a war zone.

“You having trouble there, babe?”

This seemed like a much better idea when I first thought it through.

Nose scrunched up, making a face at his terrible, terrible joke. This wasn't the kind of introduction Cobie had wanted to make, but at least it was memorable, she supposed. People wouldn't forget her. 'That was awful. You should be ashamed,' the actress teased. 'Hi, I'm Cobie.'

That is onw huge ass teddy bear! can igo inside of it?! 

That has to be the strangest question I’ve heard so far, but sure. Give it a go.

‘What? I thought we could all use a friend..’

“Now he’s also got a broken arm, man he’s having a hard day.”

'You broke his arm? Damn, Aaron, that's harsh.'

“Really? Not yours? I don’t know if I believe you.”

Are you calling me a liar? How rude. 

“Bullocks, so I was played by the flight attendant? I can’t say I did as I did have a lot to drink. I just wanted that flight to be over! Nice to meet you, Cobie. I absolutely loved you as Robin in HIMYM.”

You were, I’m afraid. I wonder if he tries that on all the celebrities. Thank you, Emilia. Robin was such an important character to me and I love that other people can appreciate her, too. 

“Could be the best option. It was a unique entrance at the least, people will remember you for a while. I’m Brendon, great meeting you.”

That’s something at least, I suppose. Y’know, I’ve been watching the show for months now and this place just looked like it needed a giant bear. You too, Brendon.

Technically they are, though let’s pretend they’re not?

Sure thing, handsome. What’re we drinking?

“Fuck, I think the bear is destroyed.” Aaron shakes his head with a laugh coming through.

'What? No, no. He's fine. He's just, uh, playing dead.'

Words out about the affair and now people are pointing fingers at me thinking I’m the reason Brangelina broke up. They had problems before I fuckin’ came around and they had problems long after I left too. Fuckin’ press pointin’ fingers at the wrong people, Marion Cotillard and I aren’t to blame for their marriage fallin’ apart. Got it?

Right, got it. But I was just gonna ask where the bathroom was? I don’t give a fuck about Brangelina. 

Damnit, cake. I should’a just brought cake. Why didn’t I think of that before the gigantic teddy bear? 

“Damn. Uh, I don’t think it’s going to budge. I can help but we mightn’t get it in the door.”

'Oh, that's not mine. I don't know who put that there.'

I’m finally here, after a  4 hour delayed flight, really bad weather and losing all my luggage, I’m finally here. But who cares? Anyone?

Damn, that is a lot of bad luck. Sucks to you, huh? Hi, I’m Cobie.

Great things happened this week! I released a new music video which stars Noah Schnapp from Stranger Things, he’s the one that plays Will. Then I announced my upcoming tour for the album Death Of A Bachelor! I couldn’t of had a better week, lads. Now I’m back here and in a fucking excellent mood! How about drinks on me by the bar?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t drinks free?

“Holy shit! That’s one big bear. I’m sure someone in here could sew the arm back on. Need a hand getting it in?”

‘At this point, I’m contemplating just setting fire to the damn thing and toasting marshmallows. Hi, I’m Cobie. And I was hoping to make a better entrance than this.’